She was scared. It had manifested into a thick, black smoke that seeped out of her. She willed it to leave her; to go to Atla.
Let him have it, this much he can have.
Atla inhaled her smoke of fear. She could tell she was magnifying him. He appeared larger in form, more vibrant. And he was watching her, keen to see how Tiegal reacted to the next part of his plan: to illicit jealousy from her.
Tiegal watched as Rinzal and Zeno faced each other from the other side of the room, and how they pressed the diamonds in their Derado at exactly the same time. Their connection was powerful. Their energy colours instantly blended into bursting blue and yellow supernovas. And their bodies radiated an alluring glow as they released and exchanged their inner desires to each other.
It does hurt! I didn’t think it would but seeing them doing this together does feel strange.
Although she had not thought of Rinzal in the same way she dreamed of the fair-haired male, she had granted a place for him in her heart as the one she shared her first release with. But she understood this emotion now. She was not so special. She was not so chosen that Rinzal could only make powerful releases with her. There was a space across Rinzal’s colour spectrum that belonged to others – like Zeno.
It’s almost as if I feel…jealous!
As soon as this thought entered her mind, she realized this was the reaction Atla had intended to elicit from her. The execution would come later. There was more of her to be absorbed before then. Atla was thriving on her emotional reactions.
She allowed the feeling to flow. Let it free. He could have this too. This was her jealousy - and her pride. And it was a strange colour. One she had never seen from a release before. It looked like the feeling of being uncomfortable: dirty, cold and stuck. Like a day when outdoor working dragged you down. It smelled like wet manure. It was a murky green, at first, then darker, like the puddles in potholes, amongst fields of brown grass. It didn’t flow easily. It was more like water travelling upstream.
And it delighted Atla. He glowed under the surge of her pain.
But then, a wave of calm reached her, like a cloth of cumulus settling above a mountain; white clouds of clarity, concealed underneath the black smoke around her. That’s when she knew she was safe, that the fog would soon lift. And that when it did, she could reveal her serenity to this oppressor who had arranged her distress.
But she needed to act fast. And there was another part of her she could use, the real power source; her ability to see and experience a connection, to feel love. It was her playing card. One that Atla did not have!
Rinzal…Rinzal…come to me…connect with me again…why are you standing with Zeno? Rinzal…
These were the thoughts she needed Atla to hear. It was what he wanted from her. One of the male Team members started to chuckle at the side of her.
“She is calling for Rinzal to connect with her Atla! It’s happening.”
Atla couldn’t hide his delight, or the satisfied smile that emerged on his sweaty, eager face.
Is this so enjoyable for you that you can’t see how I am playing too? Against you!”
Tiegal knew what she needed to do now. She needed to release everything.
Something deep inside her burned. It was the antithesis of pain. It was euphoric. It was the stirring of creation. Something had awakened inside; a realization of her purpose, of knowing she was capable of generating what she desired.
A vision of Namnum, her beautiful elephant friend, giving birth filled her mind.
That is what it feels like to create something that has never existed before. It must be how it feels to give birth.
She could not create a baby, not in that way, not in this world. But she could create her own journey, her own release, a way to free herself – a method to transport her very being from darkness into light – perhaps even, back to the place where she had been before. Where she had felt that she was light.
I am not trapped. I am discovered.
She touched her pink diamond, hot now around her neck, and let herself absorb the colour scene around Rinzal and Zeno. The glow that demonstrated how her friends were enjoying themselves together. It would be wrong of her to deny them this. She was not the only one to share a connection with them. This fact dulled rather than sparked. It was bearable. It was shaping. Her fingers traced the facets of the diamond, cut so expertly to enable the stone to reveal its inner glow.
And it occurred to her then that this was how she was too, like a pink diamond. A stone made under pressure, a forming structure of parallel lines, absorbing the other coloured lights on her journey, enabling her to glow with her own unique colour. In the same way, she had absorbed traces of the elements of others she had encountered in her life: Rinzal, Zeno, Namnum… and even the short moment near the male and the female by the river.
It was time for her to get back to them again now, to the other world. Somehow, she knew they would be there again, that she would be invited into their world. The fog was starting to lift now. Her clarity had increased her strength.
Atla must have noticed, because he was striding towards her, a look of fury on his face.
“What are you doing Tiegal? How are you making yourself change like this?” he demanded.
It was happening again. She could feel the buzz of excited vibrations inside her. The skin that covered her arms was no longer solid. Once again, she was transforming, matter and colour, hot and rising.
A faint sound of a door opening and closing reached her ears and a long-forgotten, but somehow familiar scent filtered into what remained of her sensory connection with this world.
Mint? I know that smell somehow. A female with an unusual eye-light…I think?
Just as quickly as it reached her, she brushed the thought away, only vaguely aware of noises in the room: shouting, barking, orders being thrown. But they were getting further away with every second. Just like before, her oxygen supply had changed, the air-tight around her breathing organs, as though she was submerged under water, unable to see or reach for light and air. Once again, she was in a fog, drowning. She wasn’t sure how long she could withstand it. She wasn’t even sure she could survive this if forced to sustain this environment for much longer. She tried to scream. It was worse than last time. Everything seemed slower and more painful.
This time she was completely on her own. It wasn’t the easy ride, like the time with Rinzal, when she had first connected with him in the diamond water. This was a ride fuelled by pain, desperation and escape. And it hurt. It was destination dangerous. She was losing control, could feel herself slipping away.
But then, just as she thought she would lose her battle to stay in this world she heard a voice. A happy, joyful voice! One that sounded out from somewhere ahead of her, in the direction of a bright light that beckoned ahead. Opening her eyes, she glanced around. What she saw made her smile despite the tears that were now streaming down her face. She was back again, in the strange, lighter world. This world where she could float above water in a haze of pink.
And it looked just the same. There was the river surrounding her. And the trees that lined the banks with their thorny looking branches and sturdy old trunks.
Desperate to locate the fair-haired male from her dreams – with, or without, the female - she turned around in her bubble and scanned her surroundings. It did not take long for her to realise that he was not waiting for her. That her dreams had failed her, yet again.
In frustration she tried to clasp her hands together, but they swept through each other like two breezes crossing each other from different directions.
“No!” she cried out. The glow of the bubble that contained her above the river was already starting to dim in response to her disappointment. Her energy was depleting, rapidly, and she had no idea how long she could sustain herself in this world. She needed to find the male!
“Dream male! Where are you?” she called out in desperation, falling on to the floor of the hazy cloud-like bubble
below her. Distraught, she watched helplessly as her knees melted in and out of the particles of pink, and then, how the river rippled in response to each vibration that her body made. Already, she could feel herself losing solidity. The tides of fate had turned against her once again.
Now resigned to her doomed fate, she decided to cry out for the male, one more time. Taking a deep breath, she started her call, only to be stunned into silence by the unmistakable sound of an excited shriek nearby. It was coming from the banks of the river ahead. Pulling herself up, she managed to spread her hands in front of the pink haze.
“Hey!” she called out to a group of young males on the grassy banks in front of her. They did not seem to have noticed her, or her cries for help. It appeared they were preoccupied with an object one of the males was now holding high up in the air. At first, she couldn’t be sure what it was, but then a reflection danced across the water.
“Oh! He’s found a diamond!” she whispered into her bubble.
The young male was dancing now. He shouted something out, a word that she instantly recognised:
“Eureka! Eureka!”
She gasped.
“Yes! That’s me! I am Tiegal…Tiegal Eureka!”
Not one of the males turned in her direction. Unperturbed she willed herself towards them. If she had any chance of surviving this journey she had to get herself over to the river banks before she got propelled back to Tandro again.
Right now, she didn’t care that the fair-haired male from her dreams was not waiting for her. Because there were some young males here, and one of them had called out her name!
14. Roots
Johannes took another swig of whisky and then slammed the glass back down on the table. The alcohol had already started working its magic. And it felt good. He couldn’t remember the last time he had lazed away an afternoon like this; a few hours with nothing todo but enjoy the simple pleasure of drinking, putting the world to rights with his brother-in-law, and perhaps even, revelling in a game of billiards. That is, if the billiard table ever came free!
Even Mrs Francis, the legendary hotel owner, seemed in a good mood today. Johannes grinned a bleary smile as he watched the older lady holding court at the door, welcoming the men of Hopetown to her establishment, ‘The Royal Arch’, the town’s one and only non-religious meeting place.
He looked forward to coming here. Although not much of a hotel - more of a straggling chain of rooms without windows - it did offer this small billiard room, where men like he and his brother-in-law could gather for some much-needed respite on a Sunday afternoon. A place to escape from all the things that taunted your mind. And it was just what he needed right now, just a few hours where he could forget all the shameful things he had done, with only the sound of balls being smacked by cues and the splashing of dark brown liquid into glasses. Right now, this was as close to heaven as he could have wished for.
“Agh Johannes! Really? You’re not going to be able to walk home if you keep knocking it back like that. And we told Annarita and Kagiso that we’d only be gone a couple of hours too.”
Frederick scowled at him. Johannes clenched his fists, thinking, not for the first time, that fatherhood seemed to have a nasty habit of turning good men into holier-than-thou characters who thought they held a bigger moral compass than anyone else.
Perhaps I should count my blessings that I am a single man after all!
It was all he could do to hold back from sticking his tongue out at him.
“Come one Fred! We never get to relax. A few drinks never harmed anyone! Why don’t you actually drink your drink too?”
“Really? Is that what you used to think when your father knocked them back then? As well as knock back anyone who got in his way?”
Johannes’ entire body stiffened.
“Don’t compare me to him,” he growled, clasping his hands tight around his glass so that his knuckles turned pure white.
If only you knew Fred, if only you knew!
The sound of Frederick’s exasperated sigh made his skin prickle with irritation, a reaction that forced him to take a deep breath so that he could restrain himself from lurching his fist at him across the table. The alcohol may have dulled his pain, and his regret, but it had also ignited his brimming rage.
“I am nothing like him!” He gave Fredrick a hard stare and then waved his hand at a concerned looking Mrs Francis to indicate he was in urgent need of a refill.
When she shook her head at him and waggled her index finger in front of her nose, in the manner of a disappointed schoolteacher, he slammed his fist down on the table. The sheer force of his rage made the table rock so that what remained of Fredericks’s whiskey fell crashing to the floor alongside a sticky mess of broken glass.
“Johannes Smit!” Mrs Francis called out to him as she scurried over with a cloth and brush.
Her long dark brown dress swished across the dusty floor as she stomped over to him. “I think you need to simmer down young man. People are starting to talk about you around here.
I don’t know what has gotten into you!” She ruffled his hair and then shook her head at him once more, causing her oversized felt hat to shift further down the back of her head.
“You look very glamorous today Mrs Francis,” Johannes tried. She tutted and rolled her eyes at him, a genuine look of concern etched across her face.
“Your poor Ma would have been so worried for you.”
Mrs Francis smacked her lips together and then rested her hand on Frederick’s shoulder, as though to offer him her full support in the campaign against Johannes’ path to destruction. Just as he feared she would launch into a full-blown lecture, a chorus of loud voices in the corner made her stamp her feet.
“Eh! You boys over there! I’ve told you what the rules of billiards are a hundred times now!”
Johannes let out an exaggerated sigh of relief as Mrs Francis rushed across to the billiard table to attend to the boisterous group of boys who had all adopted the postures of wild animals, squaring up to each other, posed and ready to fight.
“That was close, hey!” Johannes winked at Frederick in the vain hope he could divert his attention to more a more jovial conversation. To his dismay, Frederick did not appear to be happy to take the bait.
“She’s right y’know. You have changed. And it’s been driving Annarita and Kagiso crazy. It’s all they talk about; Johannes this and Johannes that. They are both stumped by your recent behaviour. But I think I know what has gotten into you.” Frederick rubbed his eyes and sighed.
“The question is though, do you?” he challenged.
Johannes could feel tears of angry frustration brimming his eyes. Embarrassed, he shook them away with a flick of his head.
“I’m just tired. I don’t need you to get all parental on me Fred!”
“And there you go again. Venting all this anger again. It’s so not like you Johannes. It’s been like this for over a year now and it’s only getting worse! It’s like something took over your body and replaced it with this confused, angry boy who wants to drink all the time.”
Frederick glanced around the room before leaning across the table, his voice lowered into a deep whisper:
“Look, ever since Elna left you’ve been a mess, a totally different person. More like…your father was! I know I shouldn’t say that, but someone needs too. I mean, surely you can see the parallels! After your mother died your old man was so broken that he drunk himself to his death!” Fredrick’s voice trailed off. Johannes could hear his foot tapping nervously under the table as he waited for a reaction.
“Watch yourself!” Johannes warned. “It is nothing like the same. I didn’t ask for Elna to leave. She just decided to go live with her cousins. I don’t know why she did, but it’s her life, her choice, and it’s got nothing to do with me! I’ve told you before, she just said she needed some space!”
Frederick slammed his hand down on the table, clearly exasperated.
“Which doesn’t make se
nse! Everyone knows that girl was crazy in love with you. Annarita said she cried her heart out to her. She was utterly heartbroken. Apparently she just kept talking about how you abandoned her. That you went all crazy when you were down by the river. And on her birthday too!”
In spite of himself, Johannes laughed.
“Crazy is one way to put it.” He trailed his finger over the table, soaking up the remnants of whiskey that still lingered there.
How could he explain the events of that day to anyone? What possible explanation could he give for how he had hurt Elna, ignored her. Basically, completely failed her. What sane man would have ventured into the river when something so extraordinary loomed towards them? He should have picked Elna up, carried her over his shoulders and run away. He should have given her another kiss. Assured her that he would always protect her and keep her safe.
“She was beautiful,” he muttered.
Frederick clapped his hands in front of his face.
“Yes! She was Johannes. Elna was perfect for you. But you let her go. I just don’t know why. And, to be honest, I’m not even sure I want to know.” Frederick took a deep breath and then stood up from his seat, letting his chair fall back so that it made a loud slamming noise on the stone floor.
“Look, what’s done is done. She may come back again. You never know. But, in the meantime, maybe try not losing sight of what is right in front of you, hey!”
Johannes gave a shrug. There was no point arguing with Frederick about this. It was easier to let him believe Elna’s absence was the cause of his broodiness. It was better this way. He didn’t even want to imagine what his brother-in-law would think if he knew his brooding was really about a fantasy. Even though, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense to him. A fantasy girl was safer than a real person. Unlike Elna who knew too much; who knew the secrets he needed to keep hidden.
Careful not to lose his balance, he stood up slowly, allowing Frederick to take his arms and lead him away from the temptation of the hotel bar.
“She will come back Fred. I know she will. That’s what I’m counting on.”
Release Page 14