Release

  She hated the sound of her voice. This was pain she had brought upon herself! There was no Atla here playing with her emotions now; this was all her creation, her inability to cope with these human feelings she was having to now contend with. And her stupid dreams! She slumped down onto the grass.

  “Rinzal!” she whispered. It was his voice that filled her mind at this moment. How he had said that too much choice, too much connection with another, can bring pain.

  “Who is Rinzal?” Johannes asked, his tone still full of fury.

  “A male I used to know. One who understood me.”

  She gasped at the abrupt way Johannes pulled on her shoulders to lift her to a standing position. He twisted her around to face him, still holding her firmly in his arms.

  “I understand you Tiegal. I can see you more than you think I can. I may not be as highly evolved as your Tandroan people are. I can’t hear the words you think or smell. Nor can I see your energy, but I can feel you. I can recognise you too. You’re like a mix of every part of everyone I ever cared for – all of them - my mother, my sister, Kagiso, and yes, perhaps even Elna a little. So, no, I don’t think you are crazy. I think you’re right. Something did happen when those coincidences between our worlds collided to catapult you over to me. And I think it was meant to happen.”

  Tiegal pulled away from his grasp.

  “Then why did I hear you questioning whether it was your first kiss with another female that connected us?” she argued back at him through her sobs.

  “Did you listen to all of it?”

  She shook her head.

  “Exactly! That’s why I asked you not to do it. You never wait to hear the full story. I was playing with ideas, that’s all! Like, perhaps there are three components to your theory of what connected you over here: one, the diamond discoveries; two, the water, on both sides; and a third one...”

  She shrugged at him, not wanting to hear him say any more words that could hurt her again.

  “Release! That has to be the key to this?” He gripped both her shoulders firmly in his hands.

  “Look, you released all this powerful emotion you had built up inside you on your Release Day and I…”

  “Don’t say it again Johannes, please! I’ve not been trained for this kind of human emotional warfare. I’m just not armoured.”

  “No! You need to hear it Tiegal. You are in my world now. It’s not always easy being human, trust me I know, but if you want to enjoy the benefits of connection, everything you have told me you were not permitted on Tandro, then you have to take on all the hard stuff too.” He paused and then leaned into her so that his cheek rested on hers and his breath blew across her ear.

  “What I was going to say was this: the moment you released your energy on your Release Day in your world must have coincided with the same moment that I finally released my biggest fear!”

  “Which was?”

  “Connection!” he blurted out, turning away from her with a heavy sigh. “Tiegal, look, you need to understand. Unlike you, I have always struggled with the idea of letting myself really connect with anyone, ever since my mother died. It used to drive Elna crazy. But something made me take the plunge that day, just before you appeared. I think my kiss with her was my rite of passage, just like your Release Day was yours. It’s just that mine was like a human Release Day!

  “I know that was bad luck for Elna and trust me there is not a day goes by that I don’t feel guilty about that, but I also know this: you and me, how we were pulled together, it is bigger than us. It is incredible and as your dreams predicted, it was inevitable!”

  He stopped and bent his upper body forward, out of breath from his hurried speech. Tiegal stood still, unsure of what to do or what to say. It was Johannes who made the first move. Taking two confident strides towards her he lifted her up from under her bottom so that her head paralleled his.

  “And now I am going to kiss you, here, by this river, and hope that when I am finished you are still here, in my arms. Is that okay?” he asked, his voice thick with emotion.

  She nodded.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” she managed to respond.

  “Good! Because once I have finished kissing you here, I am going to carry you back to that cabin and we are both going to discover what making a real connection is all about.”

  And with that promise, Tiegal let herself fall into his embrace, holding on to him as tightly as she could. Feeling breathless and unprepared, she leaned into him, so that their lips could finally meet, hoping she could enjoy the feeling she had so longed for, and still contain her energy on this earth, where she now knew, more than ever, that her heart and soul truly belonged.

  19. Facets

  “Your body keeps changing temperature. Are you sure you are ready for this?” he asked her. Her chest felt burning hot, but her legs were cold and had just started to shake violently.

  “I’m fine. I think it’s just an overload of things happening all at once,” she answered him between his urgent kisses.

  The cabin felt colder this evening. This was their fault. They hadn’t bothered to border up the draughts under the wooden doors when they had entered earlier. There had been other things on their mind at the time.

  Hoping her temperature would even out once she settled her breathing, she willed herself to relax, and to enjoy this feeling of his tongue moving inside her mouth. He tasted incredible. From what she could hear, he was thoroughly enjoying being with her.

  In some ways she was grateful that the bottom part of her body was regulating her body heat for her. For as excited as she felt by Johannes’ sudden display of desire for her, she was still terrified that she would be transported away from him. It was a fear she could not entirely ignore. They had no precedent on which to base the outcome of making a physical connection with each other, and no experience on which to ensure they both did what each other wanted.

  Although, she did have an advantage in her ability to hear what he desired, and she wasn’t going to switch this off. It was like owning a treasure map to his body.

  They kissed and swayed together whilst standing near the bed. It was a position that made it easier for her to detect what he wanted. There was no question about where he desired her touch; the male part of his body that she could feel growing and pushing between her hips.

  Despite this knowledge, she couldn’t quite bring herself to move her hands in that direction. For some reason, Atla’s booming voice kept entering her head. How he had admonished the animalistic and dirty practices of the older age. The way he had ridiculed those who contemplated entering the personal islands of others. Disgusting primeval acts, he had always called them. And yet, here she was now, ready to rebel against all she had been told since her creation day.

  “Go away,” she hissed out loud, without thinking.

  Johannes broke away from her, clearly startled by her words.

  “Oh, Tiegal, I’m so sorry. Did I take it too far?” he stammered as he backed further away from her.

  “No, no, sorry Johannes, it’s just me, thinking out loud, I was talking to my old self. My Tandro way of thinking; the kind that finds all this connection so wrong!” she assured him, reaching her arms out to encourage him to come back to her. He turned his body away. The candles burned in front of him, creating a warm orange glow around his frame.

  “Johannes! Look at me. Please,” she urged. As he turned around to face her again, he gasped in surprise.

  “Your eyes!” he gasped. “How are you making them do that?”

  “It’s not me, it’s you, and the way you’re making me feel. This is my light. This is how bright you are making me reflect it back to you. I can feel it pouring out of me. Like you have cut me, already, just by giving me my first kiss.”

  She spoke fast, keen for him to understand just how important his effect on her was. The pulsations from her diamond-shaped pupils bounced reflective light off his face as she faced him. He looked beautiful standing in front of
her, candle and eye lights in front and behind him.

  “I cut you?” he questioned. He still seemed unsure whether to re-join her. His hands covered the area under his waist where she knew he had responded to her so quickly.

  She laughed. “Sorry, I mean that you polished me! With your kisses. Like a brillianteer polishes a diamond! You brought out my light!”

  She stopped herself when she realised how much she was rambling at him, and no doubt confusing him by comparing him to a diamond polisher. She still hadn’t explained how she had been made to him. Even now, she was reluctant to reveal this part of herself.

  “Are you trying to stall things Tiegal? I do like your theory, it’s kind of flattering in a strange way and your eyes look magnificent right now, but I’m not sure philosophy works well in the bedroom, not at times like this.”

  They both erupted into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

  “This is so crazy!” she cried, still laughing as he swung her around in his arms, nearly bumping her head into the low-lying ceiling.

  “So, are we doing this or not?” he dared. He didn’t wait for an answer this time. Instead, he cupped her cheeks with both hands, murmuring something about lights and facets, but she had turned off all her audio by then; and any distracting thoughts of her world before.

  This was their moment. The wind was picking up a storm outside, but she was earth-bound with him now. They could protect each other from any elements that threatened them.

  “Let’s get under the covers Johannes. You’re shivering.”

  They undressed each other without taking their eyes off each other’s.

  “Is it not blinding you, looking into my eyes?” she whispered, aware of the feel of a cold breeze on her bottom as he removed her skirt from her waist. He shook his head in response.

  “I think you changed how I see things a long time ago Tiegal.”

  He winked at her and then lifted her onto the bed.

  “Lay back and relax. I want to try something I think you will enjoy but hold on to the bed sheets whatever you do. I don’t want you going anywhere!”

  She did as he asked, clutching at the sheets, her heart beating loudly in her ears. Her entire body was now burning; a dry heat that made her skin buzz. Johannes was hot too, but his skin gleaned with a cooler sweat, that she used to trace circles on his back. He reached over to kiss her mouth one more time and then bent down on the floor by the bed to bury himself between her legs.

  She cried out in surprise at the feeling of his mouth exploring in a place no one, other than she had before. It felt terrifying and exhilarating, all at once. It was also, surprisingly, a very similar sensation to the first time she had released her energy, on her Release Day. The feeling of a rush of pent-up emotion deep inside, culminating in one big release.

  She bit her lip as the feeling became more intense, something she knew she could not control. It scared her that she could be made to feel this way so quickly by him, without the need for diamonds or water. Arching her back, a new feeling washed over her. Daring to look down at him she grasped his hair with her right hand.

  The room was now alight with her pink glow. She cried out suddenly. It was a noise she had never heard from herself before. Before she had time to recover, he pulled her body further down the bed towards him. She watched in awe, so determined about what he wanted to happen, and somehow so gentle and reassuring in his smile, so clearly full of desire.

  “I’m completely in your control Johannes. And I’m not going anywhere I promise,” she assured him, knowing he was battling an internal dialogue, weighing up the risk of over-exciting her – and potentially losing her – and how much he wanted to prove to her that he could bring her the deeper pleasure he knew she had dreamed about.

  “You might be in control Tiegal. I’m not sure I am!”

  His breath was hot and laboured. It tickled the skin around her thighs and hips where he rested his head, recovering.

  “Do you think we could create something really dangerous if we took this further?” he asked her.

  She knew what he was leading towards. Her body was starting to feel lighter, weightless. They were in danger of taking things too far.

  “Can you feel underneath me?” she managed. Something wasn’t right.

  Johannes slipped his hand to the space underneath her hips. He jumped up and backed away from the bed.

  She heard the surprise in his head before he even spoke the words.

  “I’m hovering, aren’t I?” she asked.

  Even though her hands still grasped the sheets she knew her arms had changed angle, that she had risen higher. For some reason, she dared not move an inch, afraid to disturb her current physical state.

  Johannes ran his fingers through his wet, sweat ridden hair, pacing the room back and forth. He shoved both his legs into his trousers in two quick movements and let out a frustrated growl noise.

  “You look like you are transforming again Tiegal. I went too far! What was I thinking? I mean, I’ve never done anything like that before…with anyone…but trust me to just dive in.”

  Despite how strange and detached her body felt – and how unnerving Johanne’s frantic pacing was – Tiegal started to giggle.

  “What’s so funny?” He frowned at her, standing with his hands buried in his pockets.

  “Everything Johannes! Your choice of words… dive in …and how I can hear you doubting yourself and your inexperience, with me of all people. It is amusing. It has to be. Look at me! I can’t even move after what you just did with your mouth. You’re like a magician.”

  The smile he returned in response to her words was all it took. Her colours dimmed from their intense pink glow to a softer pink hue and slowed their rhythmic dance around her.

  This had to be a positive sign. As she twitched her arms, and wriggled her back and bottom on the mattress, feeling the hard wood of the bed underneath her, she knew she was moving out of the danger zone.

  “There! Look, you see, I’m back again. All solid and in one piece.”

  She reached her hand out to him, urging him to lie down next to her, desperate to feel his touch again. To feel reassured that she was safe, on Earth, and still with him.

  That had been close. The colours around her had been forming into something more substantial than just mists of her energy. It had started to feel as though the bubble was forming around her again, and that she could soon lose control of her body. That she would be taken away.

  Johannes fell onto the thin mattress next to her and buried his face into her cheek.

  “I thought I was going to lose you!” he whispered. She shivered in response. He wrapped his arms around her to help control her tremors.

  “You were burning hot and now you are shaking! My extreme girl, that’s what you are.”

  She turned over so that she could curve herself into his body, to feel all of him wrapped around her, keeping her grounded and balanced.

  If only you knew, my love, just how extreme that moment nearly was!

  She was grateful he could not access her mind. Thankful that they had been able to make a human connection with each other and still hold on.

  The thought of sleep scared her. The idea of letting herself fall into another place, where she had no control of her journey, made her shake even more.

  Johannes’ breathing indicated he had already succumbed to a peaceful slumber. She listened for a few minutes, happy that his mind was quiet and settled and then she finally let her eye-lids droop, shutting out the remaining light from the cabin.

  20. Tears

  “What have you done Tiegal? Did you really think you could take things this far and still get all you desire?”

  Atla’s angry words filled the small space of her tent.

  She stuck out her tongue at him, determined to make a dramatic play of putting her hands on her hips. In this dream, she was a young kimberling again, no more than six years old.

  Looking around the space she had inhabited as
a young one, she quickly familiarised, surprised at how detailed this dream was presenting itself to her. She remembered this scene now. This had happened! The day when she had been so disobedient that Atla had been forced to make an appearance on the kimberling camp.

  His presence had alarmed everyone. Atla never visited the kimberlings, but she was different. She, Tiegal Eureka, had caught his attention.

  She caught a glance of herself in the mirror, her young kimberling self. So defiant. So unafraid of being scolded by the most powerful Tandroan of them all.

  She laughed at her own reflection then, amused by this memory, when she had shocked so many around her, and still managed to avoid receiving any punishment.

  “You’re not six-years old though are you?” Atla was the one who was amused now. “Look again Tiegal!” His sardonic tone grated on her – it always had – but she did as he instructed, regardless.

  As she looked at her reflection again, it made her recoil in horror. She was old, her face a pattern of rippled, sagging skin. Her body appeared frail, and fragile, bent over as though about to break in half.

  Atla laughed. “You can’t have it both ways Tiegal. You want all this love you think you deserve? Well, go on and get it then. And if you do, you will get what you deserve! You will get old very quickly, and then you will die, alone, with no human to look after you.”

  Aware of him staring at her, eager to see how she would react to his damning prophecy, she knew she was not hiding her confusion well. It must be written all over her face.

  Atla laughed again.

  “Your man human won’t live very long. They never do. Enjoy it whilst it lasts!”

  Now he had taken it too far – dream or not – she had to react. Roaring seemed the most appropriate release in this instance. She ran at him, punching at the satin fabric of his cloak, banging her fists into his arms, in a chopping style action, similar to the way she had observed Johannes attacking tree logs before their fires together.