Release

  “You feel warmer again now. Everything is going to be okay sister.”

  Annarita winked and then scurried out of the room to tend to the insistent cries of her baby, leaving Tiegal and Johannes alone, both unable to tear their eyes away from each other.

  “I missed you,” she whispered.

  “You have no idea how much I missed you! And seeing your true colours. It’s pink again now. Only faint, but that horrible dark colour has gone at last. You look like you again.”

  He sighed. She could smell the relief on him, the muskiness of his sweat from the insufferable heat he endured on his journey to the fields, mixed with the release of endorphins from the pleasure of seeing her nearly restored to full health.

  “Did you find what you were looking for?” she dared to ask.

  “I guess you heard my plan. That I went to see Elna? To see if she could give me any answers, to help you, of course! Are you mad?” he asked her, his fingers running up and down her arms as he shuffled himself closer to her on the bed.

  “Lie next to me. I want to breathe you in now that I have more strength again. And, no, of course I’m not mad,” she answered.

  He placed both hands on her hips to slide her body to the edge of the bed so that she fitted into the wall, making enough space for him to lay down next to her. As soon as his head rested on the pillow next to hers, they turned to face each other, their lips finding each other’s in an instant.

  “You still smell delicious, even when you have not eaten or drunk properly for days,” he mused. “I think you have extra water inside of you, which is why you are so fresh all the time. A good theory hey?”

  Without answering him, she nuzzled her nose next to his, rubbing the tips against each others, relishing the feeling of having him so close to her again.

  “Thank you for trying to find the answer for me. I know how hot it is out there and how much work you need to do. Did you make your peace with her, with Elna?”

  Johannes nodded. “I did, yes, and you were right. She admitted that she had told you about what happened on the day my father died.”

  “Oh no. Oh Johannes. It doesn’t bother me! That’s not why I’ve been so grey. You must not think that. You were only a child. How could you know he would react the way he did?” She started to protest.

  “Shh…I know that now. Elna explained that you talked it out between you and that you were very understanding. She was very apologetic about it all.”

  Her heart raced as she watched him run his hands through his hair. But then he gave her a reassuring smile, that somehow reached his eyes despite how tired she could sense he was, and her shoulders relaxed.

  “At first, I was angry with her. I didn’t want to think that you had heard something I felt so ashamed about from someone else, but then I realised that was unkind of me. And that I was the one who should apologise to her!

  “Anyway, when she had dried her tears, she went on to explain the rest of it. About why she really went away. Something about the day we first saw you in that bubble of yours and how the experience consumed her with strange thoughts that she just couldn’t shake off. She said it made her feel that her being with me, on that day, had disrupted my destiny somehow! She cried her eyes out as she told me this, terrified that she sounded crazy. Of course, I told her not to worry about that! Not after everything that has happened!”

  Johannes shook his head, clearly dismayed and exhausted by the energy he had exerted trying to unravel it all.

  “And she also said to tell you that she would like, one day, when she is ready…to be your friend. Now that she has accepted our remarkable connection with each other, it seems she has found some peace in herself too.”

  Tiegal, using all the strength she had, pulled him to her. As soon as she was strong enough, she would venture near Elna’s house again.

  “I am so relieved you made peace with her. And I am also sorry that I scared you these last few days Johannes,” she breathed, enjoying how their hips rubbed together, their bodies so quick to gravitate to each others. It didn’t surprise her when his body reacted to her so quickly. Giving him a little nudge, she managed a little chuckle into his shoulders.

  “I don’t think I have enough energy for anything like that Johannes, but we can still hold each other. I’m feeling better by the second now that you are here,” she assured him, knowing how the fear for her safety was still raging inside of him. It hurt her to think of him filled with so much worry.

  “And hey, you can rest with ease now. I am not going anywhere. Annarita and I had an epiphany in our talk just now. I think I am beginning to understand what being human entails. My body has just needed some time to adapt, that’s all,” she explained, hoping her theory would settle him, for now.

  “You mean having emotions? Being sad, angry, hurt and upset, like we all were the other day?” He yawned his question into her hair.

  “Exactly! But I’m all yours now. No more guilt about the past or misunderstandings. I’m ready to be part of this family now.”

  “That’s my girl. And don’t forget your dreams too. That they would tell you when the time was right. When we can finally release ourselves, together, to make our own family at last?”

  She nodded, burying her face into his hair.

  "I was just thinking about that. Maybe we don't need to wait for a dream anymore? I mean, if I am going to let myself embrace being human, I think we should just follow the dreams we feel In our hearts?" she resolved. Her voice rose and fell in the wave of a yawn, matching his own.

  "Hmm... Only if I get to play the main role in this dream reality."

  "Always! Never question that! You're a part of me now Johannes. You transformed me into someone who can love and be loved. I feel you with me even when you're not here."

  She exhaled her words in a rush, now out of breath, but unable to resist the urge to pull him even closer to her. She could tell by the way he was holding her how much he wanted her.

  "I'm always with you. You should never question that either. You let me enter your island and now I'm staying there for good!"

  Her laughter was muffled by his kisses, urgent caresses that he planted all over her cheeks and lips, intent on filling her with his relief and love.

  "Now, you, get some sleep. It's my job to keep your fire going but it needs some fuel. Any more kisses like that and I think we both burn ourselves out too soon."

  "Hmm...okay. Maybe tomorrow then..." she managed to whisper. Closing her eyes, she felt herself drifting into sleep, finally believing that things were falling into place.

  28. Visions

  The dream kept stopping and starting. She could only make out snippets and flashes. It had captured her in complete darkness. And no matter how many times she blinked she couldn’t get her eye-lights to reactivate. It seemed her transformation to human had transcended into her dreams.

  All she knew was that she was in great pain. That she was in danger. And that she needed Johannes to rescue her. But he was nowhere to be found.

  A flash of light illuminated the scene.

  There was blood all around her, on her clothes, on the floor…

  Flash.

  Dark again. Only the sound of a female screaming in pain. It sounded like her voice.

  And then another flash.

  Her hands reaching for something, under the bed…

  Darkness once more.

  A final flash.

  It was Parador, watching from the corner of the room. She was making a tutting noise and shaking her head. Her lips were moving, silently forming words. They were easy to read:

  “Tiegal, you have to make the choice…love …or death?”

  That she would soon bear a child was not breaking news. They had all had months to get used to the excitement. Still, all three of them stared at her, equally transfixed by her swollen stomach.

  Tiegal smiled, both amused and slightly irritated by their obsessive fascination with her body. Leaning back in this arch positi
on made the urge to go to the toilet even stronger, and although she wanted to shift her body further back into the chair, she decided to let her baby perform her acrobatics inside her stomach for them a little while longer.

  "I have never seen such an active pregnancy! She never stops moving. It must be exhausting Tiegal!" Annarita frowned, unable to hide her obvious worry. It was Frederick who rolled his eyes first, swiftly followed by Johannes.

  "Stop worrying!" both men chimed at the same time.

  "I'm just being a good sister! Henri hardly moved at all inside me. I just want to know that she is comfortable that's all," Annarita argued. She always got defensive when anyone questioned her protective nature towards Tiegal.

  "Are you still insisting it is a girl then?" Frederick teased. He also knew how adamant his wife was about this, but it amused him to question her about her conviction.

  Annarita just groaned and gave him a playful slap.

  Tiegal smiled and let herself fall back into the chair again. Before she had a chance to ask, Johannes was up on his feet, already rubbing his hands together to warm them up. He was the only one who knew how to massage her back in a way that quickly eased the pain. He was also the only one who could lull their growing baby into a sleep - if they were lucky.

  "Thank you, Jo Jo," she grunted.

  "Jo Jo?" Annarita squeaked. "Since when have you started calling him that?"

  "Since she started mumbling it in her sleep. I did ask her if she had found another handsome farmer around here that I didn't know about." Johannes grinned at his sister, who returned her almost identical, slightly crooked smile back at him.

  "Well, I kind of like it. Pa always hated it when we tried to shorten our names. He used to say that we should respect the full names we were given. But then, Frederick still tries to call me Nita sometimes, even though I've told him to stop," she reprimanded her husband, landing a playful thump on his good arm.

  "Anna then?" Frederick tried.

  Annarita ignored him. She still wore her troubled frown.

  "What's bothering you so much today lovely?" Tiegal asked her eventually. She squeezed her eyes shut, slowly inhaling and exhaling as Annarita had taught her, to help relieve the discomfort of the baby's weight bearing down on her internal organs.

  A part of her didn't really want to know why Annarita was so stressed by her growing pregnancy, she didn't see how these anxieties were helping any of them. The baby was going to be big. She would just have to manage it. There was no way she was going to let anything happen to her. This new life growing inside her was the reason for her dreams, her desires and this remarkable love connection she shared with Johannes that had drawn her over to him.

  "I'm not bothered as such. I just had another bad night's sleep that's all," Annarita lied.

  They all knew how excellent Henri's sleep patterns had become since he had started walking. The little boy spent all day on his feet, exerting every ounce of his energy during his waking hours. By the time sunset came, he was in the land of slumber before anyone had the chance to read him a story.

  No one challenged Annarita's reasoning though. There was a time, not so long ago, when Tiegal could have uncovered the truth behind a thinly veiled lie with just a look. But, not anymore. Those powers had long gone. Now, she had to rely on her intuition and body language as much as anyone else. And she couldn't be happier that she had transformed in this way. It was a blessing to live this relative life of silence. It was only Johannes' internal dialogue she occasionally picked up on. Their connection was much harder to break, transformed or not.

  Feeling uncomfortable again, she jerked her hips from side to side to encourage Johannes to take a break from massaging her. She still hated tearing herself away from him, in any capacity, but her back was now starting to get sore from his hands repetitively rubbing on her skin.

  "As much as I love your touch Jo Jo, I'm okay now thank you. I think Cezanne has finally decided to give me some rest!"

  The moment she said the words she realised she had revealed more than she had intended.

  "Oops!" she sent an apologetic look to Johannes who just smiled and shrugged at her.

  "Well you've said it now!" he teased.

  Annarita was already crying.

  "Really? You are going to call her Cezanne," she spluttered between her sobs.

  Tiegal nodded at her, blinded by the sudden appearance of her own tears.

  "You both always say how much I remind you of your mother. It wasn't even a debate. We knew we would name our baby after her."

  Johannes bent down to tie his shoelaces. She suspected he was crying too.

  It was only Frederick who looked confused, rather than emotionally distraught as the rest of them did.

  "So, you all assume she will be a girl then?" Frederick asked.

  Johannes answered this time:

  "Tiegal may be ninety percent human these days, but she still dreams predictions for the future sometimes. Rest assured we will have a baby girl we will call Cezanne joining us shortly," he announced in a loud, proud voice.

  Annarita gasped, hands on her hips, tears still running down her freckled cheeks.

  "So, you have dreamed her? You know what she looks like as well?"

  Tiegal leaned forward, reaching her hand out to her sister.

  "I would say she looks a lot like the wonderful lady she is named after."

  This couldn’t happen now, not yet. Johannes was not due home for another two hours and Annarita and Frederick had taken Henri for his afternoon walk.

  The pain was getting stronger, the tightness forcing her to bend over. Sheer terror engulfed her. Just the thought of what could happen, if the baby tried to make an appearance before her family returned, made her shudder with violent tremors. It was unthinkable! It was dangerous. And she had no idea what to do, or how it should happen.

  For some reason, an image of Namnum flashed in her mind, a memory of the day the animal had given birth. How calm she had been as she had transitioned, hardly making a sound. It seemed strange – or fortuitous even – that such a memory would appear to her at this time. And yet the vision was almost in front of her, surrounding her even.

  The sun was blazing hot that day, when Namnum gave birth. Tiegal could recall clearly how serene the majestic elephant had looked, as her baby slipped from her body; she could detect the distinct odour in the animal birth scene: primal, earthy, bloody.

  It was such a bizarre feeling to think of that life now, and yet it was exactly the right memory to bring her the resilience she needed. Her baby was moving downwards, inside her. This was not a practice. Cezanne was on her way.

  Without making a sound, Tiegal got down on all fours, and let out the loudest noise she could summon. It came from somewhere deep inside her. It was a release. One that urged the pain to leave her, and one, she suddenly realised, that threatened to change her – again.

  She heard the clock chime in the hallway outside her bedroom. Four o’clock! The baby would surely arrive before the others returned.

  Tiegal looked down at her hands, stretched out like fans on the wooden floor. They were already starting to fade. She let her elbows drop down, her bottom arched upwards towards the ceiling. It was a relieving position, both for her weight balance and to counteract the pain of the contractions. Her baby had already made it into the birth canal, bearing down with force. Cezanne was getting impatient.

  Tiegal cried out again, terrified by her own ignorance of what could happen – or more importantly, what could go wrong. Her memory of an animal giving birth was no help for her now. If only she had seen another human, or even a Tandroan do this, then she could find comfort in knowing that her body was capable of doing this.

  “Come on now baby girl. It’s all going to be okay. Take it easy. Let me breathe a bit more.”

  As the pain engulfed her, she let out one long, horrific scream. It rose in a wave from her bottom, shooting up to the back of her ribs, before finally releasing from her throa
t. Her screech made her cough, followed by the sensation of liquid filling her mouth. It was a metallic taste, and one she did not recognise. Without thinking, she spat it out onto the floor. Droplets of blood splattered in front of her. This time she didn't scream. Instead, the bloody scene before her, stunned her into silence.

  Stupid girl Tiegal! How could you have blocked this one? The most important dream warning of your life and you didn’t listen to it!

  "No! Cezanne, no!" she wailed in a broken whisper.

  She must have blocked out this traumatic nightmare. It was only just coming back to her now – the ominous dream that had prophesized the dangers around Cezanne’s birth. The warning of the hideous choice that she would be forced to make.

  Visions of the dream now crashed all around her, in flashes of horrific scenes. Her desperate screams, her blood, so much of it, spilling out of her body, and…something else…

  “There were two versions!” she spluttered, sinking her teeth into her arm to deter the pain away from her groin.

  It was all coming back. She could recall that there was a juncture in this dream prophecy; a decisive point in which she would have to choose how this part of her story – and her baby’s – would play out.

  “I’m not going to let you die,” she grunted her promise, bent-over and rocking on her knees. If she stayed in this position for much longer, and did nothing else, her baby girl would not survive. That scenario - version one of her dream - was not an option.

  “But I’m not going to leave you either! I can’t do that to you. I need to be with…” she wept, unable to finish her promise.

  Both versions of her dream prophecy had delivered horrific, final results. But, even so, the second version - the one where she engaged the help of her Derado - was the only one that offered her daughter a fighting chance.

  Pulling herself into an up-right position, she grabbed the side of the bed to steady herself.

  “Think Tiegal!” she growled, grasping at the bed sheets with one hand and squeezing the upper part of her thigh with the other. The pain was too intense for her mind to make rational decisions. A parlayzing spasm flared all around her stomach and her back; a compression that felt like a thousand daggers stabbing at the middle of her body.