How could they ever make her feel happy being back here? Not when she had left her newborn baby, gasping for air on the wooden floor of her bedroom on Earth. Alone and helpless, abandoned by her own mother. And worst still, abandoned in another world and another time.
She squeezed her eyes together to shut out the painful vision of her baby girl slipping out of her body, and out of her hands, before she had no choice but to let her rest on the floor without her. Just remembering her first gasps of air, the first wail as her tiny hands flailed out in front of her, sent a burning heat searing through her rapidly transforming body. The pain was so strong she felt as though she could combust.
"My baby!" She wailed inside the bubble that still contained her, twirling herself around in a circle so she could direct her anguish towards each and every one of the blurred figures that surrounded her.
A phrase popped into her head.
What’s in a name?
It was Johannes’ voice she could hear. A memory of evenings spent together, reading by candlelight. Tiegal would always reply, “Everything is in a name. It was why I willed myself to you from the river the second time, when I heard my name being called”.
He would laugh at her then, always with affection.
“But it was not me, my love, as you know. You heard the cry of a find, of an answer, from Erasmus, who found the diamond I lost there.”
And she would tousle his hair and shake her head, reveling in their game-play and familiar banter.
“It does not matter who said it. It matters that it was said, at the right time. And, that it led me to you,” Tiegal would say.
A desperate urge to say her daughter’s name out loud burned inside her. There was power in identification. The boldness to declare one’s self, their uniqueness, and their truth.
Tiegal roared out her daughter’s name into the space of her bubble.
“Cezanne Eureka Smit!" She screamed.
The hands that reached out to her immediately withdrew from their attack.
She shouted it again, and again. They would hear her daughter’s name. They would know her beautiful child existed.
30. Pomelo
The smell of buttery popcorn wafted under her nose, reviving her from the coma that had retained her in the same horizontal bed-ridden state for the last three months.
"Hey, Tiegal, can you hear me? It's me, Rinzal."
After this long period of darkness and silence, the sound of his familiar voice was music to her ears. It sounded as though it chimed in waves around her. The hushing noise he kept making, whenever she attempted to speak - her eyes still closed despite how much she willed them to open - reminded her of the winds rushing through the trees outside the bedroom she and Johannes had shared for all those blissful months as their baby grew inside her.
"You have been asleep for a long time Tiegal, but that is a good thing. You are much stronger now. Don't open your eyes if it is too much for you. Just keep squeezing my hand to let me know you can hear me," Rinzal reassured her.
Squeezing his hand with as much strength as she could muster, she inhaled his smell and then sighed with relief.
"Popcorn," she whispered.
His laughter filled the atmosphere around her. The welcoming sound engaged her natural curiosity and the desperate urge to open her eyes and discover where she now was. She hoped it was one of the floating tents, like the one she had shared with Zeno as a kimberling. But, deep down, she knew this was wishful thinking. It was much more likely they had contained her inside a prison cabin again, like the last time she had vanished in front of them.
"Yes, I have brought you popcorn, two big pots of it. Lots of melted butter," Rinzal explained. He sounded excited to hear her voice.
His words made her frown, an action that felt strange and uncomfortable, as though she was forcing her facial muscles to respond to her emotions.
"How long have I been here?" she managed. Her eyelids flickered, allowing intermittent shafts of light to reach her. It made her entire body jerk in response. Something felt different, and yet, familiar. Slowly, she dared to let her lids raise up higher. The lights and shapes around her were blurry. Maintaining a steady focus seemed impossible. And yet, strangely, this was not the most shocking part of this awakening experience. Much more disconcerting was how she felt about the visions in front of her, slowly reforming into decipherable shapes that she was seeing deeper again. Like when she was a Tandroan.
She started to cry. Loud, hacking sobs that propelled her knees to reach up to her chest in defence of this pain inside her.
"Oh, Tiegal, please don't cry. It's not as bad as you are imagining. I can hear you clearly. I have been listening to you all this time, watching over you. Both Zeno and I have. She will be back here very soon. And look, I know you have lots of questions, and there is a lot you are missing from where you have come from but it's all going to be okay. I heard your thoughts just then. You were asking if you were back in the prison cabin again, and I can assure you that you are not. Atla learned from his mistake last time.
“He was delighted when you reappeared. Even if you were naked… and covered in blood! "
Rinzal hardly stopped to take a breath. His voice contained an intriguing mix of both anxious and excitable energy.
“So, you are in Atla's Estate now. He asked both me and Zeno to keep watch over you as he knows we shared a connection with you, and all he wants right now is to keep you on Tandro, but happier this time, so you don't disappear from us again."
Finally, Rinzal took a break from his long speech. She waited, letting him access her mind, knowing it would enable faster communication this way, and also preserve whatever energy she had. It was obvious that whatever transformation she had been though, that had pulled her back here - even reignited the sparks in her Tandroan eyes - had not recovered all her original abilities. This fact was slowly becoming clearer as she realised that the smell of buttery popcorn was a real food scent - not her interpretation of Rinzals' skin or the taste of his name. As hard as she tried, she could not hear a single utterance of Rinzals' thoughts. She let her lungs fall and rise in a deep, gentle rhythm as her thoughts flowed through her mind. Tiegal was determined for Rinzal to hear the pain that tore through her from losing her family. She could sense him listening to her.
After a few minutes of their one-sided silent communication, Rinzal cleared his throat and spoke up again. His voice was much deeper this time, and much quieter.
“You have more friends here than I think you realise and we are all going to help you," he consoled, wrapping his arms around her coiled-up frame.
"My baby..." she started to cry out again.
Rinzal hushed her once again.
"Shh...I know all about her. It's all you have been thinking about during your long sleep. Your daughter and her father."
"Jo Jo," she whispered.
"That's right. And it's okay. We will get you back to them again. You might just have to be patient, that's all. Just like the name you gave to your baby girl, Cezanne. I can see why you may have chosen this for her. After the lotus, the flower that roots in mud and pushes up through water to bloom.”
“And you will find her again this way. It may just take some time to find the right environment. Your roots are entrenched and entwined with hers. But, there is some good news Tiegal. You were still holding the cord that attached her to you when you appeared to us again. So we have this - your root connection to her - and now we just have to find the perfect water source that will enable you to propel your way back to her, and to her father, again."
Both Zeno and Rinzal beamed identical, expectant grins as they handed her the plassimer pastry she had asked for. Their matching expressions clearly revealed what they were hoping for in return for their food offering: to see a genuine smile on Tiegal’s face. A sign that she was even close to feeling any sense of joy again.
She tried to force her lips to pull back over her teeth, but then quickly gave up, suspecting he
r attempt would appear more like a grimace than the twinkle they were looking for. There was nothing to feel sparkly about. The taste of sugary pastry was just inciting her sense of longing for her human family even more. It tasted like plastic in her mouth. Annarita's koeksisters were so much tastier.
"So, we have news for you," Zeno declared.
Tiegal raised her eyebrows at her. It was not the first time Zeno had promised a positive development in their plans to get her back home. So far, they had tried sneaking her into the Erasmati Pyramid in a bid to see if the diamond water would help her summon a vision of Johannes and Cezanne; a plan that had failed miserably. Any diamond energy in the water had been absorbed by the last Derado initiation ceremony that had taken place there, which she had interrupted with her bloody reappearance.
All they had achieved was an afternoon of cold feet and disappointments.
"What are you thinking?" she asked Zeno, desperately trying to conceal her negative thoughts from her friend. The last thing she wanted was to sound ungrateful. Rinzal and Zeno were her lifeline here, and the only ones who knew her true intentions – to return back to the Orange River, as she had left her family, in 1867.
It was her only desire. It was all she could hold on to. And yet, the longer she stayed here, in this other world the more she feared she was losing her connection with them.
Over the last few weeks her Tandroan abilities had slowly begun to return to her. Once again, she could hear the thoughts of others, detect their distinct scents, and sometimes even taste their names. Her sensory powers had renewed with the same intensity as before – the strength of which she had only ever experienced as a Tandroan. Gone were the faint whisperings of thoughts, or the gentle, easier, scents that she had become accustomed to on Earth. The subtle hint of blueberry and apple that greeted her whenever Annarita had entered the room, or the waft of sweet bread and syrup that woke her every time Johannes pulled her into his arms for a morning embrace. Now she was back to sensory overload, a constant assault of sounds and smells that just made her want to switch off from everyone around her, even those who had her best interests at heart.
At least Rinzal had taught her how to practice mind concealing again, something he had been determined to do. As he had pointed out on many occasions, relearning how to do this was an absolute priority if she were to stand any chance of getting back to Johannes and Cezanne again. And, as always, she had known he was right.
Zeno glanced at Rinzal, clearly checking permission from him to reveal their plan. When he nodded at her Zeno clapped her hands with excitement.
"Okay, in a few minutes you are going to hear a knock on the door," she started.
"Is this supposed to be one of your jokes?" Tiegal interrupted. She really wasn't in the mood for their games today. Action was what she needed.
"No, of course not, I mean literally, there will be a knock at the door. I don't know why I started explaining it like that."
Rinzal chuckled, giving Zeno a friendly nudge.
"I imagine because you are nervous?" he challenged.
Zeno rolled her eyes at him in exasperation.
"I am not nervous. I am just trying to find the right words. I don't want Tiegal using up any of her energy trying to access my mind right now either. She is going to need to hold on to all the reserves she has."
"Okaaay, well this sounds ominous," Tiegal joined in. She had deliberately closed her mind from listening to them as soon as she started hearing the sounds again. Her experience as a human had taught her how exhausting and unnecessary it was to have access to such intrusion. And they were right about preserving her energy too. She knew the fire inside her was a dim flicker at the moment. Her pain and misery at being separated from her loves was like being extinguished by dark rain every day she woke up here.
"No, it's nothing to feel caution about Tiegal. You know you can trust us. The ones we have asked to come here have some vital information to share with you, to help you," Zeno reassured.
Her eyes darted in the direction of the large metal door of Tiegals' assigned bedroom on Atla's Estate. The sound of footsteps approaching made them all turn towards it.
"Who are they? Quick! Give me some warning at least," Tiegal hissed.
She was beginning to feel uneasy at the lack of knowledge she possessed about the visitors approaching them. It was one of the rare times that she wished she had opened her mind up to internal voices again. The door creaked open before Zeno had a chance to respond.
Rinzal jumped up from his chair to greet the two female figures who stood next to each other in the doorway. Both of them had adopted identical, rigid, straight-backed poses.
"Ah! Welcome! Thank you for your prompt arrival. We were just about to prepare Tiegal for your appearance, but alas, our timing was not as expeditious as yours." Rinzal exclaimed. Tiegal sucked in her breath. If it were not for the shock of seeing the two females at the door, she would have struggled to contain her laughter at how Rinzal was speaking. Why he was using words like ‘alas’ and 'expeditious’ she had no idea. It seemed he was keen to impress.
"I think I know you already," Tiegal announced, standing up to face them, mirroring the confident soldier-like stance of the figures at her door.
The one on the left, slightly taller, who wore an unusual chocolate coloured diamond in her Derado, was the first to answer.
“We hoped you would recognise us."
The female nodded at her, leaning forward in a suggestion of a courteous bow.
"Ochrani? Indramia?” Tiegal whispered, not knowing where the thought of their names had come from.
"That's right! I am Ochrani and this is Indramia. Do you really remember us? Everything?” Ochrani clapped her hands in front of her face. The sound, along with her excitable mannerism, triggered a flash of a memory. A lagoon that glowed with colourful diamonds, and of a feeling, a powerful yearning to touch and connect with them.
“Yes! Oh my! I do remember you both. We held hands in the lagoon. The secret one. The one where we were all made. And Jovil! He was there too. The lagoon master!” Tiegal exclaimed.
The other one, Indramia, appeared to shudder at the recollection.
“I’m so sorry about everything that happened after that. That we failed to rescue you Tiegal. We think our memories of you were wiped from us. This memory has only just come back to us in the last two days, since we returned here to Kimberrago Island. We’ve been away for the last year on our pilgrimage.”
“Me too! I have also been away. And I had forgotten about you too, until just now,” Tiegal said, without a hint of restraint. She rocked on her heels, and suddenly giddy with excitement, she became aware of a feeling that she had feared was impossible for her to experience on Tandro ever again.
These two females, her sisters, had unlocked something inside her and opened a door to a deeper part of her memory.
Ochrani cocked her head to the left, and twisted her lips together to the right, as though in deep contemplation.
“And do you remember the other one? The one with the image of a horse’s tail in her eye-light?”
Ochrani’s statement made Tiegal flinch. There was something dark and ominous about the word ‘horse tail’ that stilled her, quickly locking her body into a state of shocked paralysis. Zeno shook her arm at the side of her, but she was frozen stiff.
She sensed that both Rinzal and Zeno were pleading with her to do or say something, but she cut them off in her mind. The sound of Ochrani’s voice had filled her head, blocking out the voices and thoughts of everyone else around her.
That’s right Tiegal! She is the one who paralysed us all in the cave. The one who cleared our memories of each other and then tricked Jovil into turning against you. She made him betray you. That’s why you were imprisoned all that time. Because Jovil and Parador told Atla that you needed to be contained.
Tiegal could feel her heartbeat slowing down. Her breathing calmed and a feeling of control washed over her. She closed her eyes to al
low the jumbled flashes of memories come together and form a coherent picture.
"Parador? That’s her name isn’t it? The one who has been taunting my dreams.”
Tiegal frowned in frustration as she realized this part was present and yet somehow still blocked from her memory bank. Ochrani and Indramia nodded in unison.
“That sounds like her,” they chimed together.
Rinzal and Zeno looked at each other, as though both taken aback by this instant recognition between Tiegal and their visitors.
"I met Ochrani and Indramia when I returned the last time. It’s just that we all seem to have lost our memory of it. Until now.”
"And who is Parador?" Zeno asked.
Ochrani and Indramia stepped forward. They knocked their shoulders against the narrow walls of the corridor outside the stark grey-coloured room. Rinzal beckoned them.
"Please, do come in," he urged.
Ochrani made the first move into the centre of the sparsely decorated attic room that Tiegal now had no choice but to call her own. Indramia followed, swiftly closing the door behind them both.
"Parador is one of us. By this, I mean she was made from the same batch of carbon contributions that both I, Indramia, and Tiegal, were all made from," Ochrani explained.
Indramia leaned forward. She said, "We all seemed to have been granted advanced sensory abilities from this batch. But Parador's powers are ones that we are not sure would be too helpful to Tiegal right now. So, we didn't ask her to join us."
Ochrani placed a hand on Indramia's shoulder and stared at her in a way that suggested she was communicating something to Indramia privately.
A few awkward seconds passed before Indramia turned back to face Tiegal and the others.
"Ochrani has just reminded me that not everyone in the room is aware of the similarities and differences between us, or how these could be used productively in these circumstances," she stated in a monotone.
Tiegal could feel her heart race faster and with more purpose than it had done since she had arrived here, however long that time had been: weeks, months? She had lost track during this abyss of despair she had been hovering in. But now these females had arrived she sensed a better prospect for the future – hope.
Release Page 30