by J. C. Burke
'I'll help,' I piped up. I needed a minute with Reg. I needed to ask him one more time if everything was going to be okay. Since I'd smelt Carla's shirt that bad feeling, like I was trapped in a box, had started to suffocate me.
'Don't you want to check out the surf?' he asked me. 'I'm sure Kia and Georgie will dump their bags and go straight down.'
'It's okay. I kind of like taking care of my new board.'
The garden and walkways looked different. The vines that in January had been covered in pink flowers were bare and limp. The lawns were sick from lack of rain. Even the tennis courts looked sad and empty. Or was it me? Had I been fooling myself that it was okay to come here while Dad would probably end up black and blue in a hospital bed again?
I followed Reg into the board hut. The panic was starting to overtake my throat.
'Okay. Where are we going to put these babies?'
'Reg,' I whispered, 'I'm scared.'
Reg took the board out of my arms and slid it into a rack. 'Micki,' he said, 'there's nothing to be scared of. It's going to be okay. I gave you my word about that.'
'I don't know what Dad's going to do without me.' I tried to swallow the panic.
'Your father is not your responsibility.' Reg held my shoulders and spoke firmly. He'd said those words to me before, and I still didn't know if he meant them or even if they were right. 'Okay, Micki? You are thirteen. You are a child. You have been' – he took a deep breath – 'admirable, courageous, selfless, caring beyond words. Now you have to do what's best for you. Davo wants that as well. More than anyone.'
'But, but . . .' I had to say it. It was the only way I'd be able to breathe. 'But it doesn't mean that I don't love him. I don't want him to think that because I'm moving away I don't love him.'
Reg let me cry. He didn't try and stuff the space with words. Instead he let me nestle my face against his chest until his jumper was wet with my tears.
The three of us were lying on our beds. I couldn't stop looking around the bungalow. It was like I had to study every square centimetre of wall and ceiling to really, really convince myself we were actually here. Plus, maybe if I looked hard enough I'd find a tiny detail that'd remind me of something really happy, then that could become my focus point.
So far the only memory that'd hit me was when I walked into the bungalow bathroom. If the first thing I'd thought of was that night with Kia, then for sure it would've been the same for her too, except multiplied by a million.
Kia had moved the beds around like she did the first day back in January. Except this time it would be Megan who was marooned on the other side of the room. Not me.
Already a mess of T-shirts and trackie pants and hoodies were gathering around Georgie's area and, typical, Kia had everything neatly put away or lined up by her cupboard.
The bungalow seemed the same. It was almost like we'd never left except for one enormous, unfillable hole – Ace.
'No, that's not going to work either,' Georgie was saying about the text we were trying to compose to Ace.
The message had to make her feel like we were thinking of her and missing her, which was one hundred per cent true. But it also needed to sound like we weren't excited to be at camp, which wasn't true, as dinner with Carla and Shyan, one of the surf coaches, had got us totally pumped. Afterwards we were like, 'Bring it on!'
Of course, Kia was chief texter with her brand new slide phone.
'But Ace'd want to know about Shyan,' Kia said. 'She told us, well, she told me, to give Shyan a big hug from her.'
Georgie scolded: 'Yeah, but don't say Shyan was telling us about the program 'cause that'll definitely depress her.'
'I thought it might make her feel good,' Kia said. 'Ace hated the way we had a strict timetable. Six am yoga, seven-fifteen am breakfast, nine am video discussion, eleven am –'
'Yeah, yeah, we get it! Remember, Micki and I were here too.'
'What about – what about if we tell her how Shyan said she only just missed out?' I said.
'That is definitely not a good idea,' Kia told me. 'Ace might think we were talking about how she didn't make it and stuff.'
'True.'
Georgie rolled onto her stomach and groaned into the pillow.
'How about this?' Kia started pressing the buttons. 'Shyan and Carla say hi. Brian's still the cook and a crap one at that.'
'His food's not that crap,' I replied. 'I mean, I have tasted –'
Suddenly Georgie sat up. 'Shhh!' She jumped off the bed and opened the door.
'What?' said Kia.
'Shhh!'
'What!' Kia and I crept up behind her. 'What?'
'She's just arrived,' Georgie whispered.
'How do you know?' I asked, glancing out the door but seeing only darkness.
'I heard the car pull up,' she answered. 'Shh.'
One car door slammed followed by a second one.
'So what do we do now?' I asked.
'Nothing,' Kia said, climbing back onto her bed. 'The big zero.'
'Nothing?' I repeated.
'That's right,' Georgie said, draping her arm around me and squeezing my shoulder a bit too hard. 'Absolutely nothing, Miss Micki.'
My head nestled into Georgie's shoulder. At that moment I couldn't have cared if Kelly Slater had just arrived at surf camp. I was busy soaking up the words 'Miss Micki'.
GEORGIE
It wasn't even twenty-four hours and I missed Ace badly. For all the obvious reasons but also 'cause it meant pairing up with Megan in the first gym session. Megan was here for me to compete against, not become gym buddies with.
As the session progressed, the awful realisation drilled a hole through my brain. This arrangement of me and Megan was going to be permanent. At least for the next two weeks I had to focus on psyching her out at every opportunity I had.
But it was hard when Megan and I were linked together at the feet like Siamese twins, doing sit-ups and passing a medicine ball to each other. Especially when Megan was chucking it at me like it was a ball made of sponge rather than the slab of lead it felt like. Thankfully I was managing to catch it 'cause if I dropped it I'd crush my chest and then I wouldn't get to have my revenge in the surf.
For once, Ace hadn't exaggerated and I wished she had. Megan was big. Really big. Like buff big. Her shoulders had suddenly got so broad she looked like a bloke from behind.
The only positive thing I could squeeze out of it was that she made me look good – light, slim, almost girly!
'Hey, Megan.' Finally Jake heard my grunts. 'Easy with the medicine ball.'
'She's trying to kill me,' I puffed. 'How come we're using a ten-kilo one for sit-ups? I thought that was for the blokes?'
'That's not a ten-kilo ball, is it?' Jake asked, taking it out of Megan's hands. 'No, you shouldn't be using that one. It's too heavy for this exercise.'
'I told you,' I spat at Megan as my back collapsed onto the floor.
'Are you out of condition, Georgie?' She smirked as I rolled around like a potato, holding my stomach and groaning.
'I wasn't five minutes ago.'
Kia and Micki were taking turns boxing with Shyan. Kia was packing the punches. Left, right. Right, right, left.
'C'mon Georgie,' Megan hassled, shoving another piece of chewing gum into her ugly mouth. She was looking down at my sprawled-out body. 'Let's have a box. Up you get, slow coach.'
'Piss off,' I sneered through my teeth.
Just two more hours to bear then there was lunch and a free afternoon. Not that it was really a free afternoon for me. I had to meet Jules at two pm to hand over the photo album Ace had put together for him.
'Are we bringing a glass cabinet for it too?' I'd joked to Ace, as she wouldn't let anyone other than Micki carry it in their bag. 'Just say the album accidentally touches Micki's underpants? I mean, it's a risk just letting it roll around uncovered in Micki's bag. Oooooh, it might get a germ!'
'Ha ha,' Ace replied. 'Anyway, I trust Micki's undies more than I'd trust yours.'
&n
bsp; Ace's arms were wrapped around the book of photos. She was clutching it to her chest like it was a baby she didn't want to let go of.
'Where's Micki's bag?'
'She just took it downstairs,' I answered. It was only Ace and me left in Kia's room. 'C'mon, just put it in my bag.'
'No. No, I want Micki to pack it in her bag. Her bag's so clean and tidy.' Ace's voice was shaking and a quietness was slowly starting to strangle it. She still held the album tight against her ribs. 'Your bag's too jam-packed. It'll get squashed in there.'
Something told me joke time was over. 'Ace, I promise I'll get it to Jules in one piece.'
'I was looking at the photos while you were in the shower,' Ace began. I took a step closer to catch what she was saying. 'Sometimes I look at that girl and I don't even know who she is.'
'She's you, Ace.'
'She's pretty and she's smiling and she's happy – successful. She has everything.'
'You're still all those things.'
'I know you think that this album is stupid. But I want Jules to think of me as the girl in here. He doesn't know this one. The one I am now,' Ace explained in the tiniest of whispers. 'I've been very careful about him not spending too much time with this one. That's why I want Jules to have the album. When you give it to him, tell Jules I said it's a little book of memories. So that – that he doesn't miss "us" too much. Okay?'
I nodded.
'Soon I'll have my act together and my hair will have grown back and Jules will never have known any of this.'
I sighed. I'd been holding my breath. Holding it so that Ace could get those words out and I could hear them. 'You can count on me.'
Kia and Micki weren't coming to meet Jules. Their excuse was they were 'too embaaaarrassed', which was totally pathetic. But I was happier going on my own 'cause I was the only one who knew how important this was to Ace. The other two'd probably blow it.
The first time I saw Jules was back in January at the sushi train restaurant. That was the night Ace fell in lurve with him. But I'd actually only met him once, on the last day of camp.
Ace had arranged for me to meet him today at the huge rock down the southern end of Coolina beach. Apparently this was their special place.
I was feeling like the worst possible substitute for Ace, because I was. I was like some bad impostor who didn't even vaguely resemble the person they were trying to be.
Slim – stocky; tanned – pale; cascading blonde hair – short, puffy strawberry-blonde hair; long legs – tree trunks; stunning – can be pretty with enormous effort. I'll end the list there and just say that standing around waiting for Jules was – awkward.
Oh my God, it became more awkward as a pair of the most amazing crystal blue eyes came towards me. They were attached to a face, Jules's face, but they were so incredible it was as if they had a life of their own.
Stupid, stupid me! I had managed to forget how good looking Jules was and now it was too late to leave Ace's photo album by the rock and run.
I tucked my hair behind my ears, took a deep breath and waved back to him.
'Hi, Georgie.' Another thing about Jules that Ace totally fell for was that he had a Canadian accent. Personally, I didn't think Jules needed to open his mouth for a girl to fall for him. 'Thanks for meeting me.'
''S'kay.'
Jules began to climb up the rock. Was I meant to follow? Ace's instructions didn't include climbing up too.
'You want a hand?' he called down to me.
''S'kay,' I said, shoving the photo album under my arm and hoping beyond hope that I didn't drop it into the surf below.
At the very top, Jules was stretching and taking deep breaths. 'I love it up here,' he told me. 'I tell my mates back home that I can stand on a rock and see another state of Australia.'
'Yeah,' I agreed. 'It's a shame it's the ugly high-rises on the Gold Coast though.'
'I don't tell them that,' he laughed. 'They think I can see kangaroos and koalas from up here.'
'You probably could have, once,' I said, looking for a bit of flat rock that was big enough to hold my bum. 'They would've been out there for sure.'
'Hey, that's what I think about every time I'm up here. What it would've been like once.'
'I hate that big cloud of pollution hanging over the buildings. It's like, yuck.'
'Please don't think I'm rude, Georgie, but I hate the Gold Coast full stop. Ace loves it with all the cafes and nightclubs but the main beach? No way. This beach is what I call beautiful.'
'Yeah, it is,' I agreed. 'It's a great break too. That's probably why they made the national surf headquarters here. Up the north end, where we are, there's a perfect left that just goes forever.'
'You know, I haven't even had a surf here.'
'Noooo!' I went to punch Jules but luckily remembered where I was and who I was talking to. 'You're kidding. You haven't had a surf? You've been here six months.'
'Ace kept promising to take me after your camp ended but we just kind of never got around to it and now it's winter.'
'So?'
'I don't have a wetsuit. I came here to play baseball, Georgie.'
'But you can't go back to Canada without having a surf! You'll be arrested on arrival.'
'I agree!'
'You can use my wetsuit. It'll fit you.' Oh my God, please tell me I didn't just say that. But I had because Jules was smiling and going, 'Really?'
'Yeah.' Please don't do your tomato face, my head was screaming. 'It'll be a bit short on your legs.'
'I can live with that.'
'Okay.'
'So what's that big book you've brought up here? Is that what I've been summoned for?' he asked. 'I'm impressed that you can rock climb with one hand. I pretty much have to carry Ace up here.'
'Lucky for you, you didn't have to carry me up,' I joked.
'Hah!' Jules grinned at me. 'I bet I could.'
My tomato face threatened to appear again.
I handed the album to Jules. 'Ace said to say, "It's a book of memories for you." Something corny like that. You know how she's been really busy lately. She doesn't want you to forget her. Like, you know how forgettable she is! She's mad, that girl!'
Jules was flipping through the pages, scanning each one a little faster than the page before. He was looking for something. You could tell.
'It's good, isn't it?' I said. I was waiting for the big smile and 'Wow' so I could report it back to Ace. 'She's so pretty, isn't she?'
'They're all modelling shots?'
Jules was already back at the beginning, this time turning each page very slowly.
'Sorry, I thought . . .' He shrugged. 'It doesn't matter.'
'Oh?'
Jules closed it up.
Silence.
Never before had I had such an overwhelming urge to climb down a rock at record speed. Even jump, if that was the quickest way to safety. The longer I stayed up here with Jules the more fiddling with the truth I'd have to do. 'Yeah, Ace, he loved the album. You should've seen his face when he opened the first page. He almost looked like he was about to cry. He said it's the best thing anyone's ever given him.'
I stood up and stretched. That way I didn't have to look at Jules's gloomy face staring out to sea. 'I better get going.'
'Okay.'
No offer of a hand this time.
'Well, see you, Jules.'
I scaled down that rock like I was an abseiler in the Olympics. Was it good to feel land under my feet! My legs wanted to burst into a run so I could get the hell away from there but my brain told them that'd look too obvious. Instead, I started a casual stroll.
'Geeeeoooorgie!'
Jules was standing at the top waving his arms. 'You promised you'd take me for a surf.'
No, I didn't. I said you could wear my wetsuit. 'Okay,' I called back.
'I know where to find you!'
I waved as my casual stroll picked up its pace.
There were six missed calls, two messages and three texts from Ace. Bu
t then I hadn't been up to the bungalow for the last two and a half hours and that's where my phone had been waiting.
I'd been avoiding it, hanging down at the surf shed with Jake, waxing my boards and chatting.
Last night, when Carla asked if we had any questions, my mind went blank. Now I had about a hundred to ask. Mostly they were about when the other girls arrived 'cause my head was in operation mode – that being Operation Get Megan Out of Our Bungalow Quick!
It didn't look like happening anytime soon. I should've read the training camp booklet. It'd been next to my bed for the last three months.
This week was just us four, or as Jake now referred to us, 'group one'.
'Just us four!' I screamed in his face before calming down and adding, 'I thought there'd be eight girls here?'
But because three of the other four girls were from Victoria, they'd had their first week here last month as it fitted in better with their school holidays.
Jake had explained it like it was the best idea ever. 'It made sense to put the other girl from Sydney with group two because you girls in group one all knew each other.'
Each time Jake said 'group one', I'd feel myself flinch. I was so used to him calling us the Starfish Sisters.
'Then next week' – Jake put on his super-serious face and voice – 'group two will join us. There's some big talent in that group, Georgie, and that week's the last chance for you to show us your stuff. After that, the Australian Junior Female Surfing Team is announced and that's final. Not negotiable.'
'Kia and I know Steph and Jussie.' But it was too late to tell Jake about the two girls from Bells Beach, Victoria, who Kia and I said g'day to at surf contests. We were stuck with Megan for this week and the next. We three and her, like one happy family, otherwise known as group one.
Jake read my mind. 'Georgie, you have to move on,' he said. 'The Starfish Sisters were fantastic. That camp in January was one of the best ever – and I've been at most of them too. But it's over. You're minus one starfish and that means –'
'Ace is a reserve.' I couldn't stop myself from saying it.
Jake looked at me as if to say, 'Who are you kidding?' But he didn't know what it was like. Everything here – the board shed, chatting with Jake, lying on our beds last night laughing over nothing, Brian's bad cooking, everything – reminded me of us, the Starfish Sisters, and that hurt probably even more than I'd expected it to.