by Maya Banks
She leaned weakly against him, taking deep, steadying breaths. This sucked. Plain and simple. How mortifying to be puking all over a guy she wanted to notice her. Yeah he’d noticed all right.
“Better?”
She nodded and walked shakily over to the sink to wash her mouth out.
“I’ll be in the kitchen. You want something to drink? Some hot tea maybe?”
She shook her head. “Nothing. I don’t think I could stomach it.”
He squeezed her shoulder and walked out.
She splashed cold water on her face and rinsed her mouth once more. Picking up the book Simon had bought for her, she walked back out of the bedroom and settled onto the couch beside A.J.
“You look like hell,” he said sympathetically.
“Gee thanks.” She punched him in the arm.
“I’ll see you guys later,” Matt called from the door. “I’m headed over to Stephanie’s.”
Toni waved. “Tell her I said hello.”
Simon finished cleaning the kitchen then headed to the bathroom for a shower. Toni leaned back and opened the pregnancy book, but her eyes followed Simon’s progress across the room.
A.J. put down the magazine he had been reading when Simon disappeared into his room. Feeling his gaze, she peered over at him. He was watching her intently. “Something wrong?” she asked.
“No, not at all. I was just wondering how long you’ve had a thing for Simon and why I’ve never seen it before now.”
Chapter Four
Her heart nearly stopped. “W-what?” She quickly recovered and managed a look of scorn. “You’ve spent too much time in the sun, A.J.”
He smiled knowingly. “Deny it all you want, but I’ve seen the way you look at him. And hey, if it’s any consolation, I think you guys would be great together. He’d be a fool not to realize that.”
“Your bias is appreciated, but c’mon, A.J., I’m not Simon’s type.”
“But maybe you should be.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re forgetting one important aspect. I’m pregnant. I don’t know of too many guys who want to date a girl who’s pregnant.”
His eyes softened. “Don’t sell yourself short, Toni. Sure, there are guys who’d run screaming in the other direction, but there are a lot who’d care for you and your baby.”
“You’re sweet, A.J.,” she said with a smile.
He gave her a troubled look. “What about the father? Does he know? Does he care?”
Her smile froze, and she looked down at her lap, avoiding his probing stare. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Did he hurt you, Toni?” His voice became steely, a thread of anger infusing his words.
“It’s complicated,” she mumbled. “Quit flexing your muscles, A.J. He doesn’t know, and I plan to keep it that way.”
His voice moved closer as he scooted across the sofa to sit next to her. “I’m so not understanding this. I know you well enough to know it isn’t like you to just hop into bed with a guy. You must have cared about him. Problem is, I can’t imagine who it could be. And if he didn’t hurt you, why wouldn’t you tell him? He deserves to know, don’t you think?”
“It’s none of your business,” she said fiercely. She shot up off the couch and made a grab for her keys on the bar. She had to get out. She knew she was acting childishly, irrationally, but A.J.’s arguments were sound, and she knew he would drag it out of her if she stuck around.
“Toni, wait!”
She didn’t stop to listen. She didn’t have the answers to his questions. Couldn’t afford to let him continue probing.
Simon toweled his hair and walked into the living room, his hands holding the towel around his neck. “What the hell is going on? Was that Toni leaving?”
“Yeah,” A.J. said looking extremely guilty. Much like when he’d just eaten his or Matt’s food at the station.
“What did you say to her?” he demanded. “If you’ve upset her, I’ll kick your ass.”
“I asked her about the father.”
Simon swore under his breath. It wasn’t anything he didn’t want the answer to himself, but now wasn’t the time to press her, and A.J. should have known it. “Will you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut?”
To A.J.’s credit, he looked contrite.
“Did you make her cry again?”
“Uh, no, I think she was more pissed.”
“Damn it, A.J. This was supposed to be a day for her to rest and relax. Use your head for once.”
He looked miserable. “Ah hell, I didn’t mean to upset her.”
Simon walked through the kitchen and looked out the front door. Her Jeep was gone. A.J. was well meaning, but could be a complete knuckle head sometime. Simon had an idea where she may have gone. If he knew her, she’d gone to the park. Her thinking spot since she was in junior high.
He headed back to his room and pulled on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. He walked back by A.J. “I’ll be back later.”
As he continued on, a slow smile spread across A.J.’s face. He wasn’t even going to ask what prompted that shit eating grin.
Toni sat on the playground swing watching the children play while their mothers watched. She would be one of those soon. Mother. The thought scared her to death. She wasn’t ready to be responsible for another human being.
She loved children. Had always wanted at least four. But she’d also imagined she’d be married to the perfect guy. Live in the perfect house. They’d sit on the couch in the evening, and he’d hold her and feel the baby kick. They’d share their hopes and dreams of the future. But most of all they’d love each other, and they’d be happy.
A single tear trailed down her cheek, and she quickly bent her face into her shoulder to wipe it away. Her feet trailed aimlessly in the dust underneath the swing. How had she gotten herself into such an irrevocable mess?
She who had never done an irresponsible thing in her life. Quiet, shy Toni would never dream of seducing the guy she had a crush on for
years. And especially not one who hadn’t the capacity to realize what he was doing. He would die if he knew.
She
would die if he knew.
But on that night, she hadn’t been able to hold back her feelings another moment. Angry at the woman who dared to hurt Simon, she had opened her arms to him determined to make him forget the pain. Determined to show him how she felt.
And God, it had been beautiful. It hadn’t mattered that it was her first time. She knew instinctively that she would never experience anything like it again. It was what she’d waited for. He had worshipped her body just as she worshipped his. They’d spent the night loving until he’d fallen into a deep sleep.
She’d worked out the entire scene in her head. When he woke up, he would pull her into his arms and tell her how glad he was they’d found each other. They’d make love again.
Only when she had snuggled into his arms, he’d called her Starla.
She’d fled from his bed, her heart shattered into a million pieces. The hardest thing she’d ever had to do was to go on like it never happened. Accept his thanks the next morning for being such a good friend. Realizing he had no clue what they’d done. Then continue on, aching for him, wanting so badly for him to love her as much as she loved him.