“We should go outside. It’s unbearably hot in here.” Hazel sighs, fanning her face with her hands.
Genevieve lets out a long breath. “I was hoping someone would suggest that. We can take a blanket out for Alice to lay on. I’m sure even she’s finding the heat overwhelming.”
I cross to where Alice is fast asleep and I carefully pick her up, smiling at Hazel who takes a blanket out from under her.
Outside, we find a shady and breezy spot under a group of large oak trees. Hazel lays the blanket on the grass and I set Alice on it. She’s awake now and her perfect, sparkling blue eyes are looking up at me. I smile down at her and take her tiny hand in mine.
Darlene leans back against the tree and sighs. “It’s just like old times, isn’t it?”
Lydia sits down beside Darlene and rips out a handful of grass, then tears the pieces apart in small strands. She must notice me watching her, as she looks up, casting a smile in my direction. “Don’t ask.”
Laughing, I lay down, feeling my neck being tickled by the grass. Rolling my head to the side, I look up at the lovely blue sky with the puffy white clouds moving across it. There is a group of birds flying over us so I watch them land in a nearby tree.
I sigh, happily moving both my hands behind my neck. “It’s a lovely day out. I wish every day could be like this.”
“Me too.” Hazel smiles, resting her head on Darlene’s shoulder.
Genevieve is once again reading a book, while I’m pretty sure Darlene has fallen asleep. Of course she has. I can only imagine how much harder she’s been working with Alice now a part of her family.
I decide to shut my eyes for a little while too, the sense of peace overtaking me. With my sisters beside me, I know I’d feel safe anywhere. And soon, I feel myself drifting off.
Chapter 5
Slowly, I make my way toward the area where August and Robert are working. I’ve got two large glasses of water in my hands, which I know will be empty soon. They’ve made pretty good progress. The rubble is almost completely out of the way and there is room on the grass for the new barn.
* * *
I see August by a pile of wood as he drops a large piece into the pile. He looks up at me, a grin spreading across his face.
* * *
I quicken my pace, handing him the glass. He raises it to his mouth, drinking all of its contents immediately. “You don’t know how much I needed that. Thank you.”
* * *
I smile. “It’s no problem, believe me. Anyway, where’s Robert?”
* * *
August points to a second pile. “He’s behind that pile taking nails out of some wood.” Raising his voice, he turns to where Robert is. “Robert? Adeline’s kindly brought us some water.”
* * *
Robert appears from behind the pile with a huge smile on his face.
“I’m glad you brought it when you did—I don’t know how much longer I would’ve lasted.” Robert laughs taking the water, his face red from the heat.
* * *
Laughing, I take his now empty glass. “I better go back to the house and help get supper ready. One of us will come get you when it’s ready.”
* * *
“Alright. Thank you, Adeline.” August smiles, wiping his arm across his forehead.
* * *
I turn and begin walking in the direction of the house. As I walk, a wave of gratitude washes over me. Robert could be doing stuff around his house, but instead he’s helping build a barn he’ll probably never use. August is spending his time here doing this, and the person he’s meant to be helping isn’t even here.
* * *
Pa was the one who started this whole project, yet he’s not even helping. He’s probably playing cards at Mr. Wilsons, not even considering the idea of coming home to his family. At least we can count on Robert and August to take on this project.
* * *
I open the house door and find my sisters sat at the table.
* * *
"How were they?" Darlene angles herself in her chair to face me.
* * *
"Just fine. They've nearly finished cleaning up all the rubble. I'm thinking that next time they work on it, they'll be able to actually start building. I never realized how much of a mess there was under the top part of the rubble though.”
* * *
Darlene stands, wiping her hands on her white apron. "Lovely, shall we start supper? I was thinking we could do potatoes and cook a chicken. And maybe some corn."
* * *
"Sounds good to me." Genevieve crosses to the pantry without hesitation.
* * *
My sisters and I silently move to where we plan on working. Hazel and Darlene work on preparing the chicken, Genevieve and Lydia husk the corn, while I wash and peel the potatoes. I slide the knife through the skin until the potato is bare. One down. Only about another thirty to go.
* * *
From the floor by the fire, I hear a loud shriek from Alice as she begins crying. A noise I realize I've never actually heard her make before.
* * *
Darlene sighs and wipes her wet hands on her apron. "I'll be right back. You keep doing that. Okay?"
* * *
Hazel nods and looks back at the chicken.
* * *
I watch from the corner of my eye as Darlene lifts Alice into her arms and rocks her slowly. I can see her whispering to Alice and smiling. She gently strokes her hair and kisses her forehead. I smile, knowing that Alice is blessed to be the daughter of Darlene. The love she will receive is truly beautiful, and I know Robert will treat her just the same. Smiling, I notice something familiar with Darlene, and I soon realize what it is. She has a large part of ma in her. She is just like her, and I almost envy her.
* * *
Soon Alice is quiet again and Darlene sets her back down on the mass of blankets.
* * *
"Asleep?" I ask.
* * *
"Yes, I think she just got spooked by something. She's seeing and hearing a lot of new things today."
* * *
We go back to our jobs and I soon have all of the potatoes in a pot ready to be cooked, along with the corn and chicken. We light the fire in the stove and put the pots in.
* * *
I take my spot in my rocking chair, letting out a breath as I lean back.
* * *
Lydia sits on the floor opposite me taking out her knitting. "Darlene? Is it okay if I make Alice a blanket?"
* * *
Darlene smiles. "Of course you can. Why wouldn't it be?"
* * *
"I don't know. Maybe you already have lots of blankets for her."
* * *
"Yes, but I've learned that too many of something for her isn't a problem because she seems to throw up on everything." Darlene laughs lightly.
* * *
She turns to face me. "So, how's it going, Adeline?”
* * *
For the first time today, I really look at my sister. Her eyes are missing that lively sparkle and I notice small bags under them. She's tired. No doubt she would be. She's got a baby who she's now responsible for keeping alive, and I'm sure Alice doesn't let Darlene sleep much at night. I didn't notice if Robert seemed tired, but I'm sure he is too. I decide to myself that Darlene is going through enough right now and doesn't need to be worrying about pa and I.
* * *
I smile a fake smile. "Getting better, I guess. A little strained, but we seem to be getting along well enough.” I know that's all but true. Every time I think of him, I feel anger burn in my heart and I don't quite understand why I'm feeling this way. But, Darlene doesn't deserve to be burdened by my problems. No one does.
* * *
She smiles, nodding. "That's good. You'll get there, Adi."
* * *
My eyes move to my feet and I don't look up until I'm certain she's not watching me anymore.
* * *
Why is it th
at those you love always believe in you and support you, even when you don't believe in yourself? How can my family possibly see good in me, when they don't understand? Shouldn't they be angry with me over the way I can’t seem to forgive as quickly as them?
* * *
I sigh, looking up, clearing all of the troubling thoughts from my head. Right now, I'm with the people I love the most and I'm not going to waste this time worrying over things I can’t change at the moment.
Chapter 6
I sit up, stretching my arms into the air while letting out a large yawn. To my left, Genevieve is sleeping soundly, her breathing slow and quiet. Both Hazel and Lydia are still sleeping in the bed next to me. The sun is shining through the windows as I slowly lift the blanket off me, making sure Genevieve remains covered.
The floor is cool on my bare feet as I make my way to where my dress is laying neatly folded on the armrest of a chair. After sliding it on, I brush out my hair and attempt to put it in a braid. Soon though, I have to give up. My hair has a mind of its own and there’s no use trying to control it.
In the cupboard, I take out an old slate we used to use for school when we were living in Kansas. We use it now to leave messages for each other. I take the chalk from the holder and quickly write a message for my sisters.
I've gone outside for a bit. Don't bother making me breakfast. I'll be back soon. -Adi
Satisfied, I leave the slate on the table in clear view for my sisters when they wake up. I head to the door and open it, instantly feeling the warm morning air wash over me.
Pa had come home late last night after Darlene and Robert had left. He went out again early this morning before I was even awake, and I don't have any idea where he went too. I assume he’s either at the Wilson’s or doing something around the yard.
Not caring, I step onto the ground, feeling the grass make its way between my bare toes. I don't feel like wearing shoes today.
I make my way past the chicken coop and into the familiar meadow behind it. I lay down in the packed part of the grass where I always lay. The flowers bloom around me in many beautiful colors, from reds to yellow to pink. I watch as a large bee flies past me.
This is the most peaceful place I know. I can hear the frogs croaking from the creek a little further away, and the birds chirping in the nearby trees. This is the place I always go to clear my head.
I hear the grass rustle in the distance so I sit up looking in the direction of the noise. I can see August slowly making his way toward me.
Somehow, I find myself smiling. "Are you following me?"
"Well." August puts his hands in his pockets looking down at me. "I guess you could say that."
"You know, I’ve barely seen you in the past few months and now I see you nearly every day.”
August laughs. "Well, I'm kind of working here so..."
"So you decide to follow me into the meadow?"
"Well yes but, there is a reason."
I sigh. "And what's that?"
August moves to sit down beside me. "Darlene was telling me the other day when we went for lunch at her place that you're having troubles with your Pa. Is this true?"
I can feel myself holding my breath. Why should I tell him? And what was Darlene doing telling people about my problems? I sigh, running my hand across the grass. "I guess you could say it's true."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I let out a small laugh. "Why would I confide in a man who could never possibly understand?"
"Well, I'm pretty sure I understand completely." He pauses looking at me. "I know it isn't easy. Forgiving, I mean."
"And how do you know that?"
August picks a white daisy from the ground. "Because, I'm in the process of forgiving too."
I look up at him. His green eyes are now dull and don't have the normal sparkle in them. "What? Who are you forgiving?"
He sighs. "Myself."
"Oh, I didn't know that was a thing."
"Well, it is. You know how my ma and sister Gracie both drowned in the river near my house?"
I nod, looking up at him.
He runs his hand through his hair. "I feel this weight over me. Like I’m the reason my ma and sister are now gone. If I had noticed Gracie fall in sooner, maybe I could've saved her before my ma jumped in too. Or maybe if my swimming skills had been better, I could've gotten both of them out alive."
"August." I let out a breath. "You can't possibly blame yourself for what happened. Your ma and sister wouldn't want you to feel this way."
"Adeline, put yourself in my shoes. Would you blame it on yourself?"
I sigh, thinking of what would happen if one of my sisters were to drown. "Probably."
It's quiet for a minute until August stands up, motioning for me to follow. "Okay, your turn to talk."
"Well, I'm just having trouble forgiving him, that's all." I can hear myself holding back the whole truth. I don't want him knowing how messed up my feelings are right now.
He sits down on a large boulder. "That's not all and you know it."
I sit down on the boulder next to him and let out a long breath. "Okay, fine. Every time I will myself to apologize, hatred clouds my vision. All I can see is the man who left us on our own after ma died. The man who seemed emotionless when Darlene lay bleeding on the floor—I'll never forget the sight of him standing there, doing nothing. I see this man who hurt my sisters. They all saw the good in him, and every time he turned them down or left them to figure it out, it broke them and it pained me to see it." I feel a tear escape and run down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away.
"Don't apologize."
I spin my head to look at him. "What? That's the worst advice ever."
He shakes his head. "What are you apologizing for?"
"Well, I'm... I'm not too sure. It's just the way I've acted toward him these past few months, and if I apologize it will fix things."
"No, I see why you're mad at him. I would be the same way. Maybe he should be the one apologizing?"
I sigh. "August, you don't understand. He's already tried apologizing many times, but because I can be a bit stubborn, I ignored it."
"Adeline, you can only forgive, not forget. The memory of him acting that way will haunt you forever, but it just takes time... You’ll never fully forgive him; neither will Darlene or any of your sisters. They still remember what he did but have decided to silently push it past them. Because they were ready to forgive. I feel like you're pressuring yourself too much to forgive him, when you're not quite ready to.”
And like that, for the first time in a long while, someone said something that actually made sense.
Chapter 7
August and I are making our way back to house. What he told me has got myself thinking hard about this whole situation.
"I've got some advice. What I've done is to distance myself from the place where the problem is. That's why I've really got into construction and have started helping that town grow. This way, I'm only at the site of where my problem is at night." August says, pulling one hand through his hair.
I sigh. "Well I can't exactly up and leave my house where the problem is living, now can I?”
"That's not what I meant. Okay, listen. In Riverbend, we're building a schoolhouse and I know the people have been looking for a teacher. This is only a suggestion, but perhaps getting away during the day and teaching could be a possible idea?"
I hold my breath. Maybe that would be a good idea. Getting away from pa during the day so I can give myself a break. If I'm not around as much, that leaves less opportunity for him to make me angry, and eventually maybe I can silently forgive him. I let out my breath, realizing there is a problem with this plan. "I don't know if I'm even qualified to be a teacher though.”
"The townsfolk know they aren't going to get a trained teacher, but they're hoping for someone able to teach their children basic reading and writing. It pays a small bit which could be good."
I stop to lean on a tree and
August moves to stand across from me. "All right August, I like that idea. I went to school before when we were in Kansas, and then ma continued teaching us from home until she died. Then, I finished my schooling on my own, reading any books I could get my hands on. Do you think my sisters could come too?”
"I'm sure they'd be more than welcome. I go to Riverbend every day for work now anyway as they've now got me working on a new project. I could pick you and your sisters up each day and then bring you home after."
I feel a smile spread across my face. "August, you can't even begin to imagine how much this means to me.”
We continue walking in the direction of the house but he grabs my arm, stopping me in my tracks. I turn around raising my eyebrows as I look up at him.
"You'll probably need to come meet the people. I'm positive that they'll be so happy having someone to teach their children, but they still need to hold a meeting and decide as a town. I'm going in tomorrow if you and your sisters want to come."
The Barn Page 3