August has a worried look in his eyes, but he turns his attention back to the horses.
"She told me her little sister has come down with something, and she was worried her sister would die like her mama did. It made me want to cry. At such a young age, to be having these kind of thoughts and struggles."
August clears his throat and smiles faintly. "Yes, I believe Mae can relate to you in a way and perhaps that's why she came to you."
"Yes, I hope that if any of the children have something bothering them, that I can be someone for them to talk to. Not that I'd be much good at giving advice."
August laughs. "I'm sure your advice wouldn't be that bad."
I raise my eyebrows, giggling. "Clearly you've never taken my advice."
We sit quietly and I look around the area. There is a flock of birds flying above us in the blue, sunny sky and I see a squirrel running up a tree. I take this time to realize how happy I've been these past two days. Hopefully, I'll be able to remain this way. With so many bright, open-minded children, a friend who is supportive and my sisters who I'd do anything for. How could I be anything but happy?
Chapter 19
I'm sitting with my sisters around the unlit fire, each of us working on our own things, me working on my knitting.
The door creaks open, allowing the cool, summer night's air to hit the back of my neck. I turn my head to see pa come through the doorway, shutting it tight behind him with a bang.
Hazel runs over and gives him a hug. "How much did you, August and Robert get done on the barn?"
He smiles down at her. "We got quite a bit done tonight. I'm hoping it'll be done soon."
Pa sits down in his chair, exhaling loudly. "Whatever you girls made for supper was delicious. I forgot to tell you before we went back out to work."
We remain quiet—the only sound heard is the clicking of the knitting needles as Lydia and I continue working.
I reach over and put my wool back in my basket, sliding it underneath my chair. "I'm going to bed and I advise you three to do the same soon."
I stand up and make my way over to the ladder up to the loft. I slowly climb the rungs one after the other. Now in the loft, I light the candle in between the two beds and flop down onto my bed.
I hadn't noticed how exhausted I was from these past few days and I close my eyes, letting out a long breath. My hair is stuck to the back of my neck and I sigh, realizing I shouldn't have lain down. Now I don't have any energy to get back up.
I decide there is no use fighting sleep, so I roll onto my side of the bed not even bothering to get under the blankets. There was just something about knitting that made my eyes unable to remain open. I smile with my eyes closed as I think back to today. I think of how excited Eve had been to learn more letters, and how a young boy with curly, brown hair named Jonathan had laughed hysterically at recess as he was chasing after another boy. And with those happy memories and flashbacks of today, I feel myself drifting off in to a deep slumber.
I place the last dish from our breakfast in to the cupboard, wiping my hands on my apron as I smile with satisfaction.
Today is Saturday, so there is no school. I’d gone to Riverbend the rest of the days this week, teaching the wonderful children of the town. I had even finished teaching the young ones the alphabet.
The students were excited for the day off, and before Mae left on Friday she told me her baby sister was getting better. My students had demonstrated so much understanding in the lessons I’d taught this week, and I saw progress in them all. I’ve even learned all of their names.
I make my way to where the broom is leaning on the wall. Humming softly to myself I sweep under the table where dirt has gathered. Lydia and Genevieve have gone down to the creek to wash the laundry and Hazel has gone to see how Pa, August and Robert are getting along on the barn.
Now, with just me in the house by myself, there is an unbearable silence. I sigh, leaning the broom back up against the wall. There is nothing else left to do, and me being bored while cooped up in the house, is a recipe for disaster.
I take a step outside, shutting the door behind me and make my way down to the barn-building site. Hazel is already sitting in the grass watching, so I move to sit next to her. From my spot on the ground, I can see August on a ladder hammering the greyish wood onto the side of the half completed barn. After a weeks worth of work, they’ve made great progress. While August was in Riverbend each day, Robert and Pa had still been working on it.
I watch as Robert hands another piece of wood up to August. But where was pa? I sigh, looking over to Hazel. "Where's pa?"
"He went to the cow pasture. He said he had a buyer interested in buying one of our cows."
I shift uncomfortably. Shouldn't pa have told us? Ran this decision past us too? I stand, wiping the grass off the back of my dress. "I'll be back."
I walk slowly at first in the direction of the pasture, but after getting far enough away from where people may see me, I run. I need to make sure he's not messing up and doing something foolish. It's only then that I see the desperation in myself—the paranoia. What has become of me?
Despite this disturbing thought, I keep on running, my heart thudding against my chest, and my breath short and shaky. Soon I can see the field and a wagon. This wagon isn’t familiar to me so I know it's the buyers.
I run up to the fence and put both of my hands onto a thick wooden pole, hoisting myself up and over, landing with one swift, graceful movement.
I see pa leaning against the wagon, laughing with the man next to him. I see the cow tied up to the back of the man’s wagon, and I recognize it instantly.
The cow Darlene and I had named when it was born four years ago, calling it Pumpkin. I remember the day clearly. Ma had been there and we were all so excited. My sisters and I had run around the pasture all afternoon. It had been a day when many cows were calving.
"Pa, what are you doing?" I try restraining the anger in my voice.
He looks up at me startled. "Oh Adeline. This man would like to buy a cow from us."
"And you didn't think to run this past us?" I say through gritted teeth.
He scowls and whispers something to the man, getting a nod in return. I watch as the buyer walks behind his wagon and pats the cow on the head. Our cow.
Pa walks over to me and reaches for my arm, but I pull away. "Don't." I can feel my face reddening.
"Adeline. Why are you mad now?" Pa's eyes are wide, his face hard.
I point to Pumpkin tied to the man's wagon. "You decided to sell Pumpkin. She is one of my favorite cows. You can't just sell her, and you didn't even ask me."
"Adeline, Pumpkin broke her foot beyond repair in a gopher hole. She's useless. We might as well get some money from her. I know it’s the cow you and Darlene named, but we need the money right now.”
I look up at him glaring, my hands in fists at my side. "She's not useless. I refuse to let you sell her."
This time, I can see the anger in pa and I instantly step back. His face has no sign of sympathy in it. "You're being absolutely unreasonable. This cow is not bringing any money to us. I understand she means something to you emotionally, but I don't want to be feeding a cow that is not helping to provide for my family. Pumpkin is now making a contribution, one that will sustain us for a while."
"You can't sell her Pa. You think you have all this authority to do whatever you want, and you never seem to think our opinions are important." I'm yelling now, tears running down my face.
"Excuse me, but last time I checked, these cows were mine. I can do whatever I feel best for family’s interests. Everything I do is for you girls, and I'm tired of you finding any excuse to argue with me. You're not even being reasonable." Pa pauses, looking down. "Now, I'm going to go back to making a deal with this nice man, and you will turn around and walk back to that house, no fuss being made. Do I make myself clear?"
I feel the tears burning at the back of my throat. "I hate you."
Before
turning away I see Pa jump at my words, his eyes going dull. He stares at me; disappointment clear in his face. But I don’t care. Right now I don’t care if I’m a disappointment. It’s always been clear that Darlene was his favorite and I am his least.
Once again, I find myself running, nowhere in particular. I hop the fence and run through the long, itchy grass, making my way in the direction of Darlene's. Now standing outside her house, I sigh and keep running farther away from her house and mine.
My lungs feel like they might explode but, I don't stop. My feet struggle to keep up and I stumble, falling onto the grass hitting my cheek on the hard ground. I yelp in pain and let the tears roll down my face, not caring that I was on the ground, who knows where after a silly fight with my pa. One I realize now was completely unnecessary.
I’m such a terrible person. Any chance for me to find a reason to stay angry with him, I rush into. What pa said was reasonable, and I argued for the sake of arguing. Maybe pa and everyone I’ve grown to love should just give up on me, before I do something to hurt them too.
Chapter 20
I'm sitting up now, playing with the grass in front of me. The tears have stopped but my cheek is still throbbing. It had taken all the impact of my fall.
What has become of me? Why am I like this? I just don't know why every time I'm around pa, I seem to argue with him and pick a fight, even if I know he's right.
I debate going home, but decide a day to myself wouldn't hurt, plus I need to give myself time to clear all evidence of me crying. I take a stick in my hand and drag it in the dirt behind me.
The sun is bright and doesn’t match my mood. I find a large boulder, and I lie down on it, gazing up into the sky. The clouds are white and puffy moving quickly across the blueness behind them.
I can hear frogs croaking in the distance, and I close my eyes, letting myself only hear and smell the things around me. I don't know how long I lie here. A minute? An hour?
I don't care though. It’s so peaceful here—so different from my home. I think of August working on the barn. My heart plummets as I realize he likely thought I was being silly, like my pa did.
Everyone would. Even Darlene. Even I do. I know I was wrong, stupid and selfish—just as I have been these past few months. What am I meant to do?
My stomach growls, causing my eyes to flutter open. Had I fallen asleep? The sun is just past noon in the sky. I'm hungry for lunch, and I know my family will want me home soon.
I stand and slowly make my way back in the direction of the house. I gently raise my hand to my cheek, wincing as I touch it. Sighing heavily, I keep on walking. I walk past Darlene's house, after looking over and wanting to run to her, but I make myself keep moving. I walk past the hammering of nails, not looking up once in fear that August or Robert will see me.
Soon, I'm at the front door of the house and I walk in the door to find my sisters washing up. They'd already eaten.
Genevieve looks up from drying a cup. "Oh, there you are. Hazel had said you'd be right back. We assumed you went to Darlene's and she fed you. If not though, we can make you something quick."
I shake my head sitting down in the rocking chair. "No, it's fine." I lie, my stomach still grumbling.
"Okay." Genevieve puts the cup in the cupboard. "So, how were they doing on the barn?"
I sigh, rubbing my forehead with the palm of my hand. "Good, I guess."
She doesn't reply but starts humming to herself. Lydia passes her another plate.
I look down at my feet, my eyes feeling heavy.
"Adeline? Are you all right?" Genevieve asks, taking a step towards me.
I jump up, glaring at her. "Yes,” I snap. "I'm sorry. I think I just spent too much time in the sun, and it's made me feel a little...uneasy, that's all. I might head down to the creek to try cool down if that's okay."
I cringe, seeing a hint of hurt in Genevieve's eyes. "Yes. Go."
I head out the door and go in the opposite direction of the creek. It truly is hot in the house, so at least out here I will get some fresh air. I head past the chicken coop into the meadow where I always go and lay in my packed down spot.
I close my eyes again, my cheek still throbbing with pain.
"Adeline?" I hear a voice from the direction of the chicken coop, and I sigh, rolling into the long grass beside me, hoping he won't see me. I can't see August right now. He's probably talked to pa and now thinks I'm stupid and is coming to tell me that.
I hear him walking toward the packed down area. I hold my breath, not daring to move.
"Adeline? I saw you come over here. Please come out." He puts his hands in his pockets. His eyes move to where I'm hiding in the long grass and I feel the blood rush to my head. He chuckles. "What are you doing in the grass?"
Dang it.
I sit up trying, to fake a laugh. He offers his hand, which I hesitantly take as he pulls me up on to my feet.
His eyebrows furrow and he moves his hand toward my face. I don't move, unsure what to do as he lightly touches the tender spot on my cheek. I wince pulling back.
"Adeline?" He steps toward me but I step farther away, shaking my head. "Come on Adeline. What happened?"
I let out a frustrated groan. "You seriously don't know? I thought my pa would come and tell you two instantly."
He shakes his head, opening his mouth but not saying anything.
"We got in a fight, is all.”
August steps toward me again, panic rising in his voice. "And he hit you?"
"No. Oh heavens no. I ran and sort of fell, hitting my face on the ground. I'm so clumsy." I laugh, looking down at my feet.
"What were you fighting about?" He smiles, sitting down in the grass.
I sigh, taking my place beside him. "You don't even want to know. It's just something stupid because of my selfishness, and I realize now I was the one being unreasonable."
"Please, tell me. I promise I won't judge." August gives me a reassuring smile, his kind, green eyes sparkling.
I groan. "Fine, but I just want to let you know, it was nice for me to finally have a friend to talk to. I’ll miss you."
I pause, and he chuckles. "So, Hazel told me pa was selling a cow to a buyer so I went up to the pasture. The cow he sold was one my sister and I had named Pumpkin. I remember the day so well. My sisters and I spent the whole day running around the pasture, while my ma and pa dealt with calving cows." I stop, looking at him to see if he's bored. "And well, I kind of started yelling at him, and being stupid and stubborn as always."
August laughs, which makes me smile a little. He keeps laughing and soon I find myself doing the same. Finally, I whack him lightly on the arm. "It's not that funny."
"No, it's just you. I've never met someone who takes all of the blame on themselves and is so unfair to themselves.”
I smile. "I know, but this time it truly was my fault for the argument. And I said something truly horrid to him. I told him I hated him, which is far from the truth."
We sit quietly for a while, until he shifts beside me. "So about that fall...”
I give him a glare, smiling. "Yah, I tripped on my dress and the good thing is, my cheek took all of the impact from the fall."
He laughs and stands up. "Come on. Let's get you back to the house. I've got a barn to finish."
I stand, but grab his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. "How did you see me? Were you coming up to the house?"
"No, I was up on the ladder and what else do I see but a mass of curly, blonde hair running to the meadows."
"Oh." I reply. I walk beside him and he hesitantly reaches for my hand, which I debate pulling away. Clearly, without knowing the reason, I let him take my hand in his and we walk in the direction of home.
At the bottom of the hill the house sits on, August stops. “I’ll walk to the barn from here. And Adeline? Try not beating yourself up so much. It’ll eventually wear you down.”
A flicker of hesitation appears in his eyes before he plants a quick kiss on my
forehead. "Get making supper." He laughs, pulling away and walking back to where pa and Robert are working.
I stand there, watching him walk away, unsure of what just happened.
Chapter 21
I have three glasses of water carefully balanced in my arms as Hazel opens the house door for me. It’s been a day since pa and I had our argument. Even when him and August came in for supper, we didn't say a word to each other.
* * *
This morning he left after only speaking to my sisters. Again, as we always do after little fights, we don't talk for a while, which I’m honestly fine with for now. I'm quite embarrassed, so him not bringing it up is helping a bit.
* * *
I stand on the grass in front of the almost completed barn. The grey coloured wood is finished on the side of the barn, and I see a pile of the red wood. I assume they'll use it for the roof.
* * *
This barn is slightly smaller than the old one, which makes sense considering much of the wood was too damaged to use again.
* * *
"I've brought water." I shout, hoping one of them will hear me. Although, I hope Pa doesn't come first. Thankfully Robert comes over, taking the glass of water in his hand chugging it down instantly.
"Thank you." He smiles, handing the empty glass back to me. August and pa come from around the corner, and I pass August a glass first and then pa, not making eye contact while doing so.
* * *
They both drink the water quickly and August returns the glass to me. He and Robert then walk away to continue working. I scowl, knowing I’m left alone with pa. Why isn't he giving me the glass so I can leave? This is extremely tense.
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