by Laurel Veil
“No.”
I stepped outside and waved for Jay and Amanda to follow me.
Once we were in the car, I told them what was said.
They listened intently to every word and then we rode in silence for the rest of the way.
“I’ll make us something to eat,” said Amanda before she went inside.
Jay held my hand as we walked out back to check on Bear.
As we watched Bear eating, I said, “I can’t believe you’re still here?”
“Why?” asked Jay.
“I acted pretty badly. I said some things I wish I—”
“We all say and do things we regret, Jess.”
“I just don’t understand how you can like me,” my voice caught, “after everything you saw.”
Jay held me so tightly, for a moment, that I couldn’t breathe. Then he took my face in his hands and said, “What I saw was someone who was mistreated, but in spite of it all, was willing to do anything to protect her child. You’re a good person, Jess, and a great mother.”
I cried in his chest until I ran out of tears.
That night, I drifted peacefully off to sleep. That’s why I was surprised to find myself standing once again in a dark hallway. It was long as ever, but it wasn’t icy and there wasn’t a black mist nipping at my heels. Instead of running, I walked to the end, but I was still filled with a sense of urgency.
I saw the familiar door once again and reached for the knob. It turned this time. I slowly opened the door and saw a white bassinet. A heavenly glow shimmered from within. I walked over to it and peered down at the most beautiful baby I had ever laid eyes on. It was Abigail. She was plump and very much alive. She looked at me. Her eyes twinkled with health. She returned my smile and cooed. My heart skipped. Did I dare touch her? I was afraid she would disappear.
She reached up to me and I instinctively took her in my arms. She was warm and soft. I cuddled her in my arms and sang to her. When I finished my song, I pressed my lips to her forehead. She laughed as I pulled away and then she began to fade.
Suddenly, I saw a toddler sitting on the floor. Blond curls covered her head. She was the age Abigail would have been now. She was Abigail.
“Hi, Abby.” I sat down and didn’t take my eyes off of her for a second. I was trying to memorize every detail about her.
I knew it was more than just a dream. And I knew Abigail and I would be together once again in heaven. I didn’t think God was mad at me anymore. He had never really been.
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