by Soto, S. M.
“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Robertson, bye Mr. and Mrs. Robertson,” I say with a laugh, following after Myrah. We fly up the stairs to the guest bedroom her cousin is using. The door is cracked, and there’s movement behind it. She doesn’t bother knocking, instead just pushes the door open pulling me inside.
And that’s when I see him.
My feet stop. My breathing stops.
And I swear, even my heart freezes mid-beat in my chest.
Everything just stops.
Liam wasn’t your average boy…oh no, there was nothing boyish about him. As my gaze travels up and down Myrah’s cousin, I know without a shadow of a doubt, he’s trouble—wrapped in one beautiful package.
His hand freezes above his suitcase when we barge in, and his eyes immediately fall on me—glued to mine. My stomach does something weird in that first moment, when his eyes meet mine. Something flutters inside of me, the force so strong I feel like I might puke from it. I place a trembling hand over my belly, willing the sensation to cease.
I’ve never had a boyfriend before, I’ve truthfully never even thought about it. I mean, why would I? I’m only thirteen. So why am I suddenly thinking about it now just from looking at him?
He has a head of dark shaggy hair, longer on the top than it is at the sides, and a pair of the brightest blue eyes. The color is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. It reminds me of those snow dogs, Husky’s I think they’re called. The ones with bright, and hypnotizing eyes. His clothes are nice—expensive looking. Even wearing a plain t-shirt and jeans, his clothes look better than both mine and Myrah’s.
Just staring at Liam, I can finally see the appeal of having a boyfriend. All the girls at school have already had their first kiss, including Myrah.
Everyone except for me.
All our friends used to think Myrah’s older brother was hot, but I never saw it. Evan was always just Evan, like an annoying older brother. But staring at Liam, I know something is happening inside of me that shouldn’t be happening.
“Liam, this is my best friend, and neighbor, Bea.” Myrah finally breaks our trance, gesturing to me. “And B, this is my cousin Liam, the one I’ve been telling you about.”
I swallow thickly, unable to take my eyes off him. His expression is unreadable. Like he’s at a loss for words. The way he’s staring at me makes my face flush with embarrassment. My heart gallops wildly, and I will my body temperature to cool, or somehow revert to normal so I’m not standing here looking like a tomato.
Finally, he says something, slicing through the silence. “Nice to meet you, Bea.” The sound of my name rolling off his tongue does strange things to my heart. “I really need to finish unpacking,” he says dismissively, gesturing to his bags, making my heart drop, the thrill from earlier no longer present. Myrah’s face falls as well, and she just nods her head.
Gripping my arm, she drags me out of the room, but not before I glance over my shoulder to get one last look. His eyes are still on me, but they’re narrowed now, as if he’s in deep thought. With one last tug, I’m pulled out of Liam’s room, unable to see him anymore.
“Sorry,” Myrah grumbles irritably. “He seems like he’s in a pissy mood right now, sometimes that happens. It’s probably the stress from the move. C’mon, let’s hang out at your house.” She grips my arm again, and we walk to my house. I find myself looking back at Myrah’s house a time or two wondering what he’s doing now.
After spending time at my place, Myrah and I didn’t go back to check on Liam, much to my displeasure. Instead, she stayed for dinner, and we watched movies all night. It almost helped me forget about him.
Almost.
After breakfast this morning, my mom told Myrah she’d have to go home because today was the day her husband and my new stepbrother were moving in. I argued with her, not seeing why she couldn’t stay, but she played the “because I said so” card on me. Needless to say, Myrah had to leave.
Mom and her new husband Richard got married at the courthouse about a month ago, nothing fancy. She met Richard on a cruise with one of her longtime college friends. She said it was love at first sight. I personally didn’t understand the notion. Since the “wedding”, I haven’t seen much of Richard, mainly because he lives all the way in New York, but now that his advertising firm is opening a new branch, he’s switching coasts. He’ll be here every day with us, along with his son, Connor.
I’ve never met his son before, only heard stories here, and there. He used to live with his mother until she was called overseas for a job, and now, I guess he’ll be staying with us. I’m not entirely sure what to think. It has always just been me and my mom, so now that two other people are being added into the equation it just feels…strange. I’ve tried talking to my mom, expressing my fears over this huge addition to the family, but every time I see her smiling or giggling over the phone like the girls do at school, I just don’t have the heart to say anything. This is her one chance to finally be happy, who am I to ruin it?
So now here I am, laying on my bed waiting for Mom to make me go out there and say hi. She made one of those gross looking casseroles for dinner. She knows I hate those. I think she expects us all to sit around the table and act like one big happy family.
Yeah, Mom, that’s not awkward at all.
Light knocking at my door jolts me into a sitting position. The sudden anxiety has my heart beating wildly in my chest. Mom pokes her inside with a cheesy grin on her face.
“They’re here. Come out and greet them, then we’ll all sit down for dinner.” I can hear the excitement in her voice, which only makes me feel like a horrible daughter for not being as happy as she is in this moment.
Is it so wrong that I just want my mother to myself?
How selfish does that make me? It’s all I’ve ever known and honestly, I’ve never once wanted to change the dynamic.
Mother-daughter dinners. Mother-daughter movie nights. Mother-daughter facials. Mother-daughter shopping sprees. All of it is going to change, and I have an inkling it won’t be for the best.
I nod my head at her, faking a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. She pops her head out of my room, leaving the door cracked. I throw myself back onto my bed, eyes trained on the white ceiling and heave a deep, tired sigh. I’ve been dreading this day for the last few months, and now I’m dreading this dinner even more. I hate awkward situations more than anything. And this dinner? I have an inkling it’s going to be the definition of awkward.
Here goes nothing.
Voices in the living room get louder the closer I walk down the hallway. My heart is beating frantically in my chest at the idea of meeting my new family. I’ve always gotten along with Richard well enough, but I can’t say the same for his son. I’ve also never had to share my space with anyone else but my mother. Aren’t older brothers supposed to make your life a living hell? I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for that.
“Bea, sweetie, there you are!” My mom’s voice bubbles in elation. She pats the seat on the couch beside her excitedly and I force back an eye roll as I nestle myself next to her. I take in her outfit of choice and silently shake my head. She’s dressed in the brand-new clothes that she spent a fortune on just for this dinner. Vintage lace pencil skirt with a cream ruffled blouse to match.
“Bea, sweetheart, I’d like you to meet Connor, Richard’s son.”
My eyes drift to the boy sitting next to his father on the couch. They look so much alike it’s almost frightening. With perfectly styled blond hair, brown eyes, and preppy clothes, he sits with his back ramrod straight like he’s practicing perfect posture. He looks like a jock, though, I’m sure he’s too refined for a simple sport like football or soccer, no, he was probably captain of a lacrosse team back in New York. Something that screams privileged.
His eyes trail up and down my body—assessing. I subtly scoot closer to my mom, uncomfortable with his probing stare. His brown eyes finally land back on mine, and every hair on my body stands at attention. His eyes are endless p
ools of…black, filled with nothing but darkness. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, but whatever it is, I don’t like it. His stare makes me uncomfortable, but I can’t name why. He’s not even spoken one word. Nevertheless, it’s like I can feel what he’s thinking, I can feel all the things he isn’t saying, and I don’t like it.
“And of course, you know Richard. I’m so excited everyone’s here. C’mon, let’s eat,” Mom says cheerily, her brown, layered hair swaying with her elated movements. Her brimming excitement is starting to irk me.
Why doesn’t she ever get this excited around me? Jesus, the brother-sister favorites competition has already started.
I try to look at anything but Connor for the rest of the night but it’s no use. I can feel his stare burning through the side of my skull. He doesn’t say much during dinner, just talks about his favorite sports—apparently, he was captain of the lacrosse team back in New York; ding, ding, no surprise there—starting as a Senior at the new high school here, and his friends back home. I tune out most of the conversation. Instead, I’m wishing I was upstairs with Myrah at her house, watching a movie instead of sitting here, eating meatloaf and a green bean casserole that tastes exactly like it sounds.
“So, Bea, are you excited about starting eighth grade next month?” Richard asks.
“Yeah, me and my best friend share every class, so it should be fun.”
He smiles, and we go back to eating in silence before someone brings up another filler conversation.
I’m more than thankful when dinner’s over. I hurry into my room and lie down on my bed. The knocking on my door prompts me to pick up my head and prop myself up on my elbows. My mom pops her head around the door with a scowl on her face.
“Myrah’s here again, you may go over for two hours at most, but I want you home by ten o’clock, Bea.” Before she even has her head out of the door, I’m off my bed, throwing shoes on within seconds.
“So, how’d it go?”
I shrug my shoulders at Myrah, not sure what to say.
“Is that a good shrug or a bad shrug? I’m having a hard time reading you.”
I roll my eyes. Myrah swears she can read auras and people’s energies. She always gives me crap for being obsessed with astrology and I always give her crap for her little…quirk. I guess we’re even.
“I don’t really know,” I voice quietly, shrugging again. “I think my mom believes it went well, so that’s good, I guess. It’s just so weird Myrah. And Connor, he’s just so…” I trail off, still not sure how I feel about him. She frowns and scoots closer.
“Spit it out. What is it?” she prompts, and I exhale a sigh.
“There’s nothing wrong with him per say, he just freaks me out. He stared at me the whole dinner Myrah. The whole entire dinner! It was so weird. I think I have permanent goosebumps.”
I jolt out my arm, shoving it in her face so she can see the light hairs on my arms standing at attention. She’s about to say something when her eyes drift behind my head, catching her attention.
“Oh hey, Liam. What’s up?”
I whirl my head around with my heart lodged in my throat at the sound of his name, and sure enough, he’s leaning against the doorframe of Myrah’s room staring straight at me. My face noticeably heats.
Why doesn’t his stare creep me out?
“Your mom wants you.” He finally looks away from me to Myrah and she growls in irritation.
“I’ll be right back,” she addresses me, and I nod. I expect Liam to leave when she does, but he doesn’t. He’s still casually leaned against the doorjamb staring at me.
“Hey, Bea.”
My breath freezes at the sound of his voice and I nearly faint from the rapid increase in my heart rate. All he said was two words, and I’m on the verge of fangirling.
“You know my n-name?” I stutter out in disbelief. The corners of his mouth turn up into a smile, and he chuckles. The sound is deep and enticing, causing unfamiliar sensations to take root in my tummy.
“Of course I do, sweet Bea. I have a good memory.”
My forehead crumples. “Sweet Bea?”
He shrugs like his nickname is no big deal. “You just seem…sweet.” His answer makes me smile, and a warm blush covers my neck and cheeks. I dart my gaze away from his bashfully.
C’mon, Bea. Keep it together. Keep. It. Together. I chant internally.
Inhaling deep, calming breaths, I slowly lift my eyes back up to his and pause when I see the smirk on his face.
He really is beautiful.
Long seconds tick by as we stare at each other in complete silence. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, it’s…different. It’s more. I can feel frissons of energy—aesthetic chills—rolling through my body as I stare into stormy blue eyes. It cackles in the very air around us, making me completely breathless.
Just as I’m about to say something, Myrah comes through the door with a frown on her face.
“Your mom keeps calling, Bea. I think you have to go home.” She frowns and so do I.
Damnit. I bet it’s not even ten o’clock yet.
“Keep me up to date on life with your new weirdo brother.” She jokes, and I scowl at her for making my situation a joke.
“Bye Myrah, see you tomorrow.” I turn my attention to Liam and swallow thickly.
“Goodnight, Liam.”
The corner of his mouth quirks. “Goodnight, sweet Bea.”
I walk inside of my house with a smile on my face. I don’t know what it is about Liam, but he makes me turn into a pile of mush.
Is this how all girls are supposed to feel around boys? Maybe I am normal after all. Who would’ve thought?
For a while, I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t interested in any boys at school. It seemed like every other girl at school was infatuated with one of the boys, but not me. All I cared about was my friends and learning more about the stars and the planets. I have a strange fascination with outer space and astrology. When I was younger, I had the inane hope that one day I’d become an astronaut or maybe even a scientist that discovers a planet we can inhabit instead of earth. I know it was a little far-fetched that it could ever happen, but in all honesty, I’m happiest when I’m learning something new about our universe and the surrounding planets. The way the positions of astronomical objects can be interpreted as having an influence on us humans and our natural world. I love getting lost in the stories and the myths behind the constellations and stars. It’s all so beautiful.
It started when I was kid. Mom and I were in Los Angeles on a mother-daughter road trip. We stopped for a quick bite to eat at a little café just outside of UCLA, and that was when I found the textbook that was left on one of tables outside. I should’ve had my mom bring it in to the owner of the café, hoping to find out who it belonged to, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was selfish, but I wanted to know what was in it.
Why was it so heavy, and so big?
The bright stars and the colorful planets on the cover intrigued me enough to hang onto the astrology textbook for dear life. That’s where it all started. I’ve read that entire textbook from cover to cover, sucking up any information that was readily available. Now the poor thing is nothing but frayed edges and a torn spine.
Walking through the front door, there’s no sign of anyone still up, so I head straight to my room, getting ready for bed. After flossing and brushing, I strip out of my clothes into my favorite pair of satin striped pajamas—Myrah and I have the same set we bought from the discount rack at Dillard’s. Just as I’m pulling my shirt over my head someone turns the doorknob on my door.
What the hell?
Connor pokes his head around the door and doesn’t even seem apologetic for not knocking. I stare at him with wide unbelieving eyes. Did he really just pop into my bedroom without knocking? What the heck?
I shift on my feet, unsure of what he wants. We’ve yet to have a conversation just between the two of us. We’ve never ev
en spent more than two seconds alone with each other.
I anxiously fiddle with the hem of my shirt—a nervous tick—when he lets himself into my room. Thankfully he doesn’t close the door.
“Just wanted to say goodnight. It was nice to finally meet you.”
I nod my head slowly, still unsure of him. Swallowing thickly, I manage to croak out a half-assed, “Goodnight.”.
He eyes me up and down again, and a shiver runs through my body. His brown eyes fall back on mine, and he smiles. There’s nothing wrong with his smile, not at first glance anyway, but he has one of those rare smiles that just doesn’t sit well with me. Goosebumps pebble over my skin.
“I think we’re going to have a lot of fun together, Bea.”
I force a thin smile and breathe a sigh of relief when he leaves my room. For the first time ever, I wish I had a lock on my door.
The next few days aren’t as bad as I predicted they’d be. I hurry out of my awkward house before breakfast, and instead, share meals with Myrah’s family. I also get to spend more time with Liam. He’s actually really funny, and despite his good looks, he’s not a jerk like most boys at school. They say all the cute boys are always the meanest ones, but that’s not the case with Liam, he’s different, and sweet. I find myself thinking about the boy next door way more than I should.
I’m currently sitting in Liam’s room, waiting for Myrah to finish her shower after she did her chores. I think that’s the only good thing about having a stepbrother, now we have to share the chores. It makes cleaning the house so much easier than it used to be when it was just me and Mom.
I hate to think about it, but I’ve already started to notice a change in our home and my relationship with my mom. We haven’t had much alone time together. Heck, the only time I see her is at breakfast and dinner. I don’t want to be jealous of Richard and his son, but how can I not? I knew having them live here would change things, but I didn’t realize the change would be this drastic.