by L. T. Varner
“Just offering, sexy,” he said quietly as his eyes trailed up and down my body.
I realized he wasn’t making me uncomfortable, oddly enough. I stood up and weakly pushed him out of my room after I assured him I could handle it. If he had stayed longer, I might have let him in the shower with me.
After a hot shower, I got dressed and brushed my teeth. I was starting to feel much better. I left my dark brown curly hair hanging down my back. I caught sight of my black eye in the mirror: that was probably the dumbest thing I have ever done, I thought. I was embarrassed by my behavior.
I went back downstairs feeling nervous. Mike and Collin were in the kitchen talking. Mike said he was glad I was feeling better after he gave me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. I questioned why he was home so early, and he explained it was slow at the bar. He decided he was going to town to have a late dinner with Mark since Collin was here taking care of me. I knew he loved Collin taking an interest in my care.
I started looking around for something to eat when Collin gave me a look as he started pushing me toward the stairs.
“I’ll make you something to eat. Just go downstairs and wait for me,” he said, as I was trying to grab a bag of candy off the counter that he blocked.
He came back with more soup and some crackers. I groaned and gave him my sad puppy dog face. He explained it was a good idea so I wouldn’t get sick again and I had to agree with him. I noticed my mess from the last couple days had been cleaned up. A fresh pillow and blanket were out for me.
I had to ask, “Do you take care of everyone this way?”
With a big smile on his face, he sat next to me and said, “Just the special ones.”
I didn’t know what to say to him. I started eating the crackers, and he went back to flipping channels.
“I tripped and fell into a door jamb in a fit of anger the other night when I was making a horribly bad decision,” I said, suddenly finding myself wanting to confess everything to Collin.
He turned the volume down and looked at me with no judgment on his face.
“We all make those decisions once in a while.”
I couldn’t help myself, I told him about wanting to be alone and making myself numb from the world. He sat there in silence just listening to me. I kept going on about being angry and how I felt I was always upsetting everyone around me. I didn’t know why or how to explain my anger to anyone, so I didn’t.
“No one is pissed at you, Danni. No one knows how to help you, or how to make you feel better. You haven’t dealt with it yet.”
“What?” I asked, “What exactly do you know about my issues?”
“Don’t get mad, but your dad has talked to me. I think he’s looking for someone to talk to you and—you know I’ve said it before—I’m a great listener,” he stated giving me a slow, sly grin.
Hearing that, I couldn’t be mad at anyone, considering I was the one causing the train wreck in my life.
He asked, “Do you know that once a week, your dad calls the investigators to see if they’ve found out anything yet?”
“What do you know about that?” I asked, feeling horrified.
“Pretty much everything your dad knows. If I were in your situation, I would probably be falling into door jambs, too. Mike has come to me, as well. I was the one who told him to back off and let you do what you needed to do the other night. He was ready to send out a search party for you.”
“Thanks for that. He is starting to really get on my nerves,” I said, looking at my empty bowl of soup.
“I noticed that the other night when we took you outside to cool off,” he said, as he cleared away my dishes and handed me a blanket.
“You will get through this, Danni, but it won’t be easy. You should be prepared to trip and fall into many door jambs, but you can call me, and I will help you out.”
We ended up sitting there on the couch talking for three hours before we finally both fell asleep. Weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I said things I hadn’t spoken out loud to anyone about that night. I told him everything—like why I acted out the other night, the memories that were slowly coming back to me, and not wanting to see pity in people’s faces anymore.
He stayed with me until the next evening when he mentioned he had to catch a flight home. I didn’t want him to leave, and I couldn’t explain it. We talked about so many different things, and I wanted it to continue. It was easy just to talk for the first time in months about pleasant things and very unpleasant things, too.
I found out how much fun he was to be around until he told me about his fiancée back home. That broke my heart, but I congratulated him anyways. I knew we would never be anything more than friends, and I decided that would be okay. There was something about him that made me feel safe. He had a way of making me want to talk to him and tell him about my messed up life.
A couple of days later Daniel let me know after they got home that Collin was in bed with the flu. When I found that out, all I could do was laugh.
Chapter 11
Disturbing the Peace
I finally closed on my new house and got the keys the following day. My dad, the contractor, and I was all surprised by how well the building had been preserved. On the first floor, the blue lockers stretched from one end to the other. I knew that was a cool detail I would have to keep. I took pictures of all the features we kept finding and sent them to Collin and Mike.
I wanted to restore the gym and stage to the original state and fix up the old locker room. Dad agreed we should put a studio on the first floor that would take up two of the standing classrooms. It was going to be amazing.
I got up to the second floor where Dad and the contractor were talking. Dad was quick to point out how long this was going to take to fix up. I asked if he knew how cool it was going to be and he smiled, knowing I had a point. The contractor explained that it would take eight months to a year before everything would be done. Even though I was itching to live on my own, I knew it would be well worth the wait. The contractor left with many notes and instructions that both Dad and I gave him.
“I have something I want to talk to you about, baby girl,” Dad said, sitting down on the cement steps outside.
I thought to myself, what was I in trouble for now? The look on my face must have told him that, too.
He laughed and said, “You’re not in trouble this time if that’s what you’re thinking.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I sat down next to him.
“How do you feel about sharing the land with your old man?”
“I’m confused,” I said. He explained he hadn’t found anything that he wanted to buy in town.
“What do you think about me building my house over there?” he asked, pointing to the open field next to the old bus barn.
“I’m okay with that, Dad,” I said as he smiled.
“I hoped you would be because I’m having blueprints drawn up as we speak.”
I wouldn’t have expected anything less from my dad. We talked for an hour about all the ideas we both had before he finally got in his truck and drove back to my house.
Before I headed to work, I called Collin to tell him all about the schoolhouse. I rambled on for ten minutes about how excited I was before I noticed he wasn’t in a great mood.
“You okay, Collin?” I asked.
“Yeah. Steph and I were fighting. I’m just tired from touring and need a break.”
I asked, “Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?”
“All the pictures and texts help a lot. I like talking to you, Danni. It calms me in a weird way.”
Hearing him say that brought butterflies to my stomach, and I had to stop my mind from creating more than there was between us. He touched on the subject of his fiancée more, saying some days he wondered if she was with him just for the money. He went on to explain how she hates traveling with him. It didn’t add up to me, but I knew he loved her. Honestly, I was the last person who should give out any advice on relationships. We
said our goodbyes and he told me to keep the pictures coming.
Driving to work, I found myself daydreaming about Collin and how much I liked him. I was still having a hard time putting my finger on exactly what it was about him that drew me in so much. I was starting to really dislike the fiancée after all the things he had told me about her over the last couple months. I questioned if he liked her, as well.
I had managed to stay sober since Collin helped me when I was sick. Surprisingly, after talking to him, I wanted to do better. I paid my debt back to Ron and had stayed clear of him and his goons. Staying away from James was also easy. Rumor has it, he and Amber worked things out, and they were now living together. He would text me once in a while, but I kept my responses to a minimum if I even replied at all.
Mike had always said that James was trouble, and nothing good could come of being around him. I was starting to see Mike’s point on that subject, but there was still something about James I craved.
I bartended after someone called in sick so that Mike could have a night off. It was slow, so I was able to work on other things behind the bar at the same time. Jackie walked up with another order—I quickly noticed that she wasn’t acting like her usual self.
“What is up with you?” I asked as I poured shots of tequila.
She looked at me carefully before asking, “Do you realize it’s been a year since the assault?”
It was the last thing on my mind these days, and I just shrugged my shoulders and gave her the drinks. She knew I didn’t like talking about it; why did she think she needed to remind me of the worst night of my life?
“Can I get a drink?”
I looked down the bar at the sound of the voice and saw James pulling out a stool. He looked like he had seen better days. I smiled a little and was genuinely happy to see him even though I probably shouldn’t have been.
I slid a beer in front of him and said, “You look horrible. Need a friend?”
He studied his beer label for a couple of minutes and then nodded slowly. There weren’t any other patrons, so I stood there waiting for him to start.
“My dad died a couple of days ago,” he said quietly as he kept looking at the beer label.
I instantly felt sorry for him. I knew they were close.
“James, I am so sorry. Anything I can do to help?” I asked as I put my hand on his.
“I’m dealing with it. Thank you for asking, though.”
I asked without thinking, “Is Amber helping you out?”
He responded with a simple, “No.”
James told me all about their fighting, how she was always running back and forth between him and Ron, and how he had finally had enough. Talking to James had always been easy even though we had a way of not talking about important things. He stayed until closing, and I let him stay inside after I locked the doors.
He wasn’t in a good state to drive himself home, and I wasn’t about to let him. After I had taken his keys, he mumbled that this would probably be best anyway. We walked to the back garage, and he mentioned that he was surprised I was parking back there again. I just shrugged off the comment.
I pulled in front of his house, parked, and didn’t take off my seatbelt. I had no intention of staying.
“Can you make it inside by yourself?” I asked, hoping he wouldn’t make this more than what it was.
He replied with a simple “yes”, and we sat there in silence for a couple of minutes.
“Do you know that I miss you so much? I miss us.” he said as I closed my eyes at the words finally spoken out loud.
I had no idea what to say. I didn’t want to feel any of those emotions. The only things we had in common right now were drugs. Since I decided to leave them behind, I was able to see it was merely just a friendship of convenience. I just sat there in silence. My mind was blank.
I felt him turn and look at me as he said, “I know you feel something for me, too. After what you’ve been through, I can’t imagine this is easy for you, but I wanted you to know what I feel.”
After several minutes of me looking at my hands, he finally broke the silence and said, “Just being friends is okay, Danni. Just know, I do love you, and I know that anything romantic can’t be easy for you, so friends it is.”
He pulled me toward him into a warm hug, and I couldn’t help but sink into him at that moment. We hugged for what felt like forever before he let go of me, keeping his face close to mine. We lingered there before he leaned in and kissed me.
My heart was beating out of my chest as panic raced throughout my body. I opened my eyes as he pulled back a little, sensing my reluctance. I didn’t know if I felt sorry for him as I pulled him back and kissed him. I knew I was taking advantage of the situation because I was never going to admit my feelings for him.
In the back of my mind, I knew this was a dangerous emotion, but it felt too good to stop. Even though I was the one being touched and kissed in such an intense and passionate way, oddly enough, that made the panic subside. I felt light-headed, almost like I was in a dream, but the kind of dream where you are in complete control. The way he kissed my lips and neck all made me want more. Our breathing was loud and labored.
Soon, I was crawling over the console on top of him. Everything was happening so fast, but I was the one leading the charge. He pushed off my jacket and slid his hands up my shirt. I was touching him in places I knew were going to get me into a lot of trouble as he moaned. He pulled off my shirt, and I was undressing him at the same time. I realized I had intentions of going all the way. Neither of us had a shirt on at this point. I had skipped the bra tonight, which made it even more intense as we pressed against each other. We attempted to take off each other’s pants, as fingers fumbled with belts and buttons. All of a sudden there was a sharp tap on the window. Looking up, we saw two police officers standing there with smiles on their faces. Shit, I thought, seeing my friend Seth starting to laugh.
That was a definite mood killer. Officer Taylor—according to his name tag—told us to put our clothes back on and get out of the car. I wanted to die from complete embarrassment as I crawled back into my seat and found my shirt. I looked over at James, and he was laughing. That did help lighten the mood a little bit. We got dressed and stepped out of the car as we both started chuckling at this point. Even the officers were smiling and trying to contain their laughter.
Each cop took one of us aside, requested identification, and asked what we had been doing. Seth was the local deputy I had known since I moved to town. We also rode bikes together in the summer. He was the one who had seen my truck and knew something was wrong the night I was assaulted.
“Seth, I think you have an idea of what we were doing,” I smirked, handing over my license.
He really started laughing and stopped writing my ticket, bending over and holding his side. I looked over at James, and his officer was laughing, too.
After about ten minutes, Seth stopped making small talk with me and finished writing me a ticket for disturbing the peace.
“Normally, Danni, I wouldn’t give you a ticket for something this minor, but the gentleman who called us was complaining that he has kids, and it can’t be tolerated.”
“Yeah, Seth, I totally get it. Sorry, it just got out of hand,” I said, taking the ticket he held out for me to sign.
“Perhaps you should find something better to do, but I’m not going to lie, Danni, it’s nice to see you moving forward, perhaps, not in public next time,” he said, as laughter began getting the better of him again. I agreed, rolling my eyes.
James finished with his officer at the same time. We stood on James’ front porch as the officers left and reminded us to keep our clothes on in public.
“You want to come inside and finish what we started?” James asked, pulling me into his arms and kissing my neck.
“Uh, I think that was pretty much a mood killer for me. Maybe it would be best if I went home instead,” I said, stepping back.
He mumbled, “I c
an’t argue with that. Can I see you again?”
“How about we just see what happens between us naturally?” I said as we both started to laugh again.
He agreed and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before we said goodnight and I walked back to my car. All the way home, I wanted to die of embarrassment and hoped no one would find out about this night. It was somewhat of a small town, and people love to gossip, so it was more than likely going to get out.
The following morning, I was in bed contemplating getting up when Mike burst in my door laughing hysterically.
“I’m having your ticket framed for the bar. You should go to court and fight it,” he said with complete sarcasm in his voice.
“Get the hell out, douchebag!” I yelled, throwing a pillow at him.
Of course, he said no, wanting me to get up so we could go for a run. Something I had promised him, we would do yesterday. I knew he wasn’t going to leave unless he got his way.
Sure enough, while running, he pulled all the details out of me. He was surprised I was ready for that, and I explained I hadn’t known what I was doing, and I had just gone with it at the moment.
“You gonna tell Collin about it?” he asked, looking more serious as we slowed to a walk.
“I don’t plan on it. He’ll just make fun of me.”
“Maybe not make fun of you, per se, but it might not be a bad idea for him not to know about it,” he said, with an expression of concern that I didn’t understand.
Over the next couple of days, all my friends teased me. Everyone knew about the incident in the car, which made it much worse, especially when Dad asked me about it at dinner one night with Mike and Mark. I just couldn’t wait for all the hype to go away already. I hadn’t talked to Collin in a couple of days, so I had no idea if he knew or if he had worked everything out with the fiancée.
I was lying in bed playing with my phone when I got a text from Collin.
Collin: Sorry I haven’t talked to you in a while, we have been super busy. How are things?
I decided to forgo the humiliation and not tell him the story as we texted each other for a little bit, catching up on each other’s lives. He was in Canada touring, and things had gotten a bit better. He mentioned he was counting down the days until his next chance to come back and hang out with us. I told him I was looking forward to that as well, more than I wanted to admit to myself.