Sweet Nothing

by Jamie McGuire

  When the doctor saw me, he smiled, laughing to himself as if he’d won. My blood boiled in my veins, and it took serious restraint not to take that first step, because after that, I knew I wouldn’t stop. They separated, him heading toward his car and Avery in my direction.

  “Hey,” Avery whispered as she met me in the center of the lot. She pushed up on her toes to kiss me square on the lips.

  I hoped she had done it on purpose, to show us all who was the friend and who was more. Her gesture helped my anger dissipate, and I looped my arm behind her back, lifting her from the ground, deepening our kiss.

  Setting her back on the ground, I chuckled, watching her cheeks burn with embarrassment.

  “What was that about?” she asked.

  I shrugged, glancing over her shoulder at Doc Rose, who was yanking open his car door and slipping inside, clearly irritated. Fucker.

  “What’s that?” I asked, glancing down at the book she was clutching in her hand.

  “Oh, it’s just a book Rose was telling me about.”

  “Really?” I took it from her hand, flipping it over to read the back. What kind of stupid shit is this? “Looks good. Mind if I read it?”

  “You read?” Her eyebrow cocked up as she eyed me suspiciously.

  “What kind of uncultured swine do you take me for?”

  “Does it have anything to do with the pissing contest you have going with the doc?”

  “Hungry?” I asked, changing the subject.

  She pulled her mouth to the side, likely deciding if she was going press me further. She nodded, her high ponytail bobbing behind her. “Starving.”

  “You are insatiable.”

  “Have I told you it turns me on when you use big words?” she asked.

  “You should see the other big things I use,” I said, handing her the white sack.

  I groaned, stretching my back at the end of my long shift. I couldn’t wait to see Avery, but I had a few errands to run. I glanced at the book that had been sticking out of my glove box for the past two weeks. It was about time I got it back to Doc Rose. That asshole had been doing everything he could to get closer to Avery. I could only ignore it for so long. When he had put his hands on her hips from behind, it had taken all I had not to kick his ass all over the emergency room.

  I had somehow kept my cool. I couldn’t afford to lose my job and lose Avery in the process. If Doc Rose wanted to play dirty, I couldn’t let him play alone.

  I turned up the radio, drumming my fingers against the steering wheel as I headed up I-95 North toward Alapocas.

  I didn’t have much of a plan. My only goal was to remind the doc that he had just as much to lose as I did, whether he realized it or not. He had stopped pursuing her weeks ago and had begun to enjoy the arguments his flirtations would spawn. I’d dealt with his better-than type my whole life, but I’d be damned if I’d let him destroy what I had with Avery.

  I parked along the curb of Doc Rose’s house, killing the engine as I looked over the brick shaker-style home that I’d seen so many times dotting the Pennsylvania countryside. I’d pictured Rose in one of those Victorian-style homes that overran the squares in Gettysburg, but I was surprised to see that his home was much more modest.

  I watched a light in the upstairs flick on, illuminating a silhouette before turning off. The entire downstairs seemed to be lit like they were having a party. Part of me hoped they were so I could out his slimy ass in front of all their uppity friends, too.

  “Your electric bill must be fucking outstanding,” I grumbled to myself as I opened my car door and made my way up the extra-wide sidewalk leading to a small, sloped entranceway.

  I knocked, glancing around. As the sun sank below the buildings, the neighborhood was cloaked in darkness, making my visit feel even more ominous.

  The door opened to reveal a woman, smiling with curiosity in her eyes and wrapping her thin, Robin’s-egg-blue sweater across her torso.

  “Can I help you?” she asked as the sound of something electronic caught my attention behind her. I glanced down at the young teenage girl, who rode up behind her in a red electric wheelchair. The woman shifted her body to block my view.

  “Are you lost?” she asked.

  I swallowed hard, regretting coming to Rose’s home.

  “Is it the pizza?” Rose’s deep voice called from behind his wife as he stepped forward, rifling through his wallet and pulling out cash. When he finally glanced up, the tiredness in his eyes was immediately replaced with alarm.

  The moment I saw the fear in his eyes, my regret melted away. This motherfucker was guilty.

  “Josh.” He tried to hide the surprise in his voice by clearing his throat. He clasped his hand down on his wife’s shoulder. “I got this, hon. Josh is a colleague.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head as she slipped by him. The daughter followed her mom further into the house while Doc Rose closed the door behind him.

  He looked down at the book in my hand, nodding slightly.

  “I don’t know what Avery has said to you, but I’m sure she has the wrong idea.”

  I swallowed back the apology and the guilt I’d felt for showing up at his home. “What does she think is going on, Doc?” I asked, gripping the book tightly to keep from punching him in his smug face.

  “Avery is a nice girl. She’s sweet and young, and she looks at me like I’m somebody special, not just the guy who plays nursemaid at home.”

  “You want pity now? Is that it? Man the fuck up. Whether you see it or not, you have a life most have only dreamed of.”

  He scoffed, shaking his head. I knew guys like him didn’t expect to struggle, but no matter where we came from, life was cruel. I knew that firsthand. Bad things happened to good people, and sometimes, God liked to shine his magnifying glass down on the biggest ant just to watch it squirm.

  “Sometimes it’s hard to see the silver lining,” he said.

  “You have a wife, children, a home, and a six-figure salary. What more could you possibly want?” I tried to keep from raising my voice. His jaw tightened, and I widened my shoulders at the silent exchange between us. “Avery is off the table.”

  He smirked. “Is that a threat, Josh?”

  “No. You won’t be a very good doctor if you have two broken hands.” I slapped the book against his chest. “That’s a threat.” I held his gaze for a moment longer before hurrying down his sidewalk and into my car. I needed to see Avery or I was going to lose my mind.

  Just as I stepped out onto the sidewalk, a golden leaf drifted from the maple tree that stood in front of my building, and rested on my sneaker. I pulled my scrub jacket tighter around me, looking for Josh’s car. He’d just dropped me off from work, and then said he’d be right back, but he’d been gone for half an hour, and the sun was beginning to set.

  Glowing Jack-O-Lanterns flickered on our stoop, and plastic ghosts hung from the trees lining our street. Night clouds were beginning to build in the west, making the breeze feel colder. Halloween was approaching, one of my favorite seasons, but fall felt wrong this year. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but even with the chill in the air and the spooky decorations, I felt time slipping away from me.

  An older car slowed to a stop in front of me and honked. The lime green practically glowed against the thick black stripe down the side. The car looked angry, and strong, and bright enough that no one would accidentally run into me again.

  Josh killed the motor and then jumped out, grinning from ear to ear. “She runs!” he said. He patted the black hood with the palm of his hand before jogging to where I stood on the sidewalk. He squeezed me to his side, staring at the beast of a car like a proud parent.

  “It’s great,” I said.

  He turned to me, his eyebrows pulling together. The adorable double lines between them made me a little giddy. We were at that phase where every little thing he did was magical, and for the most part, he could do no wrong, but now he was looking at me like I’d just eaten his last favorit
e cookie.

  “Great? She’s yours, Avery. I’ve been working my ass off to get her ready for you.”

  “Mine?” I said in disbelief.

  “I do not appreciate your dubious tone,” he said, still frowning.

  I reached up to smooth out the lines I loved. “You showed me an avocado-green beater. This is a shiny, um … what is it?”

  “This, my adorably clueless lady, is a 1970 Dodge Challenger in Sublime Green. A nice step up from the baby-shit color of your last car that was left smeared on the highway, I may add. She just needs a name.”

  “This is … this is too much.”

  He placed his hands on my cheeks and kissed my forehead. “Sweetheart, for the bargain price of three ninety-nine and free labor your rather dashing, brilliant mechanic boyfriend gifted to you, this shiny Dodge fucking Challenger is yours.”

  I turned toward the Challenger in disbelief. “Stop. This isn’t funny.”

  “I told you that you’d have wheels by your birthday, didn’t I?”

  “But … my birthday isn’t until next week,” I said, still lost in utter shock and awe. I’d been a little down about the approach of my mid-twenties, but Josh standing in front of me, giving me the best gift I’d ever been given, trumped the pang of turning twenty-five.

  He placed a cold set of keys in my palm. My jaw unhinged, my mouth hung open.

  “Oh my God,” I said, still staring. I blinked and then threw my arms around him. “Oh my God! I have a car?” I asked, leaning back to look him in the eyes. He nodded and I hugged him again. “I have a car! I’ll pay you back. Every penny.” I grabbed my penny necklace. “I love it! I love it!”

  “You love the car? I’m getting kinda jealous,” he said, his sweet grin wrinkling his five o’clock shadow.

  I looked into both of his eyes, one after the other, back and forth, just like the girls in the movies. I wasn’t sure which one I should tell the truth to. I wished I could look into both of them at the same time. “Don’t be jealous. I’ve loved you longer than the car.”

  Josh laughed once, waiting for me to admit I was joking. The longer he didn’t respond, the more nervous I got.

  He closed one eye, turning his head to hear me from one ear. “You love me?”

  I cringed, not sure what the right answer would be. “Yes?”

  He pulled in a deep breath and then let it all out at once with a laugh. He tightened his arms around me and he buried his face in the crook of my neck. His voice was muffled when he said, “I’m just going to hold you for a minute. This is, um … this is more new stuff for me.”

  “No pressure. You don’t have to say it back,” I said.

  His head popped up. “Say it back?”

  “I mean …” I shook my head, feeling closer to vomiting every second. “You know what I mean.”

  Josh kissed me once, and then again, a tiny, slow kiss that meant something. “I’ve been saying it this whole time, Avery. You just haven’t been listening.”

  I looked up at him, unable to stop the ridiculous grin spreading across my face. It was so much easier to fall for someone without pretenses, without worrying about judgment or rejection.

  “Want to take her for a spin?” he asked, holding a set of keys in front of my face.

  I took them, noticing two keys on the chain. A bigger, silver one, and a smaller one, older and brass in color. “Is this little one the spare?”

  Josh scratched the back of his head the way he did when he was nervous. “I, uh … thought you may want to let yourself in to my place whenever you want. I know Dax would love having you around more often, and a key ring with one key looked kind of stupid.”

  “You’re giving me a key to your apartment?” I asked.

  He shifted nervously. “Well … yeah.”

  “Because your dog likes me and so my key ring doesn’t look stupid,” I deadpanned.

  “No,” he said, holding his hands over mine. “Because I want you to have it. It feels … I dunno, like the next step. And that’s where I was hoping we were headed.”

  “To the next step?”

  He let go of me and shook his head. “Now that sounds stupid. This isn’t going the way I’d hoped.”

  I held up the key ring, watching the sun reflect off the metal. “This is the best present anyone has ever given me.”

  He beamed. “I’m glad you think so. I wasn’t sure I could pull it off at first, but I kept at it.” He stood tall. “There’s not much I can’t fix.”

  I pulled Josh’s shirt into my fists. He was wearing his light-blue short-sleeved button-up dress blues with a white long-sleeved thermal underneath. I was aware of how strange it was that something as simple as a thermal shirt could turn me on, but I pulled him toward my building.

  A mischievous grin crept across his face. “Baby … we’ve gotta meet Quinn and Deb in half an hour.”

  “Yep,” I said, walking backward. I stepped up one stair, and then the next, continuing back until I reached the top of the stoop. I reached back, opening the door, but he held on to the doorjamb.

  “Avery,” he said softly, but my name was cut off when I covered his mouth with mine.

  I yanked him through the entrance and up the flight of stairs to the second floor. I had already unbuttoned his shirt and was pulling up his thermal when my back slammed against my door.

  Josh smiled against my mouth, pulling my keys from my hand and reaching behind me to unlock the door. He lifted me up, and I hooked my ankles at his backside as he carried me across the threshold. With a slam, he kicked the door shut, and then we were on the floor, frantically tearing at each other’s clothes.

  My skin burned as he yanked the denim down my legs, rough and careless. That is what I loved most about Josh: he didn’t hold back. Everything he felt was raw, and passion was no exception. I gripped my scrub top and, in one motion, slipped it over my head. Getting lost with him had become my favorite thing. Josh wasted no time shoving my tank top up my stomach and over my chest, palming my right breast in his cold hand. My fingers trembled, fumbling to find the button of his jeans. Once the small piece of metal was in my hand, I worked frantically to free him from the confines of the fabric.

  He backed away, his hand covering mine.

  “Slow down, baby.” He pressed his lips to my jaw, working his way down my neck. I groaned in frustration as he chuckled against my skin.

  “What are you? A sadist?” I asked, only half teasing.

  He looked up with an innocent smile, the dimple in his cheek deepening. He stretched his neck to place a soft kiss on the tip of my nose.

  “Avery,” he whispered against my cheek, pulling on the drawstring of my scrub pants. “I want to do something with you I’ve never done.”

  I swallowed, imagining painful, wicked things that weren’t at all comfortable. “Like what?”

  He frowned, pushing up onto his hands to hover above me. “Do we really have to discuss it first?”

  “Yes,” I said without hesitation. “I’m a little nervous. There’s not a lot you haven’t done.”

  He looked away, brushing his chin against his shoulder. After a few moments of thought, he looked down at me. “I want to take my time. I want to look into your eyes and make love to you.”

  “That’s sweet,” I said, sincere. I touched his face. “Can we try that later?”

  He made a face, clearly unhappy.

  I reached down into his jeans, cupping his warm skin in my palm.

  He held his breath.

  “I need you inside me. We can take our time later when my thighs aren’t screaming to be wrapped around you.”

  “Avery,” he protested, his breathing labored.

  I gripped his girth and gently squeezed. “Please.”

  His lips curved up into a wicked grin before he lifted his weight from my body. His thick fingers curled around my hips as he gripped my flesh so tightly I knew I would find purple marks that would last for days. With one swift movement, he flipped me onto my stom
ach, my knees sturdy on the thick gray rug, my palms slapping flat on the wooden floor.

  Just outside the frosted windows of my apartment, the leaves had long changed and covered the ground. Inside my apartment felt like the height of summer. Beads of sweat formed along my hairline, and a thin sheen of sweat formed between my palms and the floor.

  I listened to the teeth of his zipper slowly open behind me before he slipped his fingertips under the edge of my panties, twisting and tugging until the fabric bit into my flesh and gave way, leaving me exposed to him. He grabbed my hips again and pulled me back until I was completely on the rug. With his other hand, he guided my torso lower, directing me to rest my cheek against the soft carpet.

  His warm body covered mine, his lips grazing my back as his tip teased my entrance.

  My fingers knotted in the fabric of the rug, bracing for him. I bit my lip hard, trying not to beg.

  He leaned forward, his torso covering my back. I tensed, hoping at any moment he would slide inside me. Instead, his lips ghosted along the shell of my ear.

  My breathing became ragged the more desperate I grew for his touch. My insides ached, and just when I thought I couldn’t stand it any longer, I backed into him. He moved away just enough to keep from me what I wanted. I groaned in frustration. “Jesus, Josh, please.”

  “This how you want it, baby?” His breath tickled my ear, causing me to shiver beneath his tight grip.

  “Yes,” I moaned, once again pushing back against him.

  “Then tell me.”

  “I want you.”

  “Just me?”

  “Of course just you,” I said, exasperated.

  He kissed my cheek, amused. “Say it again, Avery. Tell me you love me.”

  I looked over my shoulder. Josh brushed my hair away from my face and across my back. He kissed my bare shoulder, waiting patiently. He wanted to look into my eyes, in this vulnerable position, and watch me speak the words he needed to hear. And I would, because there was no doubt in my mind. “I love you, Josh.”