by Aidan Wayne
This was not the point.
“Was that okay?” Dana had to ask, trying not to hunch her shoulders. Because it had felt—wonderful. And Ashlee had kissed back. Had even pulled Dana a little closer.
But sometimes things happened in the heat of the moment, and….
Dana just hoped it was okay.
Ashlee swallowed before she opened her mouth. “Can we do it again?”
It surprised a laugh out of Dana, and the slightly unsettled mood was broken. “I think we could, yeah,” she murmured, before cupping Ashlee’s cheek and leaning down again.
This time when they broke apart, Dana was sure they were both flushed, and they glanced at each other before glancing away, laughing nervously.
“Wow,” Ashlee said tucking that little strand of hair behind her ear. “That was… wow.”
“Good wow?”
“I just—yeah. I. Wow.”
Dana giggled. “Wow.”
“Yeah… I, um, I’d been wanting to do that,” she said shyly. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you.”
Dana squashed the urge to ask “really?” because, duh, that had just been made pretty obvious. “So have I,” she ended up saying honestly. “Wanted to kiss you, I mean.”
“Oh.” Ashlee’s eyes were still so wide. “For how… how long?”
“Um….” Thinking about it, Dana couldn’t pinpoint just when her feelings for Ashlee had turned into more. “I don’t know,” she said. “I guess just… something changed.”
“Yeah. I. It was kind of like that for me too,” Ashlee said, fiddling with her fingers. “But I remember when it started.”
“Oh yeah?” Dana was kind of curious. “Do you want to tell me?”
Ashlee bit her lip. “Um, right before we went to the Be Our Guest restaurant.”
So like two weeks ago. Okay, yeah that… kind of lined right up with Dana, probably. Dana smiled. “You know what this means, then, right?”
“What?”
“We have to go back there.”
“We do? I mean yes! That would be great. But we do?”
Dana huffed a laugh. “Well yeah. Um—” And now she was losing her nerve, because she wasn’t this smooth, like at all, but she pushed on. “We have to go there on an official date. I mean. If you want to.”
“Yes.” Ashlee nodded. “Yes, definitely. I’d love to. I’d… I’d like to date you. Um. Officially. In case that wasn’t clear.”
“Okay. So. Do you want to go to Be Our Guest again together? As a real date. Officially.”
“Yes.” Ashlee beamed.
Dana smiled right back.
IT WAS only a little bit weird to be living with the person she was dating, Ashlee decided. But the nice part (and the part she was most worried about) was that things didn’t actually change all that much. Ashlee still got up early and did her best to be quiet while she warmed up, or Dana got up with her and they ate breakfast together. Ashlee still helped do Dana’s hair. They still cooked together. They still ate meals together if they were both home at the same time. If they weren’t and Ashlee was already in bed or asleep by the time Dana got home, Dana quietly got ready for bed herself before turning off the television and going to sleep. Sometimes one of them needed some alone time, so the other would hang out in the living room or bedroom or go on a walk to give it.
They were still friends. They just also kissed sometimes. Had taken to watching movies curled up together on one of their beds, instead of sitting separately. Acknowledged that going out to restaurants or other places together were dates. They’d already switched off who paid for what, so that wasn’t too much of a change either.
All in all, November was looking to be a great month for the both of them. They hung out together, with their respective friends, occasionally double- or triple-dated, and things were good.
Ashlee was also putting a lot of effort into training for her audition. Maya had given her the blow-by-blow of how her own audition had gone, and a lot of it was similar to the first audition Ashlee had gone to in order to be a character performer. Parade and show dancing was just another level above that, and Ashlee had been rated pretty high as a dancer in her first audition. Maya was positive she was a shoo-in. While Ashlee wanted to believe it, she still put her all into keeping in shape and practicing.
There might have also been the added bonus now of Dana sometimes watching her, and Ashlee knowing how much Dana liked that… it made her feel good. An extra layer of good.
One week before the November audition, though, Dana got sick. Really, miserably sick. Scratchy throat, watery eyes, stuffy nose—she felt so bad that she called in to work on Tuesday and then skipped her Wednesday class, both of which she’d never done before.
Ashlee was worried about her and felt bad that Dana was feeling bad, but she was also worried about herself too. She couldn’t afford to get sick right now. Not with the audition so close. She couldn’t.
Dana understood when Ashlee kept her distance, though she was a little incredulous when Ashlee decided to sleep on the couch.
“Really?” Dana asked, before being hit by a coughing fit. Her eyes were tearing up by the time she was done. And it wasn’t like Ashlee needed more convincing that the best way to stay healthy was to stay away.
“Really,” she said, pulling her comforter off her bed. “Just until you get better. I can’t get sick.” She’d do the audition even if she was sick, duh, but her performance would not be up to par. Besides, to be able to dance, one also needed to be able to breathe. She wasn’t taking any chances.
“All right,” Dana said. “But I still think you’re being silly.”
“Maybe I am.” Ashlee shrugged. “Did you want me to make you more tea?”
“No thanks. Go to bed. Your audition’s in two days. Go rest up.”
“Okay.”
FRIDAY MORNING, Ashlee woke up to her alarm feeling horrible and shaky, with a head full of cotton. Oh no, she thought as she tried to drag herself out of bed. No, no, no. The audition started in three hours. This couldn’t be happening.
Maybe a shower will make me feel better. She got up, stumbling into the bathroom.
The warm spray helped her breathe a little easier, but her chest still felt tight, throat clogging. She brushed her teeth with an effort that also involved trying not to cry.
She had an audition to get ready for. She had to focus on that. So she made herself comb her hair and pull it into a bun, put on her makeup, and creep quietly into the bedroom to get clothes to change into.
She didn’t feel up to doing her usual warm-up or workout. Which was fine. Better for her to save her energy anyway, right?
Ashlee didn’t feel up to eating either, but she had some time before she needed to walk down to the buses (and just thinking of the walk made her chest hurt), so she could stand to wait a little bit before trying to force something down. She did make herself tea with honey, and then sat at the table breathing in the steam in an effort to clear her head.
She ended up just setting her alarm again and going back to the couch to drift until it was time to go. Once it went off, she grabbed a protein bar for later, stuffed it in her purse, slipped on her shoes, and began to make her way down to the bus stop.
THE BUS ride over to the Animal Kingdom backstage where the audition was being held was mostly spent dozing. Normally she’d be talking to other people on the bus, but this time she just plugged in her earbuds, listened to music, and tried to tune out. Her head hurt so much.
Once they arrived at the facility, Ashlee went in and was, at least, kept busy with the normal routine of an audition; she went and registered her name, filled out a sheet with her information and what she was auditioning for (and attached her resume to it), was given a number, got her picture taken, got her height measured, and then was shown to the warm-up area where everyone else was waiting and getting ready before the audition started.
Ashlee was overtaken with a hacking cough and had to stop to get her bearings. When she
looked up through tear-filled eyes, it was to a girl looking at her and frowning. “You okay?” she asked.
“Fine,” Ashlee gasped. “Sorry. I think it’s hay fever or something.”
“In November?”
Ashlee shrugged.
“Oh. Well. Hi. I’m Betsy. Are you on the college program?”
“Yeah.”
“Me too. I’m a character performer right now, but I want to extend my program if I get into parades.”
Ashlee tried to smile. “Same. Who are you friends with?”
Betsy grinned. “Guess,” she said before putting her hands on her hips and smirking, wrinkling her nose just so.
“Tinkerbell?”
Betsy laughed. “Got it in one. What about you?”
Ashlee wasn’t really in the mood for trying to pose. Not when she wasn’t being graded for it. “I’m mostly Anna from Frozen, and Rapunzel,” she said.
“Oh cool! Are you any fur also?”
Ashlee shook her head. “Not really.” Apparently there was a shortage of people who could play Anna right now. She was her almost every day. “Are you?”
“Yup.” Betsy grinned. “I’m mouse height. I’m usually a faerie, but once in a while I get to be a mouse.”
“That’s really neat,” Ashlee said. Because it was. She just was having a hard time coming up with enthusiasm right now. Which was so frustrating, because talking with other people was one of the things she liked about auditions.
Betsy tilted her head. “You sure you’re okay? You don’t look so good.”
“I’m fine. Really.”
Betsy shrugged. “If you say so.”
“Okay people! Listen up!” They both turned their attention to the group of two men and one woman who’d moved to the middle of the room. One of the men was the one who’d yelled. “We’re going to divide you up by number and take you through the first audition stage in turns. We’ll have the first dance portion and an elimination, followed by a second and another elimination. As you know, we are looking for quite a few new performers for our Christmas shows and parades, so do your best! And good luck.”
Betsy was in the first group called in. Ashlee wished her good luck and watched her head into the audition room with the others.
Ashlee took the time to sit down and drink some water. Her head was pounding. She’d taken some ibuprofen after her shower, but it hadn’t done a thing. She probably should have been spending time warming up or stretching, especially since she hadn’t done any that morning, but she couldn’t bring herself to move. Instead she pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her head on her knees, just trying to breathe.
She had another coughing fit, one so strong it felt like she’d pulled something, and just closed her eyes. She didn’t know how long she’d spent drifting before she heard her number being called.
She sprang up and wobbled, spots flashing before her eyes, and had to take a second to steady herself before she followed the rest of her group into the audition room. One of the men and the woman were sitting behind a long table. The last man was standing.
“Hey there,” he said to them. “I’m Nathan, and I’ll be teaching you the choreography for this first routine.” He spaced them out, put on some music, and demonstrated the dance he would be teaching them.
All in all, it was pretty simple. Something Ashlee probably would have been able to do in her sleep… if she were feeling better. As it was, the steps seemed daunting. She memorized how Nathan moved, but actually making her body listen was something else entirely.
She felt the next coughing fit before it started and tried to brace and move through it, but it was so bad that she had to crouch down and just wait for it to be over.
That was when she noticed the music had stopped. And when she finally raised her head, everyone was looking at her.
“Hey,” Nathan said, crouching in front of her, “what’s your name, thirty-seven?”
“A-Ashlee.” Her eyes were watering and her throat was sore and her head hurt.
“Why don’t you come over here with me, okay?”
Nathan led her over to a corner, and Ashlee knew what he was going to say, even though it was the last thing she wanted to hear. “Listen,” he said. “I know you want to audition. And we want you to audition too. But not while you’re sick. That’s a bad idea for everyone. I’m sorry, Ashlee, but you need to be home resting, not trying to dance.”
Ashlee swallowed and nodded, trying to fight down tears.
“Hey,” he said. “There will always be other auditions, okay? But you need to take care of you first.”
There might not be other auditions, Ashlee thought. Not for me. Not here. My program ends in January. “Okay,” she whispered.
“Go home and get some rest.”
“Okay.”
She turned and left the room, pulling her number off her tank top and crumpling it before leaving the building to go wait for the bus.
She’d been cut.
She’d been cut before she’d even gotten to dance a single step.
She’d been cut not because she wasn’t good enough, but because she had gotten sick and couldn’t show them how good she was.
God, it was the worst feeling in the world.
GETTING HOME was a nightmare. She was chilly just waiting for the bus outside, but being inside a moving bus, even if the heat was on, was much worse. When she finally, finally got dropped off at Chatham, she trudged home. She kept having to stop and cough, and the walk took almost double the usual time. It felt like it, anyway.
Dana wasn’t home, because of course she wasn’t; she had one of her classes today. She’d be out for another hour at least and might have plans to go somewhere else. As far as Dana knew, Ashlee was going to be at the audition for the entire morning.
Ashlee toed off her shoes, threw her purse onto the counter, and wobbled to the bedroom. She collapsed on top of her bedspread and lay there for several long minutes before she wiggled her way underneath the covers.
She feebly felt for the remote control for her television and turned it to the Disney channel. Which was smack in the middle of a marathon of all the High School Musical movies. It was just what she needed right then.
Ashlee dropped the remote onto her desk, cocooned herself in her covers, and closed her eyes, wishing her headache would go away.
She didn’t know how long she’d drifted for, when the bedroom door opened and Dana came inside.
“Whoa,” Dana said, voice coming from the foot of Ashlee’s bed. “Are… are you okay?”
“No,” Ashlee sniffed. Her voice came out scratchy and raw.
“Did… did the audition not go well?”
“It didn’t go at all,” Ashlee cried, sitting up to glare at Dana, who took a step back.
“What do you mean?”
“You got me sick!” Her headache had only gotten worse. “And they kicked me out of the audition!”
“They what?”
“They said I should be at home resting and not trying to dance,” Ashlee said, voice cracking. “And it’s all your fault.”
“What are you even talking about?” Dana said. “I can’t help it I came down with a cold. And I’m sorry you got sick and are feeling horrible, I really am. And it sucks about the audition. But it’s not the end of the world, okay?”
“It is to me,” Ashlee said, eyes watering—and not just from being sick. “Disney is my dream. And I need a good reason to stay down here. My parents aren’t just going to let me avoid college to be a princess! But they’d let me do it if I got a job as a dancer. I needed this!”
“Your parents are smart not to let you avoid college,” Dana said, still sounding infuriatingly calm. “You’d be wasting so much by putting it off. Better to get your degree now and then try to dance.”
“That’s not how it works and you know it. You—” Ashlee was overtaken by a coughing fit. When she came up for air, she said, “Dancing is what I’ve got, and I’m not going to be young an
d able to do it forever. Dancing now, while I can is what’s important. And I just—blew it!”
“Come on. I’m sure there’ll be other auditions,” Dana coaxed. “You’re here till the middle of January. Won’t there be more by then?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know, and I can’t bank on that. This might’ve been my one chance. My one shot. Sometimes there’s only one.” Anytime a member of her dance troupe got a job and Ashlee didn’t was a job Ashlee never had a chance at again. The possibility of getting injured, really injured, and not being able to dance was a big one. Or being given another opportunity so good you had to take it, even if it wasn’t what you wanted. There were a lot of ways and reasons Ashlee might not ever be able to be a dancer like she hoped, dreamed, needed to be. “Don’t just—act like this was nothing, that I didn’t get this. This was so, so important to me. More than anything!”
“Ashlee.” Dana sighed. “It’s not the end of the world. You’ll go to another audition and you’ll make it.” She said it so matter-of-factly, like there weren’t a billion other factors that could happen between then and now. “And there’s that option to extend the program to April, right? That’d give you an extra two and a half months down here. There’d definitely be something for you by then.”
Dana was being so logical. And this wasn’t a logical situation. It wasn’t. It was parents maybe not giving permission and college not allowing for another semester off. It was Disney turning down her application to extend her stay. It was no more auditions she qualified for being posted at all.
All that was possible. All that was possible.
“Look,” Dana said. “I get that you’re upset. But there’s no reason to shout at me, okay? You got sick. There was no helping that. If you just take it easy—”
“Take it easy?” Ashley shouted. “Don’t you tell me to take it easy! Not all of us get to—get to go treat this program like it’s a blip. Not all of us want to. And if that’s how you think of my dreams, what does that say about how you feel about dating me? Is that what’s going to happen too? You get someone to kiss while you’re down here, and then you just go back to Ohio and forget about everything?”