Sordid: A Novel

by Ava Harrison

  “Off the desk.”

  I follow.

  “Turn around.”

  I do.

  “Brace yourself.”

  I lean forward and comply, my arms bracketing in front of me on his desk. I hear the familiar sound of a condom wrapper. He enters me with fast slams of his hips.

  “All day long. All day I’ve been thinking about fucking you like this. Bridget, you drive me crazy.”

  “Good,” I breathe.

  “Just be here.” Thrust. “Now.” Thrust. “Fuck tomorrow.” Thrust. “Fuck everything.” Thrust. “Just let me fuck you.” Thrust.

  Primal.

  Primitive.

  “I fucking need this. Need you,” he groans into my neck.

  “Then have me.”

  I fear my words will come back to haunt me. As much as I delude myself into thinking this is enough, the little voice inside my head is screaming at me.

  I’ll lose my heart to Grant Lancaster and I’ll never get it back.

  It’s been a few days since I had my way with Bridget, and we’re trying to be more careful, but fuck if I actually care at this moment if we get caught. I should call her in here right now. I start to imagine what she’d look like on her knees before me. But just as I’m daydreaming of her mouth around me, the door to my office swings open and someone comes barreling in. At first, I expect it to be Bridget having changed her mind about our agreement, but it’s not. The room feels stifled and I instantly know who it is. I’m not sure how he got in, or what he’s doing here.

  “Spencer,” I grate.

  Seeing him here in my office feels . . . wrong. My betrayals seem so much bigger than before as he looks around at what I’ve built. The company built to be in direct competition.

  “Grant,” he responds back coldly. His hard stare penetrates me, making me feel small despite the fact I’m taller and broader.

  “To what do I owe this honor?”

  “You’ve been avoiding my calls.”

  What would I have said? My wife is trying to take everything from you? I’ve been a party to it. Dad was right? “Didn’t see a point in talking.”

  “You didn’t see a point in talking?” Sarcasm pours over his words. “What about owning up to the fact you bid on multiple properties I was looking into?”

  A pit erupts in my stomach. Knowing it was happening and being called on it are two different things. Before this visit I could pretend it wasn’t happening. Now, I have to own up to my mistakes and I’m not fucking ready to do that. Call it pride.

  “Small world,” I draw out, letting my lips part and spread into a smirk.

  I know I’m being a dick when I have absolutely no reason to be. I’m in the wrong, but I can’t just admit it. This has always been my problem. Instead of owning my mistakes, I hide them under sarcasm and an arrogant attitude. I’m untouchable, is what my actions portray, but inside another piece of me is dying.

  “Seriously? That’s your answer?”

  I shrug.

  “You called Addison?”

  “I did business with her for years. Or did you forget? I was once in your spot at The Lancaster.” My words drip with misplaced contempt.

  “You were never where I am,” he bites out. His words sting because he’s right. I wasn’t.

  “I would have been.”

  “But you weren’t. And that’s not my fault.”

  It’s not. It’s mine, but it doesn’t make it any less bitter.

  “Why are you here, Spencer? Don’t you have an empire to run?”

  “I came for answers.”

  If answers are what he came for, he came to the wrong place. I’ve been trying to get to the bottom of Chelsea’s shady dealings for some time. I want to direct him to her, but I can’t. I’ve allowed it. I’m culpable.

  “There’s nothing to tell, Spencer.”

  Not unless I’m ready to divulge that my marriage and life are a sham. I’m not, so I level him with a stare, telling him without words that I won’t budge on this matter.

  “Is this a continuing problem I need to worry about?”

  “No. I don’t plan on looking into any properties you are,” I huff.

  He tilts his head, looking at me as though I can’t be trusted. The truth is, I can’t promise him what I am. Chelsea will do whatever she wants and unless I have someone on her twenty-four seven she’ll get away with it.

  “That’s over, and I think this meeting is—”

  “Grant. I have the papers . . .” Bridget stops just inside the door and her eyes widen.

  “What the fuck?” Spencer asks. He looks from Bridget back to me. ”What the fuck is she doing here?” he screams at me. “As if it’s not bad enough you go after my company, now you’re going after my family?”

  “Family?” I ask, playing it like I don’t know. Of course I know who she is, but I don’t confirm it. “Bridget isn’t family.” A sick feeling seeps into my blood. Possession. She’s not his. She’s mine.

  “Cut the shit, Grant. It was low enough that you took my property, but to hire Olivia’s sister? You’ve gone too far.”

  I look at Bridget. She’s gnawing the inside of her cheek.

  “Was this some plot to gain information on what we’re doing at The Lancaster?” Spencer barks at me.

  “No. I didn’t hire her. She was sent here by a temp agency.”

  Spencer drills Bridget with a stern glare. “What were your motivations?”

  “I needed a job,” Bridget yells. “I knew you and my sister would overreact. Karen set me up here and I took it.”

  “Karen? Are you fucking kidding me? She knows better. This reeks of something sinister and I’m going to get to the bottom of this,” he spits in my direction. “Does Olivia know?” Spencer asks Bridget.

  “No.”

  “What the hell, Bridget?” he hisses.

  I step forward, walking right up to him. “Don’t speak to her,” I grit out, standing in front him and ready to pounce.

  “I’ll speak to her if I want. She’s my girlfriend’s sister, for fuck’s sake.”

  “I-I needed a job. I knew if I told her she’d be pissed.” Some of my anger diffuses at the sadness in her voice. She looks as if she may break. She clearly never wanted to make Spencer or her sister upset.

  “I think it’s time for you to leave,” I say to Spencer.

  He looks at her and she nods. He turns back to me. “We aren’t done yet. Eventually, you owe me answers. About everything.”

  I know what he’s asking. He wants to know about a distant past I have no desire to relive.

  He walks out.

  Bridget just stands there. She looks like a scared little girl, one who isn’t sure what to do or say. Her response is misplaced and alerts me that something else is going on. She’s afraid of something.

  “Are you mad?” she whispers.

  I walk to her, studying her. Am I mad? It wasn’t like she lied, and who am I to judge? I lied about knowing who she is. I lied about how she ended up here. Fuck, I lied about being married. There isn’t much I didn’t lie about.

  “No.” I pull her into my arms and she sinks into my embrace. “You should’ve told me,” I say, pulling back an inch to study her face.

  “I’m sorry.” She bites her lower lip. I lift my hand and caress the side of her face. She turns her head toward me, welcoming my comfort.

  “I don’t want to lose this job. Lose you. Not yet.”

  I lift her chin with my fingers, their tips caressing her jaw. Her blue eyes hold my gaze. “Me neither.”

  “Why don’t you talk to your brother? Explain to him.”

  “No.”

  “Did you go after his company?”

  “I did.”

  “Was it the money?”

  “I’m not motivated by money. I’m motivated by success. To prove myself. To show that I can.”

  “To whom?”

  “To everyone,” I answer.

  “Is that success? Or arrogance?�
��

  “Probably both.” I shrug.

  “Seriously, Grant.” She crosses her arms and narrows her eyes at me. It’s cute the way she’s bossing me around. “You need to stop being stubborn and talk to him.”

  “I think you should probably take your own advice. Sounds like you and your sister need to have a talk.”

  “I will, but not today.”

  She leans up and places a kiss on my lips, making all thoughts and questions disappear.

  I’m not even home an hour before I hear the knocking on my door. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know it’s my sister Olivia.

  I don’t even bother looking through the peephole. I’m actually more surprised that she knocked and didn’t let herself in with her key because she obviously let herself into the building, officially ambushing me. I swing the door open and she walks in. Not speaking. And I know she is livid.

  “Why?” she finally says.

  I look at her, not really able to voice my reason. How do you say, I finally had something that was mine? Something that was solely about me, and it turned out it wasn’t. I didn’t want her to ruin it.

  “It wasn’t about you, so I didn’t mention it.”

  The hurt is evident on her face, her eyes dripping agony. “Does Lynn know?”

  “Yes.”

  She looks like she might cry.

  “I don’t care that you work for him,” she says.

  “You don’t?”

  “No. I get it. It’s a great job opportunity. My problem is you didn’t tell me. Do you know how much it hurts to know my sister doesn’t trust me?”

  “This is why I didn’t tell you. For years it’s been about you. About Lynn. I finally wanted it to be about me,” I say on a broken sob. Tears stream down my cheeks at the admission.

  “Bridge.” Olivia’s voice cracks.

  “I’m fine.” I wave her off.

  “You’re not. You obviously feel a certain way. Talk to me.”

  “It’s nothing.” I shake my head, not wanting to answer.

  “It’s not nothing. I can see it’s bothering you.”

  A tear rolls down my cheek. “I realized I need this for me. Karen gave me no choice, but once I started working, I realized I was good at it. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to ask me to quit. I didn’t want you to take this away from me.”

  “I wouldn’t have.”

  “I didn’t know that,” I admit.

  “This is more than that. This is about trust.”

  “I do trust you, Liv. I’ve just lived in your shadow for so long, I wanted to shine for once. On my own, not as your kid sister. I didn’t want to be the consolation prize.”

  “What does that even mean?”

  “Between you and Lynn, it’s hard to be seen.” I feel awful saying the words. They seem so petty after everything she has been through.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you felt this way?”

  “You were going through so much, I didn’t want to seem selfish. I didn’t want to burden you.”

  At my words, she walks up to me and takes my hand. “You’re my baby sister. You could never be a burden.”

  I nod, not wanting to break further.

  “So, now it’s out in the open. Sit down and talk to me.” She walks to the couch in my studio, not taking no for an answer.

  “I don’t even know where to start.”

  “How about the beginning?”

  “Can’t I start at the end?” The laughter dies in my throat.

  “Nope.”

  Thirty minutes later, I’ve told her everything about Karen and my first job. I tell her all about work, leaving out details along the way—big, giant details. I’m not ready for her to yell at me. I’m also not ready to break Grant’s confidence. There’s obviously deep-seated resentment between Grant and Spencer. Telling Olivia means telling Spencer, and that’s not something I’d do. I’d never give him leverage to hurt Grant.

  After I’m done, she smiles. “It sounds like this job is perfect for you.”

  “It is.”

  “I’m happy. Maybe it will turn long-term.” She gives me a reassuring smile, but I know better.

  “I’m not too sure about that,” I respond.

  “Why not?”

  I shrug. “It’s only temporary.” Like my relationship with Grant.

  “Maybe he’ll change his mind.”

  “He won’t.” The thought breaks my heart, but deep down I know we’re fleeting. Eventually, this will run its course and once again I’ll be alone. I give her a small smile, not wanting to discuss it anymore.

  “Maybe.” She looks at her watch. “Oh shit. I didn’t realize the time. I’m meeting Spencer for dinner. Do you want to come?”

  Going to dinner with her and Spencer is the last thing I want to do.

  “I’m kind of tired from today. I’m going to stay home.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah, but thanks.”

  She stands up and places a kiss on my forehead.

  Not even an hour passes before I hear my cell phone ring. I can’t find it and frantically search the couch for it. By the third ring I’m sure I’ve missed the call, but when I slip my hand behind the cushion, I’m met with the cold metal. Without even looking I hit the green button.

  “Hello?”

  “Bridget?”

  “Yes?” I pull the phone away and notice a number I don’t recognize. “Who’s calling?”

  “It’s Grant.”

  Grant. Oh my God! What is Grant doing calling me? Even though we’ve been intimate at the office, I’m shocked to see him calling me. No matter what happened, this is a line we haven’t breached. I’m excited and nervous at the same time.

  “Hi,” I murmur. “Is everything okay?” I hear him breathe deeply into the phone and instantly I’m on edge.

  “Yeah. I just called to check on you.”

  “To check on me?”

  “Is that so hard to believe?”

  “I’m just surprised.”

  “What are you doing?” he asks.

  “You’d be bored to tears by my laziness.”

  “Nothing you could do would be boring to me.”

  My legs feel like jelly. I shouldn’t take his words to heart, but I can’t help it. They weave through me, singeing my insides with excitement.

  “What have you been doing that’s so boring?” he presses.

  “Honestly? Earlier was anything but boring. Olivia just left.”

  “How did that go?”

  “It went okay. She’s not angry at me for working for you. She’s angry I didn’t tell her.”

  “I’m sorry about you being in the middle of my family drama,” he offers.

  “Not your fault.” It really isn’t. I could have told her anytime and avoided the whole mess.

  “Are you mad at me? About keeping who I was from you?”

  “No. I couldn’t be mad at you.” He stops talking for a minute, and I listen to the sound of him breathing through the phone. “So, back to your current state of boringness.” He chuckles.

  “I was about to order Chinese.”

  “Do you want company?”

  Oh my God! He wants to come here? “I . . . you want to come here?” I ask, puzzled.

  “Is that so hard to believe?”

  “Kind of. Compared to where you live, my place is a hovel.”

  “I’m in a different point of life, Bridget. I wouldn’t expect you to live in some grand place. You just graduated college.”

  “It’s just . . . I’m embarrassed by it.”

  “Stop. I only want to be with you. We’ve both had a rough day and I don’t really want to go home yet.” His voice is low and full of emotion.

  Now that I know a little about him and his life, I understand why he doesn’t want to go home. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to see Spencer after all this time and on such poor terms. It can’t be easy knowing his brother is living the good life while his is falling a
part.

  Jealousy is a wicked thing. I should know. That’s the thing about Grant and me, we’re similar. I understand. That thought makes something inside of me want him here too. If only to comfort him for a while. I want to be that person for him.

  “Come over.”

  “I’m on my way.” We don’t say goodbye. We both just hang up. I look around my small studio apartment. It won’t be hard to clean, but I’m running out of time. I run around picking things up and stashing them in their typical places. The intercom chimes as I’m fluffing a pillow. With steady steps, I hit the button.

  “Hello.”

  “It’s me.”

  “I’ll buzz you up.”

  As I wait for him to knock, butterflies swarm my belly. As much time as we spent together, this will be the first time we do it outside of the office. He’s not my boss. I’m not his employee. We’re just two lonely people seeking solace in each other’s company. I pace; the beat of my heart picking up with every second that passes, and then I hear the knock on the door.

  Grant steps into my apartment, his presence too big for my small space. He’s everywhere, he’s everything, he’s all-encompassing as he levels me with his stare. The energy between us crackles.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” I ask, suddenly feeling out of place in my own space.

  Crossing his arms in front of his torso, he steps forward and looks at me as if I’m the only woman in the world. As if I’m his savior.

  “Later, Bridget. First I need to lose myself in you. Forget about everything.” He closes the distance. I take a step backward, my back hitting the wall in the entrance. He leans down, his breath tickling the skin of my jaw. “Will you let me do that?” He trails farther down, his tongue lapping a line as he proceeds. “Will you let me get lost in you?” he mumbles into the crook of my neck. I don’t speak. I can’t. A desperate moan escapes my lips. “Too many clothes.” His hands are pulling at my shirt. Until the button pops open and my breasts are exposed.

  “You have too much on too.” I smirk.

  My hands roam down his chest until I find the hem, and then I lift it. Once removed, I place a kiss on the hollow of his neck, down his collar, and across his breastbone. Slowly I lower my body to the floor. On to my knees until I’m licking and teasing the V of his hips. I unzip his pants, finding him hard and ready for me. With a swipe of my tongue, I place him in my mouth. Engulfing him in my warmth. I stroke him, lick him, suck, until he’s panting desperately.