Weakness

by Shelley Michaels

  I had woken up laying on his chest five minutes ago. Somehow, we had slid sideways until we were both laying on the length of the large sofa, my rear against the back cushions, my head on his chest, my leg was thrown casually over his and his hand curved on my thigh, holding it in place. I slipped gently out of his loose-hold and pulled the cream throw from the back of the sofa over him. Still, he slept.

  He was a beef of a man, but concealed vulnerability had shone out of his gorgeous ocean blue eyes as he told his story. He hadn’t slept a wink the previous night, which was why I guess he was out for the count right now. I hated to leave him alone, but it was three in the morning, and I needed to get home before Cam went to work. The kids needed to up, dressed, breakfasted and taken to school.

  ********

  Chapter Five

  Cam kisses the kids, who were sitting at the breakfast table sleepily eating their cereal as they slowly aroused their tired brains for the school day ahead.

  ‘Have a good day, guys,’ he ruffled his son’s hair as he walked past me. They both mumbled goodbye and continued eating.

  ‘You work last night?’ Cam asks me, unexpectedly, stopping in front of me. He knows I didn’t work. His eyes were assessing me carefully, waiting for my response. I feel irritation flow through my veins. I loved Cam, but I wasn’t accountable to him or anyone, which was yet another reason that I preferred not to commit to a man. If I wanted to do something, I did it.

  ‘No,’ I looked up and directly into his probing eyes, ‘why?’ I provide him with my death stare, but it fails to have the desired effect, as he doesn’t so much as flinch.

  ‘Heard you come in early this morning, didn’t think you were working, thought maybe you’d changed your mind or got called in last minute?’ He stood there in his jeans and shirt, his law enforcement badge clipped to his belt looking the typical bad ass detective, trying to get to the bottom of an investigation.

  ‘You thought right, I didn’t go to work,’ I repeat, not willing to enlighten him to my whereabouts as he assumed I would if he repeated the question enough times.

  ‘Thought you had to get to work, Cam,’ I hear my sister call from behind me and I know she’s heard the conversation, by the warning tone of her voice.

  He glances over my shoulder, and his eyes soften, ‘I thought you were going to wait for Sasha to help you up and washed, babe?’ He calls gently, instantly forgetting our conversation.

  ‘I can get up. I need to move around. I’ll eat breakfast with my babies and then wash up when Sasha gets back from taking them to school,’ she announces, sitting down at the table. ‘I’ve missed enough time with my children,’ she smiles at a grinning Kristen, both kids had already been in to see Lydia this morning and were settling down nicely now they had her back, in fact, the house was calmer her just being in it.

  I watch as he walks around, his eyes bright and tips Liddy’s chin up with a finger to kiss her, ‘see you later, baby,’ he whispers.

  ‘Love you,’ she smiles, in return and my heart tightens just a little. My sister has a good relationship with her husband.

  ‘We’ll pick this up again later, Waspy,’ Cam tugs at my damp hair as he walks past and I roll my eyes at him.

  ‘I don’t think we will, Cam,’ I sing, as I sip my coffee.

  It isn’t until much later, when the kids are safely at school, and I have helped Lydia wash, dress and changed her dressings that I share with her my evening at Ben’s. She knew I was going to stop by and visit him because she was the one who gave up his address, but she evidently didn’t tell her husband.

  She looked pleasantly surprised by my description of our evening and even more stunned that even in his state of grief, Ben didn’t take advantage of the situation by making a pass at me. I told her she was gross and that would have been entirely inappropriate, and she had updated me that after what she had heard about Ben’s sexual antics, she wouldn’t put it past him, grief or not. Then she tilted her head and told me I was a good person and so was Ben, he just hadn’t met the right person yet.

  I was just in the process of making sandwiches for lunch when the doorbell went. I moved towards it and opened the door to find the object of our conversation standing on the porch. Ignoring the tip of my tummy, I opened the door wider with a smile.

  ‘Hey,’ I called, taking a quick assessment of his mood by his eyes. They look calm enough.

  ‘Hi darlin’,’ he stepped forward until he was standing directly in front of me, gazing down into my face, his eyes taking that sleepy, lazy expression that sends a tingle down to my lady bits. I felt his arms slide around my waist before his lips dropped down to my cheek to give me a quick, soft kiss.

  ‘How are you?’ My hand automatically moves to his chest, and my eyes find his, probing.

  ‘Better,’ he releases me and steps deeper into the house.

  ‘Hey, Ben,’ Liddy calls from the sofa, where she had propped herself after wearing herself out getting washed and dressed and listening to my account of the previous evening.

  ‘Hey, sweetheart,’ Ben moves over and bends down what seemed a long way to kiss my sister’s cheek. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘I’m good, how are you doing? I was so sorry to hear about your Pop,’ she pats the space next to her, and he folds himself down into the small area.

  ‘I’m making coffee and sandwiches if you are interested?’ I casually wander into the kitchen to give my sister time to her friend.

  ‘Stay and have lunch with me,’ Liddy pouts, ‘I’m going to die of boredom if I have to watch any more daytime TV.’

  ‘Sure!’ Ben agrees, ‘turkey and Swiss if you got it, Sasha darlin’,’ he calls.

  ‘Gotcha,’ I return.

  Ben stays and keeps Liddy amused for an hour and a half. I eat with them but stay out of the conversation as much as possible as I listen to Ben notify my sister of the funeral arrangements of his grandfather. His eyes wander to mine regularly, but I try to evade them as much as possible to prevent the intensity of his stare from sending frissons of electricity directly between my legs.

  In the end, I excuse myself to go and see to the daily mound of washing and hide in the utility room for as long as possible.

  ‘You avoiding me, Queenie?’ His voice is deep, smooth and vibrates through my entire being.

  I physically jump at the unexpected sound, grasping a hand dramatically to my chest. ‘Fuck! You frightened the life out of me!’ I scold him. How can the hell someone his size, move with so much grace?

  His lip tilts, ‘sorry, why are you avoiding me?’ He asks again, leaning against the jamb of the doorway.

  ‘Why would I be avoiding you?’ I fold one of Blake’s T-shirts for school and place it on the ever-growing pile.

  ‘Come here, Sasha,’ Ben commands.

  ‘Why?’ I ask, turning in his direction but not moving an inch.

  ‘Because I would rather talk to you face to face,’ he announces, ‘not across the room.’

  I move forward until I am close enough for comfort and look up, ‘how are you really doing?’ I ask softly.

  His eyes warm as his hand stretches out and curls around my waist pulling me hard against him. I put my hands out to stop me colliding with his hard body and feel the muscles beneath them flex. I can’t help myself from moving them up and curve around his broad shoulders. Fuck, that feels so good.

  “Ben!’ I say for no reason at all.

  ‘You left me without saying goodbye,’ he states, lightly, his gaze holding mine with a force that I find hard to ignore.

  ‘You looked so peaceful.’ I defend, ‘I guessed you needed the sleep.’ My body is responding to his proximity, the warmth spreading through my body.

  ‘You don’t ever leave me in the dead of night, Queenie, it’s an unwritten rule,’ he announces, pulling me deeper against his hard body. My breath catches in my throat, and I become tongue-tied as his eyes become lazy the bedroom eyes.

  ‘I’m not going to sleep with you,’
I mumble, in my lustful haze.

  His lips move up to a small smile, ‘who says I want to sleep with you?’

  ‘Your eyes,’ I inform him. ‘It would be good, I have no doubt,’ I admit, ‘but, I don’t need the complications. I am here to support Liddy and the family, not be one of your millions.’

  ‘Okay,’ he full pelt smiles and I feel it between my legs. Shit! That is one sexy smile.

  ‘Okay,’ I repeat, my eyes focusing on his lips, which are still half smiling. Then he lets me go, and I almost melt onto the floor.

  ‘You working a shift tonight?’ He asks casually as if the past few minutes haven’t occurred.

  ‘Err, yeah,’ I lean against the countertop, mainly to hold myself up from my jelly-like legs.

  ‘What time is Cam home?’ he continues.

  ‘I’m hoping by seven-thirty,’ I inform him, trying to force my brain to function.

  ‘I’ll pick you up at seven-forty-five,’ he announces, before turning back to the living area. ‘See ya, Liddy, sweetheart,’ he mumbles, quietly, dropping a kiss to my sister’s forehead.

  ‘What?’ I ask, confused, as I follow him into the living room.

  ‘Bye, Ben, thanks for stopping by,’ she smiles up at him before turning her amused gaze to my scowl.

  ‘Ben!’ I call, trying to grasp his attention.

  ‘What, Queenie?’ He turns to face me, surprised by my tone.

  ‘What do you mean you will pick me up? I have Liddy’s truck,’ I update him, ‘I don’t need a lift.’

  ‘You are bushed, by three a.m., I’ll pick you up and make sure you get home safely after your shift,’ he offers, kindly.

  ‘That’s really kind of you but unnecessary,’ I update him, ‘I’m used to coming home in the early hours, at home, it’s a regular occurrence.’

  He frowns, his eyes turning dark, ‘say what?’

  It takes me a minute to catch his line of thought; he thinks I mean after a date or something. ‘I am a nurse,’ I update him, ignoring the twinge of misplaced satisfaction at his annoyance at the thought of me coming home from a man’s bed during the early hours.

  ‘You’re a nurse,’ he echoes, as if he wasn’t aware of this, surely Liddy told him I was a nurse.

  ‘Yes, I do night shifts, regularly,’ I educate him, ‘I have no problem with driving home in the early hours.’

  ‘You’re a nurse,’ he says again.

  I hear Liddy giggle and look in her direction, ‘you told him I was a nurse, right?’ I address her.

  She shrugs, amusement in her hazel eyes, ‘I don’t think it ever came up.’

  I sigh, in mock frustration. ‘Okay, so I’m a nurse and don’t need you babysitting me, Ben. I drive home all the time in the dark. I appreciate you offering and all, but as I said it’s unnecessary.’

  His lips tip up as if something has occurred to him, ‘you have a nurse’s uniform, Queenie?’

  ‘What the fuck?’ I groan, and Liddy laughs out aloud, holding onto her chest, ‘out!’ I point to the front door, unable to contain the grin on my face. ‘I’ll see you at the club, later.’

  When I open the door, Ben dips down and kisses me softly, not on the forehead or the cheeks but directly on the lips. It was swift and catches me unawares, but on the lips, it was.

  ‘It wouldn’t be good, Sasha. It would be out of this world,’ he whispers, referring to our earlier conversation.

  I feel the moisture rush to between my legs, ‘out!’ I hiss.

  When I walk back to my sister, she is still grinning.

  ‘What?’ I question, carefully.

  ‘Someone has an admirer,’ she smiles as if she has the secret to the universe.

  ‘Whatever!’ I scoff, but she doesn’t look convinced by my flippant reply.

  ********

  There’s no denying that the early mornings and late nights are taking its toll on me. Used to it or not, I am tired and admittedly a bit cranky. The kids were fed and bathed, and Liddy is sitting reading them a story when I emerge from the bathroom ready for my shift. Cam has just returned home and is heating up the lasagne I prepared earlier in the kitchen.

  ‘Jesus!’ Cam murmurs, a frown hitting his forehead as I place my bag on the breakfast bar and fluff my hair up.

  ‘Are you going to say that every time I wear my uniform because I got to tell you, brother, it’s getting old?’ I mumble, as the doorbell rings. ‘You have to be kidding me!’ I explode, as I stomp to the front door and swing it wide open, knowing who is going to be standing there.

  ‘Did we not already have this conversion, honey, because as far as I remember, we had this conversation,’ I stand with my hand on my hips as Ben steps into the house.

  ‘I see you’re your usual joyful-self tonight, Queenie,’ he dips and kisses my cheek before moving into the kitchen area. ‘Hey man,’ he calls to Cam, ‘you just done?’

  ‘Yeah, a spate of burglaries in Krystal,’ Cam relays as he digs into the steaming hot lasagne. ‘How are you doing, brother?’ He asks, softly.

  ‘I’m okay,’ Ben answers, but I know that isn’t true. No one goes from how he was last night to how he is today. It’s a façade.

  ‘You need anything you let us know, yeah?’ Cam tells him.

  ‘It’s okay, it seems I have myself my very own Florence Nightingale,’ I hear the amusement in his tone and know he is mocking me.

  I watch as Cam scowls between Ben and me, I decide to save Ben from the interrogation that will occur if we hang around any longer. ‘Come on Romeo, if you are chauffeuring me,’ I call, grabbing my bag from the counter-top. ‘See ya, sis,’ I call.

  ‘Bye, Waspy,’ she calls in return.

  It isn’t until we are in Ben’s Audi that he asks, ‘what’s with the Waspy, thing?’

  ‘I’ll leave that to your imagination,’ I answer, not wanting to provide him with any more ammunition to tease me.

  ‘You have a sting?’ He glances across at me, his perfect eyebrow arched.

  I give him my death stare, I don’t use it a lot, but today I have used it twice, neither time it has had any impact, ‘what do you think?’

  ‘I think you are a kind, compassionate young woman, who is not only beautiful but also very perceptive,’ he announces, a matter of fact. I turn to face him, trying with all my might not to climb across the consort and straddle him, place my lips to his and kiss the life out of him.

  Instead, I confess, ‘I get it.’

  ‘What do you get?’ He probes intrigued.

  ‘I get why women fall at your feet,’ I look out of the window, ‘you are very charming.’

  ‘I’m not trying to be charming, and just for your information, darlin’, charming isn’t a word I’ve ever heard women use to describe me; usually, my bank balance is enough to lure,’ he responds sardonically.

  ‘Well, that’s just sad!’ I scoff.

  ‘Sad or not, it’s true,’ he counters.

  ‘Sorry to burst your bubble, honey, but it isn’t your bank balance they are after,’ I offer, bewildered that he seriously thinks that the amount of money he has is the only reason a woman would be with him. Does he have no mirrors in his house?

  ‘No?’ his eyes are on the road, mine is on his reaction.

  ‘Okay, I’ll lay it out for you here,’ I begin. ‘You, my friend, are H-O-T, with a capital H-O and T – now, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and trust that you really don’t know that, because seriously if you don’t that is so whacked!’

  ‘If I’m all what you say, how come you haven’t fallen for my charms?’ He asks, playfully.

  ‘Because, I’m all for having a bit of fun, but right now I am worried about my sister and haven’t the time or energy to embark on a sexual marathon, which I imagine is what it would be with you,’ I update him. ‘Besides, your reputation precedes you and as I said before sloppy seconds aren’t my style.’

  ‘You’re up for a bit of fun?’ He glances over at me, his blue eyes warm.

&n
bsp; ‘Oh my god, seriously?’ I reprimand him, ‘that’s the only bit you got from all from that?’ I hear him chuckle and turn to him, allowing the smile to curve on my face. It was good to see him smile after last night. He was in a dark place, a place that he seems to have shaken himself out of. ‘Are you seriously okay?’ I ask, soberly.

  ‘I got a hold of it,’ he responds, softly.

  ‘Okay,’ I murmur, ‘you know where I am if you need some company.’

  ‘Thanks, darlin’,’ he moves his hand to squeeze mine sitting on my thigh. ‘And Liddy will be okay,’ he announces, ‘I know you are worried, I am too, but she is a fighter, and we have to believe that she will get through this.’

  ‘Okay then,’ I croak, emotion sticking to my chest at the thought of any other conclusion for my sister.

  The remainder of the short drive is silent, each of us again in our heads. There is no doubt that circumstances have brought us together, not together as a couple, but collectively as two souls who just happen to be at difficult times in their lives at the same time. Me, deciding to go and visit a virtual stranger in his home after losing one of the primary role models in his life wouldn’t have happened if I’d been in my own country and own home.

  The fact is I feel alone, despite having my family around me. I have to be the calm, reasonable one for Lydia, Cam and the kids but secretly I want to wail and stamp my feet at the unfairness of a thirty-three-year-old woman having to go through all that she is right now. Ben is battling something as cruel as grief and has no one to turn to, and I am putting myself out there because I feel his pain.

  As we pull up to the club and drive around the side to the back entrance, Ben suddenly announces, ‘I owe you a meal, let me know when you are free and we’ll grab a bite and a beer.’