‘There’s no need, it was burger and chips,’ I remind him.
‘The scales are uneven,’ he uses my own words against me as he swings into a parking bay and switches off the engine.
‘Ben…’ I begin.
‘Tell me when you are free, Queenie, I like your company, and it seems you have no hidden agenda,’ he interrupts, stepping out of the car and slamming the door behind him.
‘What is it with stubborn American men?’ I mutter as I reach for the door handle. I half open the door when Ben appears and yanks it open and holds out a hand, which it has to be said is cute. ‘How come every time I convince myself you are a jerk. You do something to convince me otherwise?’ I snap at him, ignoring his outstretched hand and stomping past him. The only problem is I have to wait at the back door until he unlocks it, which kind of makes it a pointless exercise.
I look up to see Ben fighting a smile, I frown at him and look away. ‘Just for future reference, what was it I did that convinced you I wasn’t a jerk?’ He questioned, softly.
‘Open the door, Ben,’ I mutter exasperatedly.
His arm snakes out and pulls me against him, ‘all the attitude does, Queenie, is make you even more desirable,’ he kisses my frown.
‘See, like that there!’ I sigh, ‘pure cute!’
From an outsider’s point of view, Ben appears normal, but a couple of times during the evening I glance over to see him staring into his glass, his features blank as he sits at the bar on a stool. After I see him down the third glass of what I presume is Bourbon, I make my way over to him.
I lean against the bar, and he looks up, ‘you okay, honey?’ I query, quietly.
‘Just dandy,’ he mutters, his tone cold.
‘I can get a lift from Lou if you need to get out of here?’ I update him. He shouldn’t have come in. He should be at home, or with his mum. I hadn’t given a thought to his mum. I wonder if she knew or if she could even have comprehended that her father had passed.
His stare burns into mine, the coldness thawing before my eyes and my heart skips a beat, ‘where are your car keys, Ben?’ He looks confused for a moment, then pats his trouser pockets. ‘Why don’t you come and get them?’ He flirts, his eyes turning that lazy blue that makes my legs weak.
‘Cute!’ I mumble, stepping up in between his open legs, I see the surprise in his glance as I run both my hands seductively up his thighs. One of his moves up over my hip and around to my backside, his eyes heat and I almost forget my intention as I lean into his ear and whisper, ‘you need a ride home, honey, you ask,’ as I dip into his pocket and withdraw his car keys.
As I turn away with a sway to my hips, I know he has allowed me to confiscate his keys, if he didn’t want me to have them, I wouldn’t. His eyes narrow, but I see a twitch of his lips as I return to my assigned area.
He continues drinking.
By one thirty, I can see he shouldn’t be here, his shoulders have slumped, and all the staff are avoiding him as he becomes impatient when ordering his drink. I collect my things from my locker and approach carefully, eyeing up Tim, the barman with a shake of my head as I listen to Ben order another drink.
‘We ready to go?’ I ask casually, standing next to Ben at the bar.
His glassy eyes reach mine, ‘actually, darlin’, we aren’t,’ he indicates again to Tim for a refill, and he looks panic-stricken in my direction as if he doesn’t know what to do.
‘Why don’t we take the party back to your place?’ I offer, brightly.
He turns to face me, ‘let me get this straight, you want to come back to mine to party?’
‘Yeah, come on, let’s go,’ I encourage, ‘I could do with a drink after the week I’ve had,’ I add.
His eyes hold mine as if to assess whether I am genuine before he pushes the empty glass towards Tim. ‘Then let’s go, Queenie,’ he mutters, standing to his feet.
********
Chapter Six
Between the club and Ben’s loft, he had sunk deeper into his dark mood. I had tried to keep things light, even agreed with him that I was a terrible driver as I negotiated his Audi around the quiet Denver roads. I wasn’t great at driving on the opposite side of the road from home, but I was improving. Ben just wanted something to complain about, and it seems my driving was the something.
As soon as we entered the loft, he made his way to the kitchen to pour us both a bourbon. I really wasn’t in the mood for drinking, I was tired and was looking forward to flopping into my bed and waking up sometime late the next day. Regardless, I took the glass from Ben’s outstretched hand and sipped it back. His glassy blue gaze was regarding me with heat, sending my insides spinning. Shit! What was I thinking coming here when he was in such an unpredictable mood?
‘Why don’t you go to bed?’ I suggest, then realise how he could misconstrue that. ‘Like alone, catch up on some sleep,’ I add.
He grins, but it’s not a warm smile, more like a wicked one, ‘and there I was thinking you were going to join me, take the party horizontal.’ He steps closer, leaving his glass on the counter.
‘Ben,’ I call softly, as his hands span my waist, bringing me up against his heat. I place the hand that isn’t grasping the glass for dear life against his stomach, ‘drinking yourself into oblivion isn’t going to bring him back.’
His eyes turn dark, and his jaw tightens, ‘I’m well aware of that, Sasha!’ He snaps.
I palm his jaw and try to calm him down, ‘honey, why don’t you go to bed?’ I repeat in a whisper.
‘Only if you come with me,’ he almost purrs, his deep velvety voice brushing over me like silk.
‘I’m not having sex with you,’ I arch an eyebrow, in expression.
‘Then what the fuck you doing here?’ He releases me abruptly and turns back to his glass, tipping the entire contents down his throat in one flick of his wrist.
‘Looking out for you,’ I defend, ‘as a friend.’
‘A heads up, Sasha, I got enough friends,’ he calls, cruelly. ‘I was looking for a woman to lose myself in,’ he scoffs, nastily.
My stomach plunges at his cruel words, and I have to fight back the tears as emotion clogs my throat, ‘you know what, all I have tried to do is be a supportive friend to you,’ I croak, expressively. ‘You know what else Ben, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but there isn’t a long queue of people outside your door looking to take your back.’ I turn and grab my purse, collecting his car keys along the way. ‘Have at it, fuck who you like. I’m out of here!’
It isn’t until I am back at my sisters and laying in the darkness of my room that I allow the tears of frustration to fall down my cheeks. I empathise with Ben with every bone in my body, but I’m not his keeper, and I’m not going to sleep with him.
Thankfully, Cam’s on nightshift after his day off tomorrow, which means I will be needed here with Lydia and the kids and won’t be taking any shifts at Honour now for three nights. As I lay in the darkness, I internally debate whether or not to look for something different, but nothing else will give me the flexibility like Honour. Turning over, I sigh and fall into an exhaustive slumber, knowing tomorrow I won’t have to do the school run and Liddy had insisted I lay in and catch up on sleep. Cam will be home during the day to take care of my sister, which means I get a day to myself. My first luxury is to have at least eight hours sleep tonight.
I hear voices outside my door and turn to look at the clock on the bedside table. It’s ten-twenty, and by my calculation, I have had a good seven hours sleep, and yet still I want more.
‘And I told you, fella, she’s asleep,’ that was Cam, and he sounds harassed.
‘I just need to speak to her,’ my mind instantly alerts. Fuck, and that’s Ben.
‘Why, what have you done to her? I thought we’d had this discussion man. I fucking well hope you haven’t treated her like your usual pussy!’ Cam is pissed and did he just call me pussy?
‘She’s not fucking pussy!’ Ben almost growled.
&
nbsp; I leap out of bed when I hear Liddy shout at her husband, ‘Cam! What the fuck?’
I open my door and see the three of them in the corridor, Liddy leaning against the wall and Ben in Cam’s personal space.
‘Stop!’ I shout, my heart thudding in my chest, funnily enough, they obey, when all three of them turn in my direction. ‘Cam, your wife is standing beside you distressed, what the fuck are you doing?’ I asked, disbelief in my voice. Then I turn to Ben, who has to be said looks awful, his eyes still glassy, his hair dishevelled as he stands in the clothes he had on last night. ‘Ben, your car keys are by the front door, use them!’
‘Need a word, Queenie,’ he mutters, dangerously quiet.
‘You said all you needed to say last night,’ I remind him. ‘Honey-bee, go sit down sweetheart before you fall.’ Both men turn actually to look at my sister who looks pale and stressed. Cam instantly moves to his wife and with a backwards glance guides her back to the living area.
‘A word?’ Ben repeats.
‘No,’ I shake my head, adamantly. ‘Now if you would excuse me, I have a scarce day to myself, and it is going to start with more sleep,’ with that I turn and re-enter my room, slamming the door behind me.
********
After an hour of tossing and turning, I know I am never going to get back to sleep feeling so churned up, so instead get up and have a long soak in the bath, before giving myself a much-needed manicure and pedicure. I knew that Cam and Lydia were going to the hospital for a check-up and then Cam was taking his wife for lunch, as she was going stir crazy stuck in the house. I had decided to do some retail therapy to purchase some make-up items I was running short of and have a browse around the mall.
After spending most of my well-earned wages from Honour on a new pair of jeans and some heeled boots, I walked past the cinema and decided to go and watch a movie instead of returning home. I had limited time to myself, since my arrival in Denver and after the fiasco this morning, felt as if I needed some me time. Buying a ticket to the evening showing of the new Planet of the Apes film, I sit with a huge box of popcorn and a diet root beer, leaving all my worries behind me for a couple of hours at least.
When I arrive home, the children are in bed, and Cam and Liddy are snuggled up on the sofa.
‘Hi,’ I call, as I enter with my arms full of bags.
‘Hey, I was getting worried,’ my sister calls, her voice soft, her eyes concerned.
‘I left a note,’ I remind her, ‘I felt like shopping,’ I explain.
‘Everything okay?’ She continues.
‘I’m good, Honey-bee,’ I assure her, the last thing she needs is worry on top of her recovery. ‘Just took an afternoon out. How did you get on at the hospital?’
‘I’m doing well,’ she smiles, and I tell her I’m pleased.
Cam is looking at me cautiously, ‘Err, Sasha,’ he seems embarrassed, I could let him off the hook here, but he is taking this protective brother thing too far and needs to know.
‘Yes?’ I answer, bluntly.
‘I’m sorry for referring to you like pussy,’ he glances at Liddy who regards him patiently, ‘it came out wrong, I was trying to look out for you.’
‘I understand that Cam, but seriously, I can take care of myself and I can certainly handle the Ben Taylors of the world. I don’t know what you know, but just for the record nothing has happened between Ben and me.’ I see something in his glance that suggests this is news to him and I watch him physically relax. ‘Not that I owe you an explanation, I don’t answer to you or anyone,’ I add. I watch Liddy smile from beside him.
‘Noted!’ He nods, ‘but, just out of curiosity, then why is he so mad at you?’
‘Because nothing has happened between Ben and me,’ I mutter, with a sigh.
Cam turns to his wife, and they share a grin.
‘Right, don’t take this personally, but I am hitting the sack, all this shopping is tiring,’ I pick up my bags and make towards my room.
‘Err, I don’t think so,’ Liddy stops me as she points to my bags, ‘you need to share what you bought first!’
********
I am feeling much more refreshed by the time I arrive at Honour on Saturday night. After going to lunch at the local diner with Liddy and the children, I pretty much chilled out in preparation for work. My sister was doing so much better now, and her wounds were healing nicely, as she returned to some of her normal tasks with the kids. She wouldn’t be cleaning and vacuuming for a while, but she was preparing the kid's lunches and pottering around a little.
I walk into the bar area and immediately see Ben, sitting on his usual stool, his eyes dark as they appraise me, his face blank. I ignore him and wander directly through to the locker area and discard my belongings, before chatting to Lou and the girls.
It isn’t until the evening warms up and I have stopped waiting for Ben to approach me, that I get a message from one of the barmen that Ben asked me to go to his office. I try to argue that I am busy, but he suggests that I go as soon as possible.
I trot up the stairs to the corridor, I only visited on my first encounter to Honour, and try to calm my fluttering stomach. I just need to be indifferent and make it clear that my friendship is no longer available and carry on with my job.
I knock and walk in to see Ben sitting at his desk, his expression broody.
‘You wanted to see me?’ I ask, and surprisingly my voice doesn’t betray my nerves.
‘Yes,’ he stands and folds back the sleeves of his white shirt, his uniform for work, before wandering over to the sofa area. ‘Please sit,’ he gestures to the chair.
‘Actually, we are busy down there, is this something that could wait?’ I ask, as calmly as possible.
‘No, it’s not. Please sit,’ Ben continues, as he stands over the sofa and waits for me to sit down before taking the chair opposite. ‘Right,’ he leans forward, his eyes serious, ‘I understand you don’t want to hear this, but I owe you an apology and if the only way I can make you listen is here, then so be it.’
‘I’m not…’ I begin.
‘Please, let me finish,’ he holds up a hand, to stop me from speaking, which kind of pisses me off. ‘I am sorry, I was in a bad place, and I took it out on you, the one person that gave a shit. You can choose not to accept my apology, but that would be a shame because I valued that friendship, despite my cruel words.’
I am determined not to let him draw me into his meaningless words, ‘are we done?’ I whisper, sticking my nose in the air to his apology.
He regards me closely without speaking for a few beats and then continues, ‘come on Queenie,’ his eyes warm, ‘don’t hold a grudge, I’m sorry. Shout at me, say something, but don’t sulk.’
Okay, he wants me to speak, I’ll talk. ‘I’m taking back my friendship. You don’t have it anymore. Friendship is not on condition of what you get from someone. You wanted sex in return for my friendship. I don’t want that,’ I announce. ‘I had no ulterior motive. I am alone in a strange country, watching my sister, who may I add is my only living relative, go through one of the worse things a woman can. I thought I saw something in you, something that connected us, seeing as you were also suffering through this awful disease. Then you speak to me how you spoke to me when all I was doing was trying to be a friend and get you home safely so you wouldn’t drive your car and get arrested. So, I’m taking back my friendship, as of now I am just another employee, one of the ones you don’t fuck, I hasten to add.’
His eyes flare before his head drops to look at the carpet. ‘I hurt you,’ he states, gently.
‘Yeah you hurt me, you won’t do it again,’ I stand, and he follows, always the gentleman.
‘I am truly sorry, Sasha. I am sorry I have lost your friendship, I hope to win it back somehow because as you rightly pointed out, there isn’t exactly a queue of people waiting outside my door to take my back.’ Yeah, I’d forgotten I’d said that that was a bit of a dick thing to say, but in my defence, I was angry and
hurt.
‘Can I go?’ I question. Ben's eyes burn into mine, and I hold them at bay with the all the coldness I can muster.
‘Sure,’ he nods, not before I see disappointment in his gaze.
Chapter Seven
I decided against attending Ben’s grandfather’s funeral, the following Tuesday. Both Cam and Lydia were going in support of their friend, so I volunteered to collect the children from school and take care of them instead. Neither Cam or Lydia had mentioned Ben, since the showdown outside my bedroom, but I didn’t miss the glances that travelled between them when I offer to take the kids. Do I feel bad? Absolutely. Deep down, I know Ben didn’t mean what he said to me, as I didn’t mean the hateful comment I retaliated with, but I deduced it was best to leave things how they stood between us.
I do, however, respectfully send a reef of flowers.
It isn’t until the following week, in the club, that he summons me again.
‘Hi,’ I call, his door is wide open, and he is sitting on the edge of his desk as he reviews the screens that show him what is going on around the club.
‘Hi, shut the door, will you?’ He commands distractedly, he is in business mode, and this intrigues me.
I shut the door as instructed and wander to where he is standing, ‘what’s up?’
‘I need to show you something, I have conflicted emotions about involving you without informing Cam, but I think he has enough to deal with right now. If you think otherwise, we can discuss,’ he turns to his desk and picks up some paperwork. ‘I already told you that my grandfather was wealthy,’ his glance flickers to mine, and I nod. ‘Well, somehow someone has obtained information as to just how wealthy and has sent me these,’ he hands me the papers and I scan them. When I turn the page, I see for myself a photo of Ben and me standing at the bar downstairs, me smiling up to Ben and him gazing down with a tilt to his lips. To a stranger the image suggests we are a couple, I feel a flutter in my belly at the way I am looking at him and heat finds my cheeks. My eyes are lazy, and my lips tipped up in a smile that, there are no other words to describe, screams, please have sex with me. It’s no wonder his brain is in the bedroom. To be fair, when I take a closer look, his eyes are also filled with the promise of satisfaction.
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