‘Not really, whatever happened he would always have a home with me,’ he updated me, seriously.
My face fell, I hadn’t considered that whether we got back together or not, Theo would be spending nights with his dad, away from me and long-term possibly with another woman stepping up when I wasn’t around. Suddenly, my exciting day turned sour.
‘Baby, come here,’ Ben demanded. I stopped and looked at him, wondering whether I should turn and run right now, but knowing he was only looking out for himself by preparing for the unexpected or expected, however, he saw it. Ben looked into my face, and I saw concern etch his features. He moved over to me and with one hand cradling our son; he used the other to hook my neck and bring me up to his face. ‘I always hoped it would include you, yeah?’ He whispered.
‘Yeah,’ my eyes move down to his lips, since last night and our making out session, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Ben and me, his kisses, him tasting my honey and thinking of all the ways we liked to fuck.
His eyes flare with heat at what he finds in my eyes, ‘did I awaken something, last night, baby?’ The deep tone of his voice vibrated through me sending my nipples hard. ‘Oh, yeah,’ he purred, ‘I woke the pussy from her slumber,’ his lips hit mine, but I was ready for him, nibbling his lip as his tongue plunged into my mouth with a promise.
‘You two want me to keep Theo here, while you…eh, reconnect?’ My sister calls from the living room, amusement dripping from her voice.
I step back, almost panting at the way we went from zero to one-hundred in nought-point-one seconds. ‘Fuck!’ I feel the heat in my cheeks and see for myself the desire in Ben’s gaze as he lifts Theo up to his shoulder.
‘Get your things, Queenie,’ he murmurs, quietly. ‘Later, Liddy,’ he calls.
‘Bye, sweetheart,’ she grins over to us. ‘I would say have fun, but I think it’s a given.’
Walking back to the loft after so long, feels alien, mainly because on first glimpse nothing seemed to have changed. It looked exactly like it had all those months ago, except for the spare bedroom next to the master suite, which had been a gym was now a nursery.
Ben stood at the doorway with Theo in his arms as I walked around it, running my eyes over all the new furniture and pale blue walls knowing that I could never give my son this in a million years. I opened the little gloss white wardrobe, to see it full of outfits for now and as he grew, all hung up correctly on a small rail. There was a changing station that held shelves of diapers and various creams and potions and a full-sized cot that would see him through until he was ready for a single bed. A rocking chair sat against the full-length window exposing the striking views of Denver, and a rug sat in the middle of the vast area, with swirls of blues running through it.
‘Do you like it? If you don’t like it we can change it?’ I hear the uncertainty in his voice and glance in his direction.
‘It’s stunning,’ I tell him. ‘He’s a very fortunate little boy,’ I add.
‘Then why does your face say differently?’ He asks, gently.
‘Because I could never give him this,’ I confess.
‘You have given him this, we have given him this as his parents,’ he tells me, ‘you are now a Us, I am now a Us. Whatever, he gets comes from us both. Now come over here and kiss your man, just like the one you gave me in your sister’s hallway,’ he demands.
I wander over to him and take our son from his arms, placing him in the middle of his new cot, he is asleep and looks lost in the vast area, but stays asleep as I step back to Ben and kiss him hard. His fingers tangle in my hair as he deepens the kiss, walking me out of Theo’s new room and into his bedroom. When the back of my knees hit the mattress, he lowers me down onto it and with hands under my pits moves me up until my head hits the pillow. Then he lowers himself down on top of me, I open my legs, and he drops in between them. Wrapping them around him I push myself against him, my body needing something it hasn’t had in a long time.
Ben’s mouth moves along my jaw and nibbles down my neck, while I try to pull off his t-shirt. ‘You ready for this, baby?’ He murmurs against my skin.
‘Fuck, yeah!’ I pant.
He pulls off his T-shirt, and I run my hands over his warm, taut skin as I remember all the places he likes me to touch. He skims his lips down my cleavage and keeps going until he has undone my jeans and is pulling them and my underwear down in one movement. I feel his lips nibble a trail up my knee, to my thigh and then he is there slowly licking his tongue through my swollen lips.
‘Always so wet for me,’ he mutters against my skin. ‘So, so sweet, as sweet as honey,’ I lift my hips searching for more, needing the release, but he pushes them down and takes his time in sucking and licking every single inch of me. I feel it building, and he must feel it too as his tongue flicks my clit and I explode, loud and hard as it shudders through me. ‘Fuck yeah,’ he continues to lap at me as I come down. He moves up my body, his bulging groin calling to me as it rubs against my bare skin.
I move my hands down and unclasp his jeans urging them down his legs. Our eyes are locked, burning as he helps me out by kicking them off. As soon as I see his long, thick hardness, I feel the need between my legs increase. I pull off my t-shirt and Ben’s eyes drop to my ample breasts, he curses, and his mouth begins to explore. I had worn one of my prettier nursing bras, that looked less like a hammock, it was black with pink lace edging it and had matching bottoms. His fingers release the clasp, and they spill out into his waiting hands.
‘Fuck, I loved them before, now they are fucking spectacular,’ he groans sucking on a hard nipple. When he let go, his eyes were wide, ‘Jesus, that is sweet, glad my boy has got that baby.’ It seems he likes breast milk.
Pushing against him, I whimper my need. ‘I need you inside, honey,’ I demand.
‘Condom,’ he moves over to the bedside cabinet and pulls out a foil packet, ripping it with his teeth, he covers himself, all the while his eyes stroking appreciatively over my naked body. I know my body has changed, it’s only been nearly seven weeks since I gave birth, but my jelly-belly has thankfully tightened up substantially.
‘It’s not the same as it was,’ I tell him, coyly, although I imagine he can see for himself.
‘It’s perfect,’ he comments, his lips moving down to my breasts, kissing and licking every inch. ‘Get on top, baby, you can control the pace.’
He lays back, and I eagerly straddle him. His hands find my hips, and I lower myself slowly onto him, he sucks in a breath as I slide down until he emerges himself in all that is me.
‘Feels like home,’ he whispers, romantically and I feel butterflies explode in my belly. ‘Need you to move, Queenie,’ he pants. He is holding back for me. He is worried about hurting me.
‘Feels so good,’ I circle my hips around him, slowly at first, until I know it isn’t going to hurt and then more forcefully as we pick up the pace, our eyes locked as our bodies become as one. I watch every emotion pass Ben’s face as I lean forward and rub my globe-like breasts across his chest. ‘Missed this,’ I moan, feeling my body hum with pleasure as it lights up.
‘Mouth,’ he calls, I dip forward, and he takes my lips in a hard, passionate kiss as his fingers of one hand tweak my nipple, ‘touch yourself,’ he orders. I slip my hand between us and rub on my clit as his mouth continues to assault mine, deliciously. I feel it building and sit up to grind down against him.
‘Eyes, baby,’ he calls, bending his legs up and sitting upright as he grasps my hips. I look down into his heavenly blue eyes as it begins to cascade around me, I cry out, throwing my head back in ecstasy as my body trembles with the force of my release. He takes control and pumps up three or four more times before he explodes inside me with a growl of gratification.
I fall on top of him, nuzzling into his neck as we both come down from our high. He begins to play with my hair, something he always loved doing and it relaxes me.
‘I love you, baby,’ he whispers, against my ear. �
��I never stopped.’
I tense at his words, ‘Ben,’ I murmur, not knowing how to respond.
‘It’s okay, I know it may take you a while, I don’t expect you to be on the same page,’ he interrupts, ‘but for me, it’s only ever been you. I swore I ever got you back; I wouldn’t hold anything back from you. So, this is me expressing my feelings for you. I’m not saying them to get the same back. I’m just telling you how I feel.’
Back in the day, I had never confessed to Ben that I loved him. I had felt it but was unable to share that with him. I had been coming around to declaring my feelings, but it ended before I had the chance. He had conveyed his love for me and yet had then left me, so it served no purpose, in my mind.
At that juncture, I decide not to open myself up to any more hurt and stayed silent, although I kissed his neck, affectionately. ‘Okay, Ben,’ I muttered. His arms squeezed me, and I relaxed into him, ‘take care of the condom, honey,’ I encourage.
I lift off of him, and he moves to the bathroom, does his thing and returns to the bed to wrap me up in his arms, under the covers. We lay against each other, his hand stroking patterns on my hip, mine running over his toned abs. ‘It hurt?’ he asked, softly.
‘No,’ I smile at him, ‘so next time no holding back,’ I notify him.
He chuckles, ‘okay, baby,’ his lips move to my hair. ‘I never thought I’d have you here with me again,’ he confides, gently.
‘I’m here,’ I smile against his chest.
‘May seem like a stupid question, but you have anyone else?’ He asks, cautiously.
‘No Ben, I was pregnant remember?’ I mutter, quietly.
‘Okay,’ he squeezes me to him. ‘seems I have a lot of making up to do to your body too,’ he pulls me over until I am laying on top of him, his lazy eyes move over me and that's all it takes.
‘Want to start that now, stud?’ I nibble his chin, seductively.
‘Oh yeah,’ he breathes.
********
Theo didn’t like the new cot. It was too big, and I could see that. He was okay when he was already asleep, like when we first got into the loft, but, once awake, he screamed blue murder if we lay him inside.
I had sucked Ben off, and he had bent me over the bed and fucked me hard when Theo had woken up screaming. Thankfully, I had got mine and Ben had also just got his, so the interruption although disturbed our coming down from our respective orgasms, could have been worse-timed. Ben went to discard the condom, and I stood and pulled on his t-shirt before going to my boy.
I brought him back to Ben’s bed and climbed in and lifted the t-shirt to offer him my breast, he sucked more in comfort than need, but it calmed him nevertheless.
Ben came in and watched, ‘take it off, Sasha,’ he urged, from his place, laid out beside me.
‘You’ll have to help me,’ I tell him, he holds Theo at my breast while I pull off my t-shirt. Then he lays beside me and watches while our son feeds from me, a look of awe on his face.
‘Do you know how beautiful you look, right now?’ He questioned, huskily, I flush, but smile at him, ‘pure fucking beauty.’
Our day, as a family, marked the start of us, just as Ben had predicted. I had told him that although the cot was striking, it was too big and suggested he get a Moses basket to go inside of it, or a crib, for the time being, especially as he suggested we stay at the loft during the weekend. Once I had fed the baby, we had got up and dressed, and Ben had gone out for cheeseburger and fries for us to enjoy in front of a movie, with the baby kicking on an activity mat set on the floor in front of us. It felt natural, the three of us being together, alone. It was how it was supposed to be.
I snuggled into Ben while watching mindless TV feeling content, something I hadn’t felt in a long time. And then, a little later, we had taken Theo out for a walk in the pram, before he drove me back to Lydia’s. Once the baby had been fed, yes with him watching minus the nursing sling, he went about his usual routine of changing and winding him before laying him in his crib, fast asleep.
It's then that I knew we could do it. Ben went off to work, and I spent some time doing washing and other mundane chores while smiling about our day. Tomorrow, Ben and I were taking Blake and Kristen out for dinner as a treat, without Theo. We had been so busy becoming parents that we hadn’t spent any special time with my niece and nephew, something we both missed. So, we had decided we were going to collect the kids from school and take them to our favourite diner. They loved every minute.
The weekend, we all, as a family, took the kids to the zoo. Ben, Theo and me and Lydia, Cam and their two spent the day as an ordinary family does and it was then that I knew I didn’t want to go back to London. Even putting Ben out of the equation, which I wasn’t intending on doing, but just for this scenario, pretend, I couldn’t imagine bringing up my baby in a place I had no family. When it was just me, it was alright as I could please myself. But to drag Theo away from a close-knit family like ours after the past few weeks would be criminal.
‘I’m staying in Denver,’ I tell them all at the dinner table that night. The kids were playing on the Xbox in Blake’s room, Theo was asleep, and the rest of us were lounging around the dining room table.
‘Well, we guessed that,’ Lydia rolls her eyes, sarcastically. Ben just stares at me as if I am an alien, with a strange look on his face and it didn’t look like a particularly good one.
I ignore it and continue. ‘My maternity leave is nearly up, which means although I will be leaving, I have to go back for three months, to work my notice, or pay back the maternity pay I received,’ I explain. I look at Ben, ‘I wasn’t running out on you if that’s what the look is for.’
Things were good between us, incredible in fact, but I felt like they all needed to hear this conversation because it affected them all.
I continue. ‘As you probably know, Ben and I are giving things a real go,’ I look over at him, ‘and things are going brilliantly,’ I admit. I see his eyes light somewhat and his composure loses some of its tenseness. ‘I was going to run this past Ben first, but you two have been my saviours over the past few months, I wouldn’t have survived without you. I owe it to you to be in on this. Obviously, until Ben and I sort through things I will need somewhere to stay,’ I look to Cam.
‘Consider it an honour,’ he nods, ‘stay as long as you like, Waspy.’
I rub his arm, in gratitude, ‘thank you,’ I look to my sister, ‘that okay with you, Honey-bee?’
‘Course, sweetheart,’ she grins.
‘Great! Once things have settled, I’ll rent out my flat in London and look for a job,’ I smile, my gaze hits Ben and I know I have said something wrong. ‘What?’ I ask.
‘You got a minute?’ He asks me, his eyes granite. ‘You listen out for Theo, Cam?’ He asks my brother in law.
‘Sure, bud,’ he grins over to a smiling Lydia.
He stands from his position at the table and strides around to grasp my hand and walk us not into my room, but outside the front door and to his Range Rover.
‘What’s going on?’ I ask when he opens the passenger door.
‘Humour me,’ he is pissed, so I climb in. He slams the door and walks around to his side of the vehicle, his face set to the impassive mask I haven’t seen for a while.
‘Where are we going?’ I ask.
‘Quiet, Queenie,’ he mutters. I stay quiet, running and re-running the conversation we just had in my mind. I can’t see where I went wrong, I said I’d have to go home, but only for a little while why we set things up. ‘You can always come back to London with me,’ I offer, thinking maybe that’s where the problem lies.
We pull up outside his loft, and he climbs out and moves around to help me out. I know by his face that it’s better if I remain quiet. I allow him to lead me upstairs and into his home. He switches the lights on and leads me to his office and fires up his laptop. All this is in silence.
‘Here, Queenie,’ he calls from his place on the opposite side of
the desk. I move around only because I am curious as to what he needs to show me and not because he has called me like a dog.
I look at the bank account that he is exposing to me, then look up at him with my mouth dropped open, I have never seen so many zeros in my whole life. There are more zeros than a million I can tell you.
‘Yeah, I see you are getting it now,’ he growls. ‘What the fuck did you think we were doing here, Sasha? You said you knew where we were heading, by the shit I just heard there is no way you know where we are heading, darlin’. The fucking hospital wants their money back; you give it to them, we don’t need their money. You stay here, and you won’t be staying with Cam and Liddy, you will be warming my bed every night. You go and see them whenever you want. I want that for Theo and us, today was a great fucking day, babe, up to the point where you are making life-changing plans without consulting me. I told you before. I am losing my patience, consider it lost, Queenie because this is how it is going to go.
You and our son will be moving in with me this weekend. We will then be house hunting for a family home that doesn’t have stairs that you have to manoeuvre a stroller up and down on a daily basis. In between that, we are arranging a wedding, as soon as physically possible. Now I know you won’t be wanting a big wedding seeing as neither of us have any kin, but Cam, Liddy and the kids, so do whatever you wish to, Sasha, because as you can see for yourself, money is no object for us. And for the record, you want a job other than bringing up our kids, which just so you know I want a whole heap of, we discuss that when our son isn’t feeding on your breast. Although seeing as your breasts are going to be serving all of our kids, I’d forget that for a while if I was you.
Your flat, we will pay off and use when you want to visit London, your friends, or mine, just as we discussed before. I’m going to reiterate this, whether I sound like a dick or not, we have enough money to see us through our lives and our kids through theirs and probably their kids through theirs. Money is something I have darlin’, in abundance, love and family are what I am lacking. You give me that, I provide you with anything your heart desires, we are even, the scales are level, you hear me?’
Weakness Page 27