by Nick Harrow
Despite my smart-ass comment, the ancient dungeon lord was probably right that I’d pay for treating my guardians as equals. I’d just have to deal with the fallout because the whole master/servant dynamic wasn’t my jam. I cared about my guardians, and I wanted them to care about me. We’d all fight harder to defend what we loved than we would if it was all just a job.
It was just after midday when I started my walk around the oasis. Despite the relatively small number of residents, the valley was already filled with the rich and spicy aroma of cooking lunches. I caught a whiff of something that reminded me of my favorite taco stand back home, but a few steps later that delightful scent was replaced by the meaty aroma of a stew. Everything smelled delicious, and I briefly considered spending a few of my motes to incarnate and enjoy a meal with the locals.
Before I could squander my resources, I realized what a bad idea it was. The villagers cleared out of my path as I walked the perimeter of the settlement and peered at me from behind curtained windows or from the depths of shadowed alleyways between homes and businesses. They were wary of me, and who could blame them? It wasn’t every day a crazy god-like being wandered down the block in search of tacos. They’d freak right the hell out if I asked them to feed me.
“I’ll never have a taco again,” I muttered to myself as I completed my circuit of the oasis.
Honestly, there hadn’t been much to see that I hadn’t already seen. It was a nice enough place, but the oasis wasn’t very interesting.
I’d stalled enough. It was time to see Kezakazek.
But, first, I wanted to try out a little dungeon lord trick that would save me a hell of a lot of time if it worked the way I expected. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the throne in my burial chamber. My meditation techniques helped me to visualize the room in great detail until it felt as if the image in my mind’s eye was every bit as solid and concrete as the real thing.
When I opened my peepers, I found myself safe and sound with my ass firmly planted on the cobra throne.
“Fuck, yeah!” I pumped my fist in celebration. I’d reread The Dungeon’s Visage ability a few dozen times to glean some extra info on it. The power let me appear to anyone inside my dungeon, in any form that I chose. I didn’t have a real body unless I was incarnated, so I’d figured that where I willed myself to appear, I would actually be.
I’m a pretty smart guy when I put my mind to it.
My dungeon lord senses confirmed that Kezakazek was still holed up in the fortress we’d liberated from Kozerek. I could have popped in right behind the dark elf, but that was rude and would have pissed her off. She might have even flung an acid ball at my face out of pure reflex. Kez was very much a shoot first, don’t bother with questions kind of lady.
The walk over to the dungeon formerly known as Delsinia’s Ghoulish Gang Base felt weird, and it took me a few minutes to figure out the odd sensation was no one trying to kill me.
I kinda liked it.
I had a strong urge to procrastinate by rearranging the hamster trail of tunnels that led from the Tomb of Rathokhetra. The spiral staircase that connected the tunnel to the fallen scarabkin temple was a hideous eyesore, and the slapdash construction of the decoy tunnel I’d built to ambush Kozerek’s drow looked atrocious. It was hard to believe how much more advanced my construction techniques were now, but it was even harder to believe that my whole existence as a dungeon lord had taken up less than a month of my life.
I shook my head and continued on my way. There was no sense in delaying the inevitable.
After I wound my way through Delsinia’s former lair and navigated the kill tunnel I’d used to firewall our dungeons and trap the drow invaders from the bullshit dimension, I found myself in front of the gate between Soketra and the staging area that Kozerek had built. It would’ve been far safer to seal this damned thing up to prevent any attacks from this direction, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Beyond this gate lay the Solamantic Web, which connected me to all the other worlds out there.
Including Earth.
For the moment, the Solamantic Web remained a wide-open back door into my territory. Fortunately for me, the Venn diagram intersection of bad guys who hated me and people who knew about that web was pretty fucking small. I’d killed the only guy who fit into both categories, as well as his creepy little dungeon lord pet.
And I didn’t leave the place completely unguarded. Pinchy and several of her friends emerged from the darkness to stand before the web’s starry glow when I approached. The scorpions had leveled up when I’d advanced my guardians, and the difference was impressive. The scorpions were the size of Saint Bernards now, and their tails had a fifteen-foot striking range. They’d been cute, but dangerous, before. Now they were deadly as all hell and terrifying if you didn’t know them.
“Hey, Pinchy.” I scratched the top of the scorpion’s head as I headed for the web. “Keeping an eye on things for me?”
All the scorpions clicked their massive claws together and raised them in a chitinous salute. Satisfied there was no threat of an immediate invasion, they vanished back into the darkness and settled into their duty as watchdogs.
“Lucy, I’m home,” I called when I’d crossed through the web and into Kozerek’s fortress. The old dungeon lord who’d managed this place had terrible taste in décor, so we’d moved the important stuff we could find down to the first floor and sealed off the rest of it with walls I’d created. The option to open it later was always there, but for now I preferred something a little cozier than the crazy demon sex magic palace we’d taken over.
“You know where to find me,” Kezakazek shouted back. Her words bounced around the stone hall and I followed their dying echoes to the cramped little room where she did her research.
The dark elf was perched on her heels in an overstuffed leather chair in front of a dark wood desk that took up almost half of the office’s space. The little room’s walls were lined with bookshelves crammed with tomes, pamphlets, and vellum scrolls densely covered in arcane symbols I didn’t even pretend to understand. Kezakazek peered over the top of the pile of books she’d gathered on the desk, and a sharp pang of worry burrowed toward my heart when I saw her.
Smudges of dark purple ink stained her cheeks like bruises, and she had bags under her eyes that were so dark they looked like deep holes. Her hair was wild and unkempt, and it framed her face with a tangle of bristly briars that accentuated the gaunt hollows of her cheeks.
“Don’t say it,” she said. “I know I need to eat, and I’m fully aware that I haven’t been drinking enough, either. I also let my glamour down, so, yes, I look like shit and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention any of that.”
“I wasn’t going to say you looked like shit.” I drew a cross over my heart with my right index finger. “But I am going to tell you to get some rest and leave the books alone for a bit. They aren’t going anywhere, and you’re no good to yourself or anyone else if you burn out.”
“I’m not going to burn out,” the drow snapped. The sharp crack of her voice was only slightly muffled by the books around us, and her eyes widened when she heard the half-crazed tone of her words.
“You are.” I held out a hand to her. “Come on, let’s get some food in you.”
“There’s something else I’d rather have in me,” she said, and despite her weariness her eyes still smoldered with a carnal hunger.
“After we put the meat back on your bones.” I cursed at my inattention. I should have noticed she was using magic to conceal the damage she’d done to herself with this obsession. “And I have something I want to show you.”
Kezakazek’s breath gusted over her lips with an irritated huff. She shuffled the papers strewn in front of her, flipped through the pages of a tome at her left elbow, and then motioned for me to join her on the far side of the desk.
“Let me show you something first,” she said. “I think it’s important, but I can’t tell.”
I used my awesome dungeo
n lord gifts to will myself into position on Kez’s right side to get a better look at her work.
“Hmm, that is interesting,” I whispered into her ear.
Kezakazek nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of my voice so close to her. She whirled in her chair and looked up at me, then blinked owlishly.
“That was unnecessarily spooky,” she said. “You’re learning all kinds of new tricks.”
“Gotta keep you all on your toes,” I said. “Can you explain what you’ve found here?”
The dark elf smoothed the page with her fingers and tilted it so that light from the enchanted stone above us shone down on it. The sheet of vellum was speckled with black dots of all different sizes, some surrounded by concentric rings. It reminded me of the Solamantic Web, though there were far too few dots for this to be even a two-dimensional representation of that complex model of the many worlds.
“I know. It’s sort of like the web, but not really,” Kezakazek said as my thoughts bled into hers. “But there’s something else I just found.”
She leaned forward so her body cast a shadow over the page. The black ink’s hue shifted and took on a silvery sheen shot through with oily rainbow highlights. The drow traced the edge of one ring with the dagger-like nail of her right index finger, once, twice, and then a third time. When she finished the last counterclockwise circuit, the glistening circle floated off the page, grew thicker, and slowly rotated. A spark of white light appeared on its outer edge and grew brighter as the inky circle spun.
The ring’s rotation stopped just as suddenly as it had begun. The mote of light transformed into a brilliant beam that lanced across the page to highlight another ring on the far side of the vellum. Jagged red letters appeared around that circle, like drops of blood dribbling onto an altar.
“Do you see?” Kezakazek asked. “I’m so close. I just need a few more days to understand Kozerek’s ciphers. Everything I need is here. A little more time, and I’ll know who destroyed my family.”
Every word that fell from the drow’s lips rang with a growing need for vengeance. Someone had taken everything from Kez. They’d destroyed her family, wiped out their legacy, and left her homeless. Her desire to find whoever was responsible and burn their world to the ground had infected her with a dark fever that had begun to destroy her.
The drow was within days of finding the answer that meant more to her than life itself.
It was killing her, and I knew I should make her stop, but I couldn’t put the brakes on this project. It meant so much to Kez that if I pulled the rug out from under her the fall would hurt her worse than anything she could do to herself.
But that didn’t mean I couldn’t force a little self-care on the drow, starting immediately.
“You’ve made amazing progress.” I placed a hand on Kez’s shoulder to soften the blow of what came next. “But you need to slow down and take care of yourself, or you won’t survive to find your nemesis.”
My guardian’s shoulders stiffened, then sagged as the weight of my words settled on her.
“A little more time,” she said, her voice almost a whisper. “That’s all I need.”
“You’ve been down here since before dawn,” I said. “Come up to the oasis with me for a couple of hours. I need your advice on a new problem, and you need to get out of this shithole before you waste away to nothing.”
“My research will help you, too,” Kezakazek explained. “The drow have secret ways to move from one place to another. This journal was Kozerek’s record of how he found Delsinia and made his way to her from worlds away. He kept careful notes. If you let me finish, I can find us allies to deal with whatever threat—”
“Kez,” I said, my voice low but firm. “I know how much this means to you. But I need you with me now. I swear to you that if you can focus on our mutual problem, I’ll give you whatever help I possibly can once the oasis is safe.”
The sorceress said nothing. The pointed nails of her fingertips ticked against the desk’s wooden surface.
“I can’t refuse you,” she said. “But I’m holding you to that promise. I want Nephket to help with my research. And I want a bigger office with a better desk. And at least two servants.”
“Done,” I said. “Anything else?”
“I want you to send Delsinia away.” The dark elf’s words fell between us with the weight of a dropped anvil. “She’s too dangerous to keep around.”
“She’s a sworn guardian,” I said. “The only people she’s dangerous to are our enemies. You’re tired, you’re stressed out, and you’ve been cooped up too long in this spooky fortress all by yourself. I’m going to forget you asked me to kick one of your fellow guardians to the curb. Now, is there anything else I can do for you?”
“Oh.” Kez let out an angry sigh. On the one hand, I could tell she was pleased I’d given in to most of her demands, but she was not at all happy that I wouldn’t summarily banish Delsinia from our little family. “I’m sure I’ll think of something.”
“Don’t get greedy.” I chuckled and snatched her up out of her chair.
“Put me down!” The drow drummed her tiny fists against my back as I slung her across my shoulder.
The truth was, I’d have done just about anything for any of my guardians. They weren’t just soldiers in my war, they were my lovers and companions. Their happiness was important to me, and as long as their desires didn’t jeopardize our mutual safety or future plans, I’d shower them with whatever gifts their hearts desired.
And I really hoped that Kez would get over her feelings toward Delsinia without making an issue out of it. I needed them both on the team, and I needed them to get along. We wouldn’t survive if we were at each other’s throats while we still had enemies up in our faces.
I carried the diminutive sorceress back to Delsinia’s dungeon before I let her slither out of my grasp.
“Nephket is at City Hall,” I said. “Go ask her about the Lexios problem. I’m going to put some walls around the Solamantic Web to make sure no one wanders in and starts raising hell while we’re preoccupied.”
“But if you seal off the web, I won’t be able to—” Kezakazek started.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’ll open it up for you when it’s time to go back to your studies.”
“Okay.” Kezakazek pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. She tried to straighten her hair with her fingers, but her nails tangled in the knots. “Ugh. I’m a wreck. Even a glamour couldn’t hide this. Do I have time to get cleaned up before I chase down Neph?”
“Yes,” I said. “There’s a bath off the bedroom in City Hall. Nephket will have one of the wahket fire it up for you. Should be nice and hot by the time you get there.”
“You’re a lifesaver.” The drow rose up onto her tiptoes and brushed my lips with hers. “But you still owe me for interrupting my work. And we still need to talk about Delsinia.”
“You better scoot before I remind you who the boss is around here,” I said with a wink.
“Zillah?” Kez shot me a devilish grin and ran off into the dungeon before I could catch her.
With a chuckle, I headed back toward the fortress I’d stolen from Kozerek. Of course, he’d stolen it from another dungeon lord, so I supposed turnabout was fair play.
I’d almost reached the Solamantic Web when a shadow detached itself from the wall and headed in my direction. My dungeon lord senses should have warned me of anyone in my dungeon, but I’d felt nothing.
What the hell was going on here?
“Stop right there if you want to keep breathing.” I aimed the tip of my khopesh at the figure, who’d frozen in place. “Who the fuck are you?”
I heard the rustle of cloth as the figure dug around in a pocket or pouch for something. Before I could tell them to knock that shit off, a tiny ring of vivid blue light illuminated the shadow’s face.
“Short memory,” the orc said. “Do you want to keep shouting at each other across the room, or can I get a li
ttle closer?”
It had only been a few days since the Inkolana cartel’s messenger boy had last graced me with his presence, and here he was again. I’d hoped for a few more days, or even weeks, of peace before this douche canoe turned up on my doorstep again, but no such luck. I sent a mental command to Pinchy and the Stinger Squad, and they circled around behind the orc within striking distance.
“What the hell do you want?” I met him halfway across the room but didn’t lower my khopesh. “I told you I’m kinda fucking busy.”
“Everybody’s busy these days,” the orc said. “How goes the godmarrow hunt?”
Not this shit again. Nephket had filled me in on the legends about some big war that ended with most of the gods dead. Crystallized shards of their blood or bodies or whatever the fuck magical ichor spilled out of deities were supposedly scattered across Soketra. Word on the street was that these godly scabs were super magical and did all kinds of fun stuff. Of course, no one had any idea where to find the stuff, and digging up ancient biological hazards hadn’t been at the top of my priority list lately.
“No, archaeology is someone else’s job.” I banished my khopesh and shrugged. “Look, man, I’ve got other shit to worry about. Tell your bosses I’ll get to it when I get to it.”
The orc muttered something under his breath, took a drag from an e-cigarette, and unleashed a billowing cloud of vapor that smelled like a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
Pinchy clacked her claws in annoyance at the stink, and the orc spun to face a pack of enormous scorpions with stingers big enough to turn him into a humanoid shish kebab.
“Holy fuck, what the hell are those?” He tried to keep his voice steady, but it’s really tough to be cool with half a ton of scorpions ready to sting your face off.
“Scorpions,” I said. “They would like you to understand that the people of Soketra are very busy at the moment and do not have time to be extradimensional errand boys. We have other priorities.”
The orc shuddered, composed himself, and then turned back to me. Despite his restored cool-guy demeanor, he puffed on his e-cig with a frantic intensity.