by Carol Robi
“Excuse me?” I ask terrified.
“Well, you do have to come out eventually. So I hope that seeing your wounds will prepare your mind for the pain, and hopefully you won’t go back into shock once again...”
“Oh god!” I cry out again, horrified at the prospect of the pain waiting for me, as I stare at my extensive injuries.
“Don’t worry,” he says, his smile widening. “We’re here to answer your prayers...”
“Azrael!” Raphael cautions impatiently, though his eyes remain fixed on me, as those of the other brotherhood angels are.
"All you have to do now is connect your soul with your body again," Azrael resumes, his face serious again, speaking as though a doctor prescribing a treatment to a patient, making it sound as though what I am about to do is the most natural thing in the world.
"How?"
"You have to let your soul feel what your body is feeling. Connect with it, the senses." Raphael's speaks up now, his icy blue eyes boring through mine.
"You mean I should feel the pain of all my injuries?"
"Yes, simply so."
"Are you freaking crazy, Raphael?" I go off, screaming at him at the top of my voice. "Have you seen my injuries?" He nods once, his face inexpressive.
"It will be excruciatingly painful," I mumble softly, my voice begging them not to make me do this. However the five faces around me keep staring back at me, their faces blank of any emotion.
"I won't do it," I say. "I choose death!"
"We can't let you do that," Raphael asserts quietly, his gaze unblinking, his face unflinching. "You will live, Caroline."
I stare back astounded at his audacity. How dare he dictate to me about when I should live or die?
“It’s my life...” I start.
"Soon your parents will be here. We will use them to get you to agree to do as told." I see the cold resolve in his eyes, and with that I know I’ve lost. He is my enemy, he knows my weakness, and is willing to extort it. I’ll be a fool to call him bluff. I have never hated anyone more than I hate him right this moment.
"Heal me first, and I'll reconnect." I bargain.
"I cannot heal a dead body," he declares unremorseful.
I look at all of them deep in their eyes, puzzling over how any beings could turn out to be so cruel, so heartless. None of them blink, or even look remorseful. They all just stare back at me waiting.
"Tell Ambriel and Cassiel to stop," I say quietly, giving in. "I will do as told."
Raphael nods to Camael in the far end, who pulls a phone from the back of her pocket, dials and begins to talk to someone on the other end. When her conversation ends, she turns and nods. I believe her, for despite what these creatures have put me through, they have never once lied to me.
Raphael now steps forward and places his hands gently on my chest, now that my stomach is gaping open. If I had been in a better mood, this would have been about the time when my body goes to overdrive at having his hands on my boobs, or partly there. I wonder if my body will still react so now that I know just how ruthless he is.
I try feel myself, but nothing happens.
"How do I do it?" I ask the blue-eyed devil angrily, my jaw set rigid.
"I don't know." I roll my eyes at him, before looking at my stomach that is split open.
Here goes nothing! I close my eyes and imagine my fingers, and a sharp jab of pain shoots out at me.
Toes, I think right before the tingling shoots from the tips of my feet. Here we go, pain!
The foot bone's connected to the leg bone,
The leg bone's connected to the knee bone, I start chanting to myself, imagining the parts of my body under my closed eyes; as excruciating pain soars up as I animate more parts of my dead body. By the time I am at the shoulder bone's part, the pain is so great that I am struggling against another overwhelming black abyss, trying to remember what part of me I might have forgotten.
"Start healing her!" Uriel's voice shouts passionately from somewhere in the room.
"I cannot, unless she is fully back," comes the cold calm response. I try remember where I was, oh neck! Another bellowing wave of pain engulfs me, and I begin to beg for death. Anything but this.
"Please, please, let me die!" I beg amid gasps as the waves of pain rattle my body. I long for the darkness, to pass out. Anything, anything but this.
"No Caroline, keep going!" Raphael's voice calls with restrain. I groan soundlessly, muted by waves of pain.
They are true devils, for forcing this kind of pain on me. The neck, where does it connect next? The head.
“My head,” I whisper, subsequently feeling the unfathomable spasms of anguish rocking my body.
I am surrounded by pain, engulfed by it, and I embrace it. Pain is the ragged breath I fight to take, that unconscious thought I fight to hold on to, that unsaid word on my lips as I cry out soundlessly, that unshed tear balancing in my stricken eyes. Pain is all I know at the moment.
But soon I feel something else, a searing warmth beginning at my breast, but my whole attention is still focused on the pain. I delve deep into the anguish, and an enveloping darkness comes over me again, as my body spasms involuntarily.
Then it’s all gone.
"Caroline?"
"Yes?" I croak disgruntled, my eyes still tightly shut.
"How are you feeling?" Silence.
"Are you still in pain?" Silence.
They could be in control of everything in my life, even in my death, but I have decided on one thing- I will not let them into my heart or head again. I will not speak to them, or entertain them. They could enslave me to themselves by force, but that is as far as I will let them into my life.
"She is fine," I hear Raphael say to Uriel's questions. "Just a little angry maybe. She’ll come around," he says unbothered.
Screw you! I scream in my head.
"I’ll fly her home," he says before gently picking me up.
I lie limply in his arms, my eyes tightly shut, and the side of my face pressed against his chest. The bright sky darkens as we fly across the different time zones, and the air gets chillier as we fly northwards.
We finally fly through my open window, and stand in my room, my body still cradled in his hands.
"You have to take off those clothes, they are bloody and will frighten your humans," he says attentively. I remain silent, my eyes cast down on the floor at our feet.
"I will be right outside," he adds, stroking my face tenderly. Silence. He gives up on coercing an answer from me, and flies outside. I walk tentatively to the window, using my legs for the first time since dying, and close it shut against the night and its terrors.
I strip naked, noting the unscarred areas that a short while ago had been sliced open. Dried blood sticks in ugly chunks onto my body. I ignore them, getting into my bed and covering every inch of me.
I am so tired, but I don't fall asleep. I stare instead at my last piece of art still hanging on my drawing board against the wall. I don't know how long I stay awake, but I hear my dad's alarm go off. I listen to him shuffle into the bathroom, and then hear his footsteps as he walks into my bedroom. He pulls out a set of clothes from the wardrobe, and dresses up quickly. Just as he is about to leave the room, I call to him.
"Dad?" He starts. He had not expected me to be awake.
"I am so sorry. Did I wake you princess?" He says this quietly coming towards the bed. I snuggle in lower under my sheets to hide as much of my blood stained body as possible, and he only manages to kiss the tip of my nose.
"No, I was awake," I say to him. "Dad, I do not want to go to school today," I say quietly.
"Alright, but why? Are you ill?"
"No, but I do not feel a hundred percent," I mutter, and my heart breaks as he gently rubs my shoulders over my duvet.
"Alright," he says, picking the alarm clock and turning it off. "I’ll leave a note for your grandparents and ask them not to disturb you." He concludes, and I nod gratefully.
He b
egins to rise from the bed.
"Dad?" He stops and looks back at me over his shoulder, "I love you," I whisper.
He looks so surprised, I fear that he might tear up, and I scold myself for not saying it often enough. I’ve probably never said it since I was seven years old or thereabout. He bends again to place a firm warm kiss on my nose.
"I love you too, princess." He whispers. He then gets up awkwardly and walks out of the room. I close my eyes, finally shutting the world out, and give in to the much-needed slumber.
Chapter 22
Anne-Marie Calling
I watch the words shine bright on the screen of my phone, as the light blinks. I have turned my phone to silent, so it makes no noise.
I’ve been awake since a little past 10a.m. and very glad that my grandparents hadn't come in to check on me. The last thing I want to do is talk. I lie in my bed, staring at my painting lying against the opposite wall.
My bloody pajamas still lie in a heap on the floor before my bed. I hadn't feared dad seeing them because he never turns on the lights in the mornings. The dried blood on my skin is annoyingly itchy. I know I need to get up and get cleaned up before anyone sees me, but my mind doesn't want me to move. My spirit is broken. The realization of just how much my fate is not my own has scared me to hiding.
When I hear the front door open and dad's voice talking to grandpa, I immediately grab at the clothes on the floor and throw them under the bed, and then bury my head deep under my sheets. My movements had been a tad too swift, but I guess any movement after so many hours of lying still, would feel like that.
"Is she still in bed?" I hear dad's worried voice. He then opens the door tentatively.
"Princess?"
"Mmh...” I moan in response.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, I just need to relax today dad," I say, my voice croaking from lack of usage. He hovers by me for a while, not sure what to do or say.
"You would tell me if you were feeling unwell, right?" He asks with heart-wrenching concern.
"I would," I reply, trying to sound cheerful.
"I'll just grab on some work clothes, and then be out of your way!" I bury my head deeper into my covers, and listen as dad rustles about.
"Ok kiddo, I'll be rushing off to the house with grandpa. You have a good rest," he bends over and kisses my forehead, he can probably make out its profile from under my covers.
"See you later dad," I call as he walks out the door.
"Good bye princess! Be sure to eat something." I listen as the car backs out of the driveway.
I continue staring at my painting. Someone calls my phone again, but when I look, the phone goes out, having run out of battery power. I don't move to charge it, but rather remain on my bed, staring at my painting.
I feel the air warming up around me, I don't bother to look around. How did it get into my room with my window shut? I don't speak out my question though.
"Caroline?" Uriel's voice speaks up from beside me, but I do not bother to answer. "I wanted to check up on you, see how you are doing." Silence.
"I am so sorry that you had to go through that," she cries, throwing her arms around me. I do not move, neither to reciprocate her touch nor to coil away from it.
"Caroline, please talk to me!" She pleads. She might as well plead to judgment day. I am done.
"Caroline," grandmother calls, opening the door and sticking her head through it. I lower my beddings a little to peep at my grandma. Uriel is still perched beside me, but I know she has placed herself in the other dimension so that only I can see her.
"Yeah," I answer her call.
"I am leaving for the supermarket. I just wanted to check that you are ok."
"I am okay,” I say to her. "Could you please bring me some cherry ice cream?" She smiles back at me, realizing that if I was asking for ice cream, then I was probably fine.
"Will do. Just be sure to get into the kitchen in the meantime and try some of the chocolate muffins I just baked. They are still warm!" She winks at me as she closes the door behind her. I smile to myself. Grandma winks? Wow!
When I hear the main door close, I jump out of bed. I am butt naked, but I don't care, Uriel is the trespasser here.
"Are you in any pain?" She asks, as I bend over beside her to drag out my soiled clothes for the past couple of days. I strip off my beddings that have some dried blood on them, and drag the clothes to the bathroom with me. I fill up the washing machine and set it to regular wash. I grab at my toothbrush and step into the shower cubicle with it, turning on the water. I stay almost half an hour in the water, letting the warm spray rejuvenate me.
Back in my room with a towel around my body and another around my head, I set about cleaning it. I open wide my window, hoping the dark haired angel hovering over my bed would take it as a sign to leave.
I sort out the closet, and set about replacing my beddings. As I spread out the bed sheet, Uriel tugs at the other end to help me. I immediately drop my end, not wanting to do anything with her. She finishes out spreading it by herself, shaking out one end and then rushing very fast to the other end to tug at it before it settles down. It is impressive, the speed at which she can move, but I don't say anything. Giving up the bed to her, I make my way to the storage closet in the hallway and carry back the vacuum cleaner with me.
"Are you never going to talk to me again?" She asks, just before I turn on the vacuum and enjoy as its loud hum drowns out anything she would have to say. I finally turn off the vacuum cleaner, and curse at the silence that falls over us again. As I straighten up, I feel another angel embracing us with his presence.
"Hi Caroline," Ariel's voice calls from outside my window where he hovers.
"She isn't speaking to any of us," Uriel answers him in my stead.
"I see," he responds with a sigh. "Have you tried the girl talk way, that always seems to work." Did he just? No... I thought I heard him speak in their language, and I understood him without being touched by any of them. How is that possible?
"Just tell her something about you been sad, and that you love me but think I don't feel the same way about you. I overheard her talking to a friend about something similar. She will warm up to you if you do." He finishes before flying off. I try my level best to maintain my calm as I hear them talk about how they should manipulate me. Is this what they have been doing the whole time they've been having their private conversations? Manipulative, another trait of theirs to remember in the future.
"Sweetie, I really need a girlfriend right about now," my heart breaks when I realize Uriel is actually doing what Ariel suggested. How could she? All the moments we have bonded, have they been discussing ways in which she could connect with me? Picking out topics for her that hit close to home? Has she been faking all the emotions, her tenderness?
"Sweetie, I really need to talk to a girl about this. And Camael doesn't count because she is a bitch."
And apparently, so are you! I think, pushing past her and carrying the vacuum cleaner back into the closet.
"Please talk to me," she begs, her voice laced with so much emotion, that I can hardly believe it is faked.
"Sometimes I think I am just not good enough for him." Wow! Did she just go there? How could any girl lie about such feelings?
"Sweetie?" She reaches out to me, but I push past her roughly, ignoring her pained face. It is all an act.
I go to the bathroom to take out the clothes from the washer and put them into the drier. Maybe I should do the rest of mine and dad’s laundry, I think, forcing myself to completely ignore the angel hovering around me. I get back to my room, pour the laundry out of the basket, and begin sorting it out.
I feel the arrival of yet another angel.
"Hey Caroline? Are you speaking to us again?" Raphael asks.
Silence.
"No? Just to let you know, you are safe now. The fallen watched you die, so...” he leaves off. “So you’re safe again.” Silence is all he gets as answer.
&
nbsp; "Anyway, we are all leaving to hunt them now, and shall not be watching over you. This here is Penuel, a guardian angel. He’ll follow you everywhere you go, in human form. Please make an attempt to speak to him once a while so that he doesn't stand out as a stalker but rather as a good friend." Ariel chuckles at what he thinks is a very funny point made by Raphael. Okay, to be fair it is a little funny, but I keep ignoring them.
"Uriel!" He calls.
"A moment," she says before turning back to me. "Caroline dear,” she says, placing herself right in my path, such that I can't avoid bumping into her if I tried.
"I am so sorry about last night, but there was no other way. Caroline, it was the only way," she pleads with me, tears running down her face. Feigned emotion. This is the same person that had suggested Anne-Marie to be tortured in front of my eyes. Cold and calculated then, emotional and caring now. Which is which?
I start to go around her, but she blocks my path, enveloping me in a forced hug, as her wings snap out of her back and encircle us in a rather endearing embrace, of which I fight every single bone of mine against responding to.
Chapter 23
Penuel is a more annoying babysitter than the other angels have been so far, I realise over the single afternoon I spend with him. He doesn't try to stay out of my way. He is constantly in my room, follows me outside when I decide to take a bike ride to the beach after grandma comes back. Hovers over my drawing board as I sketch at the beach, asking this or that. It doesn't matter to him that I never answer back, he just keeps going on and on. Resilience, another annoying trait these angels possess.
When I bike back home, the angel hovers besides me, still going on about something or other. He really does have a mouth on him! I find the car parked in the driveway, and I smile inside.
"Oh, your dad is early home today. I was told he normally gets back from the other house after 10pm."
He was told, huh! So they briefed him about my family and what to expect. Another trait, angels like to be informed and a step ahead. I am glad though that dad is home early.