Barely.
“You’ll be ten.”
She offered him a watery smile of pleasure and wiped at her face with her knuckles.
“What did you and your mother do for your birthday?” he asked as he eased to the floor, stretching out his legs on the oak planks.
“We went to dinner at whatever restaurant I wanted. I got to pick because it was my special day.”
“You want to go to a restaurant? Don’t you want to have a party with cake and balloons and stuff, and maybe invite some friends from church?”
“That’s for babies. I’m not a baby. I want to go to a restaurant and wear a pretty new dress.”
“Sure. Sure. We can do that.”
“I can have a new dress for my birthday?”
“That, too.” Anything. This was his daughter. Claire Griffin Clark could have whatever she wanted.
“Maybe Anne could take me shopping.”
Matt froze. He could promise his daughter the world, but he couldn’t promise her Anne.
And Anne wasn’t going to be there forever. She had her own life. The day would come when she wouldn’t have time for Claire. She’d disappear from his daughter’s life just as she had from his.
Somehow he had to get his Claire less dependent on Anne and more dependent on her own father.
“Uh, I don’t know if she’ll have the time.”
“Yes, she does. We’re friends.”
“I suppose we can ask her.”
“Can we invite her to dinner, too?”
“I thought maybe you and I could do something together.”
“It’s my birthday. I want Anne to come, too.”
“S-s-sure,” he stuttered. “That’s fair. It is your birthday. We’ll ask her that, too, but don’t be upset if she can’t. Anne has an important job and she takes care of her aunt.”
“She’ll come for me. I know she will.”
“So, where do you want to go?”
“Aunt Lily says there’s a place in Four Forks that has lava cake. I’ve never had a lava cake in my whole life.”
“Aunt Lily, huh?”
“She said to call her that.”
“I see. Well, a lava cake seems like it might not be healthy.”
“Anne says I can eat anything I want as long as I monitor my glucose. Lava cake is for special occasions. My birthday is a special occasion. So it’s okay.”
Matt gave a slow shake of his head. “Well, she’s the expert. That’s for sure. So if Anne says it’s okay, then it’s okay.”
He turned his attention to the photo album in his daughter’s lap. Pictures of Claire and her mother filled the pages.
“May I look at your album?”
Claire nodded.
“Why didn’t you and my mom get married?”
“That’s one of those grown-up questions that I promise to answer someday.”
It had to be someday, because right now he was still sorting out how he was going to explain that he wasn’t perfect and more often than he liked, he made mistakes and he, too, had to ask God for forgiveness.
He looked at Claire and then down at the album. She looked so much like her mother.
Emotions he’d ignored for too long rose up and he swallowed hard. All he wanted was to give her back everything she’d lost. His daughter wouldn’t live like he did, constantly wondering if he was loved. Claire would always know. He’d make sure of that.
“Are you okay, living here with me and Stanley?”
Claire nodded. “Yes.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
“Did you meet any friends in vacation Bible school last week?”
“A few. Maybe I’ll see them in church.”
“Good idea. We need to start going to church regularly.” He shook his head in agreement with his own decision. “What else can I do to make things better for you, Claire?”
“I don’t know. Things are okay.”
“Are they?” Was okay a good place to be for an almost-ten-year-old? He didn’t know. His childhood wasn’t any sort of benchmark for comparison.
“You don’t have to try so hard,” she murmured. “I like you.”
Matt jerked back slightly at the words. “You do?”
“Yes.”
His heart soared. His daughter liked him and he and Anne were friends. Not a bad end to an evening. He didn’t resist the silly grin that escaped.
“Do you think you could call me Dad sometime?”
“Maybe.” She sniffed the air. “Why do you smell like grease?”
“I changed Anne’s flat tire.”
“She was at the thing you went to?”
“Uh-huh, and you were right, Claire.”
“I was?” Her head moved and she peeked at him with quiet curiosity. “What was I right about?”
“She looked like a princess.”
Claire beamed.
* * *
“You’re going with us?” Anne asked Matt the following Saturday.
“Don’t look so surprised.”
“I am. You didn’t mention you were planning on joining us when you asked me.”
“Is that a problem?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never gone dress shopping with a man.”
“I’m not a man. I’m her father.”
Anne did a double-take before a belly laugh bubbled up from inside her. Her hand went to her mouth immediately, but it was far too late for that. The laugh had burst into the room.
All she could do was clear her throat and attempt to put on a serious face. So far it wasn’t working. “Sorry, but, um, that somehow struck me as funny.”
He pursed his lips. “Funny ha-ha or I’m funny.”
“I don’t know. Just funny.”
“Maybe it would help if you thought of me as your chauffeur. My idea was that I might learn a little bit more about how to be a parent to Claire if I came along.”
“You know you’re a good dad, right?”
“I’m trying. The fact is Claire is very dependent on you, Anne, and I want her to turn to me. I’m her father.”
Anne stilled at his words. “I hope you don’t think I’m trying to usurp your place as parent.”
“Not at all. I’m just realizing I need to try harder.”
“Okay,” she murmured.
“Besides, I’m also going because the nearest mall is Pueblo and that’s over two hours away. We can take my truck.”
“I have a truck, too.”
“Mine is bigger.”
Anne shook her head. “Bigger isn’t always better.”
“With trucks it is.”
She gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes. “Okay, fine. But you know you’re probably overthinking this whole parenting thing, right?”
“Possibly, but I’m a hands-on guy. Reading books like you do doesn’t do it for me.”
“Would you like a little advice about our outing today?”
“Sure.”
“Shopping with girls involves a lot of walking.” She glanced down at his feet.
“Why? You go in and buy the dress and get out.”
Anne tried, yet once again laughter erupted.
“Glad you’re finding this so amusing. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh so much.” Matt pulled open the hall closet and grabbed a pair of sneakers. “These work?”
“They might. But you really have to have the stamina and fortitude for this job.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Right. Like working construction doesn’t provide me with much stamina and fortitude. I’d flex my big manly muscles for you, but I don’t want to tear this shirt.”
Anne bit
her lip. “Fine. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
He scoffed loudly and looked toward the hall. “Claire, we’re ready.”
His daughter came into the living room, a puzzled expression on her face. “What do you mean ‘we’?”
“I’m going to go, too,” Matt said.
Her face reflected pure horror.
“But we’re going shopping for a dress and shoes and maybe hair stuff.”
“I can keep myself entertained.”
Claire looked at Anne.
Anne shot her a weak smile.
“You won’t even know I’m around,” he murmured.
Anne and Claire exchanged knowing glances that said they fully concurred. Not knowing Matt was around would never be a true statement. Not in a million years.
* * *
Five hours after they arrived at the Pueblo mall, Anne checked her watch as they headed back to the parking lot in search of the truck.
“Maybe I should drive.” She peeked at Matt’s face as he loaded their packages into the shell-covered back of his pickup. He was doing an admirable job of pretending he wasn’t exhausted and in severe pain.
“I’m good. Although I will admit that I never in my entire life would have believed anyone could shop for five hours.”
“Matt, you’re limping. Maybe you should take an aspirin and I’ll drive.”
“I don’t need an aspirin.” He scoffed at the suggestion. “Besides, all sorts of great and wonderful things come from suffering.” He cocked his head toward his daughter. “Look at her face.”
He was right. Claire’s grin was two miles wide. Her eyes were round and sparkling with joy.
Anne handed him a hot-pink shopping bag by the beribboned handle. “You’re a good father.”
“Am I? Seems like I don’t know what I’m doing most days and the rest of the time I’m just playing catch-up.”
“I believe most parents feel that way a large percentage of the time.”
“Hmm. If that’s the case, why do people keep having kids?”
“I’m probably not the right person to answer that question.”
“You ever think about having kids?”
Startled, Anne nearly dropped the beverage cup in her hand. “Not much anymore.”
“It’s not like you’re too old, you know.”
“Yes, but...” She paused, hoping beyond reason that if she didn’t answer he might change the subject.
Awkward silence stretched between them and she knew it was because they were both thinking the same thing. They could have had a child. Together. If they had remained married.
“But what?” he finally said. “Biological clock aside, you could even adopt as a single mother.”
“I could. The truth is, Matt, I haven’t had time to give the subject a lot of thought lately.”
“The trouble with that line of reasoning is that by the time you do have time, it will be too late.”
“I appreciate your concern. Thank you.”
“Hmm. Why do I doubt that?” he murmured.
Matt moved to the passenger side of the truck to open the back door for Claire and the front for her. As he did, a double stroller passed by the rear of the car next to them. Anne turned to glance at the toddlers that were strapped in and smiled at the irony.
“Anne?”
She looked up. “Sara!” She reached out to hug her good friend Sara Rogers. “Ben, good to see you, too.”
Anne turned to Matt and Claire. “Sara and Ben, this is Matt Clark and his daughter Claire. Ben and Sara are doctors from Paradise Hospital. They work our remote traveling bus that goes into the rural areas of the valley.”
Matt reached out to shake both of the Rogers’s hands, a smile on his face. “Great to meet you.” He glanced down at the babies. “Twins? Now that’s the way to do it, don’t you think, Anne?”
Anne offered an anemic laugh, her face hot with embarrassment. “We were just talking about...” She waved a hand as she realized she was digging deeper and deeper into a hole she could never find her way out of alone. “Oh, never mind.”
Sara chuckled. “Now you’ve got me curious.”
“Oh, just one of those random conversations,” Matt said.
Sara and Ben exchanged glances and smiled indulgently at them like an old married couple.
“Good to see you two and the girls,” Anne said.
“We were going to stop for dinner before heading home. Did you want to join us?” Ben asked.
“We just ate at Los Très.” Anne held up her go-cup as evidence. “But, thanks. Maybe another time.”
“You know, we’d love that. We don’t know many couples our age,” Sara said, a wistful tone in her voice. “I will for sure call you.”
Matt held the door for Claire and closed it carefully. Then he opened Anne’s and leaned close as she got in. “We’ve been promoted to a couple,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry. I thought it was easier to let it go.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m flattered.”
“Are you? Really?” She turned and her face was inches from his.
“Yeah. Really,” he said softly.
Her heart tripped as his warm breath touched her face and she saw the truth in his eyes. Anne licked her lips, grateful for Claire in the backseat.
She and Matt a couple? Anne hadn’t dared to let her mind travel down that particular road. They’d barely gotten to friends yet. Yesterday was long gone. They had moved on. Or had they?
Her aunt’s world was one where trust was in God and not in mere mortal man. Where a solitary life was safe.
Unfortunately it was also very lonely. That brought her full circle to the house. Why was she struggling to save a house where she would spend the rest of her life alone anyhow?
The more she was around Matt and Claire, the more confused she became. Or maybe she was becoming less confused, as what she wanted became clearer. But that absolutely terrified her because she didn’t know if she had the courage to reach for it.
Chapter Eight
Claire’s nose was practically pressed flat against the glass of the pickup’s back window as they drove down the main thoroughfare of the small town of Four Forks, Colorado. This past week she’d been happier than Matt had ever seen her and the extra advantage was the two Saturdays in a row that he and his daughter had gotten to spend with Anne.
This was good, but also worrisome. He’d like his daughter to show as much enthusiasm for spending time with him. Was that possible?
“Four Forks is even smaller than Paradise,” Claire murmured with awe as they passed a fountain in the downtown area.
“Tell me about it,” Matt said over his shoulder. “One stoplight and no movie theater. Blink and you’ve finished touring the town. All I ever thought about for eighteen years was leaving,”
“You grew up here?” his daughter asked. “In Four Forks?”
“I did.”
“Where is your house?”
“Oh, we moved around a lot.”
“Where are your parents?”
“You know, I don’t exactly know where my mother is and my father passed away a long time ago.”
“So I have another grandma somewhere?”
“Somewhere covers a lot of space, Claire. I have no idea where my mother is.”
“I don’t understand. How can you not know where your mom is?”
“You didn’t know where I was for a long time. Sometimes life gets complicated. That’s all.”
Matt watched her in the rearview mirror. She leaned back against the leather upholstery, thinking for moments. “You grew up in Paradise, right, Anne?” she finally asked.
“Yes. I moved there when I was your age.”
/> “When your parents died?”
“Uh-huh. I’ve lived there ever since, in my aunt’s big old house.”
“Four Forks is pretty close to Paradise. Did you ever meet my father?”
“As a matter of fact, your father and I knew each other in college.”
His eyes searched Anne’s across the space of the truck and he saw the moment she began to remember the first time they’d met. Campus mailboxes; he was trying desperately to open his combination lock only to realize he was at the wrong mailbox.
Anne smiled and turned to look out the window.
“Did you ever go out on a date with my father?” Claire asked.
“Look. There’s the restaurant,” Matt interrupted. He eased the truck into a parking spot, praying the conversation would neatly detour, as well. They’d stumbled into the “it’s complicated” territory long enough. No use spoiling the day by making them all uncomfortable.
Besides, today was all about Claire, not him and Anne, and he was determined to keep the focus on his daughter.
“Where? I don’t see any restaurant,” Claire asked.
“See that lodge-looking building? That’s the place. Pine Lodge. We’ve got reservations for five o’clock. So we’re right on time.”
He jumped from the truck to open first Anne’s door and then Claire’s.
Claire skipped ahead of them, pausing occasionally on the sidewalk to shyly admire her reflection in the shop windows, twirling to see the dress’s skirt float around her.
“It’s a beautiful dress. You did good, Anne.”
“Claire knows what she wants. I was a little surprised. She always wears hoodies and jeans. That dress is all femininity. Just look at those ruffles.”
“Mmm-hmm. Looks like you got a new dress, too,” he said. It took significant determination not to stare.
She glanced down at the red print dress she wore with a little red sweater.
“Claire’s enthusiasm was very contagious. Generally I am not a big shopper.”
“You look beautiful. You should wear scrubs less and dresses much more often.”
Her face pinked and she smiled. “Thank you.”
Matt held the door for them as they entered the lodge restaurant. “You notice how everyone is looking at us, wondering how I got so lucky to be escorting two beautiful women to dinner,” he said for their ears only.
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