Roderick’s Purpose: The Victorian Highlanders Book 4

by St. Clair, Ellie

  “Will you at least let me guide you, then?” he asked, seeing the river in the distance. Based on where they’d started from, he had a rough idea of how far they were from his lands, as he knew this area well. Gwen hadn’t known the landscape of Scotland well enough to realize that the town where Doc grew up was about a day’s journey to his own home near Aldourie.

  She gave a curt nod and allowed him to give her directions. As he pointed his finger the way they were to go, he brushed his arm against her shoulder, and she flinched a bit but didn’t shift back from him. It was heavenly torture sitting behind her. Her unbound hair brushed against the bare skin of his chest underneath his partially unbuttoned shirt. As they rode, he felt the tension slowly begin to seep out of her, and as much as he wanted to question her, he considered all that she had gone through in the past day.

  “Are you all right, lass?” he asked her.

  “Why does it seem as if you are forever asking me that question?” she asked, and it seemed he could detect a faint smile in her voice.

  “Mayhap it is because we continue to find ourselves in rather extraordinary circumstances that would cause most ordinary women to have a difficult time of it.”

  “Mayhap I am not ordinary,” she said with a mocking tone. “My life is one of running.”

  “Mayhap you are right.” He laughed then, really, truly laughed, and finally, she joined in with a low chuckle of her own, which to Roderick was the sweetest music, hearing the joy that seeped out of her.

  As her laughter died off, her shoulders slumped a bit, and she said softly, “I only wish… I wish I had been able to bury him.”

  “He’s with the church,” Roderick said, trying to comfort her. “Maggie will make sure they take care of him.”

  “Yes, but he will doubtless be buried with no one present, but a few friends from a lifetime ago who likely think poorly of him for leaving his wife. He won’t have anyone there with him who truly knew him.”

  “Ach, lass, I understand,” he said, “but I also believe that what’s left here is his body. His soul will remain with you, wherever you go.”

  There was a pause before he heard a bit of a sniff.

  “That is a lovely way of thinking,” she said.

  “Are you crying, lass?” he said as gently as he could.

  “No,” she said adamantly, her shoulders stiffening again. “I don’t cry.”

  “Everyone cries,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, although she couldn’t see him. “Hell, even I cry now and again.”

  “I doubt that,” she said with a snort.

  “Believe it or not, but ’tis true,” he said. “If you don’t let your emotions show, they become too much for you to handle alone, trust me.”

  “If you say so,” she said, though clearly she was finished with the conversation. “Now, tell me — where are we going?”

  “We’re going home.”

  Chapter 13

  It was not so much his words but the way he said them that struck something deep in Gwen’s soul. She had assumed the location to where Roderick was leading her, but when he told her as such, there was something in his tone that said ‘home’ to her more than his actual words ever did. Home. It was a notion that she had never known, in any form. She supposed when she was a child, she had known what it had meant, but her memories were rather vague now, and included only a small one-room house in which there was little love but many chores and much punishment.

  When Doc had taken her in, by the very nature of their life, they had never had one place in which they stayed for more than a few weeks at a time. Home was her horse and her saddlebags. An abandoned cabin now and again. She supposed the closest she had ever felt to being at home was with Doc’s original gang, who had taken her in as one of their own.

  Now to hear Roderick speak so longingly of his own home made her wish for one of her own. Not that she would ever tell him of her sentiments, but she couldn’t deny the thought. It would be interesting, however, to see his family, the land he so often spoke of, and the lake with its monster.

  Would his family be like him? Would they have wide smiles, easy laughter, and teasing words? Would his brothers have the same dark hair that hung low over their foreheads? Would they—

  Stop it, Gwen. You may see for yourself soon enough.

  She cleared her throat. “Are we close?” she asked instead. They had been alternating walking and riding the horse throughout the day, stopping to give their borrowed mount time to drink. The light was beginning to dip behind the hills, and she wondered if they would make it tonight.

  “Aye, very. ’Tis but an hour or two, but it’s late and there’s not much moon at the moment so we’d be best to wait until morning to continue. We shall camp tonight and reach the land tomorrow,” he said and she nodded in acknowledgment of his words, happy to have more time to get accustomed to the thought of meeting his family. “How will you explain my presence?” she asked.

  “I’ll tell them the truth,” he said casually as if it would be no problem that he was bringing a woman who had been captured as a member of an outlaw gang into their midst. “We McDougalls don’t keep secrets from one another, and I am not about to start now.”

  Gwen tried not to show the tremor of apprehension that coursed through her at his words. “Perhaps it would be best that you take me to the closest train station instead,” she said. “I’ll be on my way and you can return home. There is no reason for us to remain together anymore, now is there?”

  As she said the words, she felt a tug of something — pain? Regret? She wasn’t sure, but she tried her best to brush it aside. Anything she felt for Roderick, she told herself, was either physical attraction or an attempt to hold onto something familiar. Nothing further.

  “The closest station is Inverness, but to be honest, I’d prefer not to spend any more time away from my family, and I don’t think it’s safe for you to be on your own,” he said, though when she shot him a look he added, “I realize you are capable of protecting yourself, but you don’t know how many men there are behind us. Besides, we’ve not enough provisions to take us that far, and — before you suggest it — I’m not stealing any from anyone along the way and I don’t have anything to hunt with. We’ll go home, rest a day or so, and then I’ll take you wherever you want to go. It will also keep you safe for the moment. Is that settled?”

  She thought on his words, realizing that, for the moment, she didn’t have much of a choice. If she was back in familiar territory, perhaps, she would be able to set out on her own and survive, but as it was, she had no map, no compass, and no way of knowing which way was Inverness.

  “As you wish,” she agreed, and he seemed pleased with her acceptance.

  “Now, lass,” he said, “we’d best camp here for the night. The sky is darkening and we are near a stream and campsite. We’ve been moving fast and I know the land well.”

  They dismounted and Roderick led them around a small outcropping to find a well-hidden clearing. Gwen looked around in amazement.

  “I would have never known this was here,” she said, to which Roderick smiled. “That’s exactly the point,” he said.

  While they set up camp, she realized they worked rather well together. Roderick made up a fire while she dug through his bag that she’d grabbed on the way out of the cottage and withdrew two plaids. These she set up on opposite sides of the fire he’d made, grateful they would have warmth to sleep with. She thought the fire was a risk, but he was confident in the speed they had traveled as well as how concealed their campsite was. She pulled a remaining couple of oatcakes from the bag as well, grateful that, at the very least, they had still been in Roderick’s bag.

  When she sat on the plaid next to the dancing flames that shot sparks into the air, Roderick surprised her by coming and sitting down beside her.

  “Lass,” he said, accepting the oatcake from her outstretched hand, “it’s time ye tell me what happened back there. Who were those men, and what did they want fro
m you?”

  Gwen felt her stomach drop and her heart begin an odd pattering in her chest. He deserved an answer, true, but how much could she tell him without him wanting to be rid of her, or thinking so much less of her than he already did?

  “They were old members of Doc’s gang,” she finally admitted. “Doc and I separated from them some time ago. ’Tis why I robbed the Bay myself — we left the others, and Doc was too sick to come with me. They had been on our tail, and I thought we had lost them on the prairies, but they must have heard of Doc’s capture, and my own as well. I suppose they followed us here after evading the law themselves.”

  “The man who attacked me on the ship — was he part of this group?” Roderick asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

  “He was,” she said, looking into the flames.

  “Ye didn’t think that perhaps that was something you should have shared?”

  Gwen shrugged. “I probably should have, I realize now.”

  “Did you not tell McLaren about these men?” he asked, his eyes narrowed a bit, and she bristled slightly at his distrust.

  “I did,” she responded. “I don’t know what happened. I told him of seven of them — perhaps some of them managed to evade capture.”

  Roderick nodded. She knew he had been there, had seen the drawings.

  “And what are they after?” he asked, his expression not changing, though he put his elbows on his thighs and leaned toward her, clearly deducing that the gang was after her for a reason.

  “I — I’m not sure,” she lied. “Perhaps they think I managed to keep the money I stole in the last robbery? Perhaps they want revenge over the fact we cut them out? I only hope now that they know Doc is dead, they will leave me be.”

  “Perhaps,” he echoed her, though his eyes roamed over her face with some question. She had a feeling that he knew she was keeping something from him but was equally aware that the more he pressed her the less likely she would be to share with him.

  She had to make her way to London, she knew that. There, she would find the man who wanted what she had — the priceless emerald Doc had stolen from the vault in Lethbridge. She felt a twinge of guilt at living off of what the jewel would bring her, and yet she didn’t know what else to do. Doc had said it belonged to a man who would hardly miss it, who had equally fine gems in banks across the prairies and in his own home. Gwen hadn’t been sure whether Doc was being truthful, but she had chosen to believe it to assuage her guilt. Now, she felt a bit of a lump in her throat as she thought of the stone, burning a hole where it was sewn into the band tight around her chest. Doc had also trusted her to sell it to provide money to his family, however — so where did her responsibility lie?

  One thing was for certain. She couldn’t tell Roderick of this. He was mischievous, true, she could see that, but he also carried a certain sense of justice, and he wouldn’t see any reason why she should need to hold onto something acquired through ill-begotten means. She would have to separate herself from him — sooner rather than later — to do what she had to.

  The fact that he didn’t question her, however, made her feel even worse.

  “What do you think…” she started, hesitating a bit over her question, as she didn’t want him to realize how much she cared about his answer. “What do you suppose your family will think of me?”

  “I believe that if you give them an opportunity to get to know you, they will think the same of you as I do,” he said simply with a bit of a shrug.

  “Which is…?” she asked, feeling rather self-conscious yet needing to know his answer.

  “They will think you strong,” he said quietly. “They will think you brave. They will realize that you have taken yourself from a set of difficult circumstances and found a way forward. They will welcome you, as they do most.”

  She kept her eyes down, stroking a finger over the lines of the plaid beneath her.

  “I hope you are right,” she said, embarrassed that her voice came out as hardly more than a whisper.

  “I know I am,” he said, his hand coming up, tucking a long, loose curl around her ear. His fingers moved to her face, and he ran them down her jaw before bringing his thumb and index finger around her chin. He tipped her face up to his, and she nearly gasped at the desperation she saw in his eyes. He looked like a man who wanted — no, needed — something that was just out of his grasp.

  “Gwen…” he said softly, his words nearly a whisper, and without thinking, she met his kiss halfway. At the first brush of their lips, she leaned into him, allowing her body to melt against the hard planes of his chest. Then it seemed as if she no longer had any will over her actions, as her hand rose and skipped up over his forearm, his sinewy bicep muscle, over the linen that covered his shoulder. For a brief moment, she allowed herself to simply marvel at his chiseled frame before her hands came to the back of his head and drew him yet closer still toward her.

  Roderick shifted, lifting her to bring her body more firmly against him. As he did so, the energy which had begun to shift inside her started to swirl, the fire within her building and growing with each passing minute.

  He broke the kiss for but a moment, his breathing labored as their eyes met. She knew now that the longing she saw in his own gaze was reflected in her own. They’d had passionate kisses before, it was true, and yet she felt there was something entirely different about this one, something that threatened to spark out of control.

  “Lass…” he said, the words coming on a harsh breath. “I want you.”

  Those simple words should have forced her to push him away, to stop this before it began, and yet instead they simply drew her in, left her wanting even more.

  She let her fingers flick over the hair at the nape of his neck, laced them up and through the long silky waves that covered it. She felt a desire for something she couldn’t quite place begin to build at her center, and her unbidden whisper came from there. “I want you too,” she said, and his eyes flared. She knew she shouldn’t say it, shouldn’t tell him how strongly she desired him, and yet through all of the lies she had told, this was one truth that couldn’t be denied. He stoked something within her, and he seemed to be the only one who had the power to put it out. Once he found out the truth of who she was, and realized that nothing had changed, she knew that he would leave her. But now, at this moment, she knew how badly she wanted him, and together they could find pleasure, as fleeting as it might be.

  “Are you certain?” he asked, and his eyes searched hers as if to determine whether she had any reservations.

  “Yes,” she said, nodding, and it was all the answer he seemed to need.

  He let out a groan before lifting her on top of him so that her hips straddled him. Then he slid his hands slowly along her trouser-clad legs, before coming to her waistband. With deft fingers, he untucked her shirt, his light touch along her skin causing tremors to course through her body and gooseflesh to break out along her skin.

  “Lift your arms,” he murmured, and she complied, raising them up. He smoothly slid the shirt off her body, pulling the thin material overhead. As he reached the band she wore around her chest, he frowned slightly, but slowly, gently unwound it from around her body before tossing it to the side as well, not realizing the value that piece of material contained. He ran his lightly calloused palms along her shoulders, leaving fire in their wake. His hands circled around to return to the front of her, cupping her breasts as if he were inspecting the value of fine jewels.

  “Beautiful,” he rasped, and she certainly felt so from the look in his eyes as he took her in. He brushed her long waves away from her face so he could access her neck, and as he nibbled at her feverish skin, she tilted her head to the side to provide him better access, letting out a moan at the way his touch shot spikes of heat deep within her.

  He leaned back suddenly and she went with him, her hands coming to his shoulders as she braced herself over top of him. One of his arms came around her, while his other hand found her breast again. Rod
erick surprised her then by leaning forward and bringing his tongue to her nipple, causing it to pucker. Just when she didn’t think she could take any more of the delicious torture, he took it in his mouth and gently scraped her with his teeth. A whimper unlike any noise she had ever made before burst forth, and she threw her head back in complete abandon.

  Suddenly his lips left her, cool air replacing them. She began to protest, but then his mouth found her other breast. She dug her fingers into his shoulder to try to hold on to the control she normally so treasured, but there was no hope. She soon found herself nearly senseless and yet at the same time so overcome by the spiraling emotions within her that all she could think about was having more of him. She reached out blindly for him, unable to take any more of what he was doing to her.

  “Roderick,” she called out, and he answered by lacing his fingers through her hair and bringing her head down toward him. Their lips touched once more, and she gasped at the need that raced through her center. He teased her lips open, his tongue plunging into her as he caressed her, and she answered with all that she had to give.

  Roderick broke away suddenly, pulling off his shirt and throwing it aside before gently easing off her pants. She didn’t think of her own nakedness as she took him in with her eyes. She was amazed by his muscled torso defined by the fire, which cast soft shadows over him. She reached out a palm to skim it over the taut ridges of his abdomen, and she was entranced by the strength of his body, the raw masculinity that emanated from him. Desperate to see all of him and yet equally frightened to do so, she finally lowered her eyes and took in his arousal, unable to stop the shock that she knew came over her face.

  “You are… rather large,” she said with a swallow, both impressed and concerned at the same time.

  “’Tis because of you lass,” he said with a bit of a growl, and dropped to his knees beside her, lifting her up so that they were flush against one another, and she trembled when the hard length of him brushed against her softness. The flames inside her were fueled now by an untold lust unlike any she had ever felt before. Gwen closed her eyes and arched into Roderick, heat rolling over her – from the fire or her own desire, she wasn’t sure – which caused perspiration to break out over her body. As his arms wrapped around her, he drew her toward him, kissing her hard and deep.