by A M Snead
“Just admit it,” Lucas said. “You won’t handle me because you’re only into Jack now. Come on, fess up. Be a man and own up to it.”
That was one thing Garrett wasn’t prepared to own up to. So, he found Jack to be hot and totally fuckable, so what? It didn’t mean he had feelings for the guy. Lucas was entirely fuckable as well, but he sure as shit wasn’t in love with him.
“There’s nothing to own up to,” Garrett told him.
“Liar, liar, pants on fire.” Lucas smirked, eyes heavy as he stared at Garrett with a “come on” challenge. “You’re all goofy in the head and cocky in the crotch for our boy Jack—”
Garrett had the man pinned down on the pool table before Lucas knew what hit him. Garrett crushed his mouth in a fierce kiss. He didn’t have a thing for Jack and he would prove it. He tore loose from the kiss and Lucas gasped—then grinned.
“Well, all right, then,” Lucas panted and grabbed Garrett’s ass, squeezed hard and pulled him harder against him, grinding their crotches. Lucas drew his legs up and planted his feet on the edge of the pool table, the loose legs of his shorts sliding down his thighs and exposing a portion of his goods. The man’s cock was hard as steel and, as Garrett shoved against him, worked itself loose and stabbed against Garrett’s lower abdomen.
“I’m quite versatile,” Garrett growled and grabbed Lucas’ cock and stroked him vigorously. The guy yelled and pumped his hips, legs straining as he shoved his feet against the edge of the pool table for leverage.
“Fuck! Yes…stroke me, baby.” He grinned and reached up over his own head and grabbed the opposite side of the table, working his cock through Garrett’s fist. “Ahh fuck…do it to me, baby…uuhhh!”
Garrett’s own cock swelled behind his briefs and shoved against the crotch of his jeans. He stared down at Lucas, eyes heated. “I don’t have a thing for Jack,” he said low, tight, then shifted suddenly and dropped his mouth onto Lucas’ cock, taking his full length all at once.
“Uuhh! Fuck!” Lucas bucked and clutched Garrett’s head. “Holy fuck, man! Suck it!”
Garrett kept his fist wrapped tightly around Lucas’ shaft as both his hand and mouth moved quickly up and down his cock. Lucas writhed and yelled and ripped at Garrett’s hair, fucking his mouth urgently.
“Oh my God!” Lucas gasped then laughed. “Oh fuck, man…I forgot how good you suck cock! Uh! Shit! I’m gonna fucking lose it!”
Pulling his mouth free, Garrett pumped him furiously with his fist, eyes burning with sexual heat as Lucas’ body contorted on the pool table, hips thrusting, fucking Garrett’s fist. His jaw clenched, and neck muscles strained and popped as he jerked hard and shot his wad all over his tank top.
Garrett released him and stepped away, rubbing a quick hand over his face, finding it slick with a sheen of sweat. His legs felt weak, unsteady, as his crotch throbbed like a motherfucker. “I told you…” He trembled. “I’m not into Jack that way.”
“Okay…fuck…” Lucas chuckled, breathless. His feet slipped off the edge of the table and he lay still, his hand slowly rubbing up and down his softened cock. “Shit…kind of loving how you make your point though.”
The sudden knot in Garrett’s gut told him he wasn’t so sure he himself was loving it.
“That’s good.”
Garrett jumped and turned toward the doorway. Jack stared back at him. “Jack…”
Jack looked at him dully. “It’s good you don’t have a thing for me.” He stepped into the room. “I don’t have a thing for you either.” He looked at Lucas and smiled. But it didn’t meet his eyes. “But you,” he murmured, “I’m going to have a thing for you real soon.”
Tucking his cock back in his shorts, Lucas sat up and shoved his fingers through his hair. “Bring it on, baby.” He grinned and hopped off the table and stripped off his soiled shirt. “Can’t wait.” He balled the shirt and chucked it at Garrett. “A little souvenir for ya.”
Garrett caught the shirt on reflex then tossed it aside as Lucas walked out.
His lips tight, Jack glanced after Lucas then moved toward the doorway. “I…forgot something in my room,” he mumbled and exited the room.
Heart pounding, Garrett stared numbly after Jack; had he witnessed that little scene? The knot in his gut tightened and nausea began to spread. What do you care? You’re not into him—remember?
17 “The Whistle”
WHISTLE a happy tune (haha *wink*)
A weak smile quirked the corner of Jack’s mouth, his eyes stinging a bit. He sat on the edge of the bed, chest tight. The words scrawled on the paper heart—meant to make him laugh—were having a different effect, punching him in the chest, exploding grief throughout. His throat tightened as tears began to blur his vision. I miss you, Jilly bean. I can’t do life without you. I’m not ready for this…any of it.
“Hey.”
Jack flinched and quickly blinked back the rising tears. Lucas lingered in the doorway. “Hey.” Jack cleared his throat.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah. Sure. Whatever.” Jack folded the heart in half.
Lucas had acquired a clean black t-shirt along the way that hung loose over the waistband of his shorts. “Look, Jack…what happened down there…that was my fault. I goaded him into it.” He sat down on the corner of the bed. “I tend to go too far sometimes.”
“No…you?” Jack glanced at him and Lucas chuckled softly.
“Hard to believe, I know. But it’s true.”
Jack smiled and shrugged. “It’s fine. I meant what I said, I’m not into Garrett. I have no interest in…that.”
“Well.” Lucas leaned over and bumped his shoulder against Jack. “Garrett isn’t the prettiest princess in the palace, but I wouldn’t call him a that.” He grinned.
Shaking his head, Jack laughed quietly. “I meant…I have no interest in a relationship, love, all that shit.”
“Ah.” Lucas nodded. “I see. So…what happened down there…you’re cool with it?”
“Yes.” Jack cringed at the swiftness of his answer.
“Mm-hm,” Lucas murmured. “And that’s why you’re sitting up here in a blue funk?”
Jack sighed and fingered the paper heart. “It isn’t about that.”
Lucas nodded slowly, clearly unconvinced. “Listen,” he said, sincerity seeping into his tone. “I really didn’t expect Garrett to actually do anything. I was just messing with him, teasing him, ya know? And this probably isn’t any consolation, but the fact that he was so determined to prove his point…really just proves the opposite. You know that line from Shakespeare—Me thinks thou dost protest too much—well, I’m thinking that’s Garrett.”
“It’s fine,” Jack said. “I told you, I don’t care. There’s nothing between us. And there isn’t going to be. Love is…bullshit. I don’t want any part of it.”
Releasing a heavy breath, Lucas stood up. “Well, you and Garrett definitely have one thing in common.” He leaned over and kissed the top of Jack’s head. “You’re both full of shit.” He straightened up then grinned as he glanced toward the door. “Oh hey, buddy, didn’t see you standing there.”
Jack twisted his head, spied Garrett at the door then glanced away.
Clearing his throat, Lucas feigned a stretch and smiled. “I guess I’ll be on my way, leave you two to wallow in denial.”
Garrett waited for him to leave before he entered the bedroom. Though Jack wasn’t looking at him, he could feel his hesitation. And it became audible when he spoke. “Jack…look, I’m sorry…I didn’t…” His words failed him, and he went silent a moment.
“You don’t have to apologize,” Jack said quietly, growing frustrated with the pressure squeezing his chest, tightening his throat. He wasn’t upset about that. He wasn’t. “What you do with Lucas or anyone else isn’t any of my business. And I don’t care. There isn’t anything between us. And that’s how it’s going to stay.”
“Even so,” Garrett murmured. “I don’t usually…do random stuff li
ke that. For the most part, I keep the sex in front of the cameras. What happened with Scotty was a mistake and…I don’t intend to repeat it.”
“Great.” Jack nodded and continued to stare at the paper heart. “We’re in agreement. We shouldn’t have a problem then.” For not having a problem with it, though, Jack was having a hell of a time trying to breathe and hold the tears at bay. You’re missing Jill, that’s all it is. This has nothing to do with Garrett and Lucas.
“If you’re not upset with me,” Garrett ventured cautiously. “Then what’s wrong?”
Jack shook his head slowly. Why did it make a person want to cry when someone asked them what was wrong? He sniffed and swallowed thickly. “Nothing,” he whispered. “Just…I have my good days and my bad days where Jill is concerned.”
“I’m sorry,” Garrett said softly. “That’s a tough thing to deal with.” He went quiet then added, “I’m sorry if I made your day worse.”
The heart blurred and distorted. “You didn’t. It doesn’t have anything to do with you or…anything else.” Liar, Jill whispered softly in the far reaches of his mind. He blocked out her voice and cleared his throat again.
Garrett sat down beside him and rested his elbows on his knees. “It’s okay to miss her. She was a part of you.”
“She didn’t want me to…be sad,” he whispered.
“Well, that’s like telling the river not to flow toward the sea, or the wind not to blow.” He sighed softly. “I’m sure what she meant was that she didn’t want you to drown in your grief until it ruined your life. And you’re not, Jack. Missing someone you love is natural, and it’s okay to take a moment now and then to just let it all out. In fact, it’s necessary. I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to pretend you were okay, if you weren’t. That isn’t healthy.”
Jack nodded slowly. “Yeah, you’re right.” He turned the folded heart over and over in his fingers.
“So, what’s the story with the hearts?” Garrett asked quietly. “I mean, if I may ask. You don’t have to tell me.”
Jack shrugged. “It isn’t a secret.” He glanced at Garrett, eyes lingering on the man’s lips. He was suddenly assaulted with the recent images of him sucking Lucas’ cock and jerking the guy off, and looked away, not wanting to feel the hurt but feeling it anyway. He focused on the paper heart and thought about Jill instead. The pain that came with her memory was greater and reached deeper, but somehow it didn’t “sting” as bad. “Just before Jill…before she passed away, she asked me to get her some things. A pack of red construction paper, and two small gift boxes.”
♦ ♦ ♦
“What are you making with all of this?” Jack sat beside the hospital bed. The paper and boxes were on the bed before Jill.
She smiled at him. “It’s a surprise. So, don’t be bugging me to tell you.” The light in her eyes was fading though she struggled to keep him from noticing. Whenever he was there, she put on her happy face and tried to be as “bubbly” as ever…but the effects of her sickness were showing through more and more, and that scared the shit out of Jack. The fatigue in her eyes was evident and implied she was too tired to fight anymore.
The familiar rage simmered his blood, but he shoved it down for the time being. “So, you’re not even going to give me a hint?”
“Nope.” She smiled and glanced at him teasingly. “I know it drives you crazy to have to wait for a gift, and that’s part of the fun of it.”
“You evil vixen.” He scowled. His hand darted out and he tickled her.
Jill squealed and pulled away. “Stop. I hate when you tickle me.”
Jack chuckled. “I know, that’s part of the fun of it.” He winked.
Jill laughed. “Touché, little brother.” She gazed at him then cupped his face. “I love you, Jack. Promise me you’ll be okay. That you’ll do all the things you’ve dreamed of doing.”
Jack bit his lip, throat working as tears rose up. “You mean like become a porn star?” His smile wavered.
“Yes.” Jill laughed, eyes glossy. “Exactly that. You’ll be the best damn porn star ever, I know it…what with that sexy ass you got from me.”
Jack chuckled and swallowed thickly. “Well, thank you very much,” he said in his best impression of Elvis Presley that he could muster.
“You’re so funny, Jacko.” Her hand was still on his face, her thumb caressing his cheek. Her brow pinched with anguish. “You’re going to be okay, Jack. You are. I’ll always be with you, in your heart, in your head. I’ll bug you incessantly, I promise. So much so, you’ll start telling me to shut up.”
Jack covered her hand and turned his face, kissing her palm. He closed his eyes. “No, I won’t. I don’t ever want you to stop talking to me, Jilly bean.” Tears seeped into his lashes from beneath his closed lids. Jill brushed her thumb across his eyes.
“I won’t ever leave you, Jack. Not really. And I’ll be okay, where I’m going. I know you have your doubts about heaven, but I don’t. I have dreams about it, Jack. Kind of like God giving me a preview, so I won’t be scared to go. Showing me how amazing it’s going to be.” She drew Jack closer and kissed his brow then pressed her forehead against his. “It’s real, Jack. And I’m not scared.”
Jack trembled, his tears pushing out. “I am,” he whispered. “I’m scared of being here alone.”
“You won’t be alone.” She stroked his hair. “I’ll be with you. And Mom and Dad are here. And you’ll find someone, Jack, you will. Don’t fight it. What happened with Aaron…you can’t let it hold you back, make you afraid to care about someone.”
“I don’t want to care about someone that much, Jill,” he choked, “that they could hurt me that bad.”
“You can’t be too scared of the pain to take a chance on love, Jack. What is life…without love?”
♦ ♦ ♦
“So, she used the construction paper to make the hearts?” Garrett asked softly. “Why?”
Jack gazed at the window, seeing Jill’s face in the sunlit pane. “She passed away a couple nights later,” Jack whispered thickly. “Before she could give me her gift. My parents were there with her. I had just gone home to get some sleep when they called me back, telling me she was fading fast. I tried to get back there in time, but…” He stood up and walked to the window and pressed his palm to the warm glass. “I was too late. She was already gone.”
He laid his head against the window and stared out at the trees surrounding the property. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.
“You don’t have to talk about this, Jack,” Garrett murmured, a thickness in his voice.
“It’s okay,” Jack whispered. He stroked one fingertip down the warm pane. “She asked my parents to give me the gift for her. She had written a letter with it, explaining what I was to do with the gift.” He smiled, tears welling thicker. “Instructions.” He blinked rapidly then looked at Garrett. “It was a box full of”—he looked down at the heart in his hands—“these paper hearts. Each one had something different written on it. A task for me to complete each day.”
“Like…make a new friend?” Garrett smiled softly, referencing to the heart he had “rescued” for Jack two days ago.
“Yeah.” Jack nodded. “She made three hundred and sixty-five hearts, in two days.” He smiled and shook his head. “One for each day of the year. In her letter, she told me that every morning I was to take out one heart and follow it to the letter. And that night, put it in the other box. She said it didn’t matter whether I woke some mornings not feeling like doing it, that I had to do it. I had to…focus on something positive every day. And she said I wasn’t allowed to pick and choose which heart to take, that I had to pick randomly.” He laughed softly. “But she knew me too well, knew I probably wouldn’t adhere to that part, so she folded all the hearts and taped each one closed, so I wouldn’t know what it said until I opened it.”
“Very sly of her.” Garrett smiled.
“It was.”
“I think that that was a most amazing gift,
” Garrett murmured.
“Yeah,” Jack whispered.
Garrett’s gaze shifted to the heart in Jack’s hands. “So, what is your task for today?”
His lips tightening in a smile, Jack stepped forward and handed him the paper heart.
Garrett unfolded it, his brow pinching, a smile touching his lips. “Whistle a happy tune.” His eyes narrowed, and he looked at Jack. “What’s with the ‘haha. Wink’?”
Shaking his head, Jack grinned and shrugged. “She knew I couldn’t whistle.”
Garrett chuckled. “I like her sense of humor.” He handed the heart back to Jack and stood up. “But you’re in luck…because I do know how to whistle. And I can teach you.”
Jack looked at him doubtfully. “And how do you propose to do that?”
Garrett stepped closer. “Well,” he said quietly, “in the words of Mr. Flo Rida…” He came closer still and Jack’s heart began to thump against his ribs though he struggled to control it. “You just put your lips together and you come real close…”
18 “The Lesson”
“WHY do we have to have music for you to teach me to whistle?”
“Because…” Garrett led Jack into his bedroom. “Your heart said whistle a happy tune. You need a tune to whistle along with, right?”
Jack stood near the door as Garrett went to the stereo and began sifting through CDs. His gaze drifted to the bed. The last time he had been in here, he’d had a vivid fantasy of him and Garrett on the bed. A fantasy in which Garrett had proposed doing a “romantic” scene together. But it had been all in his head. Which meant…Jack had actually been the one who had wanted the romantic scene.
“Wait here.” Garrett snapped Jack out of his reverie. “I left the CD down in the rec room.” He stepped past Jack. “I’ll be back in a flash.” Garrett left the room and Jack heard him sprint down the hall.
Garrett seemed totally over the incident with him and Lucas. Clearly, he really wasn’t into Jack. And you’re not into him. So, it’s all good. That is what you told him, right? So why shouldn’t Garrett just drop it?