by A M Snead
She nodded and ducked her head, burying her face in her hands. “He did, Jack,” she cried. “He said he couldn’t…he couldn’t deal with all this and he just…left.”
“There has to be some mistake,” Jack whispered and stroked her hair. “Maybe he just needs time to think things through. He wouldn’t leave you.”
Jill shook her head and reached for Jack again. He embraced her as her sobs took over again. “He isn’t coming back. Not ever, Jack. He’s gone.”
Jack hugged her, tears rising. How could this happen? Aaron worshipped Jill.
“It’s gonna be okay, Jilly bean,” he whispered thickly and hugged her against him.
She cried against his neck, clinging to him like a terrified child. He had never in his life seen her like this and it scared the hell out of him. “No, it won’t,” she sobbed, shaking. “It hurts so much, Jack. Please…make it stop…it hurts too much…”
Jack buried his face in her hair, breaking down. “I’ll take care of you, Jilly bean,” he choked. “I’ll never leave you. Please don’t cry.” But her tender heart had been shattered. Asking her not to cry was like telling the sun not to set in the west.
♦ ♦ ♦
“Jack?”
“Huh!” Jack jerked awake, heart pounding. His vision blurred, distorting the faces before him. He swallowed hard and wiped quickly at his eyes, blinking them into focus. Mickey and Marcus sat on either side of the bed, their lovely faces pinched with concern.
“Jack…are you okay?” Marcus asked quietly. “You were crying…in your sleep.”
Jack cleared his throat and scooted up further on the bed. “Just a bad dream, I guess,” he whispered. “I’m fine.”
“Gideon asked us to come and get you for dinner,” Mickey said.
“Dinner…” Jack glanced at the window; it was nearly dark outside. How long had he been out? He nodded. “Okay. Thank you.” He sniffed and cleared his throat again. “I’ll be down in a minute.”
The twins exchanged concerned looks. “Do you want us to wait for you?” Marcus asked. “We will.”
Jack smiled. These boys had such a sweetness about them that made him want to crawl into their arms and disappear. “No, it’s okay,” he said softly. “You don’t have to wait.”
A tender sigh escaped Mickey. He plucked at the blanket absently then looked at Jack. “Do you want to stay in our room again tonight? You can.”
Right now, there was nothing Jack wanted more. The thought of spending the night alone in here, in this bed…with the memories of Garrett just waiting to come out and haunt him as soon as the light went out…it filled him with a quiet panic. He didn’t want to be alone. But he couldn’t run from thoughts of Garrett either. If he did…what would that imply?
“Thank you, baby.” Jack smiled and reached for Mickey’s hand, squeezing it gently. “But I think I’ve imposed on you two enough as it is.”
“You’re not imposing,” Marcus insisted. He shrugged, his soft eyes compelling Jack. “We liked having you sleep with us. Didn’t you like it, too?”
Jack chuckled. “Oh God, baby…I loved spending the night in your bed, waking up to those two beautiful faces. It was heaven.”
“Then stay with us tonight,” Mickey said imploringly.
Good God, how did anyone ever say no to these two? Jack couldn’t imagine anyone ever had. Maybe they were just what he needed to get through until Monday. “I’ll think about it.” He nodded. “I promise.”
The boys stood up in unison and leaned over, kissing both his cheeks. “You’ll stay with us,” Marcus said quietly and with confidence. “I know you will.”
Jack sighed and smiled. He touched Marcus’ face and kissed his lips. “I will.”
The twins left the bedroom looking quite satisfied with themselves. Jack laughed softly and shook his head. What was it about them that magically made him feel better?
♥
“I’m sorry,” Jack murmured his apology as he entered the dining room. “I fell asleep.”
“It’s all right,” Gideon said quietly. “Go ahead and take a seat, and we’ll say grace.” He watched Jack hesitate at the only empty chair, situated between the twins and Garrett. There was a barely noticeable red rim around his eyes as he glanced quickly at Gideon then took his place at the table.
Garrett tensed the instant Jack sat down and seemed to withdraw a fraction.
You may have made matters worse, insisting they kiss and make up. But Gideon suspected, too, that it might be a step in the right direction. It was much easier to live in denial when one could keep their distance from the other. But put them together…and the truth did show its face.
Whatever happened between the two young men—it was quite clear they both still harbored feelings for the other, regardless how they fought to deny it.
Unlike Scotty…Gideon was certain that Jack was good for Garrett.
But there was a lot of anger to contend with as well, and Gideon was playing with fire when it came to these two. Maybe taking a step back and letting it work itself out would be his best recourse, rather than pushing them together. And that was typically his way, just let the boys deal with their own personal relationships. But he had stood back and done nothing with Garrett and Scotty—even when he’d seen that there was something so obviously wrong—and it had nearly ended in tragedy.
His gaze rested on the two young men, sitting barely inches apart yet a deep and wide chasm between them. Gideon didn’t fear that—left alone—they would come to the same end as Garrett and Scotty, but damage would still be done.
Sweeping his eyes around the table, Gideon said, “Take hands as we say grace.”
The boys did so, each clasping the boy’s hand on either side of him. Jack slipped his fingers into Mickey’s palm to his left, but his right hand rested tensely on the table as Garrett made no move to grasp it and complete the family circle.
“Jack. Garrett,” Gideon said quietly. “We’re waiting on you.”
37 “The Dinner Call”
All eyes fell on Jack and Garrett expectantly. Just twenty-four hours ago, Garrett couldn’t keep his hands off him—less than twenty-four hours—and now he acted as if he were at risk of contracting a terminal disease if he so much as touched Jack’s hand. You seemed fine stuffing your tongue down my throat in Gideon’s office, Jack thought with a smidge of bitterness.
With everyone watching, Jack wasn’t about to play the stubborn, immature one. He turned his hand over, palm up, inviting Garrett to grasp it—thus shifting the bulk of the attention onto Garrett himself. Garrett didn’t look at him, but Jack noted the clench of the guy’s jaw, his facial muscles flexing. He grabbed Jack’s hand and squeezed harder than necessary.
Jack refused to wince or justify the action with any form of response. He bowed his head along with everyone else as Gideon began to recite grace. Jack knew he was deliberately trying to act casual and not move his hand within Garrett’s grip, not so much as a twitch of his little finger. But he couldn’t ignore how warm Garrett’s hand was, and—though he was hardly being friendly—how strong it was as well.
Oh fuck! Jerk me off, Garrett! Fuck me and jerk me off!
Jack flinched hard at the unbidden memory from last night, and Garrett’s strong hand wrapped around his cock, pumping fiercely as they went at each other wildly. Heat rushed to his face then swept through his body and he was instantly hard. He squeezed Garrett’s hand without realizing it, his breath quickening. He clamped his eyes shut, not wanting to be thinking of these things at all. That’s my little brother, Jill giggled in his mind, thinking naughty, sexy thoughts during prayer. Jack’s eyes clamped tighter and he willed her to be silent.
The pressure around his hand increased, though with a kind of desperation rather than ferocity. Jack was compelled to look at Garrett but forced himself not to. What if he saw the same flush of heat in Garrett’s face? Detected a quickness of his breath? He didn’t want to find out that Garrett still desired him sexually—yet in
no other way.
Do you desire him any other way?
Jack tried to shake the question from his head. I don’t desire him at all.
Tell that to your Jack pack, he heard Jill’s impish snark.
The last thing Jack wanted to consider right now was the condition of his “Jack pack,” he could feel what was happening down there without thinking about it.
Shut up, Jill, this isn’t funny, he thought with unease. I can’t have feelings for him. Not after last night.
He felt Jill musing in his mind. Maybe you should just confront him about last night. Get it out and let it go. You know it’s the only way you’ll be able to move on.
Following Gideon’s “Amen,” Garrett held on for a fraction longer than necessary then released him so abruptly he practically shoved Jack’s hand away. Jack withdrew and averted his attention elsewhere.
“So, you’re from Southern Cali?” Bailey spoke, eyes on Jack, as everyone began to fill their plates.
“Yeah.” Jack cleared his throat. His right hand flexed against the lingering phantom pressure of Garrett’s grip. “LA area.”
“You grew up there?”
“Oh.” Jack shook his head. “No. I was born in Alabama. Lived there until I was sixteen, then my family moved to California.”
“I see.” Bailey nodded and poked his fork at his plate. “Birmingham? Mobile?”
Jack shook his head as he hooked a slice of roast beef, laying it on his plate. “Columbiana.” He smiled and shrugged. “Pretty small place. Population was less than four thousand when I lived there.”
Lucas swallowed a bite and motioned at Jack with his fork. “In your solo intro,” he said. “You said it was in the Bible Belt? What exactly is the Bible Belt? I mean, I’ve heard of it, of course. But…what the hell is it?”
Chuckling low, Jack sighed. “That’s what they call a group of the states in the southeastern part of the country. They have a higher actively religious population, overall, than other states.”
“Hm,” Lucas snorted. “No wonder you stayed quiet about being a cake boy.” He winked. “I hear that whole death by stoning is a pretty rough way to go.” He snickered, though there was heaviness to it that betrayed evidence of a deep-rooted bitterness that seemed contrary to Lucas’ overall, upbeat personality.
“Lucas,” Gideon said quietly. “Don’t be disrespectful. Not all religious folk are fanatics. Everyone has a right to believe as they choose.” He quieted for a moment, then softly added, “Some can’t help what they were raised to believe.”
“And that gives them the right to treat us like shit?”
“No,” Gideon replied calmly. “But again, not all of them have that kind of attitude.”
“Yeah. Sure.” Lucas laid down his fork a bit roughly and stared at Gideon. “Why are you so defensive of them anyway?”
Sighing, Gideon gazed at him without offense. “Because just as gay people, or anyone else for that matter, are often stereotyped…I think it’s wrong and unfair to stereotype people of faith. You will find good and bad in every group of people you encounter. The only thing I’m defending is every person’s right to be judged as an individual, to be loved or hated on their own merits. It is hardly fair or just to judge one person by another’s actions, simply because they share the same faith, skin color, gender, or sexual preference. All that does is reveal your own ignorance.” He stared at Lucas. “And makes you the bigot.”
Lucas glanced away and picked up his fork.
“And I know you’re better than that, Lucas,” Gideon added with affection. A teasing smile twitched his lips. “We all know you’re just a big softy with a heart of gold.”
Snorts and snickers drifted through the guys.
“Hey,” Lucas grumbled. “I don’t need the reputation of being soft.”
The others laughed and cast snarky remarks at him while Bailey leaned close and whispered in his ear. Bailey’s hand snaked under the table into Lucas’ lap and Lucas chuckled, murmured some sexual innuendo, and slipped his own hand under the table as well.
Gideon cleared his throat with emphasis and cocked an eyebrow at the two boys. “No fondling at the dinner table.”
Lucas and Bailey smiled innocently—not nearly as convincingly as the twins could have pulled off—and casually returned their hands to the table top.
Through it all, Garrett remained silent and didn’t participate in the playful jeering or laughter. Regardless of his own personal resentment of the guy, Jack felt a stab of sadness and remorse. Just yesterday, Garrett was full of life, cocky, funny, and fun to be around. And now, there was no sign of that guy. Guilt needled his gut. Jack should have kept his distance. If he had—none of this would have happened. It wasn’t Garrett’s fault Jack had given in.
Maybe you should just fucking let it go. Is being pissed at the guy really worth upsetting the harmony of the house? So, he just wanted sex—should that really come as a surprise? He is a porn star, dumbass.
Jack exhaled and glanced at Garrett who was doing more picking at his meal than eating it, but for an occasional bite here and there. He was compelled to just make amends with him right then and there, get it the fuck over with. But maybe it was better done in private. Bringing direct attention to Garrett probably wouldn’t put him in the best of moods. Not that he was in such a great mood now. But even so.
“What?” Garrett muttered when he caught Jack looking at him.
“Nothing,” Jack mumbled and glanced away quickly. His gaze was caught by Gideon’s and the older man held his eyes for a moment before releasing him. Had Gideon somehow orchestrated their seating arrangement at the dinner table? Making sure Jack and Garrett were next to one another? If that were the case, Jack had to wonder again what the man was hoping to accomplish. Whatever “chemistry” he and Garrett supposedly had—it was gone now. And Jack didn’t anticipate it returning.
About halfway through dinner, he was startled by the musical tone of his cell phone alerting him to a new text message. He rarely used his phone, didn’t really have anyone to converse with. He’d lost touch with his casual friends when Jill had gotten sick, spending as much time as he could with her. She had urged him not to abandon his life just to be with her nearly twenty-four seven—but she was his life and he hadn’t listened.
He dug into his pocket when the phone chimed again.
“Jack,” Gideon said quietly. “I really prefer no phones at the dinner table.” When Jack hesitated, phone in hand, Gideon smiled and motioned him on. “But you didn’t know. So, go ahead and answer if you need to.”
Jack glanced at the display, chose the view later option, and turned the phone off, tucking it away. “It can wait,” he murmured, his stomach churning a little.
“All right.” Gideon nodded.
He tried to keep his sudden inner turmoil from becoming visible on his face, but he could feel Gideon watching him as he went back to his meal.
Why were they even contacting him? He just wanted to be left alone. Jack pushed away thoughts of the text message and tried to enjoy the rest of his dinner, but his heightened anxiety only made him that much more aware of Garrett right next to him—so close that Jack could feel the heat of his body. And it was scalding.
Ignore him. Don’t think about the text. Just eat.
As seemed to be common routine, Scotty finished his meal first and left the table, taking his plate to the kitchen then exiting back through the dining room. Tonight, Garrett was the next one to vacate his seat, just minutes following Scotty’s departure.
Jack waited for the relief to set in, now that the tension of having Garrett right beside him was gone, but it didn’t materialize; had Garrett deliberately left so soon after Scotty…to be with him?
The twins engaged him in conversation and that helped some, but to his dismay he realized he was now feeling Garrett’s absence as if the empty chair beside him were an entity all its own. And one that chose to haunt him.
38 “The Unloved”
; “Is everything all right, Jack?”
“What?” Jack looked up from scrubbing his dinner plate—no doubt for the umpteenth time.
Gideon walked to the sink and casually took the dish from Jack, rinsed it off, grabbed a dish towel and began to dry. “You didn’t look too thrilled by the text you received.”
“Oh.” Jack shrugged and picked up a hand towel. “It was…nothing. My…” He faltered as he dried his hands, his eyes shifting away and adopting a blankness. “My parents want us to get together and celebrate Jill’s birthday.”
Jill’s birthday? Gideon frowned and put the plate away. “You and Jill were twins, right? So…wouldn’t that be your birthday as well?”
“Yeah,” Jack said quietly. “But…” He shrugged again, lips tight as he stared at the floor. “They haven’t been in favor of celebrating my birthday since I came out. But Jill wouldn’t let them throw a party for her if it wasn’t meant for me, too.”
And the nominees for the parents of the year are…
Gideon bit his tongue; this was Jack’s business, not Gideon’s. Even so, he couldn’t keep entirely silent. “So, if it had been up to them”—Gideon’s brow knit hard—“they would have just ceased celebrating your birthday altogether?” He was continually appalled—though no longer shocked—by the attitudes and actions of so-called parents, or people in general.
“Yeah, pretty much,” Jack murmured. He clearly felt no need to defend them or make excuses for their behavior. Good for you, son.
“I’m sorry,” Gideon said with sincerity. “It sounds like you had an amazing sister, though.”
“The best,” Jack said quietly then looked at Gideon. His eyes glowed with love for the girl. “She hated the way our parents treated me.” He smiled. “She thought it was great that I was gay. And unfair…that she couldn’t be my gay boy twin.”
Gideon chuckled. “She sounds wonderful.”