“I’m not taking any chances, Jessie. And I don’t want to hear another word about it, okay? If I can’t use the money I have to take the best care of you that I can, then what the fuck is it for?”
I lean forward and rest my hand on his arm. As much as I hate to waste money like that, I know that this is his way of bringing some control to a situation that is going to end up being mostly out of our control. He’d wanted me to have a C-section for the same reason, but I refused. If I can try to bring our daughter into the world in the way that nature intended, I will.
The drive to the hospital is a little tenser than I would have liked but that’s Ryan. His worry is palpable and it’s all I can do to keep him in touch with me and the baby. He softens when Abbey kicks him a little, and even more when I kiss him a little.
His hands seem to tremble more now. I wonder how much stress is going to exacerbate his symptoms. If it does, I’m going to make sure that I keep our lives as relaxed as possible for as long as I can.
It takes eighteen hours for our daughter to make her way into the world. For all that time, Ryan is by my side. He’s my rock through one of the most difficult experiences, but as Abbey is born all the pain seems to disappear.
Her first cry is so loud that the hospital staff all laugh. Her face is red and angry. Fists balled and legs flailing as they lift her from between my legs and take her to be checked. It’s only when she’s dressed and wrapped up that she seems to calm. This time it’s my hands that are trembling. In fact, my whole body shakes so much so that I don’t feel able to hold her. “You take her, Daddy,” I tell him. He doesn’t look sure. For such a confident man, these human moments of emotion seem to make him weak. In his arms Abbey looks tiny. She stares up at him as he whispers soft words of love and I know this child is going to hold his heart in her hands. He moves closer so that I can touch her soft hair but I’m still trembling too much. Ryan takes my shaking hand and presses it to his lips. “Thank you,” he whispers. “Thank you.”
Tears roll down my cheeks. This man. He doesn’t even know what he’s done for me. My broken heart is healed, my hope is restored and my future no longer hangs like a black void in front of me.
Over the months we have been together we have faced the loss of our lives before and welcomed the possibilities of our future. We’ve faced the difficult truth that Ryan is sick. We’ve become parents.
That night, in the Kitty Cat Club, the stars aligned to bring us together.
And a year later, they bring us together again, this time for life.
We say our vows with sand between our toes and the ocean lapping at our ankles, and when it is done I dance with the fading sun on my skin, reaching to the hidden stars with my veil floating out behind me and the man who had come to watch me dance, holding our daughter by my side.
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BIG D
A SPORTS ROMANCE
By
Stephanie Brother
© 2016 Stephanie Brother
All Rights Reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locations is purely coincidental. The characters are all productions of the author’s imagination.
Please note that this work is intended only for adults over the age of 18 and all characters represented as 18 or over.
Kindle Edition
Cover by vivianmonirdesign.com
Description
They call him Big D because he is. Tall and broad, with muscles so thick and good that all I can think about is getting a grip on his biceps and squeezing.
Then there’s the other reason.
All the girls talk about it. I’m not sure how everyone knows he’s hung like a horse but they do.
I try not to think about it because he’s a popular football player who everybody knows and I’m just the work-focused history major who likes to stay mostly invisible at school. But when my professor pulls me aside and asks if I’d be willing to tutor a failing student, suddenly it’s impossible to ignore.
I’m going to be teaching Big D. If he doesn’t pass he’ll be off the team and they can’t win without him.
We’re going to be together night after night, well, the ones I’m not working. I have two big secrets you see. Huge enough that I know for sure that I’m not right for Big D, even though I wish I was.
In my fantasies I imagine finding out if he really does live up to his name, but when trouble heads in my direction again, Dominic Ramsey might be the only one who can keep me safe.
1
Hannah
They call him Big D because he is. In just about every way. Big personality. Tall and broad. Biceps and thighs like tree trunks. On the field he’s a machine; the running back that everybody talks about. The rock that keeps our college team making headlines and wins. The one they can’t do without.
I’ve heard that they call him Big D for another reason too. I’m not friends with the kind of girls who discuss the size of someone’s cock at full volume in the cafeteria, but I have eyes and ears. I’ve seen the gestures. Hands held at least a foot apart. Wide eyes and open mouths. I pretend that I’m not interested in that kind of thing. I’m Hannah Star, serious history student. I concentrate in class and turn in all my assignments early. I know why I’m here and I care about my studies enough to not want any distractions. Not even the big, sexy kind.
That’s what I pretend. But in my bed at night I can’t stop my mind from wandering over Big D in all his glory. I’ve seen him in just his football pants and nothing else. I’ve seen his skin glistening with sweat, muscles rippling as he walks. I’ve seen the bulge that doesn’t seem like something that is really humanly possible. And when I’m so worked up I can barely breathe, I picture his face. Big D is gorgeous. Not in the model perfect kind of way but in the ‘I’ve had my nose broken’, ‘I’m a real man’ kind of way. Strong brow and beautiful dark eyes. Lips that don’t seem to smile enough. He’s watchful and calm. A veritable brick wall of strength and stability. No wonder his teammates worship him. No wonder all the girls on campus want to crack his reserve.
I’m on my way to class with my bestie, Andie, when I see him. He’s all swagger, with his snug jeans and t-shirt that leave practically nothing to the imagination. I watch him as he talks to his jock buddies, laughing at something I didn’t catch. He has a wicked sparkle in his eye that makes my lady bits instantly warm, and just one dimple that I get a sudden urge to lick. God, I have it bad. And the worst thing is, I have a rule and I can’t break it, no matter how much I wish I could.
No men. Not while I’m dragging my ass through college. Or shaking it, I should say. I have a secret that would complicate my life if it ever got out. It’s something that I’d have to admit to if I got close to anyone of the opposite sex, and that makes relationships out of the question. Honest ones anyway.
“He thinks he’s something really special,” Andie says after we pass him.
“Who?” I ask, pretending I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“Dominic Ramsey.”
“You think?”
Andie looks at me as if I’m crazy. Maybe I am a bit. Crazy with hormones that have no outlet. Crazy with fantasies that keep me awake at night.
“That boy has more ego than Texas has hot summers,” she scoffs, glancing back at him over her shoulder.
“He’s confident,” I say, “But I’ve never seen him be a dick to anyone.”
Andie looks at me suspiciously.
“You got a thing for Big D?” she asks with a raised eyebrow. That would certainly be big
news if I admitted it. Andie knows about my rule. She also knows my secrets and is sworn to take them to her death.
“I haven’t got a thing for anyone.”
“Liar,” she says and laughs. “It’s okay to think he’s hot you know. There isn’t a girl on campus, except maybe his cousin, who hasn’t had filthy thoughts about that man.”
Now it’s my turn to raise an eyebrow. Andie having filthy thoughts about Dominic.
“Hey,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “I’m only human, and on a dark night my thoughts might have turned to his most notable attribute.”
I flush at the thought of the thing she’s talking about. If she wasn’t watching me like a hawk I’d succumb and squeeze my legs together to squash the ache.
“I thought I was the only one.”
Andie laughs. “Your rule is stupid, you know.”
I shake my head. If there is one thing I’m certain of, it’s that my rule is the most important thing in my life. The unbreakable commitment. The thing that holds all my worlds apart and makes life manageable.
“Nah,” I say just as we get to our next class. “My rule is the only thing that makes sense.”
We take our seats and I pull out my laptop ready to take notes. Andie hates that I like to sit near the front but she joins me anyway. The lecture starts and I manage to concentrate for the most part. I’m tired from my shift the night before but I force myself to listen. I down a full fat coke to keep myself awake and alert.
It’s about halfway through the lecture that the double doors at the back of the room slam. The whole class turns around to see Big D lumbering down the steps and taking a seat. The Professor doesn’t look surprised to see him, but I am. He doesn’t take this class so I have no idea what he’s doing here.
I struggle to concentrate for the rest of the class and am furious with myself by the end. It’s not cool that my mind kept wandering. I don’t have the luxury of slacking off like a lot of the other students here. The ones being bankrolled by mom and pop who spend their days chewing gum and flirting with the ball players. The ones who see college as an excuse to drink themselves into oblivion or snag themselves a rich husband.
When the lecture is finished, I start to pack my stuff.
“Wonder what that was all about,” Andie says.
I shrug, trying to look as though I don’t care.
“Hannah, can you stay back for a moment?” Professor Starkie asks. I hadn’t noticed her walking towards me.
“Err…sure,” I say, panicking. Was there something wrong with my latest assignment? I worked so hard on it and I was sure it was great. I glance at Andie and it’s her turn to shrug. She heads towards the door at the front of the hall and I watch her go, noticing her looking towards where Big D had been sitting. I follow her gaze, thinking he must have gotten up and left already, but he’s still there. He looks huge sitting in the average sized chair, with his legs spread wide and foot half out in the aisle. Huge and a little bit sheepish. Maybe he needs to stay too, to explain to the Prof why he’s here and why he was late.
Professor Starkie waits until everyone has left. It’s just me and Big D and I feel really self-conscious.
“Hannah, I’m hoping you’re going to be able to help out with something,” she says.
“What can I do?” I ask, thinking she might need some photocopying or an errand run.
“I have a new student joining the class. I’m hoping that you’ll be willing to spend some time catching him up with what he’s missed.” She pauses, her eyes flicking up to Big D. “It’s a request that’s come down from on high.” I don’t miss the slight eye roll she does at that. She obviously doesn’t like the edict she’s received.
“I’m not sure,” I say. Professor Starkie looks a little surprised. I guess she was expecting me to jump at the chance, but she has no idea how busy I am. I’m barely keeping all of my life’s balls in the air as it is.
“You’re my best student,” she says, and I’m shocked. I mean, I try my hardest but I had no idea that I was top of the class. I flush a little with pride because it feels good to know that everything I’m doing is actually paying off.
“It’s not that I don’t want to…it’s just…I have a lot going on.”
“He needs to pass this class or he’s off the team.”
I don’t need to hear any more to understand what’s happening here. Dominic is flunking and there’s no way the team will succeed this season without him. The powers-that-be need him to pass. What I don’t get is why they’re pushing him into this class. History isn’t exactly an easy subject.
“Will I get credit?” I ask. It might sound mercenary but if I’m going to be spending my precious spare time doing the university a favor, they’d better be finding something in it for me.
“There is some scholarship funding that can be made available to support you next semester.” My eyes must widen because the Prof winks at me. “Does that mean I can sign you up?”
“I guess it does.”
I glance up at Big D, expecting to find him fiddling with his phone or Mac, but our eyes lock across the lecture hall and for a moment, I’m stunned. They are so dark and serious that it’s like slipping into the sea at night time; cool and a little bit scary. A shiver runs up my spine and over my scalp, as though my whole body knows this man is a threat to the status quo I’ve been so great at maintaining. I blink and inhale because I need to get a grip. This is all about the Benjamins for me. I can tutor Dominic Ramsey. I can get him to pass because I need that scholarship. I can do this because I will not accept that failure is part of my nature anymore. And if I hadn’t already put enough pressure on myself, Professor Starkie says, “The university is counting on you, Hannah.”
And suddenly I realize that thousands of people’s hopes and expectations are resting on little old me. Oh, and Big D, of course!
2
Hannah
I leave the lecture hall before Professor Starkie goes to have her chat with Big D. She asks me if it’s okay for her to pass on my cellphone number and I agree. Now I feel as though I’m walking around with an unexploded bomb in my purse. My iPhone could go off at any second and the thought fills my stomach with butterflies.
Andie is waiting for me with her eyebrow close to her hairline again.
“What did she say?” she asks, walking with me as we make our way to the cafeteria as we always do on a Monday.
“You are looking at the official tutor for a certain football player,” I say. My voice sounds a little higher pitched than normal, evidence that I’m not totally at peace with what is happening.
“Oh my god,” Andie says. “Is that why he came into class?”
“I guess he was failing at whatever he was doing.”
“But it isn’t an easy class,” she says, voicing my exact thoughts.
“I know. I have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes. All I know is that I’m getting funded next semester for tutoring his ass into a pass grade so that he can stay on the team.”
“Wow. That’s fucking amazing.”
“Yeah,” I say, thinking about all the other things the money I’ll be earning can pay for. Things for Jenny. Maybe even a ticket home for a weekend. Just thinking about it makes my heart ache. “But what if he doesn’t pass?”
“He’s got you as a tutor. He’d have to be a serious dumb ass to fail.”
We look at each other and burst out laughing. “Maybe that’s why he’s called Big D,” Andie chuckles. “Maybe it has nothing to do with his dick.”
“His dick?” I say, in mock confusion. “I thought he was called Big D because he’s tall and his name is Dominic.”
“Ah, shut up.”
Andie grabs my arm and we head into the cafeteria for lunch. It’s while I’m digging into my high protein salad that my phone rings. I rustle around in my purse and see it’s a number I don’t recognize. It’s loud where we’re sitting. A group of frat-jerks are making a show of themselves at the next table so
I cover my free ear and say, “Hello.”
“Hannah.” It’s him. I recognize the smooth deepness of his voice immediately.
“Dominic?”
“Yeah.” He pauses as if he’s nervous and I suddenly see the situation from his perspective. He’s flunking. Poor guy must be so embarrassed. “Professor Starkie gave me your number.”
“Sure. Yeah. She told me she would.”
“You free to meet? This feels weird talking like this.”
“I guess. I’m eating, but in half an hour? Outside the library?”
“Okay,” he says, sounding relieved.
We say bye in an awkward ‘I don’t know you and this is really weird’ way, and then hang up. Andie is looking at me strangely.
“You like him,” she says.
“Oh, my god. Where the hell are you coming from with that?”
“I can tell.” She scrunches her button nose in concentration. “I think he’s going to be the one to get you to break your rule.”
“No way.”
“You’ll do it. You’ll crack,” she laughs, leaning back in her seat with a very satisfied look on her face. “Trust Auntie Andie. I know these things.”
I have to laugh at her because she’s right. She does generally know these things. It’s like she has a crystal ball for potential couples. She called out Jenna and Harrison way before they got together. There was no way I’d have predicted that match because their parents were married and Jenna had managed to convince us all that she found her stepbrother annoying. Yet here they are, going strong. And she’d mentioned that she thought Carrie and the twins were up to something. That one had baffled me even more, but not Andie.
To be honest, her prediction scares me. I’ve broken so many promises to myself in the past that I just can’t face the prospect of failing again. It’s not just me I have to think about either. Everything I do affects my family back home. They’re counting on me. But a little part, the part that thinks about Big D when I’m in my bed at night, and the part that shivered when I caught him watching me, is just a tiny bit hopeful.
I’ve got great friends and a great life, despite some initial setbacks, but that doesn’t mean I’m not lonely.
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