“Shut it, idiot!” Blake tosses her crust at her brother, before bursting out in laughter when it bounces off the side of his head. “That’s what you get, smartass. I was aiming for your eye.”
Roman cracks a small smile and looks my way. “I plan to call for a ride in an hour. You sure you don’t want to stay longer? It could be the two of us against the three of them.”
Honestly, being around Roman right now has me feeling guilty, but the idea of leaving him has me feeling even guiltier.
My friends have always come first, and I’ve been a crap friend to him since I’ve been back. I hate it. With everything in me.
“Yeah, man.” I force a smile and grip his shoulder. I’ll just have to forget Dakota for one night. Or at least pretend enough to make it through the next hour. “Let’s play some pool.”
Dakota
It’s been ten hours since I slammed the door in Easton’s face, yet I can’t get the kiss we shared out of my head.
It’s playing on repeat, and no matter what I do, it won’t stop haunting me. I can still feel the burn of his kiss on my lips as if it only happened a few minutes ago.
Is this what it always feels like to kiss Easton Crews? Or is this just a once in a lifetime feeling? Because holy hell, a girl could get used to this. Just not me. It can never be me.
I suppose it might as well be Sylvia Martinez. She’s been all over him ever since he showed back up in town anyway. I should’ve known either her or Blake would get to him eventually. I just didn’t expect it to be on the same day he kissed me. Talk about a blow to the heart.
My thoughts going back and forth between mine and Easton’s kiss and seeing Sylvia’s hands and mouth all over Easton are giving me whiplash. I wish I could erase both memories from my head at this point, and forget either ever happened.
Seeing her hands roam all over his firm body as if he belonged to her made me want to throw up in my mouth right there. Seeing her lips on his neck made me want to hit something. What it still makes me want to do.
“Ugh!” I scream out in frustration and toss down my torque wrench, making it hit against the cement so hard that I flinch.
I took the day off from work, because there’s no way I can look at Easton right now, let alone be stuck in the same room with him for a full workday. Not after everything that’s happened over the last twenty-four hours. I need time. I haven’t decided how much yet, but time is needed before I can face him.
I’ve been in my garage working on my piece of junk old bike. It was my first one ever, and it’ll probably never run again, but I needed something to distract my mind and make sure it stayed far away from Easton Crews. I could kick myself for believing this would work. It’s not.
I’m just about to reach for a rag when my phone vibrates across the garage floor. I reach for it, expecting it to be Mae asking about her Jeep, but my heart leaps from my chest when I see that it’s a message from Easton, followed by another one right after.
It never fails. Even after all these years, Easton calling or texting still has the same affect on me.
“Don’t open it. Don’t even think about opening it.”
I attempt to talk myself out of it but end up opening his texts and reading them like a fool.
Easton: Dammit, Kota. Why aren’t you here at the shop today?
Easton: You can’t avoid me the whole time I’m in town, so don’t even try. It won’t work.
I know as much as he does how true that statement is, but you can’t blame a girl for trying. It’s all I can do to keep my heart safe. It’s the best thing for both of us.
Instead of responding to Easton’s messages, I set my phone aside, pick up my torque wrench, and get back to working on my bike. I need to clear my head enough to at least handle dinner at my parents’ house tonight. I can’t go there all tense and them not ask me a bunch of questions, especially since I called in today.
“Why is Easton’s truck here?”
I jump, not expecting Hope to be watching me from the doorway. “Crap, you scared me, Hope.” I glance toward Easton’s truck, my heart sinking for the millionth time today. “I owed his precious truck a washing since I talked him into getting it dirty.”
She laughs. “You always could talk him into anything. Even when we were kids. Remember that time you talked him into getting a dirt bike shaved into the side of his head when he was thirteen? It didn’t look anything like a dirt bike, and we all laughed at him when he showed up at your house the next day.”
I crack a smile at the memory, because even though it looked like crap and we all laughed at him, he didn’t shave his head for a whole week. “How could I forget?”
She crosses her arms. “The only thing you haven’t talked him into is letting you drive that truck that’s sitting in your driveway. But I bet you’d be the first person he let drive it if he ever lets anyone.”
My heart thumps against my ribcage at the memory of me driving Easton’s truck. Well, sort of driving it, if you count me sitting in his lap while doing it actually driving. “I doubt he’ll ever give in on that,” I say, trying to play it cool.
“Probably not.” She looks down at her phone in her hand. “Shit, I have to go. My shift at the diner starts in twenty minutes. Just wanted to walk by and check on you since your dad said you took the day off when I called the shop.” She gives me an odd look at the mention of me not being at work. “Is something wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong,” I say, trying to sound convincing. “I’m just tired and didn’t feel like spending all day at the shop. Besides, it’s my first time calling in. No biggie.”
“Exactly. You never take a day off. Does this have something to do with Easton working for your dad now? Is there anything you want to talk about?”
My stomach twists into knots at just the idea that Hope might have a clue about how I truly feel about Easton. She’s my best friend, but I can’t risk even her knowing. Hope spent almost as much time with them as I did.
“No,” I say immediately. “Why would you ask that?”
I might sound a little more panicked than I should by her question, but I’m hoping she doesn’t catch on.
“I don’t know. Because you’re the best mechanic at the shop, but with Easton around you might have some competition. He did teach you everything you know, after all. I could see that being a problem when it comes to getting the best projects.”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” I lie. “Don’t you have to go now?”
“Shit, right! I’ve gotta run.”
“You’re always more than welcome to join us at my parents’ tonight after your shift is over.”
“Thanks, but I can’t. Talon is going to finish working on my truck after work today. At least he’s going to try. Tell your parents I’ll be there next time! Okay, I’ve gotta go, for real now. Have fun!”
After Hope takes off on her five minute walk down the road to her house, I work on my bike some more, or at least attempt to, but I can’t seem to stop looking at Easton’s truck. It’s staring at me, reminding me of what happened against it last night. It feels strange having it here when he isn’t.
The more I look at it, it occurs to me that at some point he could appear out of thin air to pick it up. It’s making it so damn hard to breathe, so I give up working on my bike and go inside to change before grabbing Mae’s keys.
Luckily, Mae is at home still, taking a shower so she can head into the pub soon. I drop her Jeep off and leave the keys on her kitchen table.
I need to run. Doesn’t matter where to. I can’t think straight. Turning off my phone, I shove it into my bra and run for as long and hard as I can.
I need to get all these emotions out before facing my family, and nothing has worked yet. Something has to give.
But even after an hour of running, my mind is still on that stupid kiss. It’s still on Easton’s hands up my shorts and his erection pressing hard between my legs. I’d never been so turned on in my life which makes it even worse.
>
My chest hurts as I bend over and grab my knees, fighting to catch my breath. “This is not helping,” I say, out of breath. “Definitely not working.”
It’s when I look up a few minutes later that I realize I’m standing in front of the cemetery. I stand up straight and run my hands down my face, feeling completely overwhelmed.
The fact that Quinn is lying six feet under, not even fifty feet from where I stand, has tears flowing down my cheeks.
And before I know it, I’m squatting down with my hands placed against the sidewalk as a sob tears through me.
What the hell have I done?
There’s no excuse for me kissing Easton back yesterday, and there’s no excuse for wanting with everything in me to do it again. I’m a shit sister, and I just broke the one promise that means more to me than anything else in this world.
I kissed Quinn’s boyfriend—my dead sister’s boyfriend—and I can never take that back, no matter how badly I want to.
I can never apologize or explain that I’ve been in love with him for as long as I can remember. Or that I’ve been fighting for years to hold back and I just slipped in a moment of weakness, and it’ll never happen again.
All I’m allowed is the guilt that I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life and it hurts. It hurts so, so bad.
Standing up, I run my hands over my face, wiping away my tears. I have no right to be crying. I have no right to be feeling sorry for myself right now, yet, I’m doing both.
Quinn loved Easton with everything in her. He was her only true boyfriend, and she believed that one day he’d ask her to marry him.
She wanted that more than anything and talked about it all the time. All the while, I was hurting inside like a fool and trying to keep my feelings for him in check.
I never believed for one second that they belonged together. I never believed they’d be married one day either.
But that doesn’t matter now.
What matters is that she died believing that.
And she also died believing that I’d never betray her.
I have to make sure it never happens again.
No matter how much it kills me inside.
Dakota
NINE YEARS AGO…
My cellphone rings and an instant feeling of nervousness and excitement fills me, causing me to feel a tad bit giddy.
There’s only one person who I’ve given my phone number to since my parents bought it for me three months ago, and that person is Easton.
As soon as he heard my mom mention that the line was set up for me, he asked me for my number, saying he wanted to be the first person to test out my first phone.
I laughed and gave it to him, not thinking he’d actually use it, but he’s called every night since that day.
You would think I’d be used to it by now, but I have to admit that it almost feels as if I’m being a little sneaky.
Maybe it’s because a boy is calling me.
And what makes it even more exciting is that boy is Easton Crews. He came here as my brother’s best friend and has turned into the only boy I ever think about, although, I’ll never admit that to anyone.
Especially him.
But I guess that’s what nine years of being friends with a boy can do. And after all Easton’s done for me over time, he’s become so special to me, and I know I can always count on him. We hang out almost every day when he’s not busy with Roman, and now we even talk on the phone as much as we can.
I always expect for my phone to stop ringing any day now, thinking that Easton will get tired of talking to Roman’s little sister every night, but so far, the calls keep coming in.
Smiling, I pick up the phone on the first ring and place it to my ear. “It’s getting a little late, Easton. I figured I wouldn’t be getting a call tonight.”
“And what… mess up our little routine. Not a chance.” His deep laughter vibrates my ear through the receiver. “Besides, I enjoy our nightly talks. It helps me sleep at night.”
Now, I’m the one laughing. “Are you messing with me now? We both know that’s not true.”
It’s silent for a moment, and I listen to his uneven breathing, before he speaks. “It is true. Ever since my father got sick… you’ve been about the only thing that can distract me. I look forward to coming home and calling you, Kota. Don’t ever not believe me again. Okay?”
“Okay. I’m sorry.” I feel sadness creep up inside of me as I picture Easton alone in his room, feeling helpless and alone because he can’t stop the cancer from slowly taking his dad away. “Tell me about your day. How was school?”
I roll over on my back and look up at the ceiling.
“School? It was boring, as usual. Nothing to talk about. But you on the other hand…”
“Me? What is that supposed to mean?”
“Who was that guy following you around the halls today? He seemed pretty far up your ass.”
I can’t help but to laugh when I think about Justin Newberg and his desperate attempts to get me to be his girlfriend at school today.
“Well, apparently he wants me to be his girlfriend, or just skip straight to the marrying part. He said it’s my choice.”
“Oh, yeah?” His voice sounds deeper than usual and maybe even a little annoyed. But he’s always been protective over me. “And what did you tell him?”
“I told him I haven’t decided yet. Told him I may need a year or two to think on it.”
Easton laughs again, and I can’t help but laugh myself. I’ve always loved the way Easton’s laugh sounds. It comforts me.
“And what about you?” I ask. “Prom is in a few weeks. Who’s the lucky girl going to be?”
My heart speeds up as I wait for his answer. Obviously, I don’t expect it to be me. Not only because I’m two grades behind him, but also for the fact that Roman would kill him if he showed any kind of interest in me or Quinn.
“I don’t know yet. So many choices that I’d rather not deal with it, to be honest. None of my options have me excited to go.”
I’m not sure why, but relief fills me from his response, and I find myself smiling at the ceiling. Well, actually, I do know why. Because I hate the idea of him with other girls.
“How about we forget about marriage and this thing called Prom, and you can sing me a song instead until I fall asleep.”
I can practically hear him smile into the phone, because I know how much he loves singing songs to match my current situations. He did it for the first time two weeks ago, and he’s been doing it every chance he gets now.
“Okay, here’s what you’re going to do…”
I laugh. “I’m listening.”
“Okay, good. Lay back, close your eyes, and listen to the soothing sound of my sexy singing voice.”
Without meaning to, I burst out laughing and have to quickly cover my mouth to stay quiet. “Oh, you find that funny, do ya?”
“Maybe. I mean…” I have to force myself to stop laughing so I can talk. “I feel like I’m listening to some self-help tape or some crap.”
“Who says you aren’t? This could all be pre-recorded, because I know you so damn well that I can predict everything that comes from your mouth. So, stop messing up the tape and shut your beautiful mouth, Kota.”
I go quiet, but my heart most definitely does not. I’m almost worried that he can hear the erratic beating of my heart through the phone.
It’s the closest he’s ever come to calling me beautiful, and it has me feeling some type of way that I just can’t explain.
I mean, he always has me feeling something, but I spend a lot of time convincing myself that it’s nothing. That these feelings I get when he’s around or just hearing his voice is only because I love him as a friend.
But I’ve known all along that it’s bullshit. Bullshit that I feed myself in order to keep myself from falling in love with Easton and getting hurt.
But in all reality, I’ve been in love with Easton since the moment he took me for a ride
on the back of his bike when I was six.
I was just too young to know what it meant.
“Okay, I think I’ve got the perfect song for you. Just pretend it’s from Justin.”
“Oh boy… how about I not.”
As soon as the lyrics for Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol leave his lips, little butterflies begin practically fluttering around in my belly, causing me to lose my breath a little.
It’s so easy to close my eyes and pretend that Easton Crews is singing the lyrics directly to me. I mean… he kind of is. But not in the way I wish he were right now.
The sound of his voice makes me believe that laying here with him is enough to forget the world.
And by the time he finishes the song, I’m speechless. So, I just lay here with my eyes closed.
“Kota?” I can hear him moving around in his bed, most likely trying to get comfortable. “Are you awake?”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “You almost put me to sleep, but not quite.”
“What are you thinking about?”
His question has me freaking out inside. Surely, he can’t tell how I’m feeling inside right now, could he? “Nothing really. I’m just staring up at the ceiling and enjoying the peacefulness.”
It’s quiet for a few seconds, no other sound than us breathing into the phone.
“Yeah, me too. I should let you get to sleep.”
“That’s probably a good idea. I should get to sleep before someone comes in and catches me awake. Goodnight, Easton.”
“Goodnight, Kota.”
I get ready to hang up, but his voice stops me right as I pull the phone away. So, I place it back to my ear. “Yeah?”
“Justin could never sing to you the way I can, and if I find out he tries… I’ll be sure to kick his ass.”
There’s a hint of humor in his voice, letting me know that he’s joking.
“I don’t think anyone can sing to me the way you can. But I’ll be sure to let you know if that changes.”
“I’ll remember that.”
I smile and hang up the phone, feeling good after spending the last hour talking to Easton.
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