Wreck My World

by Victoria Ashley

  Lost in thought, I sit out here staring at the building that I’ve spent the last two years going to every single day. You’d think I’d miss it more than I do, but when compared to Dakota it seems so small. Everything does.

  After a while, once I’m sick of my own thoughts, I head back to the hotel, just ready to shut my head off for the night.

  “You’re back.” The woman at the desk smiles once she sees me standing in front of the desk. “Haven’t seen you in a few weeks. How long are you staying this time?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll pay a daily rate.”

  “Not a problem, Easton.” She nods and slides me a room key. “Enjoy your stay.”

  I grab my bag and take the elevator up to the second floor, walking to the same room I stayed in for two weeks before leaving town.

  Somehow this hotel feels emptier than the one back home. I’m not stupid. I know it’s because Dakota isn’t close by and that’s the shittiest feeling in the world.

  I don’t know how long I’ll be able to stay away. But giving her time might just be the only thing that’s going to keep us together. Even if it is going to break me apart.

  Dakota

  I’ve been lying in this bed for hours, staring up at the ceiling and trying to make sense of everything that’s been going on inside my head—all the pain and guilt eating away at me that’s close to swallowing me whole.

  When I thought Easton was hurt a few nights ago, nothing else in the world mattered other than getting to him. Everyone around me faded away as I ran down to the track to see if he was okay. Except everyone didn’t fade away; not really. They were all there when I let my emotions take over and kissed Easton in front of everyone we grew up with. I lied to my brother’s face more than once, and in a moment of weakness kissed the one person I promised there was nothing going on with.

  The look of betrayal on my brother’s face hurt, and him saying that I forgot about Quinn—our sister that I loved with my whole heart—added to that hurt, crushing me completely. I knew it was going to be bad when Roman found out, but I didn’t imagine the crippling pain that consumed me.

  I knew the only thing to do was walk away from Easton for now. It was the only thing I could do to survive. Now, I’m stuck with all these emotions overwhelming me and not knowing what to do with them all. I haven’t been able to face Easton or my brother since that night.

  Closing my eyes, my throat burns as I listen to the lyrics of I found by Amber Run for about the hundredth time since waking up this morning. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the song since Easton played it at the pub that night, then told me the very next night he’s in love with me.

  What the hell am I supposed to do with how it makes me feel? How am I supposed to stay away from Easton long enough to figure out what’s right, after hearing those words from him?

  I’m a mess, and the fact that I’ve been hiding out in Stiles’ spare bedroom, locking myself away from the rest of the world, is proof of that.

  “Hey, pretty girl. Feeling better today?” I open my eyes to see Stiles standing in the doorway of his guestroom. He nods down at my phone, so I pull my earbuds out and set my old iPod aside. “You going to turn that back on soon? Your brother and Easton have been asking about you.”

  I shrug and look down at my phone that has barely left my hand for days even though it’s been powered down. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now, Stiles. My head is all over the place. I haven’t been this overwhelmed and confused since—”

  “Quinn died?” Stiles plops down on the foot of the bed and grips my leg. “You’re in a difficult situation right now, but it’s not an impossible one. You know I’m always here for you, right?”

  I nod and squeeze my phone. “I know. And I appreciate you letting me hide out here for a while. Does my brother know?”

  “Nah. I haven’t told anyone where you’re at. Not even Hope. You’re safe with me.”

  I sit up, my heart skipping a beat. “Hope asked about me?”

  “Yeah. Why wouldn’t she? You’re her best friend. I think she knows I’m hiding you. If I keep lying to her, she might just kick my ass, and it’s a little terrifying.”

  “You’ll like it and we both know it,” I say with a slight smile. “But don’t worry. I think it’s time I go home and think in my own bed anyway. If Easton stops by then I’ll figure something out. I’ll have to. I can’t hide forever.”

  He’s quiet for a few moments, before finally saying, “You and Easton are supposed to be together. You were always supposed to be together, and that’s coming from an outsider.” He stands up. “I’ve known that since we were kids. I think others knew it deep down too, but didn’t want to believe it since he was with Quinn. Roman being one of them. There’s no way he couldn’t have seen it.”

  “Do you think that matters?” I ask softly. “Because he clearly hates me right now. You heard what he said on the racetrack.”

  “Fuck that, Dakota. He knows you haven’t forgotten about Quinn. That was him letting his emotions speak. You both lied to him. How would that make you feel? His sister and his best friend. Are you saying you wouldn’t say some harsh shit to make him feel like crap if he lied to you about something that huge?” He sits up and pulls a joint from behind his ear. “He doesn’t hate you. He could never hate you. But you have to remember how it felt to you when Easton first came back to town. Did it really feel like Quinn has been gone for three years or did it feel fresh as hell? Be honest.”

  “It felt fresh.” I swallow, my heart hurting. “That’s why I was so pissed at him. It felt like that wound had been ripped open again and it was his fault. If he hadn’t left to begin with then it wouldn’t have hurt so much for him to come back.”

  “I’m sure he had his reason for leaving. It sucks, but you know Easton wouldn’t abandon you unless he felt he had no other choice.” He exhales and runs a hand through his messy hair. “I think all everyone really needs is time. People will stop talking and they’ll understand that Quinn has been gone for years. As long as what you and Easton have is real, then a little time should be enough. Even for you. Because you need to understand that she’s been gone too. Easton doesn’t belong to Quinn anymore, and in my opinion…” he stops to light his joint and take a hit. “He never did. I’ll be outside if you need me.”

  The moment he walks away, I sit here, hands in my hair as I think his words over. I want to believe with everything in me that he’s right. I need him to be right, because if I’m being honest without myself, I can’t let Easton go.

  I’ll never be able to let Easton go.

  Climbing out of bed, I shove my things into my bag and make the bed. I’m done hiding. I need to face reality whether it’s today or tomorrow or next week. And that reality is that I don’t want Easton to leave again. I don’t want to push him away because of what others think or because I’m terrified of hurting Quinn. I might’ve made a promise to her years ago to never fall for Easton, but the truth is, I broke that promise before I made it. Maybe it’s time I realize that and own up to it.

  “Take me home, Stiles.” I don’t bother waiting for his response before heading for his truck and jumping in. I don’t have any more time to waste. I just want to get home where Easton can find me. When he shows up at my house late tonight, if he does, I want to be there. I’m tired of hiding.

  “All right, babe. You sure?” Stiles looks over at me after shutting the door. “You can take another day or two if you want. My guestroom is yours.”

  “I’m sure. Just drive, Stiles. Go before I chicken out.”

  Without another word, he starts his truck and takes off. I can’t talk on the ride to my house, my throat thick with emotions the whole drive there. So, Stiles doesn’t say anything either, allowing me time to get lost in my head and work things out.

  “Shit,” I whisper, squeezing my bag in my hand when we pull up to find Easton’s truck parked outside my house. “He’s here.”

  Stiles smiles an
d unbuckles my seatbelt. “Good luck, pretty girl. I’m pulling for you two. If there’s one thing I want to see, it’s the two of you together finally.”

  “Thanks, Stiles.” I hop out of his truck, my legs feeling weak the moment they hit the ground. I hear Stiles pull away, but my gaze is locked on Easton’s truck. It’s dark, so I can’t tell if he’s inside.

  Dropping my bag, I walk to the truck and look inside to find it empty. Both my house door and garage door are locked, so there’s no way he’s inside waiting on me. No, his truck is here, but he’s not, and that scares the shit out of me. A feeling of emptiness instantly takes over as I think of the possibilities.

  No. No. No

  Swallowing, I open the truck door and look around for the keys. My heart shatters when I find them sitting in the driver’s seat along with his phone and a note. With shaky hands, I reach for the note and read it.

  Since I can’t get you to answer the phone, this is the only way for you to hear these songs. As much as I’d like to sing these to you myself, here is the next best thing. In my phone, you’ll find Kota’s playlist. And since you said you need time, this is me giving it you. I can’t have you forgetting about me while I’m gone, so I need you to listen to it.

  P.S. The truck is yours now. I’ve always loved you more.

  By the time I finish reading the note, my face is filled with tears that won’t stop falling. Wiping them away, I grab his phone from the seat and climb into the truck, slamming the door behind me. My first thought is to call him and tell him to come back. That I don’t need his truck or some playlist, that I need him.

  But as I clutch his phone in my hand, it hits me that the only way to reach him is by what I’m holding in my hand right now. In a panic, I go to his contact list, thinking maybe I can find this Trevor guy in it, but it’s empty. The entire contact list was deleted. With my heart pounding in my chest, I go to his internet search and type in Crews’ Mechanics.

  When Permanently closed pops up under the info listed, I throw his phone across the cab and scream out my frustration, before breaking down.

  My shoulders shake as I grip the steering wheel and cry, letting it all out. All the emotions I’ve been bottling up since Easton came back hits me all at once.

  “I hate you!” I scream out, tears flowing down my face, my hands gripping the steering wheel tighter. “I fucking hate you for leaving me again. I hate you so much, Easton! I don’t want this stupid truck, I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” I scream out in frustration again, but slap my hands on the steering wheel over and over again until they’re sore and red.

  Fighting to catch my breath, I lean back and run my hands over my face, hating myself for pushing him away. My words may reflect one thing, but inside, I know who it is that I truly hate: myself.

  After I’ve calmed down, I wipe my face off and reach for Easton’s phone to find the playlist he left me. I know listening to it is only going to hurt more, but it’s the closest I can get to talking to him right now. I sit here for hours, listening to the playlist on repeat, until I can’t take the torture anymore and Easton’s phone is close to dying.

  Feeling emotionally numb, I climb out of his truck and shut the door, before grabbing the bag I dropped in the driveway and letting myself inside.

  I don’t even make it to my bedroom. In fact, I don’t want to, because it’ll only remind me of when Easton slept in it. I spread out on the couch, clutch Easton’s phone to my chest, and close my eyes in hopes of letting sleep consume me.

  Just when I feel my eyes growing heavy, I hear something outside, so I sit up in a hurry, a small ounce of hope hitting me that Easton might’ve come back or decided not to leave after all.

  But when I get to the front door and open it, Ben is outside with a baseball bat. He tosses the beer in his hand aside and looks me over. “Where is he? Tell him to come out and face me.”

  “Get the fuck off my property, Ben!” I take a step outside and close the door behind me, not in the mood to deal with his shit. “He’s not here, and you won’t be finding him anytime soon either, so… leave.”

  “Let me guess… the asshole took off again?” He laughs and points the bat at me. “I told you he’d hurt you again, but did you listen to me? No. You let him right back in. That sorry son of a bitch needs to pay. Not only for hurting you, but also for fucking up my nose. I guess his truck will do.”

  “Don’t you even fucking think about it, Ben! Don’t!” I run down the steps and go to reach for the bat, but he pushes me back and swings out, busting the driver’s side window. “Stop!” Following him around the truck, I shove him a few times and try to reach for his arm, but he shakes me off and busts out the passenger’s side window next.

  “We’ll see how the fuck he feels when someone messes with his precious truck. Back up, Dakota! Now!”

  “Dammit, Ben! Stop!” I grab for the bat and struggle to pull it from his hand before he can do any more damage. I’m so busy fighting him that I don’t even notice Hope has joined us until she’s reaching for the bat too.

  “What the fuck, Ben?” Hope says once Ben finally surrenders the bat to us. She looks at the busted out windows and shoves his chest. “How dare you come over here swinging a bat. Are you out of your mind? Leave before I call Roman to come fuck up your face more than Easton already has.”

  “We won’t need Roman,” I grind out. “I’ll break your face with this bat if you even come near my house or this truck again. I mean it.”

  He tugs on his hair in frustration, before throwing his arms up and backing away. “You know what? Fuck it. Clearly, no one will ever see that Easton is the bad guy here. Not me. Enjoy the fucking bat. It’s the one I borrowed from you last year anyway.”

  I fight the urge to take this bat to Ben’s kneecaps as he walks away, stopping to punch my mailbox on his way off my property.

  “Are you okay?” Hope questions, grabbing my shoulder. “Did Ben touch you?”

  I shake my head and turn away, wiping away the tears. I’m so fucking angry that I’m crying again. I haven’t been this much of an emotional wreck in years. “I’m fine, Hope. Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t fix.”

  “That’s bullshit, Dakota.” She follows me onto my porch. “What was that about? Where’s Easton?”

  I shove my door open and step inside, Hope following behind me. “He’s gone, Hope. I don’t know when or if he’ll be back. I just want to sleep for a while. I don’t want to be awake. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to hurt.”

  “I’m sorry, babe. Is there anything I can do?” she whispers, shutting the door behind her. “I’ve been trying to call you for days to apologize. I’m an idiot for the way I reacted, Dakota. I should’ve been more supportive about you and Easton. It was just a lot to take in and—”

  “Don’t worry about it, Hope.” I sit down on the couch and pull the blanket from the back of it to cover up with. I’m so mentally exhausted I just want to close my eyes and pretend this is all some fucked-up nightmare I’ll wake up from in the morning. “I shouldn’t have lied to you and everyone else to begin with. The truth is, I love Easton. I’m in love with him, and I always have been. I’m done pretending that I don’t.”

  Hope sits down beside me and pulls my head down to her shoulder. “I’ve always had my suspicions. I’m not going to lie.”

  I look up at her in surprise. “You have?”

  She nods. “Here and there. But really, I just thought you two were best friends and that’s why you spent so much time together growing up. I pushed that thought from my head until the night I saw you two together. I didn’t know how to react, so I freaked out, and I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?”

  “There is nothing to forgive. I put it on myself by not telling you guys the truth. I’m the only person I’m angry with other than Easton for leaving.”

  It’s silent for a while before she finally says, “He’ll be back, Dakota. He’s probably just giving you time. If there’s one thing I know about E
aston, it’s that he’s always done everything in his power to give you what you need. I always knew he loved you, I just didn’t know in what way until now.”

  I close my eyes and exhale, needing with everything in me for her to be right. I barely survived Easton leaving the first time. There’s no way I’ll survive it this time. I know this.

  I sit up and look over the back of the couch when my front door opens minute later to Roman rushing inside, looking ready to kill someone. “Ben did that shit?”

  “How did you know Ben was even here?”

  “I called him on the way over here.” Hope stands up. “I’m going to get something to drink. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

  The moment Hope walks away, Roman pulls me into his arms and kisses the top of my head. “I came over here prepared to murder the asshole.” He pulls away and looks down at me. “Did he put his hands on you in any way? If he did, I’ll track his ass down right now.”

  “No, Roman.” I wipe my wet cheek off and sit down on the couch. “He wouldn’t hurt me. It was Easton he was looking to use that bat on. It doesn’t matter though, because he’s gone again. Who knows if he’ll be back.”

  A guilty look crosses Roman’s face, before he turns away for a moment. His eyes meet mine as he exhales. “I’m sorry for being an ass the other night. I know you haven’t forgotten about Quinn.”

  “Don’t ever say that to me again. Do you hear me?” I ask stiffly.

  “I won’t. It was stupid of me to do and I deserve to get my ass kicked.” He sits down beside me and wraps his arm around me. “I’m here for you whatever you decide. Just don’t rush it. Give it time. Everything will work out when it’s ready to.”

  His words give me the small bit of hope that I need right now. Maybe he’s right. It’s all I can hope for.

  Dakota

  It’s been weeks since Easton left and him being gone hurts far worse than the first time he left. Things are different this time. This time he told me he loved me. He told me we were meant to be together and I believed it, so the fact that he hasn’t come back kills me. Some nights I wake up, hardly able to breathe because of the emotions consuming me, even in my sleep.