‘Yes, like he’d been rehearsing it in private for days …’
‘Yes, it was like that. I agree with that. It was just like that. He reached out and took her hand and kissed it very lightly and politely, then let go. And Miss Collins, she just bowed gracefully, then immediately turned her attention to the other gentlemen, greeting them and smiling, we were too far away to catch what they were all saying. So there they all were and for a little while no one seemed to know what to do next. Then Mr von Winterstein took the initiative and started to explain something about the giraffes to both Mr Brodsky and Miss Collins, addressing them as though they were a couple – wasn’t he, Trude? As though they were a nice old couple who’d arrived together from the start. So there they were, Mr Brodsky and Miss Collins, after all these years, standing side by side, not touching, just standing side by side, both of them staring at the giraffes, listening to Mr von Winterstein. This went on for some time, and you could see the other gentlemen whispering among themselves about what ought to happen next. Then gradually, before you knew it, the gentlemen had all melted back, it was all very well done, so civilised, they all pretended to be in conversation with each other and drifted away a little at a time so that in the end there was just Mr Brodsky and Miss Collins left in front of the giraffes. Of course, we were watching very closely now and everyone else must have been too, but of course everyone was pretending not to look. And we saw Mr Brodsky turn very gracefully to Miss Collins, raise a hand towards the giraffes’ cage and he said something. It seemed to be something very heartfelt and Miss Collins bowed her head just a little, even she couldn’t remain unmoved, and then Mr Brodsky went on talking, occasionally you’d see him raise his hand again, like this, very gently, towards the giraffes. We couldn’t be sure if he was talking about the giraffes or about something else, but he kept raising his hand to the cage. Miss Collins did seem very overcome, but she’s such an elegant lady, she straightened herself and smiled and then the two of them came strolling over to where the other gentlemen were talking. You could see her exchanging a few words with the gentlemen then, very pleasant and polite, she seemed to have quite a long talk with Mr Fischer, and then she was saying goodbye to them all, each of them in turn. She gave a little bow to Mr Brodsky, and you could see how pleased Mr Brodsky was with it all. He was standing there in a sort of dream, holding his hat to his chest. Then off she went up the path, all the way up to the refreshments hut, up past the fountain and out of sight by the polar bear enclosure. And once she’d gone, the gentlemen, they seemed to drop all their earlier pretence and gathered round Mr Brodsky, and you could see everyone was very pleased and excited and they seemed to be congratulating him. Oh, we’d have loved to have known what Mr Brodsky had said to Miss Collins! Perhaps we should have been bolder and gone a few steps nearer, we might have caught at least the odd word. But then, now we’re who we are, we have to be more careful. In any case, it was all wonderful. And those trees at the zoo, they’re so beautiful at this time of year. I do wonder what they said to each other. Trude thinks they really will get back together again now. Did you know, they never divorced? Isn’t that interesting? All those years, and for all of Miss Collins’s insisting on being called Miss Collins, they never divorced. Mr Brodsky deserves to win her back again. Oh, but I’m sorry, with all this excitement, we haven’t even started telling you the main point! About Mr Ryder! You see, since Mr Ryder wasn’t with the official party, we didn’t really think we could come forward, even after Miss Collins had left. After all, Mr von Braun had suggested we come forward specifically to meet Mr Ryder. In any case, although we were watching Mr von Braun carefully, and we were quite near sometimes, he never looked towards us, he was probably very taken up with Mr Brodsky. So we didn’t come forward. But then as they were leaving, we were watching them about to go through the gate, they all stopped and they were joined by someone, a man, but they were so far away by this time we couldn’t see clearly. But Trude felt sure it was Mr Ryder who’d joined them – her long sight’s better than mine and I wasn’t wearing my lenses. She was sure, weren’t you, Trude? She was certain it was him, that he’d very tactfully kept out of the way so as not to make things any more difficult than they were for Mr Brodsky and Miss Collins, and he was now re-joining the official party at the gates. I thought at first it was just Mr Braunthal, but I didn’t have my lenses in, and Trude was very sure it was Mr Ryder. And afterwards, when I thought about it, I too felt perhaps it was Mr Ryder. So we missed the opportunity to be introduced to him! They were so far away by this point, you see, already at the gates, and the drivers were already holding open the car doors. Even if we’d rushed across, we wouldn’t have got there in time. So we didn’t, in the strictest sense, meet Mr Ryder. But Trude and I were just discussing it, and we were saying, in almost every other sense, I mean in any sense that really matters, it’s fair to say we met him today. After all, if he’d been with the official party, then certainly, that time by the giraffe cage, just after Miss Collins had gone, Mr von Braun would definitely have introduced us. It was hardly our fault we didn’t realise how tactful Mr Ryder was going to be, that he’d stay down by the gates. Anyway, the point is, it’s beyond question it would have been appropriate, our being introduced to him. That’s the point. Mr von Braun for one obviously thought so, now that we occupy the position we do, it would clearly have been appropriate. And you know, Trude’ – she turned to her friend – ‘now I think about it further, I agree with you. We might as well announce to the meeting tonight that we actually met him. As you say, that’s closer to the truth than saying we didn’t. And we’ve so much to get through tonight, we simply don’t have time to explain everything all over again. After all, it’s only a quirk of fate that kept us from being formally introduced, that’s all. To all intents and purposes, we have met him. He’ll certainly hear all about us, if he hasn’t already, he’s bound to enquire very closely about how his parents are to be looked after. So we’ve as good as met him, and as you say, it would be unfair if people thought otherwise. Oh, but please forgive me’ – Inge suddenly turned to Fiona – ‘I’ve forgotten, I’m talking to an old friend of Mr Ryder. This must all seem a fuss about nothing to such an old friend …’
‘Inge,’ Trude said, ‘poor Fiona, she’s very confused. Don’t tease her.’ Then, smiling at Fiona, she said: ‘It’s all right, dear, don’t worry.’
As Trude was saying this, memories came back to me of the warm friendship Fiona and I had had as children. I recalled the small white cottage where she had lived, just a little walk away down that muddy lane in Worcestershire, and the two of us playing for hours under her parents’ dining table. I remembered the times I had wandered down to the cottage, upset and confused, and how skilfully she had comforted me, allowing me quickly to forget whatever scene I had just left behind. The realisation that it was this same precious friendship that was being mocked before my eyes caused a fury to well up in me, and although Inge had again started to speak, I decided I could not let the situation go on unchecked another second. Determined not to repeat my earlier mistake of prevaricating, I leaned forward decisively, my intention to cut Inge off with a bold announcement of who I was, then to recline back again as the impact settled on the room. Unfortunately, although I put much force behind my intervention, all that came out was a slightly strangled grunt, which was nevertheless loud enough to cause Inge to stop and all three women to turn and stare at me. There was an awkward moment, before Fiona, no doubt wishing to cover up for my embarrassment – perhaps something of her old protectiveness towards me momentarily re-awakening – burst out:
‘You two, you’ve no idea how foolish you look! Do you know why? No, you wouldn’t guess, you two, you’d never guess just how stupid, how unspeakably ridiculous you both look at this moment. You really wouldn’t, it’s typical, just typical of you both! Oh, I’ve meant to tell you for so long, ever since we met, well, you’ll see for yourselves now, you can judge for yourselves now if you’re fools or what. Look!’
Fiona jerked her head in my direction. Inge and Trude, both bewildered, once again stared at me. I made another concerted effort to announce myself, but to my dismay all I could manage was another grunt, more vigorous than the last but no more coherent. I took a deep breath, a panic now beginning to seize me, and tried again, only to produce another, this time more prolonged, straining noise.
‘What on earth is she saying to us, Trude?’ Inge said. ‘Why’s this little bitch speaking to us like this? How dare she? What’s come over her?’
‘It’s my fault,’ Trude said. ‘It was my mistake. It was my idea to invite her into our group. It’s just as well she’s revealing her true colours before Mr Ryder’s parents arrive. She’s jealous, that’s all. She’s jealous that we met Mr Ryder today. While all she has are these pathetic little stories …’
‘What do you mean you met him today?’ Fiona exploded. ‘You said yourself just now you didn’t …’
‘You know perfectly well it was as good as meeting him! Wasn’t it, Trude? We’re perfectly entitled to say we’ve met him now. It’s just something you’ll have to come to terms with, Fiona …’
‘Well in that case’ – Fiona was now almost shrieking – ‘let’s see you come to terms with this!’ She flung her arm towards me as though announcing the most dramatic of stage entrances. Once more I did my best to oblige. This time, fuelled by my mounting anger and frustration, the straining noise was more intense than ever and I could feel the sofa shake with my effort.
‘What’s wrong with this friend of yours?’ Inge asked, suddenly noticing me. But Trude was paying no attention.
‘I should never have listened to you,’ she was saying to Fiona bitterly. ‘It should have been obvious from the start what a little liar you were. And we let our children play with those brats of yours! They’re probably little liars too and now they’ve probably taught all our children how to tell lies. How ridiculous your party was last night. And the way you’ve decorated your apartment! How absurd! We were all laughing about it this morning …’
‘Why don’t you help me!’ Fiona suddenly addressed me directly for the first time. ‘What’s the matter, why don’t you do something?’
In fact, all this time I had been continuing to strain. Now, just as Fiona turned to me, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror hung on the opposite wall. I saw that my face had become bright red and squashed into pig-like features, while my fists, clenched at chest level, were quivering along with the whole of my torso. Catching sight of myself in this condition took the wind right out of my sails and, losing heart, I collapsed back into the corner of the sofa, panting heavily.
‘I think, Fiona dear,’ Inge was saying, ‘it’s time you and this … this friend of yours went on your way. I don’t think your attendance will be required this evening.’
‘It’s out of the question,’ Trude shouted. ‘We’ve got responsibilities now. We can’t afford to indulge little birds with broken wings like her. We’re no longer just a group of volunteers. We’ve got very important work to do and anyone not up to the mark will have to be let go.’
I could see tears appearing in Fiona’s eyes. She looked at me again, now with growing bitterness, and I thought of trying just once more to declare my identity, but the thought of the figure I had glimpsed in the mirror made me decide against doing so. Instead, I staggered to my feet and went in search of the exit. I was still considerably out of breath from the straining, and when I reached the doorway I was obliged to stop a moment to lean against its frame. Behind me, I could hear the two women continuing to talk in heated tones. At one point, I heard Inge say: ‘And what a disgusting person to bring to your apartment.’ With an effort, I hurried out across the small hallway and, after some moments of fumbling frantically at the locks of the main door, succeeded in letting myself out into the corridor. Almost at once, I began to feel better and proceeded towards the staircase in a more composed manner.
17
Going down the successive flights of stairs, I looked at my watch and saw that it was high time we were setting off for the Karwinsky Gallery. Naturally I felt considerable regret about the situation I was having to leave behind, but clearly my priority had to be to ensure our punctual arrival at the evening’s important event. I resolved nevertheless to attend to Fiona’s problems in the reasonably near future.
When I finally reached the ground floor, I was greeted by a sign marked ‘Car Park’ on the wall and an arrow pointing the way. I went past several storage cupboards, then out through an exit.
I emerged at the rear of the apartment buildings, on the other side from the artificial lake. The evening sun was now low in the sky. There was an expanse of green land before me, sloping gradually away into the distance. The car park, immediately in front of me, was simply a rectangle of grass that had been fenced off, like a corral on an American ranch. The ground had not been concreted, though the to-ing and fro-ing of vehicles had worn it down virtually to bare earth. There was enough space for perhaps fifty cars, but at this moment there were only seven or eight, each parked some way away from the other, the sunset glancing off their bodywork. Near the back of the car park I could see the stocky woman and Boris loading the boot of an estate car. As I moved towards them, I noticed Sophie sitting in the front passenger seat, gazing emptily through the windscreen at the sunset.
The stocky woman was closing the boot as I came up to them.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said to her. ‘I didn’t realise you had so much to load up. I’d have given a hand except …’
‘It’s all right. This one here gave me all the help I needed.’ The stocky woman ruffled Boris’s hair, then said to him: ‘So don’t worry, okay? You’re all going to have a great evening. Really. She’s cooked all your favourites.’
She bent down and gave Boris a reassuring squeeze, but the little boy seemed to be in a dream and stared off into the distance. The stocky woman held out the car keys to me.
‘There should be plenty of petrol. Take care how you drive.’
I thanked her and watched her walk off towards the apartment buildings. When I turned to him, Boris was staring at the sunset. I touched his shoulder and led him round the car. He climbed into the back seat without speaking.
Evidently the sunset was having an hypnotic effect, for when I got in behind the wheel Sophie too was still staring into the distance. She seemed hardly to notice my arrival, but then, as I was familiarising myself with the controls, she said quietly:
‘We can’t let this house business drag us all down. We can’t afford to. We don’t know when it’ll be, the next time you’re back with us. House or no house, we’ve got to start doing things, good things together. That’s what I realised this morning, coming back in the bus. Even with that apartment. And that kitchen.’
‘Yes, yes,’ I said and put the key into the ignition. ‘Now. Do you know the way to the gallery?’
The question brought Sophie out of her trance-like condition. ‘Oh,’ she said, putting her hands up to her mouth as though she had just remembered something. Then she said: ‘I could probably find the way from the city centre. But from here, I don’t know.’
I sighed heavily. I could sense things were in danger of slipping out of control again, and I felt returning some of the intense annoyance I had experienced earlier in the day about the way Sophie had brought such chaos into my life. But then I heard her voice beside me say brightly:
‘Why don’t we ask the car park attendant? He might know.’
She was pointing to the entrance of the car park where, sure enough, there was a little wooden kiosk housing a uniformed figure, visible from the waist up.
‘All right,’ I said. ‘I’ll go and ask him.’
I got out and made my way towards the wooden kiosk. A car in the process of leaving the enclosure had paused beside the kiosk, and as I came closer I could see the attendant – a bald, fat man – leaning over his hatch, smiling jovially and gesturing to the driver. Their conversation
went on for some time and I was on the verge of stepping in between them when the car at last started to pull away. Even then, the attendant continued to follow the vehicle with his eyes as it drove off along the long curving road that ran the perimeter of the housing estate. Indeed, he too seemed to have become transfixed by the sunset and, although I coughed directly under his hatch, he continued to gaze dreamily after the car. In the end I simply barked: ‘Good evening.’
The plump man started, then, looking down at me, replied: ‘Oh, good evening, sir.’
‘I’m sorry to disturb you,’ I said. ‘But we happen to be in something of a hurry. We need to get to the Karwinsky Gallery, but you see, being a visitor to this town I’m not at all sure of the quickest route from here.’
‘The Karwinsky Gallery.’ The man thought for a moment, then said: ‘Well, to be honest, it’s not at all straightforward, sir. In my opinion, the simplest thing would be for you to follow that gentleman who just left. In that red car.’ He pointed into the distance. ‘That gentleman, as luck would have it, lives very near the Karwinsky Gallery. I could of course try and give you directions, but I’d have to sit and work it all out first, all those different turnings, particularly towards the end of your journey. I mean, when you come off the highway and you have to find your way through all those little roads around the farms. Simplest by far, sir, just to follow that gentleman in the red car. If I’m not mistaken, he lives just two or three turnings on from the Karwinsky Gallery. It’s a very pleasant area and that gentleman, he and his wife very much like it there. It’s the countryside out there, sir. He tells me he has a nice cottage with hens in the back yard and an apple tree. A nice sort of area for an art gallery, even if it’s a bit out of the way. Well worth the drive, sir. The gentleman in that red car, he says he doesn’t ever think of moving even though it’s quite some way for him to come every day, here to this estate. Oh yes, he works here, he works in the administration block’ – the man suddenly leaned right out of his hatch and pointed to some windows behind him – ‘that block over there, sir. Oh no, these aren’t all residential apartments by any means. To run an estate of this size, oh, it requires a lot of paperwork. That gentleman in the red car, he’s been working here right from the first day the water company began building here. And now he oversees all the maintenance work on the estate. It’s a big job, sir, and it’s a long way for him to have to commute each day, but he says he never thinks about moving nearer. And I don’t blame him, it’s very nice out there. But here I am chattering on, and you must be in a hurry. I do apologise, sir. As I say, if you just follow that red car, that’s by far the simplest way to do it. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the Karwinsky Gallery. It’s a nice part of the country, and the gallery itself, I’m told it has some very beautiful objects.’
The Unconsoled Page 28