“Their loss,” Davin said.
I looked up at him in a rush of gratitude. “I’m really glad you came over,” I said.
“Yeah. Well, you looked like you could use a friend.” Davin looked like he had something on his mind, something he needed to tell me, when Chad came back.
“Still here, huh?” My date set my glass of water on the table and drew his chair a little closer to me. We were all quiet for a moment, the air pulsating both with the techno song and the tension between us.
“Aw, man,” Chad muttered suddenly. He reached for a napkin and pressed it to his thumb. “I’m bleeding.”
I looked at him in surprise. “What? How did that happen?”
“I don’t know…I probably scraped it on the decorations at the punch table. They have all these wooden hearts up to go with their lame ‘Love is in the Air’ theme, and the point of one of them must have scratched me as I was getting a drink.”
I glanced at the scrape, frowning. It didn’t look too bad. “Sorry.”
He shrugged. “I don’t care. It doesn’t hurt. I just don’t want to bleed on anything.” He pressed a paper napkin to it.
“Oh, well, Anna—you’ve got your first aid kit, right?” Davin nodded first at me, then at Chad. “She’ll fix you up. Regular doctor-in-training, am I right?”
“Um, I didn’t bring it,” I said; my “dress” purse was far too small for all but the absolute essentials. “Sorry.”
Chad shot me a bemused frown. “You’re studying to be a doctor? You never told me that.”
“No. That’s just something Davin likes to joke about.”
“I wouldn’t joke if you weren’t always patching me up,” Davin retorted. He looked at Chad again. “You must have noticed, right? It’s kind of cute, actually.” Though my heart fluttered, I tried to shoot him a warning glare. He ignored me. “I like to call her Doctor Fisher.”
Chad shook his head. “No, can’t say that I’ve seen…Dr. Fisher…in action,” he replied, glancing at me again.
“Oh.” Davin looked genuinely perplexed by that information. “Huh. Well, she’s told you all about her favorite superheroes, though, right?” He grinned.
“Superheroes?” Chad echoed, one eyebrow arched as though he thought Davin was putting him on.
“Yeah—you know, Spider-Man, Dark Lightning, the X-Men….”
Chad shot me another mystified look. “She might have mentioned Dark Lightning once or twice, but that’s about it.”
“Really? Only twi—” Davin also looked confused, but then he caught himself. “Oh. Well, you’re lucky, then. She used to never shut up about that guy.”
Chad just nodded absently, as though his mind was busy evaluating me in a whole new light.
I was at a complete loss for words, with no idea how to reassure either of the two guys that I wasn’t purposely misrepresenting myself or anything. It was just that Chad usually did most of the talking. If he’d asked, I’d probably have told him. And it wasn’t like Chad was constantly getting banged up the way Davin was.
Before I could say anything—before I had figured out how to explain myself without making either guy sound bad—Chad’s friends returned from the dance floor. They were still giving Davin the hostile “intruder” glare and I felt my shoulders tightening up with tension. Could my night possibly get any worse?
“Say, Chad,” Davin said abruptly, as if sensing my discomfort, “I know you’re Anna’s date for the evening and all, but you wouldn’t mind if I had one little dance with her, would you?”
I looked over at Chad apprehensively, not entirely sure what his response would be.
He looked at me, then at Davin, rubbed my shoulder lightly, and considered. Suddenly he smiled, first at me, then at Davin. “Sure, Man. If she wants to. No problem.” He looked at me and I panicked. Did he expect me to refuse, or to make up my own mind?
Davin looked across the table at me. “Well, what do you say, Anna? Would you like to dance with me?”
My mouth opened, but it seemed like an hour passed before the words crossed my lips. “Yeah. Sure.”
He stood, walked over, and extended his hand. I took it and he pulled me up. “Just one,” Chad reminded us as we headed to the dance floor. But as I walked with my hand in Davin’s, I had a sudden wild desire to just keep going, leave the dance with him and not look back.
The repetitive techno song was just ending and faded into a slightly softer, slower pop song...about love, of course. Davin put his free hand on my waist. My heart began beating even more rapidly, which I hadn’t thought possible. But then, Davin and I had never been very close physically—except for that one New Year’s peck.
“Thanks for coming to my rescue,” I said.
“The least I could do. You looked so unhappy sitting there.”
“You noticed that, huh?”
He pulled me just a fraction closer. “Yeah. I noticed.”
We were silent for a few moments, just dancing.
“He doesn’t deserve you, you know,” Davin murmured.
“Who? Chad?”
“No. The other guy who had his arm around you all night.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d suspect that you’re jealous, Davin.”
“What makes you so sure I’m not?”
I looked up at him in surprise. “Well, then why didn’t you just ask me to the dance yourself?” My words hung in the air a moment, seeming loud over the song. I didn’t exactly want to take them back, but it was probably the boldest thing I’d ever said to a guy. And my stomach clenched itself in knots while I waited for his reply.
“Yeah, I suppose I could have, except I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to make it until the last minute.” He shot me another one of his sad smiles. “Though of course I don’t consider myself a very worthy candidate, either,” he apologized. “And then…there’s the fact that I didn’t know how you’d respond, considering this is our second conversation of the semester.”
“Right. There is that.” I sighed. “I mean, I get it, we’re both busy. That’s fine, as long as you’re not, you know, avoiding me.”
His arm tightened around my waist and drew me so close our bodies touched. “If I was, I’m doing a pretty terrible job of it at the moment.”
“Horrible,” I agreed, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. It wasn’t because his grip was too tight, mind you. It was just the sudden proximity. And he smelled so good, the scent of fresh coffee and rain clinging to his skin as he leaned in.
“It wasn’t on purpose, you know,” he added after a moment. At my blank look he clarified, “I wasn’t avoiding you intentionally. I was just having a rough semester, and I’ve been swamped…time got away from me.”
“Okay. As long as you weren’t just trying to get out of a few band-aids.”
He laughed softly. “Scouts honor, Dr. Fisher. I’ve actually grown fond of your mending, and I probably could have used you once or twice.”
“But?”
His smile faded. “I guess I have a stubborn streak. I hate to always be dumping my troubles on you. You deserve better.”
“Oh, so now we’re back to what I deserve.”
“I’m just saying—”
“You’re saying you’d rather go it alone than risk inconveniencing someone who cares about you.” I pulled away and just stood there, arms folded. “And you wonder why I compare you to Batman?”
He shook his head, gently took my arms, and drew me to him again. “I’m dark, but I’m not that dark. I’m not out for revenge against anyone,” he retorted.
“Well, I should hope not.”
He didn’t answer right away. “But I am working through a lot of stuff.”
“I know you are,” I said softly. Instinctively I tightened my grip on him, and he mirrored my movement. “But don’t you think it sometimes helps to talk about that stuff?”
He smiled, though it looked a little grim. “Sometimes.”
“Like, have you ever tried thera
py?”
“For a while. Right after Gina died. It helped, a little. But a therapist can’t help me with what I’m going through right now.”
That sounded mysterious and vaguely ominous, so I asked, “Why not?”
“Because I’m not a textbook case of anything,” he replied. “Now can you stop trying to diagnose me, Dr. Fisher, and just dance?”
“I was just trying to help. Not fix you—just help.”
“I know.” He sighed as the song ended. “Right on cue, here comes your date.”
“Davin, wait.”
He shook his head again. “It’s fine. Really, Anna. I need to get going anyway.” He nodded briefly as Chad walked up, and shot me one last look: that sad, apologetic attempt at a smile that I was starting to see too often. “Thanks for the dance, Anna. See you around.”
I didn’t say anything; I could find no words that would express the swirled chaos of emotions inside me. So I just watched him go right out the door.
Chad stood beside me. “May I have this dance?” he bowed slightly, smiling that perfect smile again. Not a hint of sadness, or even irritation, if it came to that.
I tried to smile in return. “Okay.”
“So,” he said after a suitable pause, “that Davin guy. Didn’t look like he was much of a dancer.” I didn’t know how to respond to that. “Was he, uh…I mean, did the two of you date, or something?”
“No,” I said. Good. Simple question. Even simpler answer. “We’re just friends.” Good grief, had I really said it in that flat, depressed voice? “I mean, we hang out sometimes. More last year. But we were both too busy to worry about relationships.” Too busy. What a marvelous euphemism for ‘incredibly messed up and confused.’
He pulled back so that he could look at me. “Are you still too busy?”
I stared at him. What was he asking? “Um…no, not really, I guess.”
His response was to twirl me, and then dip me. I looked up at him and he said, “So, how about next Friday? Are you free?”
“You’re asking me out? On a date?”
“Well, yeah,” he chuckled, pulling me upright again. “I know it’s usually customary to wait at least until the end of the first date before planning a second, but…I don’t know. I’m enjoying my time with you. I’d like to do it again sometime. What do you say?”
“Even after everything that Davin said?”
“What, about how you like to play doctor?” He grinned suggestively. “Yeah, I think I’m good with that.” His smile faded and he appraised me. “Is something wrong? Why the hesitation?”
“Well, for one thing, I don’t think your friends like me very much.”
He shrugged. “They’ll come around.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted them to. Then again, it wasn’t like anyone else was banging down my door, and Chad was a great-looking, charming guy. If he wanted to date me, who was I to say no? The one guy I really wanted had just made it abundantly clear that he was not about pursue me, and for all I knew he didn’t have any desire to, ever. Wasn’t it my prerogative—my responsibility, even—to move on? “Okay,” I replied, “sure. Let’s give it another shot.”
Chad wrinkled his forehead. “You know, you are really not like other girls,” he said.
“Oh believe me, I know,” I assured him. I couldn’t tell if it was a compliment coming from him, but he smiled as he said it. I pushed down the questions that were nagging at me, the doubts that Davin himself had raised. Chad barely knew me. Would he have wanted to date me if he really knew what I was like? Would he have wanted me if he could have seen me a couple of years ago? In high school? When my hair had been frizzy and I hadn’t learned how to put on make-up? When I was thirty pounds heavier? Would he like me once my geeky side started to show?
“So, next Friday, then?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light and even.
“Yeah, maybe we’ll grab some dinner and catch a movie.”
“Sounds good.” I smiled back at him, but in the very next second I was distracted. I happened to look over at Jill, and a jolt like static electricity went through me. Davin apparently had come back in, and he was grabbing his trench coat from the table. He waved goodbye to Jill and left again without even looking at me. I suddenly felt the way Cinderella might have felt if she hadn’t had that convenient midnight curfew: my feet were hurting, my hair was slipping free from its pins, and my makeup was getting all smudged from sweat. I was unbelievably tired, undeniably depressed, and I just wanted charming Prince Chad to take me home.
Chapter Fifteen
“False friendship, like the ivy,
decays and ruins the walls it embraces;
but true friendship gives new life and animation to the object it supports.”
—Richard Burton
Chad and I only went on a few dates. I had known before he ever asked me out that there was really nothing between us, but I hadn’t bothered to listen to my intuition. Yeah, he was adorable and popular, and I’d been a bit dazzled by his charm. I’d never imagined a guy like him could be interested in a geeky girl like me. And perhaps on some level I’d hoped he could help me get over Davin. We actually had a good couple of weeks, but after that it unraveled pretty fast.
When he came back from Thanksgiving break, he suddenly became scarce and hard to get a hold of. At first I didn’t let it bother me, but eventually I began to get the impression he was deliberately avoiding me. One day after class—the only place he couldn’t evade me—I cornered him.
“Look,” I said. “If you want to call it quits, just tell me. Man up and say it to my face. Don’t just skulk around. I can take it.”
He sighed. “Look, Anna, you’re a nice girl—and you’re pretty and smart—but I just can’t get tied down right now. My parents are on my case about my studies and my future all the time, my professors are assigning tons of homework…I’m swamped.”
“I get it,” I said. “What I don’t get is why you didn’t just say so.”
He was silent a moment. “Well, what I don’t get is why you decided to ever go out with me when it’s obvious you are more interested in Davin.”
“That’s—I mean, I just—” Thoroughly caught off guard, all I could manage to do was splutter.
“It’s fine,” he said. “We gave it a shot, right? I could tell you weren’t totally into it, but I sort of hoped I’d change your mind.” He smiled wryly. “I usually do. But considering you kept dodging my goodnight kiss, I started to think maybe I didn’t have your full attention. And…I’m kind of used to being the center of attention. In fact, I prefer it.”
“I’m sorry,” I sighed. I had no idea I was so transparent.
He waved my apology away. “Forget it. Just tell me one thing: why him? Of all the guys in the school you could have fallen for over me, why on earth was it Davin Kowalski?”
I knew what he meant, and it irritated me. But I also knew he was speaking out of his wounded ego; Chad and Davin couldn’t have been more different—where one was popular and admired by all, the other was an outsider and barely tolerated by most. It had to be perplexing for a guy like Chad to feel like a second choice to such a misfit. I sighed again. “Chad, if I knew the answer to that….” I shook my head. “I wish I could explain it. He just…gets me. And I sorta get him.”
He nodded slowly. “Well, good luck with that, Anna. Really.”
“Thanks, Chad.”
He patted my shoulder as he passed me. “At least we’ll always have homecoming,” he called.
“Right.” Except all I could think about was my one dance with Davin.
I expected to feel sadder about ending things with Chad, but it wasn’t like we’d ever been serious. Our relationship had never gotten deep on any level—emotional, mental, spiritual, or physical. I had a few regrets, though: I was ashamed of my own shallowness in letting him sweep me off my feet. Wasn’t that the very thing my mother had warned me against when I was younger?
And it stung, a little, to find that a
fter all, Chad hadn’t wanted the real me. At least, not enough. I also felt bad that he’d been able to tell I was thinking of another guy. How pathetic was that?
To help take my mind off of boys, Jill invited me home again for winter break, and I took her up on it. I’d been on the verge of saying no and just moping around again, but a wiser part of me prevailed. It was exactly what I needed, short of my own family. I stayed warm in their golden glow while everything outside was cold and gray.
The Hanschus were so welcoming. She had an older brother, the same age as mine—he was cute, too, but it just so happened that he proposed to his girlfriend that Christmas morning. It was incredibly sweet. I hardly knew either of them and I was tearing up almost as much as the rest of his family.
Later in the day, I found myself wondering what Davin was up to. I thought back to the previous year, when we’d spent our Christmas together, driving around the city. It made me miss him. So, after picking up their phone and putting it back about twenty times, I finally dialed his number.
It rang and rang. Then the recording came on. “Hey, this is Davin. Sorry I missed your call. Leave me a message, and you never know…I might get around to calling you back.” I smiled wryly. At least he was honest. Did I want to leave a message, or just hang up? It beeped. Oh, boy. I drew a breath. “Hey, Davin, it’s Anna. I was just calling to wish you a Merry Christmas. I didn’t know—”
There was a beeping in my ear and I stopped, startled; someone was calling while I was leaving the message. I was startled into abandoning the message and simply answering “Hello?”
“Yes, hello…I just got a call from this number,” the voice on the other end said.
“Davin! Hey!” I sank into the nearest seat in surprise. “It’s me, Anna.”
“Oh hey, Anna! Merry Christmas.”
“Same to you…how are you?”
“Uh, okay. I just got to my room.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Suddenly I was really nervous. “Don’t be! It’s good to hear from you. So what’s up?” “Oh…nothing. I mean, I just called to wish you a Merry Christmas.”
Tall, Dark Streak of Lightning (The Dark Lightning Trilogy) Page 17