by Ashley Erin
“It was kind of nice not to lap people, to actually have to work for it. After my mom finally left my dad, when I wasn’t playing the role of careless teen I was usually holed up in my room playing video games with Dax or by myself. That or reading, but I found video games let me zone out more.” Stopping, I realize I’ve said that last part out loud when I hadn’t meant to.
Talking to Lucas is easier than I thought it would be, but I still worry that one day he will hear something that sends him running. I have no reason to doubt him, he’s heard the worst and he’s still here. Despite this, I can feel myself closing off a little bit and silently beat myself up over it.
Lucas pulls me into a tight hug outside his door. “I know it’s hard for you to open up about yourself. I never judge you or your past Andie, remember what we talked about. Fuck, if anyone deserves to be judged, it’s me.” Lucas was up front with me early on about his history with women. Surprisingly, it didn’t turn me off of him because I know how much he resents himself for that time. “Now, enough seriousness. This is your birthday and you still have one more present coming your way.”
He unlocks his door and leads me to the couch.
“Close your eyes.”
Narrowing my gaze at him, I do as he says when he arches a brow and just waits. Sighing, I close my eyes and wait impatiently.
I can feel Lucas staring at me as he leaves the room. A door opens and shuts, then opens and shuts again.
The urge to peek is overwhelming, I’ve never had a boyfriend who wanted to surprise me or celebrate anything with me. It took me a long time to get used to the way Kensi would just randomly surprise me with something and this is a whole new level, this is the only boy I’ve ever loved.
Something is placed in my lap, but I keep my eyes closed even when I think I feel something moving.
“You can open your eyes, silly.” Glad to have permission to open, there is no way I would have been able to keep them closed when I felt something soft, like fur, brush against my hand.
It takes a moment for my brain to register what is on my lap, I’m just sitting there staring and soon Lucas is shifting in place uncomfortably.
The kitten is a brown tabby, its markings beautiful and unique. My hand tentatively reaches out and strokes its tiny head. When it begins to purr and rub on my hand, I choke on a laugh and tears fill my eyes.
“You got me a kitten?” Whispery soft, I’m just staring in awe as Lucas shrugs. “I can’t believe you remembered I wanted a kitten. I told you about that before we were even dating.”
“She’s a rescue, like you had dreamed of. Ummm, just a sec.”
I go back to petting her and start cooing nonsense in a gooey voice. Oh no, I’m going to be one of those people, but how can you help it? She is so cute.
Lucas clears his throat and I look up as he places another kitten in my lap. This one is a black one. “I couldn’t decide and these two were always together. The black one is a boy. One of each. I hope you don’t mind, it was kind of an impulse.”
I start petting them both, completely speechless. Lucas has now gone back into his spare room and is hauling out bags of cat things. There is a kitty tower, toys, food, dishes and a litterbox. Jaw dropping, I’m completely floored as I take in the sight before me.
“I got everything you need, I didn’t want you to have to shop for anything.” Lucas is rambling, waiting for me to say something. He pulls out a toy and I set the kittens on the ground as they run to pounce on it. It’s an S shaped scratching post with feathers underneath the upward curve. Clearly one of their favorite toys.
Standing, I walk over to Lucas and wrap my arms around his waist, never taking my eyes off the kittens. “They are perfect.”
“What are you going to name them?”
“Kona for her and Luxe for him” The names come quickly, I may or may not have put some thought into it when I was dreaming. Never did I imagine my dream would become a reality any time soon.
“Perfect.” Looking up at him, he’s staring at me and not at the kittens. Gulping, I pull out of his arms and excuse myself to use the washroom.
Pulling my phone out, I quickly dial Kensi.
“Aren’t you supposed to be having more hot birthday sex and making me and my neglected vagina envious?”
“Kens! Shut up! I’m freaking out!”
“Why? What happened?” I can tell she is smothering a laugh at my urgent tone and I try to calm down.
“I frickin love him! How? When? Too soon!” The words are spewing out in a hushed yell, I really hope he can’t hear me.
“Well duh. I thought we established that?”
“No. We established that I’m falling, not IN. Big difference. I don’t know what I’m doing? At first I was calm about it, but I’m freaking out. Am I even capable of being in a normal, healthy and loving relationship?”
“Sweets, I hate to break it to you but that’s what you’ve been doing for over two months. Stop freaking out and just go with it.” Her tone is calming, like she is talking to a scared child. It’s soothing and I take a few deep breaths.
“Okay, just keep doing the same. I can do that.”
We say goodbye and I check myself in the mirror. My eyes look a little big, but overall my freak-out is unapparent.
Rejoining Lucas in the living room, the kittens are curled up sleeping together.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I think I’m just feeling overwhelmed from the day. It’s the best birthday I’ve ever had.” My voice sounds surprised and I shiver as Lucas chuckles.
“Let’s go to bed, Birthday Girl.” His voice is suggestive and I giggle as he scoops me up in his arms, burying his face into my neck.
Andie lays between my legs with Kona and Luxe in her lap, her hand is absently stroking their fur as she laughs at whatever she is reading. How she is reading for fun in the midst of finals shocks me, but if I’ve learned anything, Andie absorbs information in school like a sponge.
Unlike me, or at least in this damn class.
I’m attempting to review my notes for my final in our Ed Psych class, but every time she laughs, I feel the vibrations right in my pants. Whatever she is reading must be funny because it seems like she is constantly chuckling, and I’ve been in a semi-aroused state for over an hour.
“Andie, you are making it really hard to focus.” My words are softened by the humor in my voice, but I fix my face into a disgruntled expression as she turns.
“Sorry.” She is laughing at me as she apologizes and I can’t hold back my smile any longer.
“Uh huh. I’m sure.” My words are teasing, but Andie knows I need to study for our final and sits up, moving away from me. I don’t like it, but I know I need some distance to focus.
I try not to get distracted when Andie sets the kittens down and goes into her kitchen. Soon the sounds fade and I’m back in the zone, the words sinking in as I jot down key words and bits of important information.
Thanks to Andie helping me throughout the semester, I feel more prepared for the final than I thought I would have, especially as I read and feel like most of it is somewhere inside my brain.
“Here. I thought you could use some brain food.” Andie’s soft voice pulls me back from the fascinating world of Ed Psych as she sets down some chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate on the coffee table.
“Thanks. You know, I actually feel pretty prepared. Thanks to you and your help.” She blushes and I can’t resist brushing my thumbs across the flush in her cheeks.
“Nah. You just didn’t give yourself enough credit. Besides, when you really listen to Harrison, you can usually tell the points he is emphasizing in importance. Just follow his cues.”
“I don’t think everyone is as observant as you when it comes to things like that.” She stills as the words come out of my mouth before she shrugs and just smiles a little.
“Yeah, I guess that’s true. When you’re raised to be hyper-aware of everything going on around you, that doesn
’t really fade.” The kittens are crawling all over her, purring as she strokes their fur. The loving look on her face as she watches them makes me smile. “Since you’re feeling pretty confident for the exam on Wednesday, do you want to do something today? Get away from campus?”
“That sounds like a good idea. What did you have in mind?” Andie smiles and taps her finger on her lips as she ponders. She starts to say something but is cut off by my cell ringing.
“Sorry, it’s my Mom.” She smiles and goes back to playing with the kittens. “Hey Mom. How are you?”
“Hi Hun. I’m good, I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight? Maybe bring Andie.” I can hear the smile in her voice and glance at Andie. “Hang on let me ask her.”
Muting my phone, I go and sit next to Andie. I know this will be a huge step for her and I’m curious how she will handle this, I don’t want to pressure her to do something she isn’t ready for.
“Mom invited us over for dinner tonight. Would you like to come meet my parents?” Watching her carefully, I see the nervousness that fills her face, but there is no sign of her shutting down. She hasn’t had that look in a while, since we worked out the Ava issue, I just can’t help look for it.
“She invited me too?” The surprise in her voice is genuine and I can’t help but chuckle.
“Of course. Remember, I told you they wanted to meet you.”
“I thought you were just being nice. Umm, yeah, I would like to meet your family.”
The smile that spreads on my face hurts it’s so big. I unmute Mom. “Yeah we will come for dinner. What time should we be there?”
“Come over at four. That way we can visit before dinner and you don’t have to worry about getting back to campus late.”
“Ok. See you later. I love you.”
“I love you too sweetie.”
Hanging up, I put my phone on the charger before pulling Andie into my arms. “We need to leave here at three-thirty. I’m really excited for you to meet my parents.”
“I’m glad. Wait! Three-thirty? I need to get ready! I don’t know what to wear, I don’t know anything about meeting parents. I don’t even interact with my own parents on a regular basis. What do I say? How do I act?” Andie’s nervous rambling is adorable and I listen with a smirk before silencing her with a kiss.
“You will be fine. They are really easy going.”
“Ok. I’m going to go get ready. I will see you at three-thirty.”
Andie picks up the kittens to carry them back to her apartment, slipping out the door.
Smoothing my coat as Lucas drives, I’m grateful to have Kensi so close. As soon as I left Lucas’s I texted her and she came to help me choose an outfit.
The ride has been quiet, Lucas focusing on driving and my nerves are going wild. It’s a huge step to meet the parents, one that I never thought I would be ready for.
“Your fingers are turning red from you twisting them together so much.” Lucas pulls my hands apart, gripping my left one in his and smoothing his thumb over my knuckles. I hadn’t even noticed I was doing that. “We’re almost there. Everything will be fine.”
Lucas’s words help soothe me, but I can feel my heart start racing again as he turns into a driveway. A gasp slips out of my lips as I take in the house. It’s huge. It’s a brick house with white columns. There is a wraparound porch on both levels.
Lucas parks in front of the garage and hops out, opening my door when he comes to my side of the vehicle. Reaching his hand in, he helps me out as I stare silently at his house.
“Is this where you grew up? I think that over six of any house I ever lived in could fit in there.” Trying to close my jaw, I glance at him and see he is blushing. I don’t want Lucas to feel bad about our different upbringings and he looks a little self-conscious. “Playing hide and seek in here must’ve been amazing.”
“I think we moved in here when I was around six. Ava and I have definitely scouted out all of the best hiding spots.”
Lucas leads me up the stairs of the porch and into the house.
The inside is not what I expected, the house is still large but the porches outside make it appear larger than it really is. The foyer has rustic benches and shoes scattered all over. As he leads me through a cozy family room and into the kitchen the entire house has a lived in homey feel. It’s not what I expected, its casual atmosphere helps put me at ease.
His mom is facing the stove, stirring something in a pot, but she turns around and smiles at us when Noah yells Lucas’s name. She has the same dark brown hair and blue eyes as Lucas and the laugh lines around her eyes show her to be a happy person, the smile on her face is welcoming and friendly.
“Mom, this is Andie. This is my mom, Jules.” Lucas’s mom wipes her hands on a tea towel and walks over to me. Embarrassingly, I squeak a little when she pulls me into a hug.
“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Jensen.”
“Oh please, call me Jules. How was the drive? I hope my son didn’t go too crazy in that muscle car of his.” She winks at Lucas who has wandered off with Noah, who is talking his ear off.
“Not at all! My brother has a motorcycle, so anything else in comparison doesn’t feel crazy.” Jules walks back over to the stove and I follow her, feeling more comfortable than I expected.
“Hello, hello, hello! Who do we have here? Lucas, how did you manage to convince someone as pretty as Andie to be with you?” Turning, I see Mr. Jensen ruffle his hand in Lucas’s hair as he teases him.
“Andie, this is my dad, Darren.”
Darren winks at me as he sets the burgers he must have been grilling outside on the table. “It’s a pleasure Andie. I hope you are hungry.”
With that, Jules calls Ava downstairs and we all sit down to eat. I’m impressed I’m not sweating bullets and even more surprised that I actually feel fairly comfortable.
Dinner in the Jensen household is a sight to behold. They laugh, joke and I’m pretty sure I caught Darren throwing a pickle at Lucas.
“You said you have a brother. Do you have any other siblings?” Jules turns to me as she sets an amazing smelling apple pie down and sits back at the table. I don’t know how I’m going to make a slice fit, but there is no denying that I need to try.
“No, just my brother Dax. He actually lives with me and started Parkland this fall.”
“Oh, is he younger than you then?” Jules looks genuinely curious to learn about me, but I’m nervous of the territory we’re entering.
“No, he’s two years older. He just wasn’t ready until this year I guess.”
“It’s better to wait until you know what you want than jump in and have no idea.” Darren nods in understanding and I’m relieved I don’t need to go into detail about my brothers previous activities.
“Is the rest of your family close by?” Jules passes plates with pie around the table and I try to hide the shaking of my hand as I take mine. Lucas reaches under the table and squeezes my hand. He goes to open his mouth to say something, but I shake my head.
“No, my mom and step-dad live in a small town southwest of Edmonton. I don’t talk to my dad, I don’t know where he is, and he tends to move around a lot.” Sighing in relief as everyone accepts this answer, Ava starts talking about how well Noah is doing in pre-school.
A few hours later I’m sliding into Lucas’s car with a groan. “I think I’m going into a food coma.”
Lucas laughs, but groans as he sits down too. “Mom went all out. You were a hit, I knew you would be.”
“I actually had fun. They made me feel welcome and the whole thing was so . . . normal. It was nice.” Lucas smiles and grabs my hand as he drives away.
“Thank you for coming to meet them.” His words are soft and I realize that this meant a lot more to him than I had thought.
Staring at my phone, fingers poised to call a contact I rarely dial, I take a deep breath and tap with my finger.
The ringing of the phone sets my heart pounding. I shouldn’t b
e this nervous, but it’s been about six months since I last called and that was to tell her I was transferring to Parkland.
“Andie? Is everything ok?” My mom sounds worried, she usually does when I call out of the blue and I’m ashamed that our family is like this. I hadn’t thought anything of it until dinner at Lucas’s parents.
“Everything is fine, Mom. I just haven’t called in a while. How are you and Norman?” It shouldn’t be so awkward to talk to my mom. Guilt sets in, I know the distance is my fault, although she never really apologized for what happened.
“Oh. Well that’s really nice. We’re doing well, Norm just got a promotion and to celebrate we’re going on a vacation.” Sitting on my bed, I try not to feel too guilty about her surprised tone, the phone goes both ways.
“Tell him congratulations. Where are you going?”
“We’re spending two weeks in Mexico. We thought it would be nice to lounge on the beach and go snorkeling.” Her excitement comes over the phone and I smile. Since moving to Calmar, Mom has really become a different person. More carefree.
“That sounds really nice, I’m glad you get to go away for a while.”
“How is school? Do you like Parkland?” She sounds genuinely interested and I can’t help but check the time on my phone. We’ve been talking for a few minutes, usually our talks are over by now.
“I really like it, I don’t know if Dax told you but he enrolled and lives with me. I umm, I also kind of have a boyfriend.”
“He texted me to tell me. What do you mean, kind of?”
“I guess there is no kind of, he is my boyfriend. His name is Lucas.”
“Maybe we can meet him one day?” My jaw drops. I don’t remember spending any time with Mom aside from the occasional major holidays and even then it’s inconsistent. Usually on our birthdays we get a text, this year I didn’t, but it honestly didn’t even cross my mind to wonder why.
“I would like that. Okay, well I guess I should study, I have my last final tomorrow morning.”
“Ok Andie, I love you.”
“I love you too, Mom.” Hanging up the phone, I lay back on my bed replaying the conversation in my mind. The hope in her voice eats at me. Maybe it’s time to let everything from my past go, forgive and move on.