by Elbie Dee
I’m a brave heart,
Hit the Interstate with the race cars,
I’m your fantasy, don’t fall in love with me
I break hearts
Kevin Gates’ song, Dreka, shot a wave of music into my ears as soon as I started to doze off.
I’m a bra-,
“Hey bae,” I answered. Since that was the personal ringtone I had set for Brilese, I already knew who it was.
“How the fuck did this bitch get my number?” she whispered, but in a ferocious tone. From the sound of the echo in the background, she must have snuck her phone into the bathroom at work.
“Who?” I asked as I shot up from the couch.
“Merrisah!” she yelled into the speaker as loud as she could without getting caught. “Dezire is letting me leave in thirty minutes. Be here to pick me up!” she said, before hanging up the phone.
“What the fuck!” I screamed to the popcorn ceiling after slamming my phone beside me on the couch.
Merrisah feared Brilese… so with her having the balls to call her, confirmed she was the person outside of the house. She must have bumped her damn head. Brilese wasn’t about to let it slide. I don't know how she got her number in the first place! She had to have become one investigating, lonely bitch since I left. It wouldn’t surprise me if she paid for a P.I. to think about it!
“Hey my man. What’s up?” I answered the phone to Matt, after I was back in the car to pick Brilese up.
“Everything alright? What’s going on?” he asked. Anytime him and I communicated we shot texts back and forth. Since I called him, he knew something was up.
“I need you to go to the apartment and text me if you see the Mercedes in the parking lot,” I let him know sternly, as I backed out of the driveway.
“I’m on lunch so I’ll head over there now,” he informed me before we hung up with each other.
I planned to go to Charlotte after I had confirmation from Matt, but Brilese called earlier than expected. Merrisah must have said some fucked up things in order for Brilese to want to leave early. She was a strong woman, and could handle most things… and barely allowed anything to come in between her making money.
Ding!
I was halfway to The Hilton when I heard the notification sound on my iPhone. I leaned back in the seat, and took it out of my pocket. I took my eyes from the road, and noticed a text from Matt.
Yeah. It’s there. You alright?
I came to a red light, and replied to Matt’s text. I lied, telling him things were good and I just wanted to make sure she was there with my kids. He probably wouldn’t believe me, but I didn’t need him questioning anything else. He always tried to offer his advice since he was ten years older than me, and I wasn’t in the mood for it.
Brilese shot from the doors of The Hilton the moment I pulled into the circle. Her lips and eyebrows were scrunched, and the blue veins in her hands brightened from how tight she gripped her purse. Before she had the chance to get into the car, I was made aware of how pissed she was based on body language.
“How did she get my number, Bradson?” she asked, after taking her seat on the passenger's side and slamming the door shut.
“You think I gave it to her?” I questioned. I watched as her hands shook uncontrollably from her nerves racing. Even to click the seatbelt was a task for her.
Instead of replying, she decided to stay quiet. During the ride home, I tried to glance at her as much as I could. She kept her fist propped under her chin while her arm rested on the door panel. For the first time, I saw pain in her soul. Even in the past through all of my infidelities she wasn’t as hurt.
“I need you to talk to me,” I said, attempting to break the silence in the car. We only had a few minutes to drive before arriving at the house, but the suspense was killing me. I needed to know what was said on the phone for Brilese to be acting weak.
“I don’t want to,” she said while keeping her stare out the window.
“Brilese. I’ve been with you so whatever she said shouldn’t be relevant,” I said, before she snapped her head toward me.
“We don’t have what you two have!” she screamed while she beat her fist on top of the door panel. Her eyes filled, before rivers of water streamed down her red cheeks.
“Where’s this coming from! What did she say!” I screamed, causing the horn to sound after punching the middle of the steering wheel.
As I took a right onto our street, Brilese told me she answered a restricted call and heard a female screaming on the other end of the line. She didn’t know who it was at first, but then she heard my name shortly into the conversation. Merrisah told Brilese that she was a homewrecker since I had been absent from both her, and my kids. Just as Brilese was about to curse her the fuck out, Merrisah said:
But guess what, I’ll always be first. Even if you two have children in the future, I have his first and child. You won’t be able to compare.
* * *
Brilese quoted Merrisah’s exact words, before telling me she hung up right after. Tears continued down her face as we pulled into the driveway. We both knew that Merrisah’s statement about the kids was true. She will always have my mother and father’s first grandchild, as well as the second. Kash will always be the first nephew to my sister and brother, and will always be my Grandma Beana’s first great grandchild. Any child conceived and born is a blessing in most eyes, but there’s always going to be a special feeling for the first born. Merrisah and I shared that bond, and Brilese would never have the chance.
We sat in the parked car, and I grabbed Brilese’s hand before planting a kiss on top when I couldn’t find any words to say. She fell against the seat after her body grew weak. Her bawls grew stronger when she noticed I wasn’t going to reply. She felt the energy of guilt coming from me. As bad as I wanted to apologize for the hundredth time, I knew it would only force her pain to continue growing.
We finally got out of the car after allowing her emotions to release from her heart. Once we were inside of the house, she went straight for the bathroom and shut the door behind her. I walked to the bathroom and leaned my ear against the door. I wanted to make sure I didn’t hear any sounds of self destruction. She was so distraught, so suicidal thoughts could have come about. I heard the bath water begin to run, and I walked away knowing she was only taking a warm bath for meditation.
I went into the bedroom and fell head first onto the neatly made bed. I slid my arm under one of the pillows, and laid my head on top of the soft cushion. I needed to think of a plan to get away for a few hours to check Merrisah, but the sudden migraine distracted me. I closed my eyes to concentrate on relieving the head pain. Before dozing off, I came to the conclusion that it would be impossible for me to get away. I couldn’t leave Brilese alone; she would think I was careless.
* * *
“Bradson,” I thought I was in a dream when I heard Brilese’s voice, until she repeated and nudged my body.
“Yeah baby,” I answered once my eyes were open, and I looked where she stood next to the bed. Her hair was wet, and she wore grey sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt.
“It’s time to get up,” she said, before smirking. She was up to something.
“What time is it?” I questioned, and propped my elbows on the mattress to sit up a little.
“Three fifteen,” she stated. “I dropped the kids off at Dezire’s thirty minutes ago, as soon as they got off the bus,” she concluded.
“For what?” I asked. She was always excited to see her kids get home from school, so I was confused.
“Buckle up, baby. We’re going to Charlotte,” she said. Merrisah’s conversation bothered her, and I knew she wasn’t letting her slide that easy. I should have been nervous, but instead I was ecstatic. It was time for Brilese to put her in her place. Then, we could all move on with our lives.
7
Merrisah
“You okay, Mommy,” Kash came into the room to ask, after he heard me whimpering. After assuring
him that I was okay, he kissed my cheek and ran back into his bedroom to finish his last episode of Paw Patrol.
In through the nose, I thought as I inhaled deeply, and held the air in my chest for ten seconds.
Out through the mouth, my mind continued as I placed my lips to form a circle and exhaled.
I left my bedroom, and walked to the kitchen to pour myself a cold glass of water. I felt an extreme amount of pressure release from my shoulders after I built the courage to call Brilese. With it being almost three months since I’d heard from Bradson, the guilt I once felt toward her turned to anger. According to her, I was the home wrecking whore who turned their relationship upside down. If their bond had been stronger than their title, then he never would have gotten me pregnant… twice.
Knock! Knock!
“Who is it?” I yelled from the kitchen toward the front door, as I put the pitcher of water back into the fridge.
Knock! Knock!
“Who is it?” I repeated, a little more irritated than the first time.
“Your motherrr!” I heard on the other side of the door and started to feel guilty for yelling.
“Kash! Mimi is here for you guys!” I yelled, as I unlocked the chain latch and opened the apartment door.
As she stood my height, my mom kissed me on the cheek once she entered my place and shut the door behind her. She asked me how I have been doing mentally lately, and I lied and told her I was in a good state. Dishonesty hurt me when I delivered it to anyone, but it killed me when it was to my parents. I come from a loving home, and it would disappoint them if they ever caught me in a white lie.
My mother told me how proud of the strong woman I was becoming, before Kash ran down the hall with his sleepover bookbag. Excited to see her, he ran into her arms after she crouched down to greet him with kisses. He was ready to spend the night at grandma’s house, and I was ready for a break. I love both of my boys but being a single mother is draining. Since the split between their father and I, my parents offered to care for them two nights a week to give me time for myself.
Thirty minutes later, I followed my mother down the apartment’s steps until we reached her beige, Lexus NX Hybrid. She opened the rear driver’s side door, and placed Kayo’s carseat in before latching it to the seatbelt. I opened the opposite side door and let his diaper bag down on the floorboard, before releasing Kash’s hand from mine. I lifted Kash from the pavement, and placed him in his booster seat before buckling him up.
“I love you, sweetie,” my mom said after I closed the door for Kash, and she made her way to the driver’s side door.
“I love you too, mommy,” I replied as she and I hugged.
I walked to the sidewalk and waved goodbye as I watched them pull off. When I couldn’t see the back end to her vehicle anymore, I made my way toward the stairwell. I walked up the flight of stairs and entered my apartment. Uncontrollably, a single tear released from my right eye. It had been a few weeks since Kash asked for his daddy, and it made me miss my little family more.
What Bradson and I had seemed so pure, although it wasn’t the fairytale situation I dreamed of. My parents only showed Kaylen and I what was right growing up. They had a successful business, food always on the table, and both my sister and I received everything we asked for. Dad and Mom always showed affection in front of us. There were no fights or fussing in our household, and the decisions they made were mutual. They painted the perfect picture of love, and I couldn’t blame them for my mistakes.
* * *
“Hi Ri!” Nia yelled after I walked through the doors.
I became a regular at Nia’s nail salon a little over two years ago. Faithfully, I showed every two weeks around noon. During the weekdays most people were at work at the time, so there were never any other customers to service. Nia got to spend more time working on my relaxed pedicures, as opposed to jumping from customer to customer.
“What color today?” she asked, after my feet were soaking in the warm, aromatherapy mixture.
“Same color,” I replied. She nodded her head before getting up from her stool to get the polish.
I closed my eyes and rested my head, as the four-foot-eleven older Asian woman walked across the salon. Since I knew what massage speed I liked best, it was easy for me to press the button even with my eyes shut. I felt Nia’s presence reapproach me, and listened to the stool squeak against the tile floor before she sat. She took one of my feet out of the water. She began my pedicure by removing the old polish after she rested my foot on the ledge of the tub.
Ding!
I was snapped from the feeling of paradise when the alarm on the door sounded, allowing us to notice another customer enter.
“I help you?” Nia spoke loudly, as her accent flourished.
“Yes. I’d like to get a pedicure,” a blonde haired young woman replied. From where she stood in the waiting area, she looked to be around my age.
“Come!” Nia said, as she waved her hand.
Nia motioned for me to put my foot back into the water. She stood back up, and began to run water into the tub beside mine as the girl approached. After she was settled in her mixture, Nia returned to mine so she could finish before starting with the new customer.
“Do you like it here?” the girl asked. When she interrupted my relaxation, I learned that she was impatient at waiting.
“Been coming here for two years and never had a problem,” I honestly replied.
Her and I conversated the whole twenty minutes it took Nia to finish my pedicure. In that time, I had learned she was only a year and a half younger than me. She attended college in the city, and had two more years until she could receive her Bachelor’s Degree. Her search for a good nail salon began at Nia’s. I was glad it did. Her and I shared a lot in common.
Similarly, we both admitted to being free spirited people… which led to explaining the situation that happened with Bradson. Afterwards, I told her to start thinking before she acted so she had a lesser chance of ending up as a single mother. Obviously it was too late for me to follow the advice, but maybe she’d listen and not fuck up like I did. Before walking out of the salon, she gave me her number. I told her I would text her so she could have mine too.
It’s Merrisah! I forgot to get your name.
I sent a text to the girl from the salon after I was good and comfortable in the driver’s seat. I dropped the iPhone back into my purse, before I moved the bag into the passenger's seat from my lap. I felt like a bad friend already. How could I forget to get a name, but had gotten enough information to know we could have fun together? I giggled at my unthoughtfulness before I put the silver key into the ignition to start my car, and backed out of my parking space.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t wish to be locked in between the walls of my apartment like I normally did. Since having Kayo almost four months ago, I hadn’t gone back to work at the call center. I didn’t need to. After my parents noticed my mental condition after Bradson left, they released the funds to me from my savings. Needless to say, I had enough to live for myself again and still be able to start my antique clothing business in a few years.
After leaving the salon, I drove out to Concord mills to shop around. I parked my car in the nearest space I could find, before locking up my vehicle and heading into the mall. Five bags and two hours later, I was all ears walking out of the doors. I had been so focused on my children and my relationship with their father, that I almost forgot how good it felt to care for me.
Keeping my ear to ear smile, I loaded the bags into the back seat of my Mercedes before taking my place in the front. I drove home thinking about how things work in mysterious ways. I met a new friend, and all of a sudden my pain from within was released! I even thought to forgive Bradson for doing things the way he did. For once, I accepted the thought of coparenting with him; at least then he could continue being an exceptional father.
As I approached a red light, a dose of regret grazed my
soul when I thought about how I called Brilese earlier in the day. I should have never gone off on her the way I did. No matter if I liked it or not, she was with him way before his time with me. She loved him, even when she felt like he didn’t. I allowed myself to understand her pain, and felt bad about how I handled things. Just like me, she had been played. All it took was for a liar like Bradson to get me out of character. If there was a way I could apologize, I would… but it would only lead to trouble if I dared to call her again.
Once I pulled up to my apartment building, I reached in the back seat to grab my bags. In one setting, I managed to carry all of them in addition to my purse as I walked up my stairwell. I sat them down in front of my door before searching my purse for the key, and letting myself in. After closing and locking my front door after I walked inside, I put the bags down on my couch.
Since it was a seventy five degree day, the heat as well as shopping led me to exhaustion. With my purse around my arm, I walked to the other end of the house so I could lay down for a few minutes. As soon as I got into my room, I took the purse from my shoulder and threw it onto the bed. I laid beside it, and instantly dozed off.
* * *
4:21 p.m.
I noticed the bright red numbers from my alarm clock, after waking up from an hour long nap. Sunlight beamed through the blinds in my room, when on a normal day I would nap until darkness grazed the sky. I was able to peacefully rest since my mind was at ease. Caring for myself felt like the biggest and most rewarding thing I could have done.
Lol! My name is Alynn.
I stretched my body, and reached into my purse before pulling my phone out and reading the reply from my new friend. Since getting pregnant, a lot of the friends I had before Kash were no longer around. They wanted to live their life and felt overwhelmed around me since I had a kid. I understood, but didn’t think far into it since I had Bradson as a companion. When he left, I lost it and needed someone to fill the gap.