by Suzy K Quinn
‘And here I was thinking, as your co-star, I’d be welcome at your home,’ Leo says, through chews of pasta.
‘You are,’ I say. ‘I just ... it was a surprise, that’s all.’
‘A good surprise?’
‘A surprise. I don’t know how happy Marc will be to know you’re here.’
‘You can’t let your life be ruled by Marc,’ says Dad, loading spaghetti onto his fork.
‘I don’t,’ I say. ‘If I did, I would have asked Leo to leave. But I do love Marc, Dad. I respect his feelings. And that won’t change.’
Dad looks down at his meal. ‘Things do change sometimes, love. And if they do, you could do a lot worse than young Leo here.’
I turn scarlet. ‘Dad!’
Leo grins from ear to ear. ‘It’s okay Mike. Sophia and I have a love hate relationship. She hates to love me. But I know deep down she’s crazy about me.’
‘God.’ I shake my head at Leo, but I can’t help smiling. ‘I’m crazy about you as a friend and nothing more.’
Leo clicks his fingers. ‘So you are crazy about me? That sounds like progress.’
I raise an eyebrow at him. ‘Don’t hold your breath.’
I’m about to take a mouthful of spaghetti when a shadow flashes past the window.
I drop my fork.
‘What was that?’ I leap to my feet, almost choking on a piece of pasta.
45
Leo and Dad both turn to the window.
‘Sophia?’ says Leo.
‘Did you see it?’ I point at where the dark shadow was. But of course, it’s gone now. ‘It was ... there was a shadow. It was there. In the garden.’ I go to the window and look out onto the green lawn. But there’s nobody there.
‘Are you sure?’ Leo asks.
I nod, running to the backdoor and yanking it open. Sharp winter air stings my cheeks as I head out into the garden.
I stand on the lawn and turn in a circle. Then I check the bushes and around the trees at the sides of the garden, but there’s nothing.
‘Are you okay?’
I turn to see Leo beside me.
‘There was someone there,’ I say. ‘I’m sure of it.’
‘Hey. I believe you. You want me to check around the cottage?’
‘Would you?’
‘Sure.’
Leo bounds over the little garden gate, and I hear him crunching around in the undergrowth.
‘Love?’ I turn to see Dad. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘Fine. It’s fine Dad. Just ... seeing shadows that’s all. Leo is checking it out.’ I put my fingers to my temple. ‘Nothing to worry about.’
Dad shakes his head. ‘Who wouldn’t see shadows with all this security around?’
‘The security is here to keep me safe,’ I say.
‘Seems like overkill to me, says Dad, heading inside.
As the back door closes, I notice something – a white thing fluttering in a shrub. I walk over to it, thinking maybe it’s a stray piece of litter or something. But when I get close, I see it’s a piece of paper with red biro scrawled on it.
‘PAIN will have its revenge.’
I take a step back, dropping the note on the lawn. The breeze picks it up, and pulls it higher and higher, up and over the trees, then the cottage roof, and away.
I watch it drift away, my heart thumping harder and harder.
PAIN will have its revenge.
Oh my god. They were here. In our garden.
Leo bounds back over the fence. ‘Couldn’t see anyone. Hey, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’
‘There was a note,’ I say, my voice all shaky. ‘We should go inside.’
46
‘Dad. DAD!’ I call, as I come in from the garden. ‘I need to call Marc.’
‘Why?’ Dad asks.
I hesitate. I don’t want to tell Dad about the note. That would involve a lot of explaining.
‘To tell him I saw something in the garden,’ I say.
‘It was just a shadow, love.’
‘I need to tell him.’
‘How about I call and tell him? Then you’ll still be keeping to our agreement.’
‘Okay, fine. Yes, you tell him. Say we need more security. Right away.’
*****
During the show that night, I’m jumping at shadows. Any movement in the wings or the audience makes me flinch and forget my lines, and Leo keeps having to rescue me from stumbled phrases and missed cues.
When Leo and I are doing our final number, I swear I see Cecile in the front row and I start singing the first verse all over again.
Leo, true professional that he is, goes back to the first verse too, and we eventually get through the song. By the time we’re finished, I realise the person I thought was Cecile looks nothing like her.
I’m seeing things.
‘Tough night,’ says Leo, as we head off stage. He puts a gentlemanly arm around my shoulder and steers me through the backstage area. ‘Hey. I know why you were jumpy. It’s okay.’
‘I’m so sorry Leo.’ I look up at him, embarrassed. ‘You deserve better. Someone more professional.’
‘Hey, hey.’ Leo turns me to him, his large, heavy hands on my shoulders. ‘Like I said. We all have bad nights. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t let personal things get to you sometimes. It happens to all of us.’
‘It hasn’t happened to you yet,’ I say, seeing Davina heading towards us.
‘Sure it has,’ says Leo. ‘Plenty of times. When Sigourney dumped me for that French guy, I messed up my lines for weeks. The movie I was shooting took twice as long to wrap up.’
My face softens. ‘A big tough guy like you? Getting all messed up over a girl?’
‘A big tough guy like me. I used to fall in love every other week, back in the day. And I thought Sigourney was the love of my life. She was so sophisticated. Classy. Everything I wasn’t. But we weren’t right together. The supermodel and the surf bum. Not the best combination. And she wasn’t real. She looked totally different without all the clothes and hair and makeup. Not like you. You’re beautiful all the time.’
I blush. ‘Oh come on. No one’s knocking at my door asking me to pose for Vogue or do a Chanel commercial.’
‘They should be.’
‘Isn’t Sigourney Seymour married now?’ I blurt out, in an effort to change the subject.
Very tactful, Sophia.
Luckily, Leo doesn’t look hurt or offended.
‘Oh, yeah. To the guy she dumped me for. Louis Dupois.’
This I already know. Jen makes it her business to find out all the celebrity gossip, and she shares it with me, whether I’m interested or not.
It’s weird be talking about someone as famous as Sigourney Seymour, as if she’s just some girl Leo knows. But then Leo’s a huge star too. Sometimes I forget, because he’s so down to earth.
‘Sophia. Leo.’ Davina comes clicking towards us, and I brace myself for a telling off.
I have no defence. I deserve some harsh words this evening. But it’s not me Davina seems to be angry with.
‘The box office haven’t been reselling cancelled seats. Can you believe it? We could have been selling twenty extra tickets a night.’
‘Twenty’s no big deal, Davina,’ says Leo. ‘Don’t sweat it.’
‘I will sweat it. I’ll be having words with them tomorrow.’ Davina uncrosses her arms. ‘You two were great, as per. Loved that re-jig of the last number.’
‘It wasn’t a re-jig,’ I admit. ‘I messed up.’
‘Well it sounded great,’ says Davina. ‘It’s good to keep a show organic. After all, why pay for the theatre if you’re going to see exactly the same thing every night? I liked that you shook things up. Is everything okay?’ Her sharp eyes prickle with something that I think is concern. But I can’t be sure. Davina’s face doesn’t really suit caring expressions.
‘I will be,’ I say, turning to Leo. ‘I had a bit of a shock today, that’s all.’
‘You look exhausted.’
As soon as she says that, I realise I am. My whole body feels tired, from my eyes right down to my toes. I could lie down on the floor right now and fall asleep. I’m sure my eyes must have huge dark circles under them.
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘I should get home. I have an early start tomorrow.’
‘Early start?’ Davina blinks. ‘Days should be for sleeping when you do these sorts of shows. Mornings at least.’
‘I know. But my family need me right now.’
‘Well. Try and get someone else to help. This show needs you too.’
47
After I get changed, Leo and I head out to the foyer to sign autographs. I should be pleased that there are fans waiting for us, but all I can think about is sleeping. Still, I paste on my best smile. With Leo beside me, it’s okay. And I really do feel honoured to be signing autographs.
Just as I’m reaching out to sign theatre tickets for a smiling family, Leo nudges me and holds up his phone.
‘Hey. I got a text message. Guess who from?’
‘No idea,’ I say, turning back to the family and thanking them as I sign.
‘Marc Blackwell,’ says Leo.
‘Marc?’ My pen stops dead on the last ticket, but I catch myself and finish my signature. Then I shake hands with the family and wish them a safe journey. I turn to Leo. ‘Marc texted you?’
‘Yep. He’s asked me to give you a message.’
‘What’s the message?’ I ask.
‘He says security has doubled around the cottage. And he wants me to tell you to go home. He says you’re too tired to be signing autographs.’
‘How does he even know I’m signing autographs?’ I whirl around, looking for Marc in the crowd.
‘All the security Marc has around the place. They have their eyes on you.’
I give a tired laugh. ‘I can’t believe it was you he texted. He must have been really desperate to get that message to me. He ...’ I cut myself off.
‘No, you can say it,’ says Leo. ‘He hates me. Right?’
‘I wouldn’t go that far,’ I say. ‘He’s just very protective, that’s all. A little jealous. Who wouldn’t be? He can’t see me, and you can.’
‘I get it,’ says Leo. ‘I wouldn’t like me much if I were him, either. But he’s right – you should go home. You look like you’re about to fall down.’
‘I can’t leave,’ I say. ‘All these people have waited. There’s no way I’m just going to walk off without giving them an autograph.’
‘You’re going to wear yourself out,’ says Leo. ‘You do know that, don’t you?’
‘Probably,’ I say. ‘But I just don’t see any way out of that right now.’
*****
I’m so tired I can barely stand by the time I reach the cottage. I’ve got a spare key, but as I try to weave it into the lock my eyes go in and out of focus.
I’m about to kneel down so I can be eye level with the door lock when I sense someone beside me.
The hairs on my neck stand up.
I should feel afraid, but I’m not. I’m totally calm, because I know who it is.
‘Marc.’
48
‘Don’t turn around.’ Marc’s voice is full of authority and depth, and it does things to me, just like always.
‘I mean it, Sophia. Keep looking straight ahead. We agreed we wouldn’t see each other, and I intend to keep to my word.’
My hand begins to shake at the lock. ‘You don’t think this is breaking the rules? You speaking to me outside of our weekly phone conversation?’ My voice has gone all tight and high. God, having him right there, behind me … my body starts to feel warm, even though the air is freezing.
‘No.’ I sense Marc’s large body coming closer and feel his warmth. ‘You agreed not to see me. But I can see you, if it’s in the interests of your safety.’ I feel a smile in his voice. ‘So we’re not breaking the rules. You can’t see me, can you?’
‘No.’
‘Good. I needed to be here tonight. After the note in the garden.’
‘How do you know about that?’
‘Security footage. I’m always around. Watching over you. Even if you don’t know it. When I saw footage of you at the theatre earlier, you looked like you were falling down with tiredness.’ A pause. ‘Sophia, I can see right now that you’re not okay. You’re burning yourself out.’
‘I’m tired,’ I say. ‘But my only real problem is that I miss you. Desperately.’
‘Desperate isn’t the word for the way I feel right now.’ Marc’s voice runs through me, and it’s all I can do not to whirl around and throw myself against him. To press myself against his lips and feel his arms around me.
The key shakes in my hand, and I move my other hand to steady it.
‘Tomorrow I want you to go back to Ivy College,’ says Marc. ‘To rest there. Looking after your father and doing this show at the same time is proving too much. I’ll have help sent.’
I shake my head. ‘Sammy doesn’t take well to strangers. And Dad needs me. His daughter. Someone who cares about him. I couldn’t possibly leave him.’
There’s a very long pause, and I hear Marc’s beautiful breathing.
‘Okay. Stay then. But I’m having help sent, whether you agree to it or not. I have to go now.’ Marc’s voice grows deeper. ‘Being close to you like this ... I’m struggling to control myself.’
‘Don’t go.’ The words tumble out, full of emotion. Having him here, so close to me, is like someone holding out a cold glass of water in the desert.
‘I have to. You know I do.’
‘Yes.’ My stomach flips over and I swallow hard. ‘I … yes. This is hard. So, so hard. We still have months to go.’
‘Christ. I have to leave right now, or things are going to get out of hand. Go inside now and get straight into bed, Sophia. And tomorrow, I want you to sleep in until noon.’
‘Noon?’ I say. ‘Sammy wakes up at six.’ I check my watch. It’s nearly one am, meaning I’ll get approximately five hours sleep before I have to wake up.
‘You needn’t worry about that. Someone will be here to take care of Sammy tomorrow. And to take care of the housework.’
‘Dad won’t like that,’ I say. ‘He’s still a little fragile.’
‘He understands. It’s all arranged. I spoke to him earlier today. We settled on a plan B, in case you were falling down with exhaustion this evening.’ Marc gives a little laugh. ‘Your father and I both agree on one thing at least – that you come first.’
‘Sammy doesn’t take too well to strangers—’
‘The person coming tomorrow isn’t a stranger. Now go inside and get some rest. No arguing.’
‘Marc—’
‘I said no arguing. I’m glad Leo was here earlier.’
‘I … he came over unannounced.’
‘I heard what he did. The shadow in the garden. How he sprang to your defence.’ I hear a little bit of anger in those last words, and I realise how hard it must be for Marc to know Leo took his place earlier. My insides twist a little.
‘I appreciated it,’ I say.
‘So do I. Maybe he’s grown up more than I realised. He wants to protect you. And that’s what you need right now.’
‘The only person I want to protect me is you.’
‘But if I can’t be there with you all the time, then I’m glad Leo can be.’
I hear him take a step back. Every fibre in my body wants to turn around. But I don’t.
‘Leo has a high profile. He’s a star.’ I hear the hardness in Marc’s voice. ‘But unlike me, he’s well liked. Loved, even. He’s Hollywood’s golden boy. PAIN can paint me as a villain, but they won’t touch a hair on Leo’s golden head. If they do anything to him, there’d be a backlash. He’s a good protector for you and your family.’
I can feel Marc’s hurt. His pain and frustration. How hard he’s working to overcome his jealousy and let another man take over his role. �
��Marc?’
‘Yes Sophia?’
‘That you’re willing to put your feelings aside like that ... for our safety ... I think you’re amazing.’
‘I’m struggling, believe me. Now go inside, Sophia. You need to sleep. And I’m on the border line of breaking the rules right now.’
49
The next morning, I wake to the sounds of vacuuming and the smell fresh coffee drifting up the stairs. I sit bolt upright, listening out for Sammy, but hear nothing.
I check my watch.
It’s 9am.
Wow. I really did sleep last night. But my heart starts beating fast when I realise Sammy didn’t wake me. God, I hope he’s okay.
I leap out of bed and run into his bedroom, but he’s not in his cot. My heart beating even faster now, I run downstairs in my pyjamas and nearly bump into Rodney, who has a vacuum cleaner in one hand and Shake and Vac in the other.
‘Oh!’ I give a startled yelp. ‘Rodney. You must be ... Marc said ... where’s Sammy?’
‘He’s in the living area,’ says Rodney. ‘Playing.’
I tear into the lounge and find Sammy clambering over another house guest. A very familiar one.
I break into a huge smile.
‘Jen.’
‘Soph.’ Jen smiles back. She’s sitting on the sofa, helping Sammy climb over her legs. She’s dressed in what counts for her as casual attire – her shiny hair is pulled back in a sleek, sophisticated bun and her tight black jeans fit her perfectly. ‘Marc called me in as the emergency babysitter. Said you could use a little help. I wish you’d called me. I would have been here days ago.’
I take a seat beside her and help Sammy climb onto my lap. ‘I thought you’d be working. I didn’t want to—’
‘Bother me. Yes, yes, I’ve known you long enough. You don’t want anyone else put out on your account. But you know, sometimes Soph, you’ve just got to reach out. Or you’ll fall apart and then you’ll be no good to anyone.’
‘It’s great to see you,’ I say. ‘Really great.’
‘You too. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend this last month. A show every single night? Who works seven days a week? Even God gets a day off a week.’