by Tony Abbott
“It has to work! Besides, all the nutzoids in my dad’s horror movies get stopped.”
“Unless there’s a sequel,” Mike squeaked.
“You would have to say that!” Sean grumbled. “Now come with me!”
“Where else would I go? I’m in your pocket.”
Mike was in Sean’s pocket, all right. But just barely. He felt to Sean like a wisp with hardly any weight at all. Sean was getting smaller, too.
We love to terminate!
And yes, exterminate!
“Hurry!” yelped Mike. “It’s the Motor-Mouth-Men!”
VRRRR—BLAM! A huge explosion plowed the corner of Elm Road, and Sean’s own cardboard house blew up in pieces!
Sean darted over a nearby wall and into the parking lot of the Plan Nine Drive-in. “Sheesh! Zis guy vants us dead!”
Mike peered up at huge Sean. “And zat’s not good!” He almost smiled.
Sean raced over to the middle of the parking lot. A pile of big stuff was sitting there. A giant comb, a lipstick, a mirror, a purple puppy pad, a glitter pen. Everything that Holly had dumped from her purse. Sean grabbed the pencil and dragged it over near the wall.
Then he went back for the mirror and pulled it over the pencil like a seesaw.
“Um, now is not the time to play, Sean!” Mike said, his voice getting tinier and tinier.
“It’s an old trick my dad taught me,” Sean said. “Now comes the crazy part.”
Sean climbed the wall and waved. “Hey, Moto-Morons! Over here! Yoo-hoo, Meat-o Heads!”
That did the trick. The Moto-Men immediately jerked over to the Drive-in. Sean jumped down and crouched on one end of the mirror.
WHIRRR! One Moto-Man climbed up to the top of the wall, towering over tiny Sean.
“Exterminate!” it sang.
Sean jammed his thumbs in his ears and stuck out his tongue. “You have a lousy voice!”
The giant blue metal Moto-Man began to jiggle. Its eyes flashed red sparks.
“So, toys have feelings, too!” said Mike.
The Moto-Man leaped in robotic anger at the boys and landed right on the seesaw mirror.
BOING! The boys went flying!
Yes! It worked! The old “Wheat-O on the spoon” trick!
But—oh, no!—the force was too great!
The mirror shot up, hit the ceiling, and fell at the exact same time that Sean went blasting feetfirst across the shop!
Suddenly, a face appeared at the shop door. Gruker hunched over the horrible machine. His nose flared wide with evil delight. “Good! More tiny leetle peep—peep—pooooth!”
Sean’s stinky feet shot like bullets directly into the evil man’s nostrils!
One in each.
Gruker’s nose exploded in a huge snort. “I hate anchovies!”
But it was too late! The evil toymaker’s evil hand had already hit the evil switch.
Holly came bursting through the door, just as the room exploded in a blast of purple light!
12
The Zone That’s Weird
Zing! Zing! Zing! BLAMMO!
Holly’s little mirror tumbled down in front of the shrinking gun at the exact instant the ray went off.
“Ooof!” gasped Sean, still in midair.
“Ooof!” gasped Mike, squished in his pocket.
“Ooof!” gasped Dr. Gruker, doubling over onto the floor.
Smoke instantly filled the air.
Sean crashed against a bunch of stuff and landed back in the middle of Main Street.
He looked through the smoke and saw two figures jump up and run over to him. It was Holly and Jeff. Their footsteps echoed off the sides of the buildings.
“Oh, no!” cried Sean. “Not you, too!”
Holly ran closer. “Sean, are you all right?”
Sean stood up and dusted himself off. “Yeah, but, you guys. Man, I’m sorry. You’re—”
“That blast almost destroyed the whole shop,” said Jeff.
“What?” asked Sean. Then, as the smoke cleared, Sean noticed something different about Main Street. It wasn’t made of sandpaper.
He looked up. And there was sky over him! Real sky. Not a painted blue ceiling.
He whirled around. There was the toy shop behind him, smoke streaming from the windows and door.
“Hey! This isn’t miniature Grover’s Mill,” gasped Sean. “It’s real Grover’s Mill! Filled with real people! And I’m big again!”
Sean hugged his sister and jumped up and down on Main Street. On Main Street in the exact center of intergalactic weirdness. “Holly! Holly! Your mirror—it worked! It reversed the shrinking ray. I’m big again!”
Then he stopped. “Wait. Where’s Mike?” Sean started for the store. “Mike? Mike!”
A sudden pain hit his stomach. “Ooof!” He doubled over. Something was happening to him. He felt weird. “Oh, no! Not again!”
KRIPPPPP!
Sean’s pocket tore open and full-sized Mike Mazur came blasting out into the dirt.
Holly stood back. “That was weird.”
Jeff ran over and helped Mike up. “You must be Mike Mazur, the new kid.”
“Um, I think so.” Mike smiled a little smile and dusted off his shirt. “Nice town you’ve got here.”
Holly laughed. “Welcome to The Weird Zone.”
A dreadful cry suddenly ripped through the smoky air. “I’m shrinking! I’M SHRINKING!”
“That wasn’t me, was it?” Sean gasped.
The voice was coming from inside the smoldering ruins of the toy shop. It squeaked and squealed like a balloon losing air.
The voice belonged to Dr. Gruker!
Sean, Holly, Jeff, and Mike ran into the shop, fanning away the smoke.
Finally, they spotted a tiny figure running across the floor. It had a streak of white in its black hair. It was getting smaller and smaller.
WOOO-EEE-OOO-EEE!
Sirens wailed from outside. The kids ran out to see trucks and ambulances and tanks and jeeps come roaring in from the secret army base north of town.
THONKA-THONKA-THONKA!
A giant helicopter swept over Main Street. Jeff Ryan’s mother jumped out of the swirling tornado of wind and dust. She was dressed in a military uniform. She motioned, and special troops in black uniforms swarmed into the toy shop.
A few minutes later a bunch of soldiers came out of the smoky shop holding a little box.
Mrs. Ryan patted Sean and Mike on their backs. “I see the good doctor got a taste of his own bitter medicine.” She examined the box. Inside was a mini Dr. Gruker. He shook a tiny fist at Sean. “I vill get you for zis!” he whined.
“Strange,” Mrs. Ryan said, as the soldiers took the doctor away. “All this time we’ve been searching for a man named Gruker. So clever of him to change his name to Kruger! The ultimate disguise!”
The kids nodded.
Beep-beep! Mrs. Ryan reached for a little device on her belt and put it up to her ear. She listened for a moment then snapped the device back on her belt. “Sorry, kids. I can’t stay. There’s a report of an enormous white cat over at Lake Lake. Cats that big don’t exist, of course, but we have to check it out.”
She turned to one of the special troops. “Giant mew-mew at Lake Lake!”
THONKA! THONKA!
A moment later she was gone.
As Sean looked out his own living room window, the orangey-brown desert spread away as far as the eye could see. “Nice to be big again.”
He turned to his family gathered with him. “It’s amazing what we’ve just been through. Like one of your movies, Dad.”
“Yes,” agreed Mr. Vickers. “I’m only disappointed I didn’t get any of your little adventure on film. Ah, well. Perhaps next time.”
Sean made a face. “Next time?”
“Truly we’re delighted you’re normal size again, honey,” Mrs. Vickers said, walking in from the kitchen with a plate of little sandwiches and other party treats. “Although having a tiny son could be
quite handy for getting into those hard-to-clean spots!”
Sean made another face.
“Hey, shrimp!” said a voice behind him.
Sean went icy cold. “Not again!” A drop of sweat dripped down his neck as he whirled around.
There was Holly, smiling up at him. In her hands was a plate of little pink shrimps and dipping sauce. “Shrimp, big brother. Have one.”
Sean laughed. “What? No anchovies?”
“You kids get snug for the video,” said Sean’s mother. “I’ll get my special dip.” She laughed and hummed a jazzy tune on her way to the kitchen. Mr. Vickers twisted the ends of a mustache that wasn’t there and swept after her.
“It’s amazing being normal again,” Sean murmured. “And it was your mirror that did the trick. It reversed the shrinking ray. Mike’s house is back by the lake. Jeff’s garage is where it’s supposed to be. And I got big.”
“But not too big,” Holly added. “Just somewhere between incredible and amazing.”
“Hey, I like that.” Sean smiled and sat next to Holly on the couch as the TV lit up. A news report was in progress. A reporter was holding a microphone up to Jeff Ryan’s mother.
“… we finally subdued the giant cat,” Mrs. Ryan was saying, “after it nearly choked on a pair of swimming trunks floating in the pool …”
Sean was quiet for a while. Then he turned to Holly. “Pretty weird day, huh?”
Mr. and Mrs. Vickers danced into the room.
A bolt of green lightning flashed in the sky.
Something rumbled deep below the ground.
Holly shrugged. “Kind of like every day around here.”
She clicked the VCR remote and the screen went red with the title of their dad’s latest horror movie, Worm Man vs. the Human Gadget!
Scary music began to play.
Sean felt all warm inside. All snug. Yeah, he thought. Kind of like every day in The Weird Zone.
Bong! went the donut clock.
Sssss! went the pancake pan.
Turn the page to continue reading from the Weird Zone series
1
Food, Glorious Food!
Liz Duffey stepped into the lunch line at W. Reid Elementary just in time to stop a disaster.
Mike Mazur, the new kid, was staring down at the steaming gray lump on his tray.
Slowly he pushed the lump around the tray with his finger. “Man,” he said. “I’m so hungry. But, whoa!” He pushed the thing some more. “I don’t know about this …”
Finally, he looked over at Liz and whispered. “What exactly is this thing?”
Liz smiled. “You’re new here, right?”
“Pretty new,” Mike said.
“Rule number one,” said Liz. “Always read before you feed.” She pointed to the menu taped on the wall behind them.
Mike squinted up at the sheet of paper. “This can’t be right. Hambooger? With spackle sauce?” He looked back at the gray lump and frowned.
Liz chuckled. “If Miss Lieberman typed the menu, it’s probably supposed to be hamburger with special sauce. But you never know, because …”
Mike stopped listening when he heard the word hamburger. He liked the way it sounded. He looked at the lump again and smiled.
If he had been listening to what Liz was saying, he would have learned a thing or two about W. Reid Elementary School.
A place where, if two things could happen—a regular thing and a weird thing—the weird thing would happen. No contest.
If Mike had been listening to Liz, he would also have heard how Principal Bell always popped up at the oddest moments. And how Miss Lieberman, the assistant principal, was never far behind.
And he would have heard Liz explain that Mr. Sweeney, the janitor, was always angry. And that he didn’t like kids. At all.
This was all because their school was in Grover’s Mill. And Grover’s Mill happened to be the exact center of total intergalactic weirdness.
Finally, if Mike really had been listening, he would have figured out that if the menu said hambooger, maybe, just maybe, that’s what it really was!
“The Weird Zone,” Liz said. “That’s what I call it. And the grown-ups that live here are all Zoners. Some of the kids are, too.”
While Liz was busy explaining all this, Mike was busy picking the gray lump off his tray again and looking at it closely.
He lifted it toward his mouth. “Doesn’t look so bad.” He smiled. Then his eyes glazed over. “Must feed the stomach,” he droned.
He opened his jaws wide.
Suddenly—fwing!—Liz’s hand flew up and grabbed Mike’s arm in midair. She clutched tight and wouldn’t let go.
“Don’t do it!” Liz cried.
“Must feed the stomach …” Mike repeated, tugging hard against Liz’s grip.
A big dollop of green drippy stuff oozed out of the lumpy thing in Mike’s hand and splatted on the lunch tray. It hissed when it landed.
“I’m losing the spackle sauce!” Mike yelped.
He tugged harder. Liz had to wrestle him with both hands. The gray lump edged closer to Mike’s lips. It was almost there.
“Psss … psss!” Liz whispered something into Mike’s ear.
His arm went limp. He dropped the thing back on his tray. “Really?” he said softly.
Liz nodded. “Believe me, my mom used to work here. This is the stuff that killed the dinosaurs.”
Liz pointed to a small trapdoor on the floor just behind the food counter. “Down there in the storage cellar. That’s where they keep all the special ingredients. Trust me, this place is weird. With a capital W.”
Mike stared down at the trapdoor. “Thanks,” he said. “You saved my life.”
Liz smiled. “It’s okay. You’re new here. But I’ll tell you something else about this school,” she whispered, pointing to the trapdoor. “My mom said someone has been messing with—”
BANG! The hall door flew open behind them and a dark shadow fell over the lunch line.
“What are you telling this lad, young lady?” a voice boomed.
It was Principal Bell, standing in the doorway with his hands on his hips, staring down at Liz.
He always did that. He loved to stand in doorways with his hands on his hips and stare down at kids. Actually, he was really tall, so he stared down at everybody.
Well, not everybody. He didn’t stare down at Miss Leiberman. She was tall, too. And Mr. Bell liked her. His eyes went kind of soft and wimpy and he always stuttered when he saw her.
“Sorry, Principal Bell,” said Liz.
“Move along then,” he said. “I’m sure your classmates would like to sample this fine … fine … fine …”
Liz looked up at Mr. Bell. He was gazing over the steaming food to the other side of the counter. His eyes had a soft and wimpy look.
Liz whirled around. She nudged Mike and pointed.
Yep, it was Miss Lieberman. Standing there in a white apron, dangling a hog dog on a fork.
She dropped it on the floor.
Mr. Bell didn’t even notice.
Uh-oh, thought Liz. It’s gross-out time. “Mike, let’s get out of here before—”
KA-WHAM!
The trapdoor suddenly burst open and an incredibly hairy arm slithered across the floor and grabbed Miss Lieberman’s foot!
2
Careful What You Wish For
“Ahhhh!” screamed Miss Lieberman.
“Ahhhh!” screamed Mr. Bell when Miss Lieberman screamed.
“Yecch!” snorted a voice from the cellar.
The incredibly hairy arm, which was attached to an incredibly hairy man, let go of Miss Lieberman’s foot. The hairy man pulled himself up into the kitchen.
The hairy man was Mr. Sweeney, the janitor.
“Yecch!” he said again. “You kids! You’ve been raiding my storage cellar again, haven’t you?” He shook his finger at Liz and Mike.
Mike looked at Liz. Liz looked at Mike. They both made faces. “Us?” they mumb
led.
“Pah!” Mr. Sweeney snorted. “Such a mess down there! Every day it’s worse and worse. Oh, why must I have kids in my school?”
Mr. Sweeney always called W. Reid his school.
“But, excuse me,” began Principal Bell, “everyone knows it’s my schoo—”
Thwump!—Mr. Sweeney flung a ripped-open bag of potatoes onto the floor.
The potatoes were very rotten. A really bad stink filled the kitchen just as Liz’s best friend Holly Vickers jumped into the lunch line.
“Pee-yew!” cried Holly, looking at the sack of potatoes. “Didn’t we have that yesterday? Guess I’m skipping lunch again.” She made a face and ran from the kitchen straight into the cafeteria.
“Good advice!” breathed Liz. “Come on, Mike. I’ve got a couple of apples in my backpack.”
Liz pushed open the swinging door and—
FLASH! The air exploded in a bright white light!
“Ahhh!” cried Liz, staggering back and nearly knocking Mike and his tray to the floor.
“Yearbook photo!” screeched a voice.
When Liz could see again, she made out the shape of a tiny woman with frizzy gray hair. There was a little black camera where the woman’s face should be.
“Mrs. Carbonese!” gasped Liz, blinking. “You, uh, scared me!” Mrs. Carbonese was Liz’s teacher. It was her job to take pictures for the W. Reid yearbook. It was called The Reider’s Digest.
“See you in assembly!” Mrs. Carbonese said. “And don’t forget the writing contest, dear.” Then she scuttled off to surprise some other students.
Mike squinted into the screaming crowd. He turned to Liz. “Your mom used to work here?”
“Yeah,” said Liz, blinking and stumbling her way across the room, “but she escaped. She opened up a restaurant on Main Street called Duffey’s Diner. She started with regular food. Now she’s changing to health food. Cauliflower steak, broccoli soup, stuff like that.”
“Oh, cauliflower steak.” Mike made a face. “Interesting. Does your dad work there, too?”
Liz spotted Holly Vickers’ dark wavy hair and headed for it. “My dad’s a paleontologist who digs up bones for museums. He works at the old dinosaur graveyard outside of town.”