by Erin Havoc
Fucking idiot. How could I do that? My mate. She's my mate, and I just insulted her.
But she's human. It's so crazy to think she's a human who's defending the Shifter cause... Even if she's not mated.
My wolf snarls and snaps his jaws at me, telling me to go after her. Follow her. Solve this shit. But I don't. He's never been this off, his teeth this set on edge, but I just made her hate me. Following her won't help.
I would just be the crazed shifter who's also a stalker.
My heart skipping inside my chest, my stomach churns and aches with how much I need her close again. Now that I know she exists, that she's here in town, I don't have the mind to think of anything else.
But I have a job to do. And she doesn't want to see my face this soon. So I turn on my heels and walk back into the deposit, jumping into the truck with my body feeling odd.
"You all right?" Asks Neil as soon as I slam the door shut. I meet his eyes to find worry across his face, a brow cocked.
"Yeah. Sure thing," I dismiss him, picking the clipboard up and reading the next address. Neil puts the car in gear and leaves, but he still side-glances at me more than usual.
I manage through the day, even with my soul hurting, even with my wolf pissed off. As soon as I'm home, I pick my phone up and open the store, searching for the name I heard the girls using. Shifter Dating App.
If Natalie has built it, she definitely has a profile there too. If I can find her, maybe there’s still hope.
The app opens a screen explaining how it works. I'll receive a package in a couple of days and I'll have to send them a DNA sample. With that, they'll find my perfect match.
I curl my nose. I already know who's my perfect match. Why can't I find her right now?
Natalie's perfect body called for mine. Her ample hips, the heavy breasts, that delicious natural scent I want to bathe in. Her head crowned in dark curls I want to fist between my fingers. That plump mouth I want to kiss until she's begging me to stop.
God, I'd kiss those lips to the end of times. My body reverberates with how much I want to find out how she tastes like. Her lips, her skin, her cunt... Fuck, the smell of her arousal was the most compelling scent I've ever felt. I held it back so hard not to jump on her. Not to press her against the bookcase and fuck her right then and there.
And she would have loved it. I would have made it great for her, I would have praised and adored her thick body the way she deserves. If only I had kept my mouth shut.
But being my mate, I know there's a way around this. Around the fact we have different assumptions, different ways of seeing the world. I want her. That's all that matters.
Being alone my entire life, the idea of having a mate fills me with equal measures of anxiety and joy to the brim.
Holding the phone in trembling fingers, I order my wolf to settle as I fill the form. Name, the city I live in, and a series of questions about my likes and dislikes, my beliefs and opinions. Of course I want cubs. My favorite food is barbecued ribs, but I just had it once. My perfect girl is... well, it's Natalie. So that's how I describe her.
Fierce. Smart. Stands up for herself and the others. Brave and selfless. Dark haired and with the brightest pair of chocolate eyes I've ever seen.
Pictures. Fuck, pictures? Well, of course, it's a dating app. But I don't want to impress anyone but her... Even so, I can't conclude the profile without them, so I accept the weight of having my picture taken and posted online for a bunch of non-Natalie-women to see.
A full-body picture, it asks. Preferentially shirtless? No way in fucking hell. I don't show my scars. They're not good looking. So I set the timer and prop the phone against the TV inside my rented apartment. It takes me a couple of tries to find the position and angle, but I manage it fine.
She just needs to recognize me. I'm in the same dark plaid shirt and jeans, so she won't have a problem.
Next, comes an animal picture. That's... unexpected. Do I have to show them my wolf? My skin crawls. I don't like this. It's of major importance to keep it secret that I can turn into a wolf at will. People are already having problems finding jobs for being shifters. I don't want to be one of them.
But if I don't take this picture, I won't find Natalie.
My wolf urges me on, barking inside me something along the lines of "fuck everything off, just find her!". He doesn't give a shit about the civilized life and jobs and clothes. If it depended on him, Natalie and I would live naked in the forest. I would shift into a wolf to hunt, then back into a human to mate her and fill her belly with my cubs. And that's that.
I have more brains than he does, clearly. So I push that aside and focus on the matter at hand. He does have a point though. Nothing will matter if I don't find her. If I don't have her. She's the single person that matters to me, the most important person in the world. And I'd do anything to see her once more.
Anything to have her hand on mine again.
So I set the timer a bit longer and to take several pictures. Then I prop the phone against the TV again, strip quickly, and let the urge of a transformation take me.
It starts as an itch, then spreads as an overall ache. Grinding my teeth, I feel my bones twisting first. The spine curving, the legs breaking and bending backward. The pain has become usual, a friend of mine. It keeps me grounded. It reminds me of how difficult it is to be a shifter. My cheekbones elongate, as does my jaw, and my teeth turn into canines.
The itch comes back as fur sprouts from my skin, and the inexplicable feeling of your spine elongating into a tail bursts through me. There's pain and there's so much light. I slam my eyes shut, my brain flipping into shifter mode to process the new senses.
My hearing improves drastically, and I can suddenly hear voices from the other apartments I couldn't hear before. My eyes grow more sensitive, though my vision turns black and white.
My stomach rumbles. I'm starving, and my mouth salivates as I think of running into the woods a couple of blocks from here and hunting for a hare. The instincts are strong, and the hunger makes me dizzy, and I question the whole taking-pictures process when I could be hunting.
But shoving that thought aside, I climb on the couch in front of the phone and lie down. I don't know what position should I take. So I wait for a couple of snaps, my body taking the entirety of the seat cushions, my tail hanging, then I change to a sitting position. I stare straight into the camera, daring the world to use this against me.
To use my nature against me. Because I never chose to be a shifter. I was born this way. And up until now, it hasn't brought me luck.
But if I can find Natalie...
Shifting back, I stand on my knees, catching my breath and letting the pain roll away. It takes several beats of my heart for me to get dressed and pick my phone again. The pictures are not bad, and I choose one of me lying across the couch to publish. Then I delete them all.
As soon as the profile's done, I receive a confirmation, letting me know I'll receive the DNA kit in a couple of days. Anguish fills the bottom of my stomach like lead. A couple of days to receive it, then a couple of days for the results to come back... Let's say that I still have to wait a week.
But what other options do I have?
My wolf paces inside me. You could go back into the bookstore and let me follow her trail, he seems to rumble. At first, I dismiss the thought, laughing at it. That's ridiculous. I can't walk around in my wolf shape, and I can't show up in her place out of nowhere. She already has problems with me. Showing up like that would just involve the cops.
I would lose her forever.
Besides, the trail has already been lost. Right? Maybe.
Or maybe not.
I could go there. Just to see if I smell her in my human body. If I don't find it, I'll wait a couple of hours until the night's at its darkest and I'll go into the woods, hunt, and let my wolf out for a bit. Maybe this way he won't bother me so much to go after her.
Five minutes later, I'm sliding into my car's driver's se
at. Fifteen minutes after, I'm standing in front of the bookstore. It's closed, of course, and the street's dark and deserted. I stand there like an idiot for a moment, looking around myself to be sure no one's around.
Then I take a deep breath, flaring my nostrils to capture any hint of her scent. It's no use at first, so I walk around, smelling for her. Finally abandoning caution, I kneel and approach my face to the sidewalk, taking deep sniffs.
I catch her scent. Mingled with others, old and trampled. But it's here. It's too powerful for me to ignore. Sweet and addictive, I take deep breaths of it. I could try to follow the trail, but that would require either turning into a wolf or crawling after it. The scent's only clear close to the ground.
My wolf dances inside me, and I know he's right. It would be much easier to turn into him. But I can't. Not here. Not now. There's so much going on with shifters. If someone records me turning to follow a trail, I'm sure this would end up badly.
Patience. I have to be patient and wait to find her on the app. She won't find a mate in the meantime, since I know I'm the one for her. It's going to hurt, but I have no other choice.
A bike purrs to a halt next to me and I jump to my feet. My heart slams against my ribcage. How could I not notice its approach? Fucking hell, is it a security guard?
But when I turn to the man staring at me, he has a knowing smile. He strides the bike with confidence, turning to face me.
"Sniffing for someone?" He asks, and I jerk a step back.
"What?" I try to act dismissive but the man has just caught me red-handed.
"Don't worry," he lifts a shoulder in a shrug. He leans as if to tell a secret, a smirk across his face. "I'm a shifter too. Did you lose someone?"
My mouth dries. I think it's the first time I meet another shifter after I left my pack. Or was made to leave. I nod at him. "Yeah. Met my mate."
He hisses. "Damn, that's tough. And we can't exactly turn into our animals and follow the trail, right? That sucks."
I blink. He chats with me like we're discussing the weather, not about something so confidential and dangerous as being a shifter. "Yeah. I found her but I ended up insulting her as soon as we met."
To my surprise, the man chuckles. "It happens. Being mates doesn't mean you think the same. There's this app, you know? They help shifters like you and me finding mates. I have high expectations for it."
I nod. "I know, I've just signed up." Digging my hands into my pockets, I look to both sides of the street. "Are you sure we should be talking about this in the open?"
He shrugs. "Now that it's come out, I don't give a shit. My boss's a shifter too so he won't fire me because of it. The only thing that's missing is my mate." He releases a rumbling sigh. "But I know the app will find her for me."
"I've heard some people attacking the app today. What if it flounders?"
"It won't," he says, shaking his head. "Being a shifter is in our nature. Some people hate us for being different, but others don't think that's a problem. And these are the vast majority. It's just that the specists make that much more noise." He points a finger at me. "You'll see. There'll be some bad reviews on the app, but there'll be many more of the good ones. And the good ones will be people that are happily mated." He stretches his arms to the sides. "The change has already begun. There'll be fighting, but the rewards we'll reap will be great."
"Rewards?"
He nods, grinning. "Not needing to be private? Not needing to keep this a secret? We'll be able to be ourselves whenever we want. It's going to be easier to find our mates. And the women who have been rejected by humans up until now because they're different will have men who love them for who they are." He shifts in his bike to face the street. "It's a win-win situation."
"Honestly, never expected humans would ever see us as anything but a threat.”
"They will. And most importantly," he grins, "we get a chance to find our mates. Trust the app. It'll find your girl."
He leaves without another word and I stand there, aghast. His confidence sinks into my bones and even my wolf is calmer when I walk back into my car. That night, I go hunting without the usual overbearing worry, and the next day I walk to work with a feeling I don't even remember the last time I felt.
Hope. And it feels great to have it pumping in my blood.
I'll find her. I know it.
5
NATALIE
ONE WEEK LATER
Closing my laptop with finality, I release a sigh and shoot a glance to Karen. She’s typing away at her computer, and I wave my hands to catch her eye.
Karen cocks a brow, a smile threatening to spill from her lips. “How was it?”
“Great,” I groan, flopping dramatically against my chair and raising my arms. “I’m so glad there are reporters out there interested in the app and how it can change things instead of just asking about my personal life and insulting me.”
Karen brings a hand up to cover her mouth as she laughs. “There had to be, right? The whole world can’t be all bad. And the app’s revolutionary. People are bound to see that sometime.”
I nod, picking my phone and standing to stretch my legs. Between the interview and replying emails from the guys who do our DNA testing, I’ve been sitting for the past couple of hours. “I’m getting a mochaccino, do you want one?”
“For sure,” she smiles, her gaze dropping back to the computer screen. I feel grateful for having her with me. Things would have gone wildly different if I hadn’t had a loyal assistant like Karen.
As I walk into our tiny kitchen, I feel my phone buzz between my fingers. Flicking a thumb down, I pull the notifications tab. The logo of a white muzzle lets me know it comes from my app. I click it, and pink and orange flash across the screen.
Congratulations! You’ve been matched!
My heart skips a beat as my eyes widen until they almost pop from my head. “Karen!” I squeal, my voice breaking. “Karen, I’ve been matched!”
“What!" She darts into the kitchen a second later. “Really? Who? Is he hot?”
“I don’t know!” My fingers tremble as I click the notification and wait for the app to load. “God, I’m not sure I want to see it now. I’ve been waiting for this for so long!” Whirling around to face her, I shove the phone in her hands. “Here. See it for me.”
Karen chuckles, raising the phone in front of her face. “What difference does it make? You’ll have to check him out sooner or later. Besides, all shifters are hot. You’re bound to have a hot mate.”
“I know, I know,” I cry, bouncing on my feet. Fuck, now that time has come, I’m not sure I’m ready for it. Being mates doesn’t guarantee you will fit the first time around. Like every relationship, the couple has to find some balance. And with everything that’s going on in my life, I don’t know if I want to go through the work right now. But at the same time... It’s a match. Whoever this person is, there is something in nature pulling us together. No one will be as good for me as he will be.
“All right, so do you want his name?” Karen teases with a grin.
“Yeah?”
She chuckles again. “He’s Dean. Thirty-three years old. He’s a wolf.”
“An alpha? Please, don’t be an alpha.” The name rings a bell in me but I ignore it. I cross my fingers. I’m too feisty for an alpha, we’d have problems.
To my delight, Karen shakes her head. “I don’t think he’s one. Alphas usually put that info right on top. His description just says ‘looking for the right one’. That’s all.”
My heart flutters. That’s sweet. He apparently just joined the app to find his one true mate, and he cares not for any others. A blush crosses my cheeks and I’m left smiling like a fool. “How does he look like?”
“He’s hot. But as I mentioned, they’re all going to be hot.” She shrugs, reaching me the phone. “That’s that, Nat. You’ll have to do the rest yourself.”
I grip the phone to my chest, without looking at the screen. My heart beats against my fingers and I take
a deep breath before turning the screen so I can face it.
My stomach plummets. I’m pretty sure my expression does the same.
“What’s wrong?” Karen steps closer and looks over my shoulder at the screen. “Don’t you like him?”
I sigh. “I’ve met him before. Fuck.” I can’t believe he was being honest when he said we were mates.
“Really?” She steps back, grimacing at me. “And you didn’t feel... butterflies? I thought you’d feel butterflies or something when you met your mate.”
Pressing my hip to the counter, I flick through his pictures. There are only two. His human one, where he stands straight, in the very same clothes from the day we met, and the animal one. A black wolf with striking blue eyes stares back at me from where he lies over a couch. He’s beautiful. His gaze makes my stomach flutter even through pictures.
“I felt more than butterflies,” I tell Karen, flicking through the two pictures. “There was a hurricane of them. Remember the day I went to the bookstore and there were some mean girls fucking around? He was there, that’s where I met him.”
“And?”
“And for a fleeting moment, I thought I’d fuck him right then and there,” I say amid laughter. It makes sense now. That whole desperate need to have him was because he’s my mate. The same way they know it, we know it too. Just... differently. “I had never felt anything like that. Now I understand. He really is my mate.”
“I’m not following.” Karen picks the stuff to make the mochaccino once she notices my attention’s gone. “You met him. You felt a hurricane of butterflies. Then... nothing?”
I twist my lips, remembering the day. “When the girls confronted me with the whole ‘dating shifters’ thing, he took their side. Now that I know he’s a shifter, I’m even more confused.”
“He took their side?” Karen gasps, dropping a bit of coffee mix on the counter.
“Yeah.” I turn the screen of my phone off and stick it into my back pocket, switching on the coffee machine. “He argued shifters are dangerous and have the potential of hurting humans. Oddest thing.”