by Pavan Kaur
I take my phone out of my pocket to check my work schedule. Before tonight, I want to go home to see if Hope is doing okay.
Leaning my head back, I close my eyes. How can I find out what’s so important about tomorrow? Every Saturday she goes somewhere to meet someone, but who? How can I get her to go without it sounding like I’m pushing her too much?
"I have to be in court. I'll text you the place and time." Before I can answer Jackson, the car door closes, and John starts driving to the office.
***
My day was full of work, the whole time my mind was on Hope. What's she doing? Did she eat? I ended up canceling my last two meetings as Jackson texted me with the time and place and if I stayed at work, then I wouldn't have time to go home.
Entering the house, I look around for her, but I don't see her anywhere. I walk up the stairs and look through the small part of the door that is open, and I see her sitting on the floor reading the newspaper article about her family. She picks up the box; the only thing that she cares about. What's in that box? As I take a step closer, the floorboards creak and Hope quickly puts the box and newspaper away and puts her head down.
Walking into the room, I sit down next to her, and she moves a little further away from me. I look towards the window. "You know that you don't have to look at the floor every time I come close to you," I tell her. I want to make her feel comfortable here. I want her to finally look at me like I'm not about to hurt her. "I went and spoke to your doctor today; I'll be getting your medication for you, so you don't have to worry about that anymore. She told me that you like to go out on a Saturday and that you meet with someone." I stop as I see her body shiver from the corner of my eye.
I turn to face her. "If you don't want to be here, why have you not tried to run?" There's nothing from her. But it's the question I keep asking myself. I haven't locked her in the room or the house. She can walk out whenever she wants, but every day I come back, and she's still here, why?
“Tomorrow I thought we could go out and I could take you to wherever it is you need to be.” Hope’s body tenses for a moment. “Is there anywhere you’d like to go? As I said, I’d be quite happy to take you.”
I look at her massaging her wrists knowing they wouldn't hurt so much if she just had a hot shower. Every day this week she has showered with cold water, and I'm going to stop that. She can hate me for it, I don't care, but she's going to have a warm shower.
She stays quiet, so I tell her, "I have to get going to a meeting, so make yourself some dinner, and I'll see you in the morning." I get up and look down at her as she keeps her head bowed. I want to hug her and tell her that everything will be fine and I'm here to help her and protect her if needed.
***
Jackson sends me a message to say that he has everything ready for me. We’ve been doing this long enough for him to know what type of mood I’m in and what I like to do when I have a certain mood like tonight. Tonight, I want it to go slow; I want to watch my victim taking his last breath.
When I arrive, I take a seat and look around the big empty warehouse until my eyes reach my toy for the night, and my lips curl up into a smile, a smile that tells me I’m aware this man has done things he knows he shouldn’t. Things that one day would get him in trouble and that trouble is with me.
Lighting up a cigarette, I lean back and just watch him for a moment. His feet are tied together, and he's hanging upside down from a hook on the ceiling. His mouth taped. It's people like him that made me the way I am. And she might not have told me yet, but I can feel it inside me that it's also people like him that made Hope the way she is and I do this to find one particular man; one man that I plan on hurting in ways that I've never hurt anyone ever before. But Hope is the person I want to help first and I'm going to find every man that hurt her and I'm going to kill them.
Inhaling the smoke, I walk over to the man, I exhale the grey cloud into his face.
I rip the tape off his mouth, and he yells, "What do you want? I've never seen you before." I smile as I take the small knife out of my pocket and slice his throat by his jugular, just a little, making him scream out. I've always loved the sound of my victims screaming. It's payback for the way the children cried when they begged to be set free, and the sick bastards never let them go. So, I never let my victims go; I make sure that they hurt even more.
I tape his mouth again as his voice is fucking annoying me now and I sit back in my chair smoking the rest of my cigarette. I watch the blood dripping slowly from his neck. Locking my eyes with his, I smile at him. I want to make sure that he knows I’m enjoying this, that I’m the last person he sees.
Lighting another cigarette from the end of the one I’m smoking, I watch as crimson liquid drips from the wound into a pool on the floor.
"Have you heard the name, Jack?” I ask my victim.
Jackson is working hard on finding Hope's uncle, but he's like a fucking ghost. There's a part of me that has to laugh at that. These sick fuckers out there, I've heard what they say. They call me the ghost that kills, so now it's a ghost hunting the ghost.
***
I spent two hours at the warehouse last night, it didn't take him long to bleed out, but I just wanted to stay there longer. I wanted to watch him take his last breath. I wanted to see how he felt knowing that he was about to die.
The other reason was that I didn't want to come home. I didn't want to come to my own home because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I would have stood in the doorway of Hope's room and watched her sleep on the floor and that would have made me angrier. For the first time since I've met her, last night watching that man die, I felt relaxed.
Sitting at the dining room table with my coffee, I watch Hope in front of me playing with her food. I light up a cigarette, and I can't take my eyes off her. I know that there's a beautiful girl before me, who is hiding away and I can't wait for her to show herself. I don't even know her, she has spoken very few words to me, and I already want to know everything about her. I want to see her smile, I want to touch her, I want to…
"You'd think married rich men would learn their lesson," I hear Jackson say as he's walking over to me. He pulls me out of my thoughts. "I mean stop getting married to the twenty-something and marry someone that will stay with you." He takes my cigarette and sits on the chair next to me.
Hope walks over to the kitchen counter, and I look over at Jackson. "It's Saturday, why are you here?"
Hope places a coffee mug in front of him and then sits back down. Lighting up another cigarette, I focus back on Jackson.
“I wanted to give you this,” he says sliding an envelope over to me. “I still can’t find him for you, but—”
"Who killed him?" I read through the file. The guy who we're looking for had a nephew, but he's dead.
"The cops. There was an arrest warrant for him for murder. He went down fighting, and before you ask, that's where the line of inquiry goes dead. Fuck knows where he is." Jackson drinks his coffee while I continue to read the file.
His nephew was in Vegas, the police got a tip on where he was, and things went wrong. He was declared dead at the scene. "He's not in Vegas then?"
“No, but I get the feeling he’s changed his name. I mean there’s no trace of him anywhere.”
I throw the file on the table and rub my forehead. I won’t be able to rest until I know that this man is dead. I look at Hope as she looks at the clock for the fourth time. Whoever she wants to meet, the time is coming. It would be better if she’d tell me who and where so that I can take her.
"Hope and I are going to Central Park, and we were about to leave," I say. Her body relaxes, and she goes to look up at me, but quickly stops herself. So that means someone is at the park. "Would you like to get ready?" She gives me a little nod before she leaves.
Jackson whispers, “About to find out who this someone is then?” I give him a nod. “Leo can I ask—”
“The answer is yes,” I say cutting him off. I know that onc
e she opens up to me, I don’t think I can stay away from her. The only reason I haven’t touched her yet is because I know that it will scare her. The moment I stand a few inches away from her she tenses up, the fear radiating from her.
Jackson doesn't say anything to me, but we both know what it's like for us. We both know how we feel about getting close to others. We both have scars that we don't want to talk about. When Jackson is with girls, he tells them some fucked up story about how he got them while fighting, whereas I tell them right away if they mention my scars they can fuck off.
“If this is what you want then I have your back.” Jackson pats my back as he leaves the house.
Walking up the stairs to Hope's room I see her sitting on the floor, playing with some money. I enter the room, and she freezes. I kneel and gather the money together and place it on top of the box.
“Whatever you need to buy, I’ll buy it. I know that you meet someone today and that’s where I’m taking you.”
With shaking hands, she picks up her money and box and puts them under the bed.
Putting her coat on, she turns to face me.
I smile. “You know that I’ve only seen your eyes once, but I want to tell you that they’re beautiful and I hope that one day you walk around showing people just how beautiful you are.”
The moment I finish the sentence, she leaves the room, and again I feel like I've just lost yet another conversation with her.
Walking towards Central Park, I see Hope looking at my wrist. "Would you like to know the time?" I put out my wrist for her to see, she stops in her tracks, and I stop with her. Stepping around me, she goes into the coffee shop.
"Hey, Hope. The usual?" the man behind the counter says. As he is getting everything ready, Hope stands like she always does with her head down. "You know Hope, one day you're going to walk in here, and I'm going to look you right in the face, and I won't know it's you," he says and starts laughing.
Giving the man the money, Hope takes the bag off the counter. "Thanks, Adam," she says leaving the coffee shop.
I look at the man. “How long has she been coming here?”
“About a year.”
Giving the man a nod, I meet Hope outside and see where she wants to go next. "Where are we going?" I put my hands into my pockets as it's starting to get cold outside now. Hope hands me the bag, as her hands start shaking. She holds her hands together, and I move in closer to her which makes her walk away from me.
I follow her to the park, and she goes under one of the bridges. She looks around, and I do the same at all the people living here.
"Hope." I look at the woman walking over to her. She hugs her. "Look at you, when was the last time you had food?"
"Cathy, I…I got you this." Hope looks over at me, and I hand her the bag. She pulls out a sandwich and coffee for her.
I watch Cathy walk over to the side of the tunnel and sit on the floor. Hope follows her, and I stay back, but not too far where I can't see or hear her.
Cathy looks at me and then back to Hope. "Have they found you? But if they didn't, you wouldn't be here, Hope." Cathy moves closer to her and whispers something in her ear, all the while looking over at me.
“I don’t know,” I hear Hope say. She starts taking her jacket off and wraps it around Cathy. “It’s getting cold now; I want you to stay warm.” I fight with myself not to take the jacket off Cathy and give it back to Hope, but Cathy is the only one she will talk to.
Walking over to Hope, I take my jacket off and wrap it around her. She doesn't fight with me but puts her arms in and wraps it around her body. Cathy looks at me, and I give her a smile, and to my surprise, she returns one. Maybe I might have someone else that is willing to help me.
I sit on the ground just to the side of the two of them as they talk. They don’t really talk about anything that I don’t already know about Hope. I was hoping to learn something new.
I stand up the moment Hope does. I go to follow her, but Cathy grabs my leg to stop me, and so I watch Hope to make sure that I can still see her.
“Give her this time; it’s the only time she can do it.”
I look down at Cathy, then back to Hope as I want to know what she wants to do that someone has stopped her from doing.
I put my hands in my pockets, not able to take my eyes off Hope, but she has her back to me. Then I see it, the first time I've seen her do this. She's not looking at the floor, she's looking high up at the sky, and I smile.
"So, what is it that you want?" Cathy stands up next to me. "That girl has been through some bad stuff, and I won't let it happen to her again."
I turn to face her. “Do you know what happened?” I ask. Am I about to find out who hurt her?
“I don’t, never asked her. But just looking at her you know that some fucked up shit happened to her.” Cathy sounds upset. “So again, what is your plan with her?”
“I don’t have a plan; I want to help her…” I stop and turn to her, as she starts laughing out loud.
“She won’t even look at you, never mind trust you. You have a hard mission in front of you." Cathy walks back to where she was sitting, and I gaze back over at Hope, as she stares up at the sky.
Chapter 11
Hope
I said bye to Cathy and told her I would be back next week to see her. She was the first person that helped me when I got here. I had a group of guys following me every night and she noticed it. Told them if she ever saw them again she would kill them. After that, she kept me close to her. Never asked questions about what happened to me, or told me that I was weird. She was looking out for me, and I will never forget that.
“Shall we have some lunch?” Leo asks as we walk along the sidewalk. Even though I know I’m not going to eat anything, he still has to eat. I give him a nod and he stops. “Hope, you can look up when you walk.”
I stand in front of him, still trying to work out his plan. Is this a new game that they want to play with me? Get me to break the rules and then punish me in ways that break me more than I already am. I don’t think that’s even possible at the moment.
"I fancy a burger," Leo tells me as he starts walking again and I follow him. I wonder how long it will be before he loses his temper with me. The other man lasted two days, but Leo has gone a week and isn't pushing for answers to any of his questions.
Walking into the restaurant, I hear Leo talking to the front of house man as he leads us to our table. I look up a little as I don't know where everything is in here, and I don't want to hit anything.
Leo pulls out the chair for me, and I sit down. He sits opposite me and I look at the tablecloth.
"I'd like you to look at me; otherwise the people around us will think that I'm forcing you to sit here and I'm not. You can get up and leave whenever you like," Leo tells me. And that's true. He's not making me stay here. He has taken me out of the house, and I could run; he leaves to go to work and I could leave then as the doors aren't locked. I know this because I checked. I ran back to my room the first day I opened the door, worried I had failed and he would come back to punish me. But it wasn't a one-day thing, every day this week the house has never been locked and I could run. So, why haven't I? I have no idea.
Slowly I lift my head, not fully so that he can see my whole face, but enough to make it look like we're here together.
"What would you like to drink?" A male waiter stands next to the table, and I move to the right a little so that I'm not too close to him and I know Leo sees that.
“We’re not ready yet,” Leo tells him and the waiter walks away. I let out the breath that I was holding in. Leo asks, “Is there anything that you would like to drink?”
"Water, please." I hear Leo tut, and I look up a little more. "I've only ever been given water, so I never ask for anything else."
“How about food?”
I stay quiet and look over to the side a little where a group of girls are laughing at something. They look over at Leo and talk to each other; I already know
what they’re talking about. What is someone so good looking doing sitting at this table with me? Well, that’s something that I would like to know too.
“Are you ready, or would you like a few more minutes?”
"Can we have two cokes, the double burger, and the pasta please," I hear Leo tell the waiter, and I sit up straight.
That was one of the first lessons I had with Uncle Jack. Never, I repeat never sit at the table without a straight back, you sit straight, and you stay quiet unless spoken to.
I hear the girls at the table next to us laughing again, and I hear Leo's chair move.
“How are…”
I hear the girls at the table talking, but there's a pause for a moment, and I look at him through my eyelashes. He's looking over at their table.
“You like something over here?” I hear one of them say. “I’m sure I can make you smile more than she can.”
“No, I don’t like anything over there. And she makes me smile enough thank you,” I hear Leo say and the girls go quiet.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…” The waiter puts our drinks on the table. “Can you make our order to go? The company around us is not to my liking. And can you send the manager out please.” I see Leo put his hand up so that the waiter can’t say anything to him.
He turns to me. “How are your hands? I see you’re scratching them a little more.”
I peer at my hands, and I can see where the skin is starting to peel again. I don't think that the lotion is strong enough for me and I know that I should go to the doctors again, but I just don't want to go. She'll ask questions, and I don't want to answer them.
“Hurt,” I whisper and I move to the side a little as I feel someone new next to the table.
"Well, well, well, look who it is, big man Masters. About time you came here again, how you doing?" The man's voice is filled with excitement; they know each other. "You know my waiter is shitting himself thinking I'm about to fire him when I told him who you are." He laughs and goes to pull out the chair next to me.