by Pavan Kaur
“Friends, since high school.” They shift from foot to foot.
“And?”
“We’ve just broken our engagement.” One of the men points between him and one of the girls. “Two weeks ago.” Great that’s all I need, to hand my money over to someone that has just broken up with their partners.
My eyes move to the board behind them to see what their idea is. You Are Loved.
"Mr. Masters, if I may talk." The girl steps forward, my attention moves over to her, then back to the board. I give her a nod, and she continues, "Yes, we broke up, but I promise that it won't get in the way of what we have in front of you. Joe and I came up with this idea when we were in high school, then my best friend Beth and her boyfriend joined us when we knew that we could make this work. We've spent almost five years coming up with this. Our break up won't get in the way of it. I can promise you that."
“Joe, Beth, you two are?”
"I'm Chloe, and this is Adam."
Leaning forward, I look at them. I can feel that they have worked together and known each other for a while, but relationships in business can mess things up. "I should tell you to leave because business and pleasure should never be mixed, but something's telling me to at least hear what you have to say. So, you have one minute to hook me," I tell them, and they look at each other, working on something. "Your time starts now."
The guy, now known to be Joe, steps forward, "Rape is one of the number one crimes in this country and women are not the only victims. Men are scared to speak up about it so we want to open up a center where they can come talk to us. Three of us are training to be lawyers who will fight their cases pro bono. They don't have to worry about anything and Chloe is training to be a psychologist to help them talk about and deal emotionally with what happened. Yes, we are doing this without financial gain, so we aren't asking you for money. What we want is your name to be behind the charity." Joe stops talking, and I lean back in my chair as they watch me.
We've had a few charities come in here and ask us to join them, but my answer has always been no; not because I don't believe in what they do, I think they're amazing in what they do. I've just never found one that fits well with us.
“Clear the room,” I tell everyone. “You four stay.” I wait until everyone has left. “Has one of you been assaulted?” I know it’s none of my business, but someone who knows how to help people through such a situation must have been through it.
The group exchange concerned glances as if none of them wants to speak. “Prom in high school,” the girl known to be Chloe answers.
I don't need to ask anything else. I know how hard it is to talk about it, so I'm not going to push the subject. I know respect, and I'm giving it to her.
“Do you have a booklet ready with your presentation?”
“Yes.” Adam grabs one from the table behind him and brings it over to me.
"I'm going to read this, and I'll get back to you," I say as I take the document.
“Would you like us to talk through—”
“No. Three questions. One, when do you all finish your degrees? Two, do you have a lawyer that has some experience to help you? Three, are you planning on getting other jobs, to help pay for your living expenses?”
"We finish in a year. And no, we don't have an experienced lawyer, but if you help us then we will be looking for a lawyer and no, all of our time will be spent on the You Are Loved project.
So, what are they doing for money?
I nod. I'm impressed but won't admit it. Not yet. "Again, I'll read over this. Give me some time, and I'll get back to you with any further questions." I stand up, and the four of them look at each other with those rabbit-in-headlights expressions again. "Don't look so worried, I'm leaving with your presentation, that's the most anyone has got from me this month. You might not think it, but it's a win for you."
They each breathe what I guess is a sigh of relief, thank me and leave. Once they're gone, I walk out of the conference room and head to my office. "Do I have any more meetings today, Katie?" This has been a long day of presentations –all but one of them useless. I look at my watch. Three in the afternoon and I want my time clear so that I can read through this proposal for You Are Loved.
“No, Mr. Masters,” she tells me as I walk into my office. I’m relieved that I can have time to look through it.
After putting my coat on the back of the seat, I send Jackson a quick message to see what time he’ll be finished for the day. If he finishes early, I’m going to get him to come over to the house so I can show him this proposal.
***
I walk through the door glad to be home. Jackson said he would be here in about twenty minutes. I could spend that time with Hope but at the moment my feelings for her are changing and I don’t know how to control them.
Throwing the folders on the table in the sitting room, I collapse on the couch and close my eyes for a moment. I spent the whole evening reading through the You Are Loved proposal, and I've highlighted a lot of it and put notes for everything I want to talk to them about.
“How was your day?” I ask Hope as I feel her in the room. She’s still very good at staying quiet before she enters.
“Good, how was yours?” she asks.
The fact that she's talking to me without me pushing her is a good start for me. Opening my eyes, I smile as she sits on the table in front of me.
“It’s nice to finally see your face first and not your head.” I smile. Her eyes aren’t looking at me, but I get to see her face. I’m happy with that. “My day was busy, so I’m going to enjoy my evening at home.”
"Would you like a beer?" Hope leans down and starts untying my shoelaces. "What time would you like dinner? The pizza is made, just needs to go in the oven."
“Jackson will be here soon, so I’ll ask him.” She lowers her head as she takes my shoes off and I lean forward and take her hand in mine. “You don’t have to do this,” I tell her, bring her hand up and place it on my leg for a moment.
She keeps her head down. “I want to,” she says.
I have to start getting it in my head that some things will take longer for her to break free from. I mean she still hasn't really broken free from the rules she had to live by. I just have to give her time.
“You going to keep your head high, show Jackson how beautiful you are?” I ask her.
“I will try, promise.” She takes my shoes and puts them by the stairs and walks over to the kitchen.
Leaning back again, I listen to the music coming from the kitchen—Avril Lavigne – Head under Water—she walks back over with a beer for me, and I take it. "Sit with me. Do you drink?"
"No, I don't plan on it either." Her gaze darts around the sitting room and mine rests on her. "They would drink and then do things to me," she says, and there she is with they. Who are they? I always thought it was one person, never thought about there being more.
Pushing myself off the sofa to sit up straight I say, "When my mom was over, and I said she was going to look at your hands, you panicked and said you followed the rules...was it a man and woman that hurt you?” I ask her. I never clicked on it at the time, but she is saying they a lot more.
“Yes.” Her voice cracks a little as she answers me.
Bringing her hand closer to me I tell her, “You’ve peeled a lot of skin on your hands.” I hold her hand in mine for a little longer. “Are you taking warmer showers?” The lotion should be working by now; I might ask my mom about it.
“I should get some salad prepared.” Hope goes to walk away from me without giving me my answer, so I pull her down to sit again.
“Hope, please have a warm shower, it will help your skin. Why did they stop you having a warm shower?" Her eyes move to look at me; I wish I could see her smile just once. I bet her eyes would shine brightly.
“I wasn’t worth the heat.” She walks away the moment she finishes her sentence.
I hear footsteps. Jackson’s here, maybe he’s the reason she walked
away. “Where’s Hope?” he asks, sitting on the couch next to me, putting the TV on to some NFL game.
“Where do you think?” I ask him. The place she spends the most time in.
“Kitchen?” He looks over as she walks toward him with a beer. “Thanks, Hope.” He takes the bottle from her and tilts his head to look at her face, but she turns around before he gets the chance. “I was close that time.” He starts laughing.
"Give her time. Did you get my message about You Are Loved?" I ask him. I want his input on this. I have a good feeling about it but there are a lot of obstacles to get it up and running, and I want him to be the head lawyer on this.
“Yeah, did you bring it with you?” Jackson looks over at Hope setting the table up.
“Hope, just bring the pizza in here, watch the game,” I shout out over to her. Returning my attention to Jackson I reply, “Yeah, but let’s have food first. It’s been one of those days where I just want to sit and do nothing.” I had meetings all morning, but my mind was on Hope the whole time. The website she mentioned, the price, the people. Who are they and where do I find them?
"After food." Jackson leans forward to grab a handful of chips. "Got a new client today, the bastard's on his fourth divorce." I start laughing, and he goes on, "Maybe this one charity might get me away from the rich idiots." He stops as his phone rings. "I have to take this," I give him a nod, and he leaves the room. Hope walks in with two plates, and she looks over to where Jackson is talking.
“The pizza smells amazing.” One thing is for sure, Hope knows how to cook. Everything she has made has been delicious and the fact that she got Jackson’s stomach to fall in love with her cooking says a lot.
She stands up straight. "Can I ask you something, Leo?" She plays with her hands.
“Sure.”
"Can... I... watch the TV with you?" Her voice comes out quiet and scared all at the same time. Her question takes me back a little, and I just stare at her for a moment. No one should be asking that question.
I open my mouth to answer her, but Jackson walks back into the room, meaning Hope leaves. “You will never—”
"One second," I tell him, following Hope into the kitchen to see if she's okay. I lean on the counter as she gets the salad ready and grabs some dressing from the fridge. She goes to walk past me, and I grab her arm. I take everything from her and place it on the counter. Then I turn her to face me with my hands on her hips so that she can't move. "Can you look at me, please?"
Her head moves up slowly until her face is turned toward me, but her eyes look behind me. I’m searching her expression for an answer to a question I haven’t even figured out just yet.
“I’m going to give you a little kiss now. Can I?”
Her eyes move to mine, and there's something different; hiding, questioning. "Why?" she whispers.
Leaning closer to her I say, “Because I like the feeling of your lips touching mine,” I whisper against her mouth as I give her a kiss. I feel her body shiver under my hands.
She pulls away and leans her head on my chest, and we stand for a moment in silence. My hands run softly up her back. "Shall we go watch some TV?" I ask her.
***
Jackson puts the proposal on the table. "So, you really want to do this with them?" He's been reading it for a while, and I've not been able to stop watching Hope watching the TV.
“What do you think?” I ask him. If I was a hundred percent sure about it, I wouldn’t need to ask him.
"I can see that they've put a lot of thought into it, but it needs a lot of work. When do they want to open?"
“I don’t know, it doesn’t say anything in there about it. I think they’re waiting to see what I say about it first,” I tell him grabbing another pizza slice off the table. “I think with both of us helping with this it might just be a good thing for everyone.” There are times I have no idea what he’s thinking and others I can read him like a book.
“When are you meeting with them again?”
“I’m waiting for you to say if you’ll join me on this first. Plus, I need to make sure that this is the charity that I want not just my name on, but my father’s name on. We have so many that come through our doors. I have to make sure this is the right one.
“If you’re in, I’m in. You’ve never taken me in the wrong direction before.” Jackson stands up. “You want another beer?”
“Sure and—”
Hope stands up quickly. "I can...get them!" She starts to walk out of the room, but Jackson stands in front of her, so her head turns down to the floor.
"Beautiful, I know that you like to do things around here, but I think I can get my beer. Would you like anything?" Jackson takes two steps back from her and bends down a little, to see if she will look at him.
“Jackson—” I go to tell him to move out of her way, but he flips me off. He wants Hope to trust him a little, but we both know that it will happen slowly.
“Just let me look at your face once. I just want to see if you’re as pretty as Leo is telling me.” He leans close to her ear. I can’t hear what he says to her.
Hope walks around Jackson and into the kitchen.
“Leave her alone,” I tell him.
“I won’t touch her, you know that.”
I do, and I know that he wouldn't do anything to hurt her either, so I never thought he would, but at the moment she's still taken aback by him.
Hope walks back into the lounge and hands me a beer, then turns to face Jackson and puts out her arm with his beer. I watch her closely to see what she's about to do. I can't help but smile as I tap Jackson's leg, he looks at me, and I nod towards Hope.
"Leo might just be one lucky bastard," he says to her, but she lowers her head again and walks to the kitchen. "Hope, you're beautiful, don't hide it," he shouts at her towards the kitchen.
“She might finally be ready to open up,” I say as I watch her, hoping this is a good start.
“Those eyes, fuck. You could lose yourself into a different world looking at them.” Jackson shakes his head and takes a sip of his beer.
He’s right though. Those blue eyes, they make you feel like you’re sitting on the beach and looking out at the sea. “Every second she lets me look at them, I forget all the crap that’s happened to me.” I turn to the TV again before I start telling him all about my feelings for her.
It's another win with Hope today, and I hope that every day from here is a win too.
Chapter 17
Hope
The darkness is taking away all my light, the light is shrinking.
"Hello princess, tonight you're all mine." I can't see her, but I can feel her breath on me. People don't believe that women can be this cruel too, but I know from my own experiences that they can. My eyes are clenched tight, and I'm trying to think of being somewhere else; somewhere bright and happy, but the darkness is too strong to let in any light.
I open my eyes. I don’t want to relive that, I don’t want to go back there. I wipe the tears away from my cheeks. “I know you’re here,” I say quietly, I can feel him in the room. I can always feel him around me.
“How about you come over here and sit on the bed with me?” Leo moves from the chair to the bed. The bed isn’t a good or nice place for me; a bed only brings bad memories and the demons around me.
"Do I have to?" I ask him, one thing I know about Leo is, he will always ask before he touches me.
“No, can we talk?”
I move over to the window and look out at the night lights. “What would you like to talk about?” I ask him as I turn to watch him. He walks over to me and sits on the chair by the window.
“About you, about the bed, about how I can make you smile.” He pulls me closer to him. “But first I want to ask about the TV.”
“I got to watch the TV for ten minutes every day and only if I was good the night before. They gave me a little radio so I could listen to music, but I was never allowed to let the volume get too loud.” I remember the punishm
ents I got when I broke that rule; I still have the mark on my shoulder.
“The bed?” My body tenses up, I don’t want to share those things with him, but I also know that he needs to hear them. “Hope, do you trust me?’
"Yes." I do trust him, I do believe he wants to help me, and I know he wants to have some kind of relationship with me, but that's the part I'm scared of.
"Can you at least look at me?" I lift my head, my gaze settles on his face as he gets off the chair and makes his way to me. "Does your neck not hurt looking down all the time?" His hand moves to my neck, and he starts putting pressure on it, massaging the tense muscles for me. I close my eyes as it feels so nice. I've never been touched in a way that makes my body relax, and I don't want him to stop. I open my eyes when I hear Leo make a small sound, it's like he wants to laugh.
"Turn around." He spins me on the floor so that I'm facing the window looking out of it as he continues massaging my neck and shoulders. "Talk to me." Bringing all my hair together he puts it over my left shoulder, his legs move one on either side of me.
I stay quiet looking outside, wondering what knowing the awful details would do for him.
I bring my legs in and sit cross-legged. "I was never allowed to sleep on the bed. At first, I cried sleeping on the floor, but after a while, the floor was the safest place for me." I stop as I feel Leo's hands move to my shoulders. "I was only ever allowed on the bed when they—"
“You don’t have to tell me, I know where this is going.” Leo stops me, his hands also stop. He rests them softly on my shoulders.
“The floor is just...safe.”
Leo pulls me into his chest, and I can feel his heart beating against my back. He places a kiss on the top of my head, and he wraps his arms around me.
I feel safe in his arms, even though I can still feel the darkness around him, I still feel safe with him too.