by Pavan Kaur
"I know he'll show up." I shake my head as pain runs through my body, the pain of that night, of him, kicking me over and over again.
“Hope, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, will you do it?”
“Yes, are you telling Leo?”
“No, you are.”
Walking back into the house, to the kitchen to get some water, I watch Jackson telling Leo about the plan. He doesn’t look happy at all about it, but he’s been in a bad mood since he got something from Jack.
"Fuck off Jackson," Leo growls and walks over to me. The anger in his expression tells me that this is going to involve some shouting. I put my head down. "Lift your head." I lift it a little. "Hope, lift your head!" he shouts, and I look up at him properly. "You must think I'm fucking crazy if you think that I’m playing along with this.”
“Well, it’s happening,” I say with courage that I pluck from who knows where.
“Like fuck it is.”
I stand my ground. “You always said that I can leave this house when I want. What are you going to do, lock me up in my room?" This is the first time I've raised my voice, and my heart feels like it will burst out of my chest.
Why am I being like this with him? I don't know why I'm so mean to him. My emotions are all over the place at the moment. I've had news that has brought back every fear in my body, every fear from my past. I need to start thinking about what I did when I ran away from Joseph because if Leo doesn’t kill Jack this week, I have to go on the run again as he’ll know where to find me. I can’t let that happen, I can’t go back and live that life. I need this to end, not just for me anymore, but for this baby.
“I have no idea what the fuck is happening in that head, but you must have fucking hit it somewhere if you think I’m going to let you out of my sight with a fucked up asshole looking for you," Leo shouts at me, and I can see that there is no talking to him at the moment, there is no way of him agreeing to this at all.
As his voice gets louder, my mind and body go back to that night.
“I’m not sure how you could do this,” Uncle Jack shouts at me as he continues to kick me.
How is this my fault? I don’t even know how this happened.
“I’m going to make sure that you remember how much this is hurting you.” He stops and grabs my face and pushes it against the wall. “Now I have to find a way to make sure this never happens again.” He throws me to the floor again and takes a few steps away from me. “So now that you have really, really upset me, you don’t get any food tonight.”
The door closes, and I hold my stomach as it hurts so much, I can't breathe. I think this is the worst pain I've felt so far from Uncle Jack and he's done things that have made me sick.
“Hope!” I jump at the loud bang, seeing Leo’s hand on the counter, I take a step back.
“Leo, you’re scaring her.” I hear Jackson but don’t see where he is.
"Scaring her? I'm scaring her?" Leo shouts at Jackson. "I fucking love her and want to protect her, and she's thinking fucking stupid shit!"
What did Leo just say? He loves me?
Someone loves me? My body and mind have both frozen on me, no words are leaving my mouth, but I don’t even know what to say to him. I never thought someone would love me.
"Hope, go up to your room. I think Leo needs a little time to cool down," Jackson tells me, and before Leo can say anything, I walk around him and up the stairs.
Chapter 32
Leo
“How about a drink?” Jackson places a whiskey in front of me. “Well, you said you loved her. I really didn’t think you would admit it to her.”
I didn't think I would say it to her either, I mean I knew that I was falling for her. Saying it out loud just makes it more real, and I think it took me by surprise when I said it. But the thing is I don't regret it.
"Are you seriously thinking about this plan of hers?" I can't believe how angry this has made me, that she's willing to let herself stand so close to him, why she would risk it. She knows him better than Jackson, and I do, so she knows that anything could happen to her.
"Look at this from her point of view for a second. Say we don't do what she wants and we don't kill him by the end of the week. Jack now knows where she lives, so that means she will be even more on edge than she is now, looking over her shoulder living in fear. Neither you nor I can stay here all day every day. She can't go to work with you all the time, and she'll start to hate you. So what's the one option she has?" Jackson stares at me, and I glare back.
“Spit it out.”
“She’ll go on the run again, the only thing she knows to do when it comes to that asshole.”
I run my hands through my hair and grip the strands. “Fuck.” I never thought about it from her point like this. “But still, do you really think this is the best way?”
“Considering what we have to work with, yes I do.”
Lighting up a cigarette, I down the whiskey and look over at the stairs. “Never thought this day would happen, a day where my life is all about some woman that I would easily die for to save her.”
Shaking my head, I look at the counter. Something is going on in her head, but she’s too scared to tell me what. One thing I do know is that it is connected to her Uncle; she only ever goes quiet when she’s thinking back to her time with him.
I haven’t helped at all. The email that Jack sent was just more pictures of Hope, with the words I will have her again, and you can't stop me. Find me, or you lose her.
Reading what I'd just received from Jack pushed me over the edge and I know that I shouldn't have snapped at Hope, and now she's scared of me, that's the last thing I wanted.
“You want to go talk to her?”
“And say what?”
“How about you try and find out what the doctor said to her?”
The only thing I seem to be doing is upsetting her tonight. Passing Jackson my cigarette, I head upstairs and pray that I don’t do it again.
I stand by the door; she's not in her usual spot by the window. "Hope?" I take a step in and see her sitting in the corner of the room with her knees close to her, head on her arms. I can hear her crying, and my heart aches for her. I walk over to her slowly and kneel. "Hope?" She sits up and moves away from me a little. "Why are you not sitting by the window?"
“You think he’s not got eyes on the house? He has, he’s watching me,” she tells me without looking up.
“Are you scared of me?”
Her silence tells me my answer. “No.”
Sitting in front of her, I place my hands on hers. “The last thing I want is for you to be scared of me, Hope. I never want you to fear me. I meant what I said, I love you and I won’t, I can’t let anything happen to you." I place my head on her hands, and I feel one of them move. She runs it through my hair. "Hope, please talk to me."
“I want it to end.”
Lifting my head a little, my chin still on her hand, I bring my hand to her cheek and wipe the tears away. I know she wants all this to end, but the moment she got off the phone to the doctor something changed in her.
“It will, but you have to know that I can’t put you in any danger.” I slowly stroke her face with my thumb. “If anything were to happen to you, then…” the words get stuck in my throat as just the thought of her getting hurt knots my insides.
“I’m pregnant.”
My hand freezes on her face, my head shoots up as I sit up straight. Did I just hear her right? No child should be around me. I can't bring any light into that child's life. The only thing that comes from me is darkness; a darkness that shouldn't be around a baby.
“I thought—”
“Doctor Adams said that my medication was a lot stronger and ended up overpowering my implant. I’m sorry. This is my fault.” Her eyes are rimmed red and wide with fear.
"How is this your fault? I still should have used protection." How could I have been so stupid? When the hell do I have sex without protection? I know that
I should be happy for her, not to scare her away even more, but at the moment I don't even know how to process this, something that I never wanted, something I never once thought about having. Now it's happened, and my head is all over the place.
“I’m sorry,” she tells me again with a trembling lip and tears streaming down her cheeks.
I shake my head at her. “Hope, can you please come downstairs and eat something? If not for yourself, for our baby.”
She wipes her face, and I help her up. I wrap my arms around her. "Did you think I would have done something bad when you told me?"
"Yes. Uncle Jack beat me. He beat me for three days, didn't feed me and…" She starts sobbing into my chest, her whole body shakes, and her legs weaken.
That bastard got her pregnant then killed the baby and could have killed Hope. He gets sicker by the day and my hate for him increases even more.
Cupping her face, I make her look at me. "I love you Hope, and I promise you one thing, everything will work out this time.”
Wrapping her hands around me tighter, she buries her head into me again. “I’m sorry. I know this shouldn’t be happening.”
“Don’t be sorry.” I take in a deep breath. I just need a moment to process all of this. It’s a lot more to take in than I thought. “Let’s go down to eat.”
***
Standing in the kitchen as I finally got Hope to eat something, I let out a big sigh. She’s pregnant.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Jackson says as he hands me a beer and a lit cigarette. The smoke in my lungs has never felt so good.
“Hope’s pregnant.”
Jackson just stares at me for a moment. “If you didn’t have a smile on your lips, even though it was a small one, I would say you didn’t want it.” He glances over at Hope then back to me. “I swear this is amazing. We’re going to be a family of four.”
“Four?”
“Oh, come on. You, Hope, me and the baby.”
I roll my eyes and try to ignore that comment for a moment. “You seem to have taken it better than I did.”
His eyes widen. “What the fuck did you do?”
Taking in a long drag of smoke, I cringe. “I froze. I love her Jackson, but a baby? A baby in our fucked up world?”
“Our world is fucked up because of one man; think about all this after that man is dead.”
I suppose Jackson is right, once Jack is dead maybe my life will be much calmer? I already know that Hope is the light in my life and perhaps this baby will bring the happiest time I've ever known.
“I’m going to say congratulations to Hope and tell her that I’m the Godfather.”
Pushing myself off the counter, I follow Jackson into the living room. I watch as he sits next to Hope. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but he’s smiling the whole time. At least one of us is showing Hope how happy they are. I’m a fucking dick that did nothing.
"Right, I'll see you in the morning, and we need to talk about this plan." Jackson pats my back as he walks past me to leave.
I sit beside Hope on the floor. “Are you happy?” I put my cigarette out in the ashtray as Hope watches the flames in the fireplace.
“Are you happy?” She doesn’t look at me again.
“Truth?”
“Please.”
"You being around me makes me so happy. You're the best thing to ever happen to me, and out of all this, that's all I want, you. You smiling every day makes me happy,” I tell her. She is my world now and I’m going to make it my mission to make her smile every day.
“And…”
I take her hand in mine. “The baby… I’ll admit it took me by surprise and I never saw my life with a woman or a baby. I'll always have this darkness around me. I don't think it will ever leave and I never wanted to bring that darkness around someone else, someone innocent." I stop for a moment as her body shivers; she knows what I mean, she has her own past, her own darkness, but I've killed people, and I've enjoyed killing them, that darkness will never fade away.
“Hope, no matter what, I’m going to be here for you and our baby. Please don’t think I don’t want this, because I do. I think I just have to finish what I started to finally feel a little more free from the past.”
“Leo, I understand. Out of all the people you know, I’m the one who gets that. Even I keep fighting with myself.”
“About?”
She wipes the tears that have continued to leave damp trails down her face. "Should I keep it or not? Is it wrong to bring a child into a world that's so dark? I mean, I have no idea how to look after a baby. But then I think about keeping it because this baby could be the light that I always wish for."
A little chuckle leaves my lips. “I was thinking the same thing. Can two broken people really win in the end? But you’re my light. So whatever it is that makes you shine, I’m going to do it.”
“Leo, not for me, but do you want this baby for you?”
"You're saying this baby will be the light in your life and I'm hoping that it will get rid of the darkness in mine too. So yes, I do want this baby and who knows, we both might enjoy this journey, and we can practice making more." I lean closer to her. "I'm going to kiss you now, and I'm going to kiss you every day, for the rest of my life."
***
I called the doctor this morning to see if she could come over to the house so we can talk, but she had appointments and said she would come over to the office this afternoon.
“Morning beautiful,” Jackson says as he looks behind me. I turn around to give Hope a kiss as she walks over. Jackson grins. “So, as you’re both going to be redoing this kitchen and making a nursery, my house is open for you if you need somewhere to stay while the work is being done. But only and I mean only until the baby is born. Once the baby is here you both have to leave."
I roll my eyes. “You know one day I might hit you.” Jackson starts laughing as I put breakfast on the counter for us all. “And before you go any further… your plan to catch Jack? We’ll do it, but you must think I’m stupid if I’m letting you get too close to him.”
She looks at me and then at Jackson but holds his look a little longer. "I spoke to your friend, and she said yes to all of them. Friday, she will have the rest of her friends to help," he tells her.
"You're still not going." I point to the stool for her to go sit down. "You're leaving the house with us. As you said last night Jack has eyes on the house, so you have to leave on Friday and you'll walk to the park with me, but you won't go see your friend."
“We’re going to go through a few tunnels, which Jackson and I will walk through tonight while John is here. We’re going to find a spot that’s safe—”
“Stop, please stop,” Hope says making us both look at her. “You have one day, Leo. One day to finish this. We’ll have enough people. I’ll have Jackson around me and my friend so no one will be able to get close to me. You have one day, one shot. Please just—”
"Hope." I cut her off, but I have nothing to say. No words in my head to speak out loud to her. She is showing me this brave side of her that I've not seen before and I'm speechless.
The three of us sit here in silence. The reason Jackson and I are quiet is because we both know she’s right. We have one day, one shot.
"The doctor is coming this afternoon, and she'll book you in for a scan later too," I change the subject, as I think Friday is a conversation that I need to have with Jackson without Hope. No matter what we say, she'll want to do it her way, and nothing else will work.
“I want it to be a girl,” Jackson announces. I turn and frown at him. “Come on, you can’t push me out now! I have to get some say in all this.”
I grin. “And what if it’s a boy?” I ask him.
“Then I’ll be the fun one.”
“And if it’s a girl, you’re going to be what? The not fun one?”
“No, I’m going to make sure that no boy comes close to her. Her clothes are all passed by me and if— and I mean if—she dar
es to have a boyfriend, I think he’ll cry every time he thinks that he can touch her, as he’ll think of what I’ll do to him.”
I start laughing, a full-on fit of laughter. I suppose I couldn’t ever ask for a better brother for myself or a Godfather for my baby.
“So, now that we’re on the same page, if it’s a girl can we please call her Fleur or Nova? I do like those names.”
I turn to Hope as she shifts in her chair a little then back to Jackson. “I take it you’ve never had sex with a woman with either of those names?” There’s no way I’m naming my child after one of his sex partners.
“No, but they’re pretty names and if it’s a boy—”
“Nicholas, Nico for short,” Hope tells us as she walks to the sink to put her plate away.
I turn to Jackson as I rack my brain. Why does that name sound familiar, like I’ve heard it before?
“Her brother’s name,” Jackson reminds me.
“Nova was her mother’s name.” No wonder she flinched on her stool.
“What are the chances that I mention the name Nova? I totally forgot that it was her mom’s name. Talking about moms, when are you telling Mom and Dad about this?”
“They’re coming to the office this morning.” Now, that is going to be one very interesting conversation. I think my parents never thought they would hear this news, so I’m not sure how they’ll take it. Plus, they haven’t spoken to Hope much either. I just hope that they are happy for us.
***
Well, my parents took that a lot better than I thought they would. They both wanted to hug her, but I had to stop them, well at least my dad. I couldn't stop laughing when they told Jackson to find a girl and get married as they want a lot of grandkids. The look on his face was priceless.
Mom asked if she could stay for the appointment with Doctor Adams. Hope said it was fine and I liked that she’s letting my mom be a part of this.