by Rose Marie
When I go to clean myself up, I come back and pull out the picture of her looking beautiful in her red dress on her birthday this past Saturday. Stretching out I place the picture on my chest wishing she was here with me.
My obsession was extreme I know but I could help it. I needed her. She couldn't leave me. I'd meant it when I said it. There was no way I was living without Angel Giles. No way.
Put in my Place
Angel
I considered myself a confident woman. A strong, independent black woman. I am not the standard of beauty, but I had confidence. That is until Channing Stohurst dropped me on my ass last week in front of his brother. More than that, like a bitch in heat I allowed that bastard to gobble me up as soon as he threw me a bone. That was so not like me. I mean yeah, he’s attractive but he’s means as fuck and creepy. What was all that last Friday acting like he gave a damn about me? It made no sense especially now that he’s back to be the same ol’ boss with a shitty attitude.
He's basically ignored me all last week and wouldn't even look my way. It’s fucking embarrassing to allow him to do those things to me and then he basically goes back after the weekend to treating me like garbage. More like a ghost. I hated him and the situation I put myself in, because last Friday I believed some of his nonsense. I believed that I was invaluable to him, he just didn’t know how to express it, but now I’m done playing his stupid mind games. To add insult to injury all my interviews canceled on me. When I tried to call them for an explanation, none of them bothered to return my calls. The best I got was an email sending their regards. Fuck their regards! I want the interview that I was promised and to get the hell up out of here.
Slamming my bottled water down I start typing out another email asking for an explanation on why I was no longer eligible for a position I’m overqualified for. Frustrated, I feel in the back of my head that Channing had everything to do with my current predicament. Fed up, I get up ignoring the eyes on me and knock on his door. I hate doing this, I just wanted to leave here, but I couldn't leave without a solid job offer behind me. I do have a “guardian angel” of sorts who helps me when I’m down, but I don’t know how long that will last.
When I found out that there was someone paying my rent on days that I was late I felt a couple of conflicting emotions. One fear, two relief, and three fear again. With the job I do I normally would never have to worry about any money, but I was helping my mom back home who was putting my brother through a private school. I love my brother and he’s extremely smart and deserves to be in a school that will challenge him. However, that tuition and fees are just about killing my mom and me. So, whoever they are, they’re truly a blessing and I just pray that they aren’t some stalker, serial killer who wants to eat me for dinner. Though I don’t think they are bad because for some reason I don’t feel threatened, even when I got gifts and flowers delivered to me on special occasions.
Even last weekend when I was bummed out for my birthday I got flowers, but now with this debacle with Channing and the canceled interviews I doubt even my guardian angel could cheer me up thought the card I got with the flowers made me feel somewhat reassured.
My Angel,
Your beauty compares to no one. Even Aphrodite would be jealous in your presence. Smile for me Goddess, because I'll always pick you up and take care of you.
Your Secret Servant
I did smile. For him or whoever they were, but of course that smile was short lived because of last week’s fuckery and now I have to deal with this shit. I really can’t depend on that person. What if they ended up being a hoax or someone else catches their attention? No, unfortunately I need this job a little while longer so I can better provide for myself and my family.
“Come in.” When I enter, I find him typing on his desktop he doesn’t even bother to look up and it bothers me to no end. What an ass.
“Uhm Mr. Stohurst.” I swallow and ask God for the patience my mama taught me to have.
“What Angel?”
“I was wondering if I could borrow some of your time… please?”
“Not right now I’m busy.” He hunched his shoulders in a manner that stated I was really bothering him, and he wanted me to get out.
“Mr. Stohurst it's important.”
“DAMN IT I SAID NOT NOW ANGEL I'M BUSY!” I had to rear back in shock because he’s done everything to degrade me but raising his voice at me in anger is not one of them. I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I hate him so much from the pit of my soul. I'd rather move back to Texas with my mama and work at a fast food joint to put my brother through school.
“You know what?” I pull out my keys from my pocket and rip off the office badge and chuck it at his head. “I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE.” He ducked his head just in time to stop from getting knocked upside his head. When he came up looking at me, he looked like a child who was about to cry. “I QUIT!” Fuming I stomp out of the office slamming the door behind me.
As usual I ignore the onlookers and go to my now old desk and commence packing my shit. Look all you want! I’m done. The last thing I do is turn off my computer and grab my Potty the potted plant, my plant baby that I got from my secret admirer. I make sure to gently tuck him away and stack my already finished work in designated folders while grumbling to myself. “Who the hell did he think he was treating me like that? I've had his back and stuck it out this long I don’t deserve this… why me? My eyes start to burn, but I refuse to cry because of him anymore. With somewhat of a heavy heart I pick up my box and make a beeline for the elevator.
“Angel wait! Holy shit! Wait!” I didn’t expect for him to follow me. I start power walking so he can’t catch up to me. I ignore their snickers, the stares and the smug looks. When I reach the elevators, I damn near cheer when they miraculously open on their own. Not going question a good thing.
Inside I quickly press the close button just as I see him about to stop the door from closing. Thank God he didn’t catch it, I don't want to hear a damn thing out of his mouth. When I get to the ground floor near the metal detectors, I try to go through, but I'm stopped by security.
“Ms. Giles we’re sorry but we can't allow you to leave.”
“What? Why? I no longer work here. I just trying to leave. Everything on my person is mine and I’ve already informed Mr. Stohurst.” They came closer trying to apprehend me, but I jerk away. “Excuse you, I understand you’re just doing your job but don’t put your hands on me.”
“He’s sorry Ms. Giles. It was a rookie mistake now can you please follow us back upstairs?” What the hell is this? A crime television show? I was just about to ask to go but then I turn slightly and catch Channing Stohurst briskly walking to me from the stairwell entrance.
As soon as he reaches me, he instead of trying to apprehend me he grabs my box and my arm walking back in the direction I just came. The hell I will.
“Let go!” I demand.
“No.” He’s still dragging me towards the elevators.
“Fine you can keep that shit. I only need my car keys and my plant.” He stops in his tracks then runs his hand through his hair, but I don’t waste no time. I burn off through the doors, dashing for my car. At my car I remember my keys are in my work box. About to turn and go confront Channing about my personal property I'm pulled off my feet and into a tight embrace. Huh? Struggling I rear back to see Channing holding me for dear life.
“Get back to your desk.”
“Excuse me? I didn’t hear you.” And I hadn’t he was speaking into my shoulder and shaking.
“The hell you didn’t. I already fucking told you Angel you aren't leaving me.” I scoff. Hitting his shoulder.
“Fuck YOU and this damn job.” I scream trying to wiggle out of his hold, but no such luck. Pushing hard and with all my might I grunt, going dead weight giving up, spent. He only smirks and lick his lips like he enjoyed every second of the encounter we just had. Like he wants me to push harder.
“You can push me away all you wan
t Angel but I'll never in a million years let you go.” He leaned against my car making it rock and all I could do is stare, flustered. “I promise you to properly speak with you later, but right now I want you to take your ass back up to your desk and sit where I can see you.” I feel him let me go but I’m to stunned and rendered too speechless to run or jack my car keys. He bends down to my eye level and puts his face directly in front of mine so I can see the flickering of this blue iris. I blink trying to snap out of the trance he’s put me in, but my body is his. “Now.”
My mouth popped open, but nothing comes out. He didn't say anything else but grabbed my face and pulled me to him giving me the deepest tongue kiss I’d ever had in my life. My knees go week and my lugs compress into tiny prunes, but I wasn’t complaining. My God his kiss had my pussy walls break dancing. When he pulls away, he grabs my hand pulls me along without any protest all the way up to my desk, then slams my work keys and badge down with a loud smack. When I look around, everyone is staring in awe and I see my desk is as it has always been. Everything back in place and the cardboard box is ripped in pieces in the recycling bin next to his office. If that wasn’t enough, he pulls out my rolling chair guiding me to slowly take a seat and rolls over to my computer, typing in my password. When he goes to move, his lips graze my ear.
“I'm sorry Angel.” Gasping, I turn to him but he's already walking into his office. When he takes a seat, he does so not facing his computer like his always does…he does so facing me watching my every move intensely.
Felling trapped, I have no choice but to get back to work, but no matter how many seconds, minutes, hours pass by I can only ask one question. What the hell just happened?
It’s Gotten Worse
Channing
I’m having a bad day… a very bad day. Hell, a terrible week. I'm physically and mentally exhausted from trying not to feed my obsession. It’s hard and it makes my stomach and chest hurt every time I think about putting away my paraphernalia of Angel. When I thought about throwing them out, I became physically sick and my nerves started acting up.
And I just went and did something idiotic. I hurt her feelings. Again. I'd made her want to leave me AGAIN. Yelled at her! What the hell was I thinking? I’d been in and out of my therapist’s office all Saturday and Sunday trying to get this obsession under control and in the end, I got nothing from it. How can I continue to treat the woman that I adore like this? It’s shameful and wrong! She deserves so much more. My woman deserves the world handed on a platter by no one other than me.
Saturday when I woke up, I had an intense craving to be around My Angel. I was delirious in my want and did something reckless. When I told my therapist Shay about it, she looked as if she wanted to beat me over the head with a brick. It was one of those few times she couldn’t mask her disgust, but I can’t say I don’t understand where it came from. For a man to sneak into his own woman’s house, and take a pair of her panties, lay in her bed breathing on her pillow is kind of sick. When I told her that after I left her house, I used her panties to jerk off, she was ready to call the cops on me. Thank God she grew up with me and knew I’d never harm her, or I’d be in jail. Her only “prescription” for me was to distance myself from Angel and get rid of everything I had that’s associated with her.
That’s easier said than done. She might as well ask me to kill myself. Angel is my entire existence, she’s my world, my love, my heart. Mine! I could never be apart from her. Still recognizing that I’m getting out of control, I did take SOME of her advice and put everything away outside of her panties. I refuse to distance myself from her so I minimize contact with her unless it was absolutely necessary but fuck me if this isn’t painful. I’m in serious withdrawal.
I'd almost lost her just now over this bullshit advice. I can’t take it anymore. I snatch my phone off the receiver and press two for my brother. As soon as he picks up he starts chuckling.
“Still going through it, huh?”
“You don't know that half of it. She tried to quit just now!” I slump in my seat.
“Damn. I don't know what I'd do if Nia tried that. I know I'd go crazy.”
“Exactly! I am going crazy. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I need her.” I tell him peeping outside to see if she’s still at her desk. She is! Thank God!
“If it’s that tough then stop being a bully and ask her out already! If you don’t overcome this fear you’ll end up losing her for good. She obviously isn’t like the other women who respond to aggression. No, she seems like the type that wants to be spoiled. She wants you to treat her like you do in secret as her admirer. Learn to control your demon and be honest with her, I’m sure she’ll warm up to you if you explain to her that you’re just a shy asshole who worships the ground she walks on. She’s a romantic. Tug at those heart strings a little, be nice for a change and shit you might end up marrying her. Show her how comfortable life with you can be and I guarantee you bro she’ll never want to leave.”
“That sounds like a dream come true.”
“Just picture it your obsession laying right next you every night AND you work with her too! She'll never leave your sight. All that love for her and you’re sitting there wasting it treating her like shit. Come on bro for a billionaire you sure are stupid.” I sit up at my desk and hang up on Landen. He’s right! Angel is a romantic and if I just stop being a child and reveal my true feelings, she’ll love me. I slam my hand down on the desk in conviction. I will be honest! Shaking I stand up and walk to my office door. I clear my throat and make the first move in securing my wife.
“Angel may I see you in my office.” She turns to me surprised. “Please.” She says nothing, gets up from her desk and struts into my office. When she passes, I have to reel myself in to stop from pulling her into my arms. Once inside, I shut the door for us to have some privacy and round on her feeling self-conscious. The first thing I do is take in her full figure. My eyes greedily take in her form and I clear my throat, so I don’t let out the strangled groan I’m holding in. Why was she shining?
“Please have a seat Angel. What I have to say may be hard for you to hear” She remains still. Instead of allowing my stunned state to get the best of me, I walk over to the chair and pull it out for her. When she takes it a seat, I feel my heart start thumping in my chest.
“Mr. Sto-”
“Channing please.” She cut her eyes to me and put her hands in her lap.
“C-Channing if this has anything to do with what happened earlier, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking and I was just upset because all of my interviews canceled on me. Please don't fire me yet. I really need this job right now and-” unable to hold back at any longer I pull the chair and sit down, placing her on my lap. Ignoring her gasp of shock, I rub my head on her arm, wanting her scent on me. She smells so good.
“My Angel I just stopped you from walking out on me. What makes you think I'm about fire you?”
“Uhm…” I stop rubbing my head on her arm and look up at her.
“You think I'm that mean that I'd keep you here just to fire you in front of the office?” She made a face that proved she did, and it broke my heart.
“Well, you aren’t the nicest person I know. Sorry.”
“No apology necessary babylove. I’m the one who she be apologizing; I called you in here to do just that.” She scrunched up her face and wrinkled her nose at my use of a pet name. Too soon? “For over three years I have been a jerk to you and I'm sorry for that. To be honest the only reason I've been so mean to you is because of my attraction to you.”
“WHAT?” Before I lose my nerve, I tell her exactly how I’m feeling.
“I've been highly attracted to you from the moment you walked through the door for your interview. I didn't know how to say it to you because I’m shy and you… uhm I just really like you. So, I'm asking you now if you'd forgive me for my past behavior and honor me with a date?”
“Excuse me?”
“What part is confusing you?” I gr
ab her hand kissing it. She pulls it from my hand and wipe the kiss off.
“Honestly…everything. You expect me to believe for three years you, the big bad CEO, Channing Stohurst was shy to approach me and tell me about a lil’ crush?”
“Yes.”
“Bullshit.”
“Well I assure you it’s the truth. I can understand why you don’t believe me but please give me a chance to prove it to you. Come over for dinner tonight at my place, I'll cook for you.” She looked ready to reject my invitation. “Please, say yes. I only suggest my house because I really want to show you have much you mean to me.” She opened her mouth, looking ready to decline but I hush her with a kiss. When I pull away, I stare her in the eyes. “I only want it to be at my house because I don’t want to share you.” There it was! Her eyes showed a flicker of emotion.
“I don't know. It's-”
“Give me a chance. Please” I interrupt. There's no way in hell I am going to let her reject me. Her eyes flare like they do when she's upset with me.
“And if I don't want to, which I don't, are you going to be a jerk and try to fire me?” God, I loved her.
“Let’s just calm down. I understand I've been difficult but I’m trying to remedy that. Can't you just give me chance to fix things? I really want to show you the inside of my heart.” Well not the full real side of me. I'll give her a twenty percent and see how that works. That’s the perfect amount of obsession. She looks conflicted and bites the inside of her cheek.
“I don't know Mr. Stohurst this doesn't sound lik-”
“You will be at my house at seven o'clock tonight. End of discussion.” I tell her with a hard face.
“I'm not-” Standing I lift her face to mine. Looking her those beautiful brown eyes, I kiss her tenderly. Just a twenty percent kiss. I run my tongue over those deliciously plump lips. Still famished I dip it into her mouth taking what I’ve wanted since this weekend, another taste of her.