by Logan Jacobs
The cat-men were at least a half-a-head taller than me, but they blinked at my words. Their bodies were tense, and I flexed my fingers as the tension in the air got thick enough to cut with a butter knife.
“You with me, kid?” I whispered to Artemis.
“Ride or die,” she responded. We’d just finished a marathon of the Fast and Furious franchise a few days earlier. I smiled in the face of a very bloody end.
“Ride or die,” I repeated, then kicked out with my right leg, and shoved the suede chair just as the pride of bad-cats all rushed in at once.
The chair crashed into them right at shin level and they tumbled to the ground in a tangle of tails and fur covered limbs.
Artemis and I backrolled over the desk to put it between us and the caterwauling goons. I grabbed the heavy crystal ashtray as we spun and sprinted toward the large window.
Two feet before we would have crashed into its surface I hurled the ash tray as hard as I could. It hit a second before we did, and Artemis and I flew out into the air four hundred feet above the ground in a spray of shattered glass.
“Thundercats ho!” I shouted with everything I had.
And then we plummeted to our doom.
Chapter Four
A thousand shards of shattered glass shot into the air all around us and refracted the neon and laser light of the bustling nightclub ten thousand times into a myriad of colors that looked like multi-colored drops of broken rainbow. I had a millisecond to admire the strange beauty, then, like the gravitationally challenged Wile E. Coyote, my eyes went wide as Artemis and I began to plummet the four hundred feet to the ground.
“Faaaaarrrrrrrttttt!!” Artemis screamed which made me burst out laughing even though I was falling to my death.
Then we slammed into a tangle of body parts, spilled drinks, and loud alien cursing.
I looked up to find myself nestled between a set of four beautifully full, heavy, teardrop shaped breasts so close as to be able to motorboat them if I had so desired. The breasts belonged to one of the sexy purple aliens I’d seen at the bar when we first arrived.
Artemis and I had landed in one of the elevator discs, which is what I was hoping would happen when we jumped out the window. On the way up I’d noticed that the upper floors of the club were pretty damn busy, and the air was congested with the things. I’d figured our odds were better than average, and certainly better than facing down six pissed of cat-goons.
I shifted around and saw Artemis buried in a slew of limbs, apparently this particular alien race had two sets of everything, but otherwise okay. My mind had just started to delve into the sophomoric implications of that when there was a thud and a loud feline growl.
One of the cougar dudes was on all fours near the edge of the disc, his dark eyes fixed on me like I was a canary. His tail swished behind him in that prey in sight motion , and I could see his muscles tense as he got ready to pounce. I had no doubt that under the fluffy looking pands, haws, whatever the fuck you’d call their hands were razor-sharp claws that wanted to use me as a scratching post.
I had no weapons other than my biting wit which was going to amount to jack squat when Felix ripped into me. Just as he was about to pounce, there was a loud, forceful, sneeze that shook the disc. It startled the cougar just long enough for me to grab a discarded high heel and hurl it at his head.
The rather weighty heel smacked the cougar goon right between the eyes. He let out a “yeeeooowww” and promptly fell off the back of the disc. I swear he made a Wilhelm scream on the way down.
I pulled myself out of the four boobs and looked over the side of the disc just as cougar-man went splat. Cats apparently do not always land on their feet, and it wasn’t pretty. More screams followed as the patrons saw the cat-pancake and pandemonium broke out twenty stories below us.
“Pious poop!” Artemis yelled as she removed a dress from off of her head. “We’re alive!”
“Something tells me not for long unless we can find a fast way out of here,” I said as I stood and helped her to her feet. I looked up and could see the five other henchmen as they stood at the broken window. “Ladies, if you’ll excuse us.”
I grabbed Artie’s hand, and we jumped onto another disc, this one populated by two track suit wearing space guidos, as it passed by on the way down.
Another glance up and I could see cougar goon number two getting ready to jump but Ad’dao put his formidable tiger arm across his chest. Cougar struggled but Ad’dao just shook his head as his eyes locked on to mine.
“No,” Artemis said as she smoothed out her skirt. “We are in public again. Irrus won’t risk the visibility of that. For all his brave talk about the Atheron Ozusti, he will not flaunt his power in such a public way. The gangs survive because they operate in the shadows.”
“Well,” I started with a little false bravado now that the imminent danger had passed, “lucky for them. I was about to Ziegfried me some Roy on their asses.”
“Bless you,” Artemis replied and looked at me with concern. “Are you getting sick? We can get you an immunity smoothie on the way home.”
One of the guidos puffed up like he was going to say something but stopped when I shook broken glass from my hair and stared him right in the eye.
The disc floated downward in a lazy corkscrew as we approached the dance floor and I had a sudden thought.
“Hold up, fellas,” I said to the closest guido, “the lady and I need to cut a rug before we blow this gin joint.”
The disc slowed, and Artemis and I stepped off as it passed the suspended dance floor.
“Marc, what are you doing?” Artemis protested as our feet touched the polished surface that looked like shiny hardwood made from magenta colored trees. I reached into the tuxedo pocket and pulled out a few credit coins that I’d had the forethought to grab off my dresser while I was getting dressed and tossed a few to the guido. They looked and felt just like real half dollar coins from back home but were actually encoded microchip wafers with pre-programmed ‘dollar’ amounts on them. I had no idea how much credit was on them but the goomba’s squid like face lit up when he caught it.
“Have the DJ play something with a back beat and some soul,” I said like I was in a 50s beat movie and smiled devilishly down at Artemis. “Tell him Champion Havak wants to dance, baby.”
“Marc?” Artemis insisted. “We don’t have time for games. While Irrus and his men won’t make a big scene, we don’t want to make them any angrier.”
I remembered the look I’d gotten from tiger-face just a few moments before.
“Dollface,” I started as I led her further onto the dance floor. People began to sidestep out of our way and whisper as we passed. I gave them my best ‘yeah, that’s right, I am that champion you’ve heard about’ smile in return. “You can’t un fuck what has already been fucked, and I promised my gal a dance, and we ain’t leavin’ until I make good.”
Just then the obnoxious noise that passed for music stopped and a sick drum beat that would have made Pharrell cream his jodhpurs began.
I grabbed Artemis around her slender waist and pulled her close and as an equally sick baseline began, I dipped her deep and low with one arm in the small of her back while the other tracked a line from her neck down the side of her chest to her belly button. I could see the heat rise in her cheeks as a surprised look spread across her face. Right out of high school I’d dated a girl who was big into So You Think You Can Dance, and we ended up taking six months’ worth of dance lessons. I really liked it, but she had two left feet. We broke up, but I still watched the show and could cut a mean rug in my little crappy apartment when no one was looking.
The song kicked in full blast, and as per my request, it had back beat and soul and then some. I pulled Artemis out of the dip and into a twirl as we moved across the floor. Most people don’t know but the key to dancing was all about confidence. Even if you looked like an idiot as long as you pretended like you were the baddest motherfucker on the dance floor e
veryone would think you were Magic Mike.
So, that’s what I did for the next two minutes and forty-five seconds. I twirled and swung and dipped and dolphin dived and body rolled with Artemis and got absolutely lost in the pure joy and fun of dancing with the sexiest girl in the place. As the last note faded from the speakers, I pulled her close and planted a monster kiss on her. Sweat poured off us, and we were both out of breath. And, highly aroused. Dancing, if you do it right, is awesome foreplay.
When the kiss broke Artemis and I stood, and I started to walk us off the dance floor. Then the whole place burst into applause.
“Eat your heart out, Tatum,” I whispered and led Artemis to a disc that took us to the ground. We rushed toward the exit as the club patrons still clapped and glad handed us on our way out. Apparently we had blown their minds with our impromptu routine.
Soon enough we were in a taxi and on our way back to my apartment, and as we had on more than one occasion when the danger had passed, we both burst into laughter.
“Well, let’s hope Mr. Issus doesn’t find four turtles and some ooze,” I said when we eventually stopped laughing. “Or else we will really be in trouble.”
“They would need to be adolescent turtles, and then he’d have to train them in the mystical art of Ninjutsu until they were teenagers,” she said with a wide smile.
“Have I told you today that I love you?” I asked.
“No, though I believe you have made many compliments about my posterior tonight, which is close,” she laughed.
I sat back in the molded foam back seat of the taxi and let out a big sigh.
“That, was a very surreal night,” I said as I ran through the events of the last hour through my brain.
“I agree,” Artemis replied. She ran her hands through her hair, which somehow still looked amazing, and small bits of glass shook out. “Had I known we would be indoor base jumping I would have worn different shoes.”
“You and me both, sister,” I chuckled.
“In all seriousness, Marc,” she said and looked at me with worried eyes. “That was bad. Irrus is a powerful and dangerous man… or rat.”
“Good thing danger is my middle name,” I said.
“It’s actually Caleb,” she laughed, “but you do like danger.”
“I devour danger like pop tarts,” I quipped mostly because if I gave what had happened the weight it deserved, I’d be in a fetal position crying for my mama.
“Yes, you do, but don’t call me a tart,” Artemis cooed as she wrapped her arms around my bicep “You were very brave, Marc. I didn’t like the way he looked at me, and I know you didn’t either, I just didn’t think you’d--”
“Piss off everyone in the room and jump out of a perfectly good window?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she giggled. “Something like that.”
“Well, you are my babe, Babe,” I said as I moved my arm around her hips and pulled her close. “And apparently I’m an intergalactically lucky badass now, so--”
“Oh!” she blurted. “I think I’ve got this one: poke a horny oxen and get the manure!”
“God, I adore you,” I laughed as the taxi pulled up next to my building. “It’s actually mess with the bull and get the horns,”
“Ohhhhh, that makes sense.”
“I kind of like yours better, actually,” I laughed as I paid the cabbie and got out of the car. The sounds of the city buzzed all around us. I took a deep breath. “I just hope I didn’t just sign off on a warrant for all of our deaths.”
“You will figure out a way to win,” she said as she ran her fingers along my jawline and stared into my eyes. “You always do. I am not worried about some tiny gangster.”
I sighed a small breath of relief and kissed her on the forehead. “You’re the best.”
She let out a bashful giggle, and red flushed her cheeks. I put my arm around her delicate shoulders and tugged her closer to my chest. Artemis shifted beside me and started to kiss softly on my neck on the sidewalk as the city bustled around us.
“All that jumping out windows didn’t wear you out, huh?” I teased and put my hand on the small of her back where I knew she was particularly sensitive.
“Not at all,” she purred before she nipped me playfully. “I was hoping that you’d want to wear me out once we got back home.”
“Well what are we waiting for?” I asked with a lust filled grin.
I came up behind Artemis and lightly placed my hand on her ass, only for her to giggle and turn to face me.
“Marc Havak!” she exclaimed with a mischievous gleam in her eye. “You can’t wait until we get upstairs?”
“Nope, I really can’t.” I grinned, lifted her up, and fireman-carried her over my shoulder.
She let out a loud laugh as I walked toward the elevator in the lobby of our apartment building. I couldn’t wait to get her upstairs and into my bed.
“Is it just me, or is this elevator slow?” she asked me from over my shoulder.
“It’s definitely slow,” I confirmed and set her down in front of me.
As if the elevator heard our complaints, the bell dinged, and the silver doors slid open. To my relief, the elevator was empty.
The moment the doors closed, I moved my hands to her small waist and pressed a heated kiss to her lips. She let out a soft moan and leaned into my body as she ran her hands up my back. I gently pressed her against the back wall of the elevator and pulled apart from our kiss for a moment. Her lipstick had already faded from her lips, but I liked the messy look. It was sexy and turned me on just as much as her skin-tight dress did. Her brown hair was no longer neat and perfect, but was flipped to one side as an aftereffect of my hands running through it.
I felt her fingers trail down my stomach and bit my lower lip in anticipation for the following explorations. Her eyes then locked with mine as the bell sounded and the sliding doors opened. The two of us stumbled out of the elevator and got tangled up again in a hot makeout session as we made our way down the hall. Her moans had me so worked up that I was more or less unaware of which door we were in front of. I hoped it was the right apartment because I needed Artemis right this very second.
She had the key, so she wiggled out of my grasp for a second so she could open the door.
“Fargegnugen,” she huffed as she struggled to get the key to work on our door. “I can’t get it to go in the hole.”
“That’s what he said,” I laughed quietly into her ear. She giggled just as she got the door open.
The two of us burst into the apartment, and the door slammed shut behind us. Artemis threw the keys onto the kitchen table and grabbed my arm eagerly.
“Come on Marc,” she whimpered. “My hormones are out of control. My nethers are screaming at me.”
“Oh no,” I said and let her tug me into my bedroom.
We wasted no time in resuming our steamy makeout session. My hands eagerly tugged at Artemis’ dress in an attempt to just rip it off. I knew I accomplished my goal when I heard the delicate straps snap.
“Oops,” I growled as I worked her dress to the floor.
She let out a whimper as I cupped her breasts and felt her hard nipples against my palms. She let out another moan at my touch and gave the bottom of my shirt a few pulls.
“Take it off,” she purred as she sat on my bed.
“As you wish,” I replied hastily and yanked off my tuxedo jacket before I started to pull my shirt off over my head, only before I could get it off, Artemis grabbed my shirt with one hand and twisted it up so I couldn’t get free.
“This time, I’d like to drive,” she said, and her breath on my skin made my mind race with all sorts of dirty thoughts. Then her hand danced across my pelvis. “After all, you said you’d teach me how to drive a stick shift.”
“Vroom vroom,” I gasped, and my manual transmission revved up to full throttle. She ran her hand up and down my length before shoving me backward on the bed and straddling me.
“Now, here are the rul
es, Marc,” she said as she leaned down and dragged her exquisite breasts across my chest agonizingly slow. Her lips began to kiss my neck as they worked their way up to my ear. My skin felt electrified by every touch. “You can look, but the moment you use your hands, well, I’ll have to punish you,” she whispered into my ear. Her voice dripped with desire. “And I promise, you won’t like that.” Then I felt a release of pressure as she pulled my zipper down. “Oh, well, what have we here?” Artemis added with a very evil chuckle and then pure pleasure exploded in my brain as things became a blur.
After only a few moments, I wanted to grab her, throw her on the bed, and have my way with her. But I didn’t. Not even when she climbed on top of me and slid oh so very slowly down on top of me until all I felt was red hot ecstasy.
And god damn was that the best decision I ever made.
Chapter Five
Sun bright moonlight poured in through my window, across my bed, and roused me from my dead to the world slumber. I reached up and rubbed my eyes groggily as I woke up. It still kind of freaked me out that night was day on this very strange planet. Twin moons shone during what would have been daytime on Earth with a brilliant yellow light while a collapsed star rose during the day and plunged the planet into darkness. It flew in the face of every physics or astronomy class I’d ever had but as I’d found out in a hurry, Earthlings knew exactly jack and squat about either.
The clock on my bedside table told me it was around mid-morning, and that surprised me. After all the early morning training sessions the team and I had been through, I usually found it difficult to sleep in. My body, which had gone through quite a transformation in the month or so I’d been a contestant in the Crucible of Carnage, was usually awake a good twenty minutes before my brain caught up and normally at about seven thirty in the morning.