by Lisa Henry
It’s hot, hard work, and Jai feels like he’s soaked in sweat within minutes. It’s a lot like the construction site in that respect, but at least he’s not covered in dust as well. Just grass clippings that stick to his legs. It takes less than an hour to finish the first yard, and then they load up the mower and hit the road again.
Bill likes to travel with the windows down, blasting Led Zeppelin and driving like a maniac. He’d be a hazard to other road users if the truck could actually get past thirty.
Throughout the day, whenever he gets a break, Jai finds himself checking his phone. He’s oddly disappointed when he hasn’t gotten any random texts from Nick.
This thing with Nick is . . . confusing. Nick is confusing. Or confounding. Probably both. But in one sense, while it’s a no-strings arrangement, Jai has no idea how to navigate that with nine weeks still stretching out in front of them. Is he supposed to send Nick texts to see how his day is going? Or is he only supposed to text him to sort out a time to hook up? And of course Nick has no idea either, because Nick is eighteen and has never done this before. Jai doesn’t know if Nick’s even fooled around with anyone before him. Jai only knows Nick had never given head until that morning on the site, never gotten it until the other night, and unless he’s done everything backward—Jai wouldn’t be surprised, actually—he’s still a virgin.
What’s Jai supposed to do with that information anyway?
He doesn’t want to push Nick, but he also doesn’t want to treat him like he’s made of glass. It’s not up to Jai to be worried about if they’re going too slow or too fast, is it? They’re not dating. Except even though Nick’s still practically a stranger, Jai does want them to part as friends. So it’s something they have to talk about. How far does Nick want to take this, and what pace does he want to set?
Jesus. Hooking up is supposed to be easier than this.
“You got something troubling you, kid?” Bill demands when they’re unloading the mower at the third house of the day.
“Not really,” Jai lies.
“Damn straight,” Bill says with a glower. “You’re young, you’re not too ugly, and you’ve still got both your fucking legs.”
“That’s a hell of a pep talk, Bill,” Jai says, reaching up into the back of the truck for the string trimmer.
“I aim to please, kid.” Bill grins broadly, showing his crooked teeth. “Now get the hell to work.”
When they break for lunch, they buy sandwiches from a place in town that Bill swears by, then go and park behind an old warehouse to eat. At first Jai wonders why they’re there, but then he notices the first cat. It’s thin and wiry, with half an ear missing, but it approaches the parked truck fearlessly and leaps onto the hood. It stares at them through the cracked windshield and opens its mouth in a silent yowl.
“Impatient little prick,” Bill says fondly, reaching around behind his seat to grab a small, battered cooler. He hauls it onto his lap and opens it, then tosses a slice of ham onto the cracked concrete of the parking lot. It lands with a faint slap, and the cat jumps down to retrieve it.
They’re eventually joined by three more cats, and Bill tosses them the contents of the cooler, plus the crusts from his sandwich. Jai picks a few chunks of chicken out of his and drops them out the window. A calico cat darts forward to claim them.
“Right, then,” Bill announces. “Back to work.”
When he starts the truck again, the cats scatter.
The next day Jai brings some leftover meatloaf to feed the cats.
Jai: The guy I’m mowing lawns with takes me to a warehouse every lunchtime and we feed stray cats.
Nick: That is AMAZING.
Nick: How many cats?
Nick: Do u pet them?
Nick: Do u have any pics?
Nick: I want a cat.
Nick: There is a shelter cat on Petfinder called Marigold is a Twinkly Magical Elf.
Nick: THAT’S ITS NAME!!!!!
Nick: I WANT IT!
Nick: Are u ALLOWED to call ur pets a whole phrase? This has opened up a new world for me.
Nick: Marigold is a Twinkly Magical Elf is in San Diego. :(
Nick: Why does the internet always crush my dreams like this?
Jai: I’m sorry for your loss. Are you good to hang out on Friday night?
Nick: Absolutely! :D
Nick comes over again on Friday night, and this time Janice has opened the door and lured him into an awkward conversation before Jai can get to him. She’s got a sleepy Noah hefted up on one hip, and Caden is peeking at Nick from behind the shelter of her legs.
“And what sort of job can you get with a criminology major?” Janice is asking when Jai reaches the top of the steps.
“Um.” Nick grimaces a little. “Like profiling and stuff? Or some sort of law enforcement?”
Jai really can’t imagine Nick as a cop. Going by the look on Nick’s face, neither can he.
“Hey,” he says. “Mom, Nick came over to hang out, not get grilled by you.”
Janice waves it off. “We were just chatting, weren’t we, Nick?”
“Yes?” he attempts hesitantly. The wide-eyed look he sends to Jai screams desperately for a rescue.
“Come on downstairs,” Jai says, and Nick scuttles anxiously past Janice and the kids. He thumps down the steps to the basement and sags onto the couch.
Jai sits down next to him and opens his laptop.
“I’ve never met someone’s mom before,” Nick murmurs, and then starts. “I mean . . . No, I don’t know what I mean. We’re just hanging, right? Of course I’ve met my friends’ moms before.”
Jai smiles. He’s not the only one struggling with fuck-buddy etiquette, then. “Well, I hope she didn’t put you off too much.”
“Nah.”
“So, criminology?”
Nick looks a little haunted. “I didn’t know what else to pick! My dad wanted me to do something with business, but that seemed like there might be a lot of math involved. And then it turns out there’s, like, statistics and shit with criminology, so I’ll probably just suck at that too.”
“You don’t like math?”
“Does anyone?” Nick asks darkly.
“I liked math in school.”
“Ugh, of course you did.” Nick rolls his eyes. “Because you have to be smart and hot.” Then he winces. “Wow. Sometimes I just have no chill.”
“Sometimes you barely speak English,” Jai offers.
Nick grins and shrugs, then reaches out and tangles his fingers in Jai’s. “True.”
They’re holding hands. Jai ignores the sudden spike of worry in him that, again, he doesn’t know exactly how to define what they’re doing here. It’s nice. Why does he have to define it right now?
Nick rubs his thumb over Jai’s palm, then lifts his hand so he can examine it. “You have blisters!”
“Yard work. I guess it hits a different spot than the calluses I got from construction.”
“That’s good.” Nick wrinkles his nose. “Not the blisters, obviously, but the whole job thing.”
“It was only a few days. I’m still looking for something that’ll last the summer.”
“Oh.” Nick’s face falls. “I’m really sorry for screwing up your job with Mr. Grover. Like, I get how much you love to travel and stuff.”
“Not your fault. I told you that already.” Jai shrugs. “Something will turn up.”
Nick tilts his head. “Does it always?”
“Always,” Jai tells him. “Anyway, if worst comes to worst, it’s not like my mom will let me starve or anything.”
Nick shows him a tentative smile, and drops his hand. “So, are you one of those guys who travels with a backpack the size of a postage stamp?”
“It’s a little bigger than that,” Jai says.
“How much bigger?”
Jai stands up and fetches his pack from the shelf above the washing machine. Just holding it makes him feel restless, like he needs to be on the move again. Always escaping, always chasing
a new horizon. He runs his fingers over the scuffed nylon, then tugs at the straps.
“Seriously?” Nick asks. “I think my backpack for school was bigger than that! How do you fit in everything you need?”
“It’s thirty liters.” Jai sits back down on the couch and hands the pack over. “It’s plenty big.”
“What is this? A backpack for ants?” Nick demands, eyes wide and expectant, a smile tugging at his mouth.
“Okay, Zoolander,” Jai says, pleased he caught the reference.
Nick laughs, delighted. “That’s it! That’s what we’re watching tonight!”
Jai pulls the laptop closer and opens Netflix. “Good idea.”
“Gonna . . .” Nick whispers in his ear, breath hot and fast. His fingers pluck at the hem of Jai’s T-shirt. “Gonna search you for tattoos.”
Jai hums in agreement, lifting his arms to let Nick pull the shirt off. The neckline snags under his jaw, suddenly gives, and Jai opens his eyes to see Nick tossing the shirt onto the floor. Then Nick’s crowding him against the back of the couch, like he’s trying to climb into his lap or—
Oh, okay. That’s exactly what he’s trying to do. Jai relaxes, and Nick straddles his thighs. Denim scrapes against denim. Jai puts his hands on Nick’s hips, because this is Nick. He’ll probably take a nosedive any second now and kill the mood. Nick arches his spine, and Jai tightens his grip just in case. Then Nick leans forward again, resting a hand on Jai’s chest. He bites his lip as his fingers tremble slightly against Jai’s skin.
“So, um, none here,” he says, his cheeks pinking up.
“No, none there.”
Nick makes a breathless sound that may be part laugh, then slides his shaking hand down Jai’s chest. Jai’s not sure he can remember the last time he was touched so tentatively. He laces his fingers through Nick’s, pressing Nick’s hand more firmly to his chest.
Nick drags his hand lower.
Jai hears a buzzing sound in his head.
No, not in his head, because Nick’s suddenly leaning back and digging into the pocket of his jeans. He pulls his phone out and stares at the screen. “Oh crap.”
Jai raises his eyebrows. “Problem?”
Nick sighs. “Just a text from my mom saying she and Dad got pizza tonight.”
Jai frowns.
“Meaning,” Nick says, “they went to Pizza Perfecto. Meaning they saw that Devon was at work, and clearly I am not at his house, because why would I be at his house when he’s at work? Meaning I’m busted.”
“Busted for what?”
“Well, I’m not grounded exactly,” Nick says, then catches the look Jai gives him. “I am eighteen, I swear! It says so on my driver’s license. It’s just kind of a ‘while you’re living under my roof, you’ll follow my rules, young man’ situation. I mean, they’ve been pretty good about the whole getting-fired thing, but I didn’t exactly tell them I was hanging out with you, or with anyone. Except Devon, in which case it really only would have been hanging out. I think they think that if they let me leave the house unaccompanied, I’ll somehow throw myself headfirst into someone’s creepy sex dungeon or something.”
“As opposed to someone’s creepy basement?”
Nick pokes him in the shoulder. “This is a nice basement. Anyway, long story short, I’m supposed to be proving I can behave, not—” he waves his hand “—this. Us. You.”
Jai’s confusion must be written all over his face.
Nick slides off Jai’s lap and slumps on the couch beside him. He cards his fingers through his hair, leaving it standing up at odd angles. “They’re still treating me like a kid, even though legally I’m not, but I can’t really fault them, you know? I haven’t really given them any other options. I mean, I still do feel like a kid, and most of the time I’m totally on board with that. Adulting is overrated.”
“‘Adulting’ is not a word.”
“Is too.” Nick cracks a grin. “See? ‘Is too.’ I’m twelve years old.”
Jai groans. “Please don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Because it makes me feel like a creep.”
Nick snorts. “Do you want to see my driver’s license, dude? For real?”
“No,” Jai says, but kind of does.
Nick sighs again. “Thinking about my parents has really killed the mood, hasn’t it?” He doesn’t wait for an answer. “I should probably go and face the music.”
Jai looks at him. “Is this going to mess up hanging out?”
It’s the first time he’s noticed they’ve both started calling it that. Maybe because they both have no idea what else to call it.
“No way, dude.” Nick climbs to his feet and straightens his rumpled shirt. “You are the most important part of my plan to get a dick inside me before college.”
Well, so much for needing to have that conversation.
Nick sucks in a quick breath. “Um, I mean, if you’re cool with that. Because, clear and explicit consent and all that. But, cards very much on the table here, I really would like you to have sex with me. Like, penetrative.” He screws his face up. “Wow, that’s an ugly word, isn’t it? Penetrative.”
“We could agree never to say it again,” Jai suggests. “But if you’re asking if I want that too, then yes. I’m also versatile.”
“Yeah, I know. You like the dudes and the ladies.”
“Yeah,” Jai says slowly, waiting for the penny to drop. It doesn’t. “But I mean that if you wanted to fuck me too, I’d say yes.”
Nick’s eyes widen. He opens and shuts his mouth a few times before words come out. “Seriously?”
Jai leans down to pluck his T-shirt from the floor. “Why wouldn’t I be serious about that?”
Nick is silent for a long moment. Then he seems to shake himself awake. “I . . . I don’t know.” He gestures at himself, his hands jerking. “Because I’m me and you’re you?”
“You think because you fit the description of a twink that you can’t top?”
Nick narrows his eyes, like he suspects a trap. “Maybe?”
“You need to find more porn,” Jai tells him.
“Lack of porn has never been a problem for me before. Trust me.”
“Better porn, then. Porn where bigger, older guys are getting absolutely plowed by twinks. See if you like it.”
Nick’s eyes actually glaze over. “I,” he begins, then stops. He draws a deep breath. “I will get right on that. Thanks, dude!”
Then, before Jai wonders if he should get up and kiss him good-bye, or hug him, or just shake his hand—although that would feel odd—Nick’s clattering back up the stairs and disappearing.
The empty Pizza Perfecto box sits open on the kitchen table, the bottom spotted with grease and crumbs, and adorned with a single stray slice of gray, shiny mushroom curled up like a little slug. Nick’s stomach growls, but he heroically ignores it. He sits down at the table and pats the dog’s head when she presses it insistently against his knee. He likes to imagine that she’s being fiercely loyal and can sense his distress, but most likely she just thinks there’s still pizza left.
“Where were you tonight?” his mom asks in a casual tone, but Nick knows there’s nothing casual about this.
His dad is standing by the counter, arms crossed. His mom goes to stand beside him, and he leans into her a little, just like when they were dancing.
“I was at a friend’s,” Nick says.
“You said you were at Devon’s,” his mom reminds him.
Heat rises in Nick’s face. “I was at another friend’s. Like a boyfriend’s?”
If the word sounds like a lie, it’s because it is. But Nick figures it’s much better to lie about what Jai is to him than hit his parents with the truth: Mom, Dad, I have a fuck buddy!
His mom frowns. “You have a boyfriend?”
Nick nods.
“Why haven’t you—” his mom begins.
“How old is he?” his dad cuts in, and whoa, Dad, way to go right for the jugular.
Has Nick been wearing a flashing neon sign that says: Fooling around with an unnecessarily hot twenty-five-year-old? Really, seven years isn’t that much of a difference, except when it comes to, well, everything. Like life experience, of which Nick has none. And he definitely isn’t going to think about how, when Jai first picked up his ridiculously tiny backpack and headed off to see the world, Nick was still in middle school.
“Um, he’s like around twenty, I think,” Nick lies.
“Where did you meet?” his mom asks.
Nick’s gaze falls on the pizza box. “At Pizza Perfecto. He’s one of Dev’s regulars.”
“You’re supposed to be getting work and thinking about college,” his dad says, a hard edge to his voice.
“Yeah, Dad, I know,” Nick says. “And I am. But I’ve hung out with him a few times. It’s not like I’m there all the time or anything. I don’t even see him every day. It’s a couple of hours a week.”
The truth should sound different than a lie, right? Nick’s been weaving the two so tightly together for so long that he’s not sure even he can tell the difference anymore. He wants to believe that most of his lies come from a good place. He doesn’t want his parents to worry. But then he also doesn’t want them to hassle him, so it’s maybe not totally altruistic. Or at all.
“You lied to us,” his dad says.
“Yeah.” Nick tugs the dog’s ears gently. “I’m sorry.”
His dad sighs. When Nick can finally bring himself to look up, his dad has left the kitchen.
His mom sits down across from him. “Are you being safe, Nick?”
Nick flushes. “Yes, Mom.”
“Like with condoms?” she clarifies, horribly.
“Yes!” Well, not exactly, but they’ve only given each other head, right? Which is almost safe, right? And it’s not like Nick has anything. Jai, though, has probably fucked his way around the world two or three times. Who wouldn’t, if they looked like that? “I’m being safe, Mom.”
She shows him a hesitant smile. “And maybe you could invite your friend over for dinner one night?”
“Um, we’re not . . .” Nick shrugs. “It’s kind of new and casual, you know?”
Her face falls a little.