by Lisa Henry
Nick is definitely getting too attached to Jai. On one hand that’s incredible because, hello, Jai Hazenbrook isn’t totally repulsed by him, and all the available evidence suggests that he’ll even hang out with Nick when Nick isn’t sucking his dick or stuff. On the other hand, it’s going to make leaving a lot harder.
A lot.
Nick climbs off Devon’s bed. He needs to pee. He drinks the rest of his warm beer first, and then heads for the bathroom. From downstairs he can hear the music thumping. The party sounds like it’s still swinging. Maybe there are snacks left. Or beer. Nick probably doesn’t need more beer. That’s what his bleary-eyed reflection in the bathroom mirror tells him anyway, but what does that guy know? That guy’s probably an idiot.
Nick washes his hands and heads downstairs, and somehow gets roped into the party again when Olivia, a girl he sat next to in the Model UN one of their teachers tried to set up—she was Sweden and he was Finland, and they did not do northern Europe proud—squeals and hugs him.
“Hey, Sweden!”
“Hejsan, Nick!”
Okay, so Olivia had maybe been a little more dedicated than Nick. Olivia wants to dance, so they head into the living room for a while. They dance, and Olivia tells him how she’s going to college to be a pediatric surgeon, and Nick just gapes at that because who are these people who know what they want to do, and he is totally in awe of her, but were there classes or something on how to be a grown-up, and why was he not informed of them? It’s very confusing.
The night wears on. They run into some other kids from the Model UN. Olivia ditches Nick to hook up with Australia. Nick drinks too much, but he’s having fun. The whole party seems to be filled with this weird sort of desperate affection, because the clock is ticking down on their last summer together ever, and even if everybody wasn’t always friends at school, or close at all, the looming loss feels momentous.
It’s past midnight when Nick remembers Jai and heads upstairs again. He’s had more beer. A lot more beer. He doesn’t realize that anyone’s followed him up the stairs until he’s coming out of the bathroom again, and Logan is standing right there. Then Nick blinks, and Logan crowds him up against the wall, hands on his shoulders, holding him there. Nick’s kind of wasted. He can’t exactly focus his eyes right now. Or his brain.
Logan seems pretty sober. His mouth curls into a grin as he leans in close. “I hear that gay dudes give really great head, huh, Nicky?”
Nick scrunches his face. “What?”
He’s aware that there’s somebody else here now, and a square of light is cast on the wall of the corridor beside him. Devon’s bedroom door is open.
Logan tightens his grip on Nick’s shoulders. “You could totally help me out and suck my dick.”
Nick’s jaw drops. A spike of panic cuts through his gut, and this doesn’t make any sense. Like none at all. Logan makes no sense.
“Okay.” It’s Jai. Jai is here. He steps toward them, looking all tall and strong and pissed, and pulls Nick away from Logan. “What the fuck is your problem?”
Logan shows Jai his palms, suddenly all innocent. “Just offering, dude. It’s not like you guys are together, right? I mean, how could you be?”
That’s when Nick becomes aware of a bunch of sniggering guys watching from the top of the stairs. His stomach sinks. He catches Jai’s gaze, and he doesn’t need to spell it out, does he? Great. Just how he wants to end the summer. With Jai witnessing this little display of homophobic bullying the guys have put together for old times’ sake. Nick feels like he’s a high school freshman all over again, and he’s just been shoved into a row of lockers by some asshole in a letterman jacket. It’s a total cliché, but so was most of high school, right?
Jai rolls his shoulders. He’s at least half a head taller than Logan, and he’s carrying a lot more muscle. “Actually, we are together, and if you ever touch my boyfriend again without his explicit consent, I’ll punch you in the fucking face. Are we clear?”
Boyfriend! What! Nick’s jaw drops.
“Dude,” Logan says, reproachful, like Jai’s taken this friendly joke completely the wrong way.
Jai leads Nick away, through the gaping spectators and down the stairs.
“Oh man,” Nick says when Jai gets him outside. “What even just happened?”
Jai opens his mouth to answer, but Nick doesn’t hear whatever he says because he’s suddenly doubled over, vomiting beer on the lawn. A gaggle of bikini-clad girls squeals and runs away.
Jai rubs Nick’s back and sighs. “Let’s get you home, okay?”
“Okay,” Nick says, breathless. “Oh no. Jai? I got sick all over my shoe.”
Jai says he doesn’t trust Nick to hold on, so he leaves his bike at Devon’s house and they walk. Jai makes Nick drink from a bottle of water as they start off.
“Sorry,” Nick mumbles about a hundred times before they’ve even cleared Devon’s street. He has to stop again to vomit in the gutter. “Dude, I’m really sorry.”
“You drank a lot tonight,” Jai points out. “It happens.”
“I shouldn’t have pre-gamed it,” Nick moans. “My dad is going to kill me. He already hates me, so.” He gulps down some more water, and then his eyes widen. “I would never suck Logan’s dick anyway! Not if he paid me! He’s an asshole.”
“That’s the impression I got, yeah.”
“His dick is probably tiny anyway.”
“Miniscule,” Jai agrees.
Nick snorts. Jai is awesome.
It takes about an hour to walk to Nick’s house, mostly because they take it slow to give him at least half a chance to sober up.
“Have you ever done something really bad?” Nick asks, and then gets distracted by a letterbox in the shape of a barn. “Like, I don’t mean killed a guy or anything, but just something that made you worry that maybe you weren’t, like, a half-decent person at least some of the time?”
Jai is silent for a while. For a very long while.
“Holy shit,” Nick whispers. “Please tell me you haven’t killed a guy!”
“No, I was just trying to work through your words. I haven’t ever killed a guy,” Jai promises. He frowns. “What sort of bad thing are you talking about?”
Nick crunches the plastic water bottle. “My dad heard me telling Dev that I think he’s boring.”
“Boring?”
“It sounds dumb, I guess,” Nick mutters. “But boring? I mean, it’s like I can’t even be bothered enough to hate him or something. He’s just meh, blah, boring.” The guilt churns in his stomach. Or maybe it’s the beer. It’s hard to tell at this point. “Devon says I should apologize, but Dad hasn’t said anything, so maybe he didn’t care?”
Nick can’t look at Jai when he says that. He can’t read Jai’s silence, and isn’t sure he wants to.
“Oh man,” Nick says at last, squinting at a cat crossing a lawn. “Let’s just keep walking, you know, and talk about other stuff, and you can forget I said anything about my home life and my shitty personality. Because, you know.” He makes a face and shrugs.
“What do I know?” Jai asks. “Seriously.”
Nick glances at him suspiciously. “Because you know that’s not what this is about?”
Jai frowns. “What do you mean?”
“I mean we hook up,” Nick reminds him. “You’re not like my social worker.”
“But we’re friends, right?”
Nick squirms a little. “Um, yeah?”
“Then shut up and keep walking,” Jai tells him with a smile.
“But you told Logan Littledick I was your boyfriend!” Nick exclaims, and claps a hand over his mouth. For a moment he thinks he’s going to be sick again, but then the crisis seems to pass, and he removes his hand and sucks in a deep breath. “Or is that a thing I drunkenly imagined?”
“I told him that so he’d back off,” Jai says. “And because he seemed to think we couldn’t be dating.”
“But we’re not dating,” Nick points out.
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“No, but it’s not like we couldn’t be,” Jai shoots back.
For a moment they both stand there in the dark stillness of the suburban street, staring at one another, and then a nearby dog goes ballistic and starts throwing itself against its fence. Jai reaches out and takes Nick by the hand, and they move on.
Nick isn’t sure if he’s in shock, or if he’s too drunk to process anything much at all.
“You know what sucks most about tonight?” he asks when they finally stop in front of his house. “Apart from the vomiting.”
“What?”
“It was a pool party, and we never even went for a swim.” Nick blinks at Jai under the glow of the streetlight. “Jai! I have a pool! We should swim now!”
“I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t swim when you’re drunk.”
“I think that’s just after you’ve been eating,” Nick counters. “And probably also just ocean swimming? Maybe lake swimming, if it’s, like, a disgusting muddy lake. And anyway, you’re still totally sober, so you won’t let me drown, will you?”
“Nick . . .”
“Come on,” Nick says. “I’m all sweaty and gross. A swim would be great.”
It is a hot night, and Nick can see the exact moment when Jai folds. Nick grabs his hand and leads him triumphantly around the side of the house.
The side gate squeaks when Nick tries to open it silently, and he gets a fit of giggles. Everything is either tragic or hilarious tonight. Beer. Then Scooter appears out of nowhere, and snuffles happily against Nick’s knees while he scruffs her.
“Hey, Scooter! I’m a scary burglar, and you caught me. Good girl! You are the best, yes you are!”
It’s dark and quiet in the backyard, and the breeze is making tiny ripples lap against the edges of the pool. Nick ambles toward the water, pulling his shirt off as he moves. He hopes the silver moonlight works like a really kind Instagram filter and makes him look all flawless and ethereal. It probably doesn’t, and even if it does, the effect is probably ruined when he almost trips over his jeans when he tries to tug them off without removing his shoes first.
He’s a disaster, really. This cannot end well. That knowledge has never been enough to stop Nick from doing dumb things though.
Nick’s wearing his trunks under his jeans. They’re tight boyshorts, and he bought them specifically for Devon’s party because Jai was going, and Devon promised they hugged his ass in a good way.
He steps into the pool and sits on the step for a moment before sliding all the way in.
“You coming in, Jai?”
“I didn’t bring my trunks.”
“Oh.” Nick squirms a little bit, churning up the water as he peels his trunks off and tosses them. They land with a wet slap on the concrete beside Jai’s feet. “Skinny-dipping time!”
Jai strips his clothes off and gets into the pool. Now Jai is ethereal and flawless. Totally.
It’s dark and quiet and perfect. The stars are reflected in the rippling surface of the water, and Nick feels as though he’s floating in the sky. And then Jai is close to him, breath warm, skin gleaming, and he pushes Nick gently against the side of the pool and kisses him. Nick hopes his mouth tastes like chlorine instead of vomit.
Nick moans and raises his hand to rub his palm against Jai’s cheek. Water drips from his arm and into the pool again: a tiny, melodic cascade. Jai nips his bottom lip, and Nick huffs out a laugh and wraps both arms around the back of Jai’s neck. He spreads his legs as Jai pushes into his space, and he hooks his ankles together behind Jai’s thighs. Jai reaches down and lifts him, and their dicks brush together. The heat of their bodies and the cool of the water make Nick shiver.
“Oh my God,” he whispers, tilting his head so that he can suck beads of water off Jai’s neck. “We totally need to fuck in this pool.”
Jai shakes his head ruefully. “I don’t have a condom.”
“Seriously?” He bites his lower lip.
“Yeah.” Jai licks at the indentations Nick’s teeth have left. “Sorry.”
“You are the worst boyfriend ever,” he says with a hesitant smile.
“I like it when you call me that.” Jai kisses him again.
Nick cants his hips up, pushing their dicks together again. “Really?”
“Really.” Jai gets a hand between them and wraps it around both their dicks. “You’re cute and funny and ridiculous. And hot. So fucking hot.”
“Oh, wow. I died of alcohol poisoning tonight, didn’t I?” Nick asks, licking a stripe up Jai’s cheek. “I’m lying dead in the hospital or something, because in no universe do I get to call someone as hot as you my boyfriend.”
Jai ruts lazily against him. “Bullshit.”
“It’s like Frodo and Legolas getting together,” Nick insists. “It just doesn’t happen. Barely even in fan fiction. Hobbits stick with hobbits, just as nature and God intended!”
“Nick,” Jai says.
Nick squints at him. “Jai?”
“Stop it.” Jai leans forward and kisses him gently. “It was sort of flattering at first, but we know each other now. And if you just see me as some hot guy . . .”
“Oh jeez,” Nick whispers. God. He’s been such a dick to Jai. The last thing he ever wanted was to make him uncomfortable. And it’s the last thing he ever expected as well, that Jai may be fragile in ways Nick can hardly even begin to understand. “I’m a horrible person, remember? I am shallow as fuck, but I promise I’m not objectifying you. Like I totally was in the beginning, because hello! And also you saw my poems. But I like you, I really do. You’re like a good person and everything, and you’re smart and you’re kind, and I’m an asshole. Ask anyone.”
“You’re not an asshole.” Jai rocks against him gently, and Nick gasps.
“I’m pretty sure I am.” Nick groans and buries his face against Jai’s throat. “Oh fuck. Please make me come.”
“Um . . .”
“What?” Nick mumbles.
“Your dog is staring at me.”
Nick twists around and flings a handful of water at the curious dog. “Scram, Scooter!”
Scooter pads closer to the pool and pants.
“Oh, that is so disturbing,” Nick whispers. “Can we just ignore her?”
Scooter slumps down at the edge of the pool.
“We can just ignore her, right?” Nick closes his hand around Jai’s and squeezes their dicks together.
“Yeah,” Jai agrees, sounding a little breathless.
Which of course is right when the porch lights turn on, blinding them both.
Nick and Jai freeze.
“Nick?” the silhouette of a man asks. “Nick, is that you?”
Fuck.
It’s his dad.
Devon: Heyy bro! Did Jai get y home ok?
Devon: Bro?
Devon: Nick, I’m serius. Did yu get hme ok?
Devon: You wre pretty smashed, ad Ebny heard Logan was a dick to you. R you ok?
Devon: *EBONY
Devon: OMG please don’t be dead in a ditch.
Devon: Nick?
Devon: I’m caling yoou.
“Dad, hey!” Nick exclaims.
If Jai could drown right now, that would be fantastic. Instead, he inches away from Nick and hopes to hell the water is dark enough to hide the fact they’re both naked.
“Um . . . this is Jai? My boyfriend? Jai, this is my dad.”
“Jesus Christ,” Nick’s father says when he gets close to the edge of the pool, and Jai realizes that no, the water is not dark enough at all. “Put some fucking clothes on!”
The man turns his back long enough for Jai and Nick to scramble out of the pool and back into their clothes. Jai is in hell, and all he can think of is how much Kat and his mom are going to die laughing when they find out. Because of course they’ll find out. They always do.
Evil fucking witches, the pair of them.
Jai mans up when Nick’s dad finally turns around again. Nick is struggling with the button on his jeans
, and Jai resists the urge to help him. He’s pretty sure putting his fingers that close to Nick’s dick is not going to improve things right now.
“Mr. Stahlnecker,” he says instead, and sticks his hand out. “Jai Hazenbrook.”
“Chris,” Nick’s dad says, shaking his hand like he’s half-afraid to touch it. Like he knows exactly where it’s been tonight.
“Chris,” Jai repeats. “I’m, ah, I’m sorry we had to meet like this.”
Chris’s face says he’s more than sorry. It’s the sort of expression that traumatized soldiers in war movies have. Or the sad dogs in ads against animal cruelty. It’s hollow-eyed and blank, as though Chris Stahlnecker has seen things too terrible to relate.
Nick is still fumbling with his jeans. He’s obviously drunk. Nowhere near as bad as he was at the party, but still a long way off relearning all his motor functions. He finally gets the button done up, and very slowly draws the zipper closed, one hand shoved down the waistband of his jeans to protect his naked junk.
Chris stares silently at the pair of them.
Jesus. Jai is twenty-five years old. He’s had sex before. He’s had good sex and bad sex, and funny sex and awkward sex, but he’s never had sex that’s been interrupted by his partner’s father. Jai remembers the time he was crossing the border from Turkey into Greece, when the border guard hauled him away for questioning for something that, even now, Jai isn’t sure about. He was twenty-one at the time, and all he could do was vividly replay scenes from Midnight Express in his head. He remembers getting robbed at knifepoint in Estonia. He remembers that train in India, and the way it screeched as it bounced right off the goddamn rails. Jai has been in a few situations where he’s only had a split second to come to terms with his own mortality, to make his peace, to tell himself that whatever happens, it’s okay. This is somehow worse than all of them.
“Dad—” Nick bites off whatever he’s going to say, because at that second his phone starts blasting “The Imperial March.” Nick looks surprised for a moment, then digs his phone out of his pocket and stares blearily at the screen before he taps it. “Dev, um, hey.”