Suranjan had not met Ratna's brother and wondered whether the young man was he. Suranjan didn't allow much time for Suranjan to think. Reflecting the tinkle of her bangles in her voice, she said, "This is Humayun, my husband."
In a moment a tremendous whirlwind swept over his mind, uprooting the last tree which he had marked to be his final shelter. After wasting the greater part of his life in a squandering spree, he had dreamed of settling down with Ratna to start a happy family. But to his shock, Ratna, in her quest for surviving in a terror-stricken country, had chosen a Muslim husband. Suranjan's face darkened in anger and humiliation. He would now have to welcome Ratna and her possibly affluent husband in his disheveled, poor room, exchange niceties over cups of tea, and engage in the farce of polite pleasantries with the ritualistic "Please do come again" after shaking hands with him. No, Suranjan wouldn't do anything like that. He was in no mood for such courtesies. He stunned the two guests in his room by suddenly blurting out, "I'm going out on urgent business, I don't have any time to spare for you." They felt so insulted that they stormed out with only a brief "Sorry." Suranjan dosed the door with a bang and stood leaning against it. He stayed in that position for a long time. He came back to his senses when Kiranmayee, entering the room, said, "Have you returned the money that you took out as a loan?" The word "loan" pierced his heart. He looked in the face of Kiranmayee, but did not say anything.
Suranjan felt suffocated. The room appeared to be a cast iron box he was unable to open. He loitered on the verandah for some time. Yet he could not escape the overwhelming grief which engulfed him like a torrential rain. Kiranmayee silently placed a cup of tea on the table. Suranjan looked at it but did not reach out his hand to take it. He lay down for a while, but got up again. Should he go once and for all to the iron bridge? The thought sent tremors through his chest. It seemed that he would find his own decomposed body floating in the murky drain below the bridge. The house was quiet as a still pool of water. Its three inmates moved about in silence like marine insects sliding on water. No one could hear the patter of the other's footsteps.
This ghostly silence was suddenly broken by Kiranmayee. She, without any apparent reason, burst into piercing cries. With the penetrating sharpness of her wails, Sudhamay hoisted himself into a sitting position, Suranjan came rushing out. He found Kiranmayee crying her heart out, leaning her head against the wall. This was not a cry that could be stopped with consoling words. It was the bursting dam of tears which had accumulated in her heart over a long time. Nothing could stop this spillover. Sudhamay had his chin on his chest, keeping still. The loud lamentations erupting from Kiranmayee's wails pierced his heart. There was no end to it. No one asked the reason for such an eruption of sorrow. There was no need. Both Sudhamay and Suranjan knew why.
Suranjan was standing at the door. He entered noiselessly to keep from interrupting Kiranmayee's cries. All his dreams were now in shambles, all the structures built with his mind were broken to pieces and burned and reduced to ashes. As Kiranmayee had shattered the long unbroken silence of this house, so did Suranjan suddenly scream "Baba."
Sudhamay looked at him startled. Suranjan grasped his hands and said fervently, "Baba, I thought it over last night. I know you won't accept it. Still I'm insisting, please keep my word. Please do it. Let's go away from here."
Sudhamay asked, "Where?"
"To India."
"India!" Sudhamay shuddered in such a manner as if he had heard a strange, hitherto unknown word which was something obscene, forbidden. Its articulation was a criminal act to him.
Slowly Kiranmayee's cries came to a grinding halt. She groaned and groaned till she slumped to the floor.
Sudhamay's forehead showed crinkles of extreme annoyance. He said furiously, "Is India your father's or grandfather's home? Who of your distant forefathers or any other relatives were born there? You want to run away from your own homeland.... Doesn't it make you feel ashamed?"
"What are we going to do with this country? What does it have to offer to you? To me? To Maya? What has prompted my mother to cry? Why do you groan all night? Why can't I sleep?"
"Riots occur in every country. Is India free from this? Aren't the people dying there? Do you keep any track of deaths there?"
"Riots were not that bad. But, Baba, here no riots break out. Muslims are just killing the Hindus in an absolutely one-sided manner."
"You are thinking of yourself as a Hindu," said Sudhamay, making an effort to raise himself from the bed in excitement. But Suranjan restrained him with both his arms. He said, "However much we proclaim ourselves as atheists or humanists, still the stigma of being a Hindu will stick to us. They'll call us malauns. The more I love this country, the more it'll move away from me. The more we love the people of this land, the more quickly we'll be ostracized. They can't be trusted, Baba. You have treated so many Muslim families without charging them any fees. But how many beneficiaries of your generosity have stood by us in these dark days? All of us would have gone the way that led to Maya's body floating under the bridge. Baba, let's go away from here." Suranjan leaned on Sudhamay as he appealed with great emotion.
"Will that restore Maya?"
"Maya will never return, Baba, she'll never come back," Suranjan said through a spasm of agony.
Sudhamay slumped on the bed. His body lay sprawled, absolutely slackened. He mumbled, "If Maya couldn't be saved, then who else's do we need to save?"
"Our own. Should we stay here to grieve over what we've lost? And that, too, in midst of dangerous insecurity! Better let's go away."
"What shall I do there?"
"Something will turn up. Besides, what are we doing here? Are we quite well here, living with great joy?"
"The rootless life ..."
"What are you going to do with the roots, Baba? If the roots really meant something, why then are we under the compulsion to keep our doors and windows closed? You'll have to live the life of a frog entrapped permanently in a well. They have become quite used to raiding our houses and slitting our throats any time they like. I feel ashamed to live this life of a holed-up rat. I am gripped by anger, but I can't do anything. Can I give vent to my feelings by setting a couple of their houses on fire? Shall we go on watching ourselves being humiliated and rendered powerless? Do we have the right to talk back or strike beat a Muslim who slaps me for nothing? So, come, let's go away."
"Now the situation is cooling down. Why are you worrying so much. Life doesn't run on emotions alone."
"Who says the situation is cooling down? That's all on the surface. Ferocity burns unabated just underneath. They are laying traps for us, showing all their fierce claws and fangs. Why did you have to throw away your dhoti to put on pyjamas? Why don't you have the freedom to dress as you choose? Come, let's go away."
Sudhamay gritted his teeth in anger. He said, "No, I won't go. Go away if you like."
"Then you won't go?"
"No," Sudhamay said, looking away in disgust and revulsion.
"Again I'm telling you, Baba, let's go away," Suranjan said, placing his hand on his father's shoulder. His voice showed signs of his agony, silent tears.
Sudhamay said with his earlier resoluteness, "No." This emphatic "no" landed on Suranjan's back like an iron rod.
Suranjan accepted his failure. He knew he wouldn't succeed in convincing his father. A man of rigid character like Sudhamay would prefer to stick to his place despite all the disgraces heaped upon him. He would go falling face down on the ground.
Kiranmayee was not crying any more. She was bending toward a picture of Radha-Krishna. Earlier Suranjan had seen an idol of the elephant god, Ganesh. Possibly that had been smashed by the Muslim raiders. Perhaps she kept this picture concealed somewhere. Now she was praying, almost prostrate, to Lord Krishna, asking for security, freedom from anxiety, surety and an untroubled life.
Upstream in the river of frustration Suranjan found himself to be the lone swimmer. The night wore on. He felt absolutely alone. There was n
o one to stand by his side. He felt like an alien in his own country. He, with all his rationality, intelligence, and conscience started shrinking within. His rational, broad, liberal mind in this country of strikes, curfews and unmitigated terror became hedged in on all sides. He couldn't find unpolluted air to breathe in his room with its closed door and windows. As if everyone were waiting with bated breath for a violent death. It was not Maya now, but the blind sense of self-preservation that became uppermost in everybody's mind. They were becoming increasingly isolated. None of their Muslim friends or neighbors who cared to look them up could give them any assurance of the safety of their lives such as the Muslims enjoyed. They couldn't assure the members of this family: Don't feel hesitant, don't cringe in fear. You may walk freely without any feeling of terror, work without any hindrance, laugh openly, go to sleep without any worry.
uranjan fell asleep in the early hours of the morning. He had a strange dream. He was walking all alone by a riverside. Suddenly a huge wave sucked him into the depths; he was drowning, despite his frenetic urge to live, he was caught up in the suction of the eddy with no one offering a helping hand to pull him out of this distressing situation. He started sweating, and went down and down in the swirling unknown water. Suddenly he was startled. His face paled in fear. The whirlpool was sucking him down to an abysmal depth; he was shouting for help, reaching out his hand to cling to a straw for survival in the midst of the dream. Just then he found a hand that would rescue him, clasping which he would regain his strength, the strong hand of Sudhamay.
Resting on Kiranmayee, Sudhamay had walked to him. Slowly he was regaining his lost power. He was seated near Suranjan's head. His eyes flickered like the light of distant stars.
"Baba?"
A mute question throbbed in Suranjan's heart. It was early morning. Through a chink in the dosed windows, light was filtering in. Sudhamay said, "Come, let's go away."
Suranjan was staggered. He asked, "Where will we go, Baba?"
Sudhamay said, "India."
Sudhamay felt ashamed, his voice shook; but still for the first time in his life he had talked about leaving the land. The mountain that he had built up within him was crumbling day by day.
ajan-call to prayer for the faithful Muslim, performed five times a day (Arabic)
akhra-place where people gather to sing devotional songs and dance
apa-a polite way of addressing an older sister or woman (Muslim)
ashram-Hindu monastery where monks reside, organize charitable activities, and house travelers
Awami League-political party of Bangladesh, the leading party during the war of liberation in 1971
Ayodhya-a place in Uttar Pradesh, India, where the Babri mosque was situated
baba-father (Hindu)
Bajrang Dal-group in the Hindu fundamentalist movement
BDR-Bangladesh Rifles, infantry unit that controls border security
Bengali-an Indo-European language derived from Sanskrit, spoken by approximately 120 million people in Bangladesh and 70 million in India. The people who belong to the Bengali language and culture.
bhai-brother, a way of addressing other men
bigha-square measure, approximately 1,340 square meters
biharis-Muslims from the Indian state of Bihar. They migrated in 1947 to what was then East Pakistan. During the war of 1971 they supported the Pakistan army
bismillah-"In the name of God" (Arabic)
BJP (Bharatlya Janata party)-Hindu ultranational fundamentalist party
BNP (Bangladesh National party)-formed by Zia-ur Rahman during his military regime
boudi-sister-in-law, older brother's wife. Also used when addressing older persons or a friend's wife (Hindu)
CPB-Communist party of Bangladesh
dada or da-polite way of addressing an older brother or man
dal-lentil soup
dhoti long piece of cloth, usually white, draped around the waist, worn by Hindu men.
didi or di-polite way of addressing an older sister or woman
Durga-Hindu goddess
Eid-Muslim religious occasion (Arabic)
Ershad, H. M.-Lt. General, president of Bangladesh, 1983-1990
Farakka-a dam in the Ganga river of India. The river Ganga flows to the Padina river of Bangladesh. The people of Bangladesh want to break the dam because they need water. This is a big political issue in Bangladesh.
gosol-bath, as Bengali Muslims call it
Gita, Bhagavad Gita-religious book of the Hindus
goonda-hooligan
haj-the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca (Arabic)
Hajong rebellion-land labor against the landlord in the late 1940s
Hamad Nath-Muslim religious song
Hanuman-the Hindu monkey god who helps the god Rama in the Sanskrit epic Ramayana
jal-water as Bengali Hindus call it
Jamat-i-Islami-fundamentalist Muslim party
Jinnah, Muhammad Ali the founder and first president of Pakistan. Leader of the Muslim League in undivided British India.
Kali-Hindu goddess
kantha-hand-stitched light quilt
kar sevak-voluntary religious worker (Hindu)
katha-square measure, approximately 67 sq. meters
Khaleda Zia Begum-the present prime minister of Bangladesh, chairperson of the BNP
pyjamas-long and loose trousers, usually worn by Muslims.
lungi-piece of cloth draped around the waist, worn by Bengalis (mostly Muslims)
madrasa-Muslim religious school
malaun-something refused from heaven. This word is used to insult Hindus (Arabic)
mandir-Hindu temple
maulavi-Muslim priest
milad-Muslim ceremonial celebration (Arabic)
Mountbatten, Lord-the last viceroy of India, supervised the partition of British India in 1947
murtadd-apostate from the Muslim faith (Arabic)
namaskar-greeting performed by joining the palms and moving them to touch the forehead (Hindu)
Nizami, Maulana Mohammad-general secretary of Jamat-i-Islami
paani-water (Arabic)
pishi-aunt
puja-Hindu religious service
Rama-Hindu god, hero of the sanskrit epic Ramayana
Rao, Narasimha-India's prime minister, leader of the Congress party
Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh, or RSS-Hindu fundamentalist organization
Section 144-under this law it is forbidden for people to gather in the streets. If people are caught gathering, the police or the army can shoot them.
Sheikh Mujibur Rahman-hero of the Bangladesh liberation war, considered the father of the nation. He was murdered in a military coup d'etat in 1975. Leader of the Awami League.
Sheikh Hasina Wajed-the daughter of Sheikh Mujibur Rahman and his political heir. Leader of the Awami League.
Shiva-Hindu god
Tagore, Rabindranath-famous Bengali poet, composer and author. Nobel laureate in 1913.
taka-Bangladeshi currency
Tonk movement-movement by Hajong (tribe)
Uttar Pradesh-India's largest state in terms of population
Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP)-Hindu fundamentalist group
Zahannam-hell
Zia-ur-Rahman-president of Bangladesh, 1975-1981
*Meaning, respectively, Suranjan the intimate, Suranjan the nectar and Suranjan the universal.
*The Hindu student hostel of Dhaka University.
Table of Contents
Preface
Day One
Day Two
Day Three
Day Four
Day Five
Day Six
Day Seven
Day Eight
Day Ten
Day Eleven
Day Twelve
Day Thirteen
Glossary
gave him the money he had been keeping to pay his examination fees. Could he now possibly go to Ratn
sp; Taslima Nasrin, Shame: A Novel
Shame: A Novel Page 25