That was the final blow.
Regardless of whether or not he meant everything he was saying, if his goal had been to hurt me, he had sure done a hell of a job of it. I didn’t care if he was just being stubborn anymore. Those words cut me and were a harsh reminder of what happens when feelings get involved in complicated situations like this.
I didn’t even try to stop the tears from falling down my face. I didn’t release emotion like that around people very often—Staci and my mom were the only people who had ever seen me truly bawl my eyes out. I didn’t like showing anyone my vulnerable side, but I needed to purge some of what I was feeling. And crying was the only way my body wanted to do it in that moment.
I barely registered the small crease in David’s brow, regret briefly flashing in his eyes, as he saw the tears slide down my cheeks. But that was all I would allow myself to see. I didn’t want to look at him anymore, didn’t want to witness how he could remain so unaffected by this whole conversation.
So, I walked toward the door without another word to him, my eyes looking straight ahead the entire time. Although I was determined to not look at him again, I also couldn’t muster up the strength to hold my head high as I walked out that door like I never cared. My shoulders were slumped and I didn’t wipe away my tears. At that point, I didn’t have the will to be my usual feisty, ball-busting, confident self.
That was the first time that I had ever really put myself out there for a guy, and I had basically gotten slapped in the face for my troubles.
But he had probably felt the same way in the break room when I rejected him.
I guess that made us even.
Maybe that was all our relationship would ever be, the only thing that would define us. Verbal bombs constantly hurled at one another, followed by the hateful and woefully unsatisfying vindication.
Whatever this meant for us, I knew one thing.
I could no longer work for this man.
##
Chapter Eleven
David
Present
October
The last three months had been the absolute worst of my life.
I had never been so irritable, so alone, so…empty.
Claire had basically quit as my assistant in August and had arranged it so that Jackie replaced her. She still worked at the campaign office, so her internship was still legitimate, but I never saw her anymore. She scheduled her hours at the office so that she was never around when I was there, something I was sure she planned very meticulously.
And it was killing me, not being able to see her.
Her absence in my life had been pure torture and it was wearing on me in every sense of the word. I hadn’t slept since April. The only thing that I’d been putting in my stomach was espresso, which I’m pretty sure had something to do with the ulcer I’d developed—well, that and stress. And the level of sexual frustration I was feeling was simply medically unhealthy.
What I had said to her in my apartment that day had been reprehensible and unforgivable. I knew that even as I’d been speaking the words. But the wounds of her rejection in the break room had still been fresh, and I’ll admit that I was seeking gratification at hurting her in return when she had showed up at my place.
It made me the worst kind of asshole.
What she had said to me stung but it in no way compared to how I had treated her. Especially after she had come to apologize for her behavior, tried to make amends and repair our relationship. She had actually come to say the things I’d wanted her to say in the break room.
And instead, I had thrown them back in her tear-stained face.
I’d berated myself so many times for letting her walk out like that, looking so stricken and lost. I had punished myself time and again with the image of her pleading eyes as she left. Those eyes had been almost smiling when she’d first arrived at my door. I wouldn’t let myself forget the fact that I had put that look on her face. I had hurt her.
My feelings for Claire were so intense that it made me crazy to think about someone else hurting her and yet, I’d been the one to do it.
I reminded myself of that every time I felt the urge to go to her and confess everything, apologize profusely, and beg her to give me one more chance.
She deserved someone better.
Someone who wouldn’t tell her that she was only good for one night.
Biggest lie of my life.
If I had any doubts regarding how I felt about Claire, these last three months only cemented those feelings. Nobody was this miserable over the loss of someone if they didn’t truly care about them. If they didn’t feel something for them. If they didn’t want to be with them.
I just didn’t know how to fix it anymore.
We both said things and hurt each other. We had both come to the other, laying it all out there and taking a chance, only to be turned away. What was there left to do? How did we come back from all of that? It was impossible to start fresh and forget everything that happened before, so how did we move forward?
Not knowing any of it was what kept me away from her.
She probably wouldn’t want me now, anyway. Not after everything I said to her. She could have already moved on by now and I wouldn’t have known it. It had been two months, after all. Though if she had moved on, I knew for a fact that it wasn’t with Simon because I had been watching that carefully to make sure.
Besides, she quit her job as my assistant and made sure that she wouldn’t run into me at the office. If that wasn’t a message to stay away, I didn’t know what was.
##
Oh, I could feel the espresso coming back up.
This could not be happening. Not now.
I had just listened to Clay, my main man, one of the people I trusted and respected most in this world, sit in his office and tell me that he was having an affair with Gwen McKindry. The fiancé of our primary opponent, William Callahan. Well, Clay said that they had broken up and that Callahan was a complete psycho, but that was apples and oranges. The press wouldn’t see it that way if they got wind of this. Plus, they had started seeing each other while she’d still been with Callahan, anyway.
A scandal of this magnitude could destroy everything he had worked for
This was the last thing that I’d ever expected of the law-abiding, mostly by-the-book, all-American Clay Masterson.
What was even stranger was that I understood it.
It made sense to me why he risked everything—his job, his reputation, the election—in order to be with Gwen. He loved her, he wanted to spend forever with her, so nothing else really mattered. She was the one.
And I was happy for him.
He was my friend and I wanted the best for him, so I was happy.
Jealous, but happy.
I admit, I lost it there for a minute when he’d told me but my anger wasn’t directed at Clay. Hearing about this was just a culmination to the three months’ worth of anger and self-loathing that I already had built up inside me. And everything within me just exploded. When I realized that Clay wasn’t the reason that I had screwed up my own personal life and that he didn’t deserve my censure, I calmed down and forced my mind to function rationally.
“Do you want me to bring Sharon in on this?” I asked Clay, referring to our public relations manager who would normally be in charge of situations like this.
He shook his head and replied, “Not yet. I want this kept between just us for now. At least until the media announces anything about the break up and only if they start questioning me directly about it. Then, you can bring her in but tell her the same thing you told me. As far as she’s concerned, you’re just as clueless about my relationship with Gwen as anyone else. And the questions and allegations of an affair, if any are made, are completely irrelevant to the election.”
I nodded and stood up to leave. “I’ve got a lot of work to do, then, so I better get to it.”
I got to the door but paused as I reached for the doorknob. All the things
he had said about him and Gwen and the secret relationship they’d been involved in since May were ricocheting around in my head, making me question things regarding my own situation.
I looked back at him, needing to know one thing. It seemed significantly more important than every other question. “Is she worth it?” His head snapped up, confusion written all over his face. “Going through all of this for Gwen,” I clarified. “Is it worth it to be with her?”
A smile crept over his face, one of a man who was so clearly in love. “Yes,” he answered without hesitation. “I wouldn’t have done it any other way.”
That was all the answer I needed.
I nodded, my decision made. I walked out that door with a new fire in my blood, a resolve that I hadn’t felt in months. I was going to stop being a jackass and just go for it with Claire. I was going to be a man and wasn’t going to let us tip toe around this anymore. I would lay everything out there for her this time—everything—and if she honestly didn’t want me, so be it. But we weren’t going to pretend anymore. Neither one of us.
And I would do everything in my power to convince her that we had to take a shot at it this time. Because I wasn’t sure how many times we could put ourselves through this.
Our hearts could only take so much.
So, it was now or never.
Or, at least later because Claire wasn’t due in to the office for another hour. I wasn’t supposed to be there when she arrived, of course, but I rescheduled my meeting for the next day so I could ensure that this happened today.
I never knew that sixty minutes could ever feel that long. I re-read the same paragraph on the report I was trying to read at least fifty times, and my glasses had never been so clean with my habit of incessantly wiping them off when I was nervous.
While I sat there waiting, I mulled over another memory of my night with Claire back in April.
I slowly pulled out of her and admired the sated state she seemed to be in, bent over my kitchen table the way she was. I put my arms around her, picking her up and carrying her into my bedroom. The fact that both of us were naked was more intimate than I would have imagined. It was always a personal thing to be naked with someone else. But with Claire, there was just a whole other level of intimacy involved.
I gently lowered her onto my bed and admired her perfect form all laid out where I slept every night. She smiled up at me and my heart melted. Her expression was sweet and sexy, yet innocent at the same time. Something I didn’t know was possible after I had just plunged into her over my kitchen table and given her one hell of an explosive orgasm. She could be hot and dirty one second and adorable and innocent the next.
Where did the intrigue with this woman end?
I laid down next to her on the bed, wrapping my arm around her as she leaned in and rested her head in the crook of my shoulder. We certainly weren’t done. That was only round one but I just needed to regain my strength before I claimed her body again.
“Tell me about your family,” she said after a few beats of silence.
The question made me tense. I didn’t like to talk about my family situation with most people. It was just too sensitive a subject. Clay was the only person other than my sister who knew the full extent of the situation.
But maybe Claire could be another.
“Come on,” she said as she propped her head in her hand and looked up at me. “If I only have one night with you, I’d like to learn as much about you as I can.”
I didn’t want to dwell on the whole “one night” thing now so I ignored that part of her statement. “What do you want to know?”
“You said earlier that you cut yourself off from your parents years ago. Why?”
Well, she went for the big one. I guess there was no harm in telling her if we only had one night. “My father and I don’t get along. He wants me to take over his chemical manufacturing company and he won’t accept that I never will. He doesn’t see the merit behind what I’m doing with my life. He’s never understood the choices I’ve made.”
I hadn’t realized until I stopped talking that Claire was tracing circles on my chest. I wasn’t sure if she meant it to be, but it was comforting. It made it easier to talk about the one part of my life that was never a welcome topic of conversation.
“He’s never said that he’s proud of me,” I whispered. It was probably the hardest thing of all to deal with.
Claire’s finger stopped its movement on my chest, causing me to look over at her. Her eyes were filled with understanding. Not pity, which was what I was afraid I would see. It was nice to see and something that I didn’t realize I really needed. Someone to understand, someone I could share all of this with.
“I’m sure he is proud of you,” she said softly. “Some parents just have a harder time accepting that their children are their own people.”
We talked a little more about our families. I shared memories of growing up with an older sister and she told me about her mom. I hadn’t had a conversation with a woman like this in too long. And it was so comfortable and easy to do with Claire.
When we both just stopped being pains in the ass, we actually got along. We enjoyed each other.
Who knew.
But I didn’t want to waste any more of our one night talking and not acting. I rolled over her and spread her legs with my knees. She grinned up at me, her long hair spread out on my pillow, and I mentally took a picture of that beautiful image. Her hair was a gorgeous auburn color that reminded me of a Greek goddess. It was the type of hair you wanted to run your hands through, wrap around your wrist as you drove into her from behind, or see on your pillow when you woke up next to her in the morning.
Everything about Claire was enticing. But that hair was just the cherry on top of one amazingly hot package.
I lowered my hand and ran my fingers through her slick folds, groaning when I felt how wet she was. “I guess I don’t have to ask if you’re ready for more, huh?” I asked with a grin.
Her hand disappeared from my sight and the next thing I knew I felt her soft fingers wrap around my hard length. My eyes rolled back in my head and I reveled in the feeling of how good her touch felt.
“Guess I don’t have to ask you either,” she purred up at me, bringing me closer to her entrance.
I quickly got a condom from my bedside table, slipped it on, and hovered over her. I paused to look at her. When I saw the way her eyes were smiling and the way she was biting her lower lip, I knew that was my permission.
I entered her in one powerful movement. We both groaned at the feeling of me stretching her. She was so hot and tight that I had to stop all action so I could catch my breath, or round two was only going to last about ten seconds.
Then, I started to move. And like in the kitchen, our bodies were completely in sync. We immediately found a rhythm and it was intense. We kept our eyes on each other as I moved inside her and her hips raised to meet my thrusts. This was different than in the kitchen, though. We could see the emotion on each other’s faces this time. We could see the effect we were having on the other person.
And it felt different, too.
This wasn’t fucking like we had done earlier. Slamming into her over that kitchen table had felt beyond incredible but this was no less mind blowing.
What we were doing now was honestly something I had never done before.
We were making love.
I had always scoffed at the phrase, thinking it trite. But now I realized that it was because I had never truly understood what it meant to make love. Never cared to even try before Claire came along.
The only other words that were spoken until we both found our releases were our names. I chanted hers over and over while she began to scream mine as she was reaching her peak. And the entire experience couldn’t have been more sensual. In the kitchen, we had been explicit about what we wanted the other one to do to us, how good the other person felt.
But this time, it was just our names. That was all that was needed
to form the most intense connection I had ever felt with someone.
It was simply Claire.
That particular memory was probably the one that affected me the most about that night. The fact that she had willingly listened to everything I’d shared about my family. The fact that we had made love. And the fact that I never wanted her to leave my bed after that connection was made.
I snapped out of my memories when I finally heard Claire’s voice ring out in the office, the most beautiful music to my ears.
I flew out my office door and saw her turn into the break room, presumably to get her afternoon coffee. I had formulated a plan during those sixty minutes I waited for her. But stepping into the break room and getting the first glimpse I’d had of her in months, caused any finesse I had to immediately leave me.
She raised her head and locked eyes with mine, hers widening in shock at seeing me and mine narrowing with intent. I really only had one goal in mind: make her listen and agree to be mine.
Okay, maybe it was two.
Nobody could say that I wasn’t ambitious.
I marched over to her, took her coffee mug from her and set it on the counter, grabbed her arm, and hauled her back to my office. She started to refuse and tried to squirm out of my grasp, but contained her reaction until we were safely behind my door, away from prying office eyes.
I pulled her into the room and shut the door. She immediately whipped around toward me, her red face indicating her level of outrage and was most assuredly about to release a record number of obscenities at me.
Before she could get the first word out, I roughly pushed her against the door and covered her mouth with mine. I forced her lips open with my tongue, not asking for permission or waiting for her compliance. She was as stubborn as I was and I needed to remind her how good we were together. She made a small noise of protest as soon as our lips touched. But after a few swipes of my tongue, she melted in my arms, moving her mouth hungrily under mine.
Stubborn Hearts (Timid Souls #1) Page 11