At least that was what it felt like for me.
I wondered if he understood that her death affected me too, in ways I knew I would never come back from. So wanting to cry? To scream into the night air about the unfairness of the world? I felt it too. I felt all of it. Because I’d finally had someone who clicked with me, who made me feel safe, who told me she’d protect me even when it wasn’t her job or her business.
She’d taken one look at the bruises on my arms, expression hardening, and told me that she knew a guy. Obviously, she was talking about Ash, but I kept telling her to keep it to herself. I didn’t trust him, not yet. And not when I saw the way he could turn from loyal boyfriend to ruthless killer in a heartbeat.
With a sigh, I leaned against the tree and pulled my jacket tight around me as I waited for Ash to show up.
Already he was a few minutes late, completely unlike him, which always unnerved me. Because I’d already lost Claire. I wouldn’t survive if I lost the monster that remained because somehow—he’d turned into a protector, an evil anti-hero friend.
My stomach dropped.
What if something happened to Ash?
What if he died not knowing how much he was truly loved? Cared for? But how did you tell someone who used his anger as a shield to keep everyone out—that all you’d ever wanted was to be let in?
My teeth started chattering as my eyes searched the grassy area then the parking lot for him.
It was Friday, and I was feeling sorry for myself. Everyone around me seemed to have plans, and yet my plan was hanging out in the house of someone who probably didn’t even want me there because I was just that desperate for human connection.
“Hey, stranger.” Tank’s voice sounded from behind me. I jumped a foot then smiled as he opened his massive arms wide like he used to before we came to this school, before the mafia took over our lives, before… when it was just us.
With a grin, I threw myself into his arms, loving the smell of his spicy cologne, and I pressed my face to his chest.
It was the first time he’d actually touched me—he’d been so distant, following all of Ash’s rules to a T.
Then again, that was Tank.
A rule follower.
That was one of the reasons we got along so well. We liked coloring inside the lines and were horrified when people did the opposite—on purpose.
Kind of like Ash…
I tried to hide the sadness in my face when Tank pulled back, hands still on my shoulders. “You doing okay? Ash still being a jackass?”
My stomach clenched. “That’s just him being himself.”
Tank barked out a laugh. “If that ain’t the truth.” He looked around him like he was either embarrassed to be seen with me or worried Ash was going to pop out from behind a tree with a gun and say, gotcha!
It was awkward.
Why was it awkward?
Why were tears stinging the back of my eyes? Where was my friend?
“So I was thinking…” Tank licked his full lips and smirked. “We should hang out, my class got canceled, and you’re done for the day, right?”
My heart leaped in my chest. “Wait, really?”
“Shit, Annie.” He hung his head. “Honestly, I’ve been the worst friend, I probably don’t deserve the time of day, but things have been… difficult, not just with Ash and the rest of the De Lange kids, but at… work.”
I frowned. “What’s going on?”
His smile was tight. “Nothing I can’t handle. I just… thought I had more time, you know?”
“Time for what?”
“Don’t worry about it.” I hated that smile, the one on his face that said drop it, that he wouldn’t tell me unless he was getting tortured, which meant no matter how close we were, there would always be a line he wouldn’t cross.
He’d say it was to protect me.
But I’d had enough with everyone’s protection at this point.
“Sorry,” I apologized for literally no reason and smiled. “I’d love to hang out; I’m sorry you’ve been stressed.”
His face lit up. “Really? Just like that? You’ll forgive me?”
I rocked back on my heels and laughed. “I don’t recall you asking for forgiveness, but you’ll be one step closer if you have skittles.”
“Please.” He snorted. “I always have skittles; they are one of the four food groups.” he held up his hand for a high five.
I moved to hit it only to have him raise it higher and higher; he busted out laughing and then flicked me on the nose. “Still the same old Annie even though you cut your hair.”
My heart sank. “Yeah, still the same old Annie.”
If he knew me, truly knew me, he’d know that wasn’t a compliment, but I was desperate to hang out, to escape, to do anything except feel like a charity case.
“Annie.” Ash’s voice barked out my name like a curse. “The hell are you doing?”
I jerked around in confusion as he stalked toward me, looking more angry Roman god than senior in college.
“I was waiting for you?”
He gritted his teeth. “Tank.”
“Ash.” Tank crossed his arms.
The tension was thick.
Students clearly noticed as they started giving us and the tree a wide berth as if there was going to be a fight between the guys.
“Let’s go.” Ash reached for my arm.
I stepped back. “Actually, Tank invited me over to hang out for a bit.”
Ash’s eyebrows shot up his forehead. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that? Because it sounds like you said Tank here asked to hang out with you.”
Tank glared. “Because I did, dipshit. It’s a free country, and she needs a friend, and lucky her, I’m standing right here.”
“She has me,” Ash proclaimed, sounding like a mini-dictator.
I snorted out a laugh before I could stop myself and then covered my mouth with my shaking hands and muttered, “Sorry.”
“It wasn’t a joke.” Ash eyed me up and down.
Tank started to chuckle. “Could have fooled me… Anyway, I’ll drop her off around dinner. Annie, let’s go—”
“Yes, let’s,” Ash interrupted with a terrifying smile. “She’s under my family’s protection, which means, where she goes, I go, so what are we doing?”
My jaw dropped. Was he seriously inviting himself?
Tank clenched his teeth, eyes wild. “You think I can’t protect her?”
“The way I could?” Ash let out a snort. “Not a chance in hell. Get back to me when you’ve killed your own cousin in cold blood for uttering the word ‘no,’ and then we can talk.”
A chill ran down my spine.
Tank was quiet, and then. “Fine. You can come.”
“I wasn’t asking, but thanks for your permission anyway,” Ash muttered. “I’ll follow you.”
“I’m sure you will.”
“Come on, Annie.” Ash tugged me again. “Apparently, you have a play date.”
I jerked away from him. “Actually, I think I’m going to ride with someone who doesn’t treat me like a toddler.”
His blue eyes flashed. “Annie, I was kidding.”
“It wasn’t funny.” Tears filled my eyes.
He opened his mouth, but I turned away. Whatever he had to say, I didn’t want to hear. It was like he couldn’t help but use his words as weapons, constantly firing them at my face and then my heart for good measure.
I took a step and accidentally collided with a student who obviously wasn’t paying attention as he ran into me. My bag fell to the ground, my two books, kindle, and headphones all fell out, scattering over the concrete.
“Watch where the hell you’re going!” Ash shouted.
I thought he was talking to me.
And then he surged from behind me, grabbing the student by his collar and shoving him into the grass. He was on him in a flash, his fist coming back before colliding with the guy’s jaw. Blood spurted as I heard a crack. Ash shook the guy, then slammed his head b
ack into the grass, again and again, only to hit him in the cheek.
“Son of a bitch!” Tank grabbed Ash from behind, but Ash threw his head back, hitting him in the chin, causing him to stumble backward.
More students circled us.
And then King and Maksim were running into the circle. Thank God they had class today too. A flash of blond hair was all I saw as Maksim leaped into action, grabbing Ash, while King went to the other side and broke them apart, not that the other guy was putting on a good fight.
He looked seconds away from passing out and needing medical care as his eyes rolled to the back of his head.
“Go!” King shoved Ash’s chest. “Tank, get him out of here. Annie, you good?”
I gave him a jerky nod, not trusting my voice as Maksim slowly went to his knees and gathered all my things, shoving them back into my bag, his blue eyes locked on mine. He reminded me of an angel with his fair looks and strong jaw.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“I will be. I’m headed to Tank’s,” I whispered, grabbing my bag from him.
He kept holding onto it. “So was he pissed about you hanging out with Tank or the fact that that idiot ran into you?”
“The guy trust me.”
“Mmmm.” Maksim let go of the bag. “Sometimes I wonder, Annie, if you’ll ever see yourself the way Ash sees you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Like the charity case?”
“Hah!” He stood and helped me to my feet. “Nah, like the cold drink of water after years of wandering in the desert. Sometimes I think he’s just afraid it’s all a mirage and that the minute he reaches out to drink—it will disappear.”
“Is there a lesson in there somewhere?” I found myself smiling.
He just winked. “I’m sure there is, then again, what do I know? I’m only nineteen…”
“You’re literally a genius, but okay.” I smiled. “Thank you for the rescue and for helping me with my bag.”
“Hey, I helped too.” King was dusting off his uniform; his golden tipped mess of curls chaotically thrown around his head, his eyes bright like his blood was pumping through his veins, ready for a fight.
“Thanks, King.” I grinned.
“Hey, what are friends for?”
Oh great, now they were going to think I was crazy as I swiped a tear from under my eye and looked away.
Suddenly I had two giant, lethal guys surrounding me and then pulling me in for a group hug.
“Annie sandwich!” Maksim announced.
I didn’t wonder if Ash saw.
I didn’t even care anymore.
I just sat there and let them both hug me, two of the most good looking guys on campus and quite possibly in existence—who was I kidding? Every single one of the mafia guys could be models.
Girls would die to be the Annie sandwich for that reason alone.
But they said friends.
And I knew they meant it.
“Hey,” Maksim whispered so only King and I could hear. “Give him time, all right?”
I didn’t argue.
I just shuddered and murmured, “Okay.”
And then they were gone.
I turned on my heel and started making my way toward Tank. Ash was nearby kicking the crap out of a tree stump, blood caked on his knuckles.
“You ready?” I gulped, trying not to look too much in Ash’s direction.
“Yeah,” Tank barked out. “Let’s go.”
Before I could say anything, he grabbed me by the arm as if trying to protect me from Ash.
“But what about—”
“If he really feels the need to come, he’ll get his stupid ass in the car and follow,” Tank said through gritted teeth.
He didn’t give me a chance to ask Ash if he was okay.
Because while he was angry.
He never once just physically attacked a person for not watching where they were going, and even more so, it was like the old Ash was back, ready to strike at whoever and whatever blinked at him wrong.
And because I was a sucker for punishment—I needed to know why.
Chapter Eighteen
“To the well-organized mind, death is just the next adventure.”— JK Rowling
Ash
I slammed my car door and stomped into the house. Irritation twined like hot barbed wire around every nerve ending. I’d lost control over something so dumb, fucking blinded by how angry I’d been as if that one random stranger was the reason for it all.
I waved off the associates in suits at Sergio’s. I’d grown up around them all, and they knew to always let me in. Besides, she was in there with Tank.
Mine.
Something raged inside me, like a beast rattling its cage, desperate to get free. Part of me knew why I was upset.
And refused to even acknowledge it.
Because I knew what I would do at midnight tonight.
Just like I knew what I’d done last year, only months after her death.
“Ash, heard you got in a fight…” Sergio didn’t even look up from his cell phone. “Wanna talk about it—”
My answer was to growl.
He just chuckled like my anger and intolerance amused him. “Guess not.”
“They in the theater room?” I clenched my fists so tight that I probably broke some of the scabs already forming on my knuckles.
Keep it together.
It’s just Annie.
Annie and Tank.
Fucking Annie.
“Sounds like it,” he said dryly as more laughter bounced down the hall, attacking my ears with a cruel vengeance.
What the hell was he saying getting her to laugh like that? So free and open? Without a care in the world?
And why was jealousy raging through me like a fucking canon at the idea of her responding to him in a way I’d felt so damn guilty for wanting for so long.
Long before she left for Italy.
His chuckle grew louder as I stomped my way down the hall and into the large theater room.
The lights were low like Tank was seconds away from asking her to make out before fumbling through what would be the worst feel up in human history.
I mean, one could only hope, right?
Because the last guy to touch her was me.
Right?
Right?
Shit, had she hooked up with anyone in Italy? Why was I choosing now to focus on all the things I didn’t know when the one thing I did was like a movie that refused to pause playing before me.
They were sitting in the top reclining love seat next to the large wooden bar Sergio had flown in from Europe.
Something was on the screen, but I refused to focus on it.
No, my focus was solely on Tank’s hand as it inched closer to hers.
And the arm that was seconds away from no longer being attached as he scooted his massive body even closer, his forehead nearly touching hers as she smiled up at him.
Hell no.
“Hey!” I barked out and then, like a complete monster, moved through the air at record speed and jumped between them where there really wasn’t a seat but enough space that I almost ended up in Tank’s lap.
He wasn’t amused.
Annie gave me a funny look. “You, um… doing better?”
“Perfect. Wonderful. Actual unicorns stampeded out of my ass on the way here as I drove under a double rainbow and waved at a leprechaun.”
Behind me, Tank sighed heavily.
“So what are we watching? Where’s the popcorn?” I shoved Tank’s arm back and then moved my arms to surround both seats.
“I’ll go.” Annie hopped to her feet, clearly eager to get away from me. Not that I blamed her. I had just pummeled a guy near to death and needed three guys to get me off him.
All because he’d touched her then had the audacity to be clueless about it.
“Second drawer in the pantry,” Tank called after her.
“I remember!” She grinned over her shoulder, damn near skipping out th
e door.
The minute she was gone, I shoved away from Tank and stood. “She remembers?”
After a heavy sigh, he took a breath and stood. “Look, I get that you’re angry at the world, but we’re friends, you know, people who enjoy each other’s company, hang out, endure small talk about the weather during awkward moments only to stay up until midnight sharing secrets just because we can…” His eyes got all wistful making me want to choke him.
“I’m seriously tempted to punch you in the face right now,” I deadpanned. “But I think the fact that you’re sharing secrets until midnight with people is punishment enough.” I twisted my face into a grimace. “The hell, man? Are you painting each other’s fingernails too?”
“Jealous?” He crossed his arms, and I could have sworn his chest puffed out like he was actually proud.
Yes. “No, not even a little bit.”
Whatever, I could share secrets.
Maybe.
But then I’d have to kill her, right?
“Sure. Okay.” He wasn’t buying it. Hell, I wasn’t even buying it.
Tank glanced behind him then faced me again, all brawn, with his dark hair and chiseled jaw clenched like he was thinking of biting something off, preferably a fight with me, which sounded better by the second. “Look, honest moment, I know you’re suffering still. Hell, it’s like you want the world to pay attention to your pain, but I’m sick and tired of this manipulative shit!”
“Excuse me?” I asked. “Are you seriously calling me out right now?”
“Yes.” He threw his hands up. “It’s like you want to be both sinner and saint, protector, and persecutor. Pick one already and stop messing with her head. Don’t be nice to her only to rip her a new one every time she smiles, and it makes you fucking sad. It’s not fair to her, and it sure as hell isn’t fair to every single family member and friend who’ve stood by your miserable side while you self-destruct.”
Anger flared to life at the truth of his words. “You son of a bitch!”
I wasn’t used to being called out.
To being talked down to.
To not being revered in every way that mattered.
I was king, after all. Or had I already fallen off that throne by my own hand? By hers?
“I’m serious, Ash. I like her, actually like her! I don’t just want to be her friend, I want—”
Destructive King Page 13