“Bailey,” my mom shouted as I tried to close my eyes and go back to sleep, “Bailey, are you in there?” I grumbled sleepily and rolled onto my stomach before crawling along the floor to get out of the closet. My hand lifted to the handle of the closet and I pulled myself up to standing height, stepping on something that yelped.
“Coop,” I hissed as he rolled into view and snatched his hand away from me, “what are you doing in here?” He lifted his eyes to mine and when he met my gaze, I saw determination and fear in his desperate gaze.
“Bailey, I know you probably hate me right now, but can I explain later?” he spoke softly and nodded at the door. His head disappeared quickly as the sounds in my room escalated and my closet door flew open. “Bailey, where have you been? We’ve been worried sick.”
My head was down covering my cheek and the scrape along it with my hair. I shrugged and glanced at my mom through the curtain of my hair, behind her stood Shawn and two officers in uniform. One was familiar to me and my stomach dropped as he stared at me with eyes like flint. Coldness washed over me, and my body shivered in response.
“Phil said you ran out on him.” I just stared up at my mom, and she gathered her hands together looking aghast. “Why would you do that, Bailey?” I shrugged again and moved to walk past my mom, but she grabbed my wrist and I winced, pulling my arm away from her.
The cop’s eyes narrowed, and I glared at him, moving around my mom and heading to the door.
“Bailey, answer me,” my mom’s voice called after me and I spun around losing my temper and freaking out.
“Hmmm let’s see, where do I start?” I paused for a moment and lifted my chin, staring into my room in the brisk morning light and making eye contact with everyone there, my injuries visible to everyone.
“Do I perhaps start at the bit where I threw myself from a moving car to get away from him? Or how about”—I lifted my wrist shrugging back my shirt to show the bruising on my wrist—“when he grabbed my arm and twisted it, forcing me to go home with him even though I didn’t want to.” My whole body shook, and my mom stood with her mouth agape.
Shawn stood frozen to the spot beside the two police officers, one of whom eyed me with sorrow and the other with suspicion. His mouth opened and I almost didn’t catch the words because there was a commotion on the stairs. I couldn’t make out words, but I could hear raised voices.
“Do you have any proof? Any witnesses perhaps?” the cop from the night before asked and my eyes narrowed at him.
“Well, since you were there, why don’t you tell me what he said to bring you to the spot that I dived from the car?” His jaw dropped open and his colleague turned to look at him as I continued, “Yeah, I saw you and another cop too. What were you going to do? Try and intimidate me? Threaten me if I talked? Well, guess what, I’m going to sing like a canary in a coal mine.”
There was a sound of scuffling in the hall and Phil walked calmly into my bedroom, a fake look of relief on his face as he saw me.
“Bailey, thank god. We’ve been so worried.” I spun to face him and my whole body tensed.
“Get out of my house,” I muttered in a deadly voice. He stepped towards me, until he was standing beside me and his gaze turned glacial.
“Or what? What are you gonna do? My dad’s the fucking District Attorney and my family are all in law enforcement, so what you gonna do?”
He ran his finger down my arm and I lifted my knee, kneeing him so hard in the balls that my leg ached.
“You ever fucking touch me again, you sniveling sack of shit, and I’ll break your neck. Is that clear enough for you? There are witnesses here and if you ever come close to me again, I’ll use my nails and twist and twist and twist.”
My mom grabbed my arm and dragged me from the room as one of the cops followed me. My mom’s grip was hard, and she didn’t look at me. She was furious and I wasn’t sure if she was furious because I was hurt or because Phil and his dad were influential figures in town. She tried to drag me down the stairs, but we didn’t get far. Zane was lying on the staircase with his huge cut on his head and blood all over the floor. My feet slipped in it and my mom screamed as I dropped to my knees beside Zane, clumsily feeling for a pulse.
I was pulled out of the way by my mom, her face almost as pale as her blonde hair as she focused on Zane. The cop beside us radioed it in, requesting an ambulance and my mom sent me back for Shawn. I sprinted into my room and found Shawn standing over my bed where Phil was. I stopped in disgust, but my disgust would have to wait.
“Shawn, come quick. Zane’s hurt.” I whispered it to him, not wanting Coop to overhear. Things were strained enough without Coop appearing from the closet. I wanted to go to him and have him hold me, but his words came back to me and I steeled myself against him. He didn’t want me. He’d made that perfectly clear over the past few days.
The next hour saw the house turn into a crime scene, where Zane was rushed to the ER and Phil was charged with two counts of assault. As soon as he was out of my room, I rushed in and stripped my bed forgetting for a moment about the boy hidden in my closet. I needed to let him out, but I couldn’t face him. His words haunted me and all I could think was how I repulsed him. Then I remembered about Zane and I needed to tell Coop about his brother.
I opened the closet door, and he was sitting under my coats with his head in his hands. His shoulders shook with sobs, but I wasn’t about to comfort him after everything that had happened over the previous week. I waited for him to compose himself and as he drew his apprehensive eyes up to where I stood, leaning on the door watching him.
“Bailey, please let me explain. I’m… I was…” He spoke and his voice cracked as tears spilled over, but I held my hand up stopping him.
“Coop, you don’t get to talk right now. Zane’s in the hospital with a serious head injury and our parents are with him.”
His eyes widened in terror and he swallowed before nodding. He shuffled forwards and stood a little wonkily, swaying from side to side. He moved towards me and my entire body stiffened. His face fell at my reaction to his closeness, and he bit his lip as he passed me, brushing his hand against my side. I jumped away from his touch and his back stiffened as he walked out of my room.
I wanted to call him back and take him into my arms, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t make my mouth open and part of me didn’t want to. The sane part of me wanted to see him go, but my heart and pride were hurting both at the pain he was in, and how vile he’d been.
I focused my energy on remaking my bed, but my skin burned where it hit the asphalt and my wrist ached. As soon as my bed was remade, I wanted to climb into it, but I needed to eat something. Slowly, I moved towards the stairs, stopping when I saw Coop walk back up them with a pinched face.
Tears stung my eyes at the dejected despair I saw in his eyes and I wanted to hug him, but I forced my hands to stay at my side as he met my stare. “I’ve got to stay home while Zane goes to have tests.” I bobbed my head to show I’d heard him as he moved past me, staying as far away from me as possible. His door closed slowly, and I breathed a sigh of relief before heading downstairs.
I made myself two grilled cheese sandwiches and sat at the counter to eat. The food tasted like cardboard and I had to force myself to swallow each mouthful. I sat contemplating the second one and I decided that I’d give it to Coop. His brother was in the hospital; I needed to be a grown-up about it, and he needed me.
My heart thudded as I climbed the stairs slowly, my palms sweating. I had two sodas in one hand and a plate in the other. As I approached his partially open door, I could hear voices and I raised my hand to knock, but the sight of him sitting on the bed with Jan, who had her face between his legs took all the air from my lungs. The plate slipped sideways and cracked on the ground and his eyes shot up.
He caught my glimpse for a second before he rolled his shoulders and leaned back. Jan tried to turn at the sound, but he held his hand on her head, holding her in place. The tears that had
threatened broke free and I scrambled away from his door.
As soon as I was in my room, I started rushing around throwing clothes and school stuff into my duffel bag. I’d leave and go stay with Wendy or Cate and go to school Monday from there. As I packed, I saw something poking out from under my drawers. It was Coop’s birthday present and I wanted to destroy it, but I couldn’t do that.
I’d collected pictures from all around the house, school, and snaps of us together. The cover was entirely made up of logos of his favorite bands on the front with a brown background and the back was made up of places we’d talked about visiting: Vancouver, Washington, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Austin.
I had a gift box for it, and as I placed it inside, I ignored the tears in my eyes. My bag packed, I rushed for the door, propping the gift up beside his door and doing my best to ignore the sounds of sex coming from his room. I sprinted for the stairs feeling sick and rushed to the garage, where I jumped into my car.
As I pulled away, I remembered that I’d forgotten my cell cable. I’d be able to borrow one surely, so I left without a word to him, showing up at Cate’s where I spent the rest of the weekend. I didn’t hear from Coop and I only spoke to my mom to find out what was happening with Zane. She said something about his blood being too thin and him having a bleed on the brain, which had put him in intensive care.
She told me I was to visit after school Monday, but I didn’t want to. It was Coop’s birthday and when I told her that I was staying at Cate’s, all she said was that it was probably for the best and hung up. I spent the weekend missing him and hating him. My whole catalog of emotions was spent, and I went to school Monday feeling like a shell of who I was.
I didn’t see Coop all morning, and when I did see him, I wished I hadn’t. His face was pinched and pale. His eyes were dead, and he stared at the ground. Butterflies erupted in my stomach at the sight of him, but they twisted to bees as Jan appeared by his side. His eyes met mine as I stood at my locker, watching them. As soon as I met his gaze, I tore my eyes away from him and tried to concentrate on getting what I’d been looking for in my locker.
Grabbing my biology textbook, I slammed my locker shut and Coop was standing behind me, alone. My body burned from his proximity, and he reached out, grabbing my book as it tumbled from my hand. I snatched it away from him and spun to walk down the hall. The noises in the hall turned to silence as I focused on trying to ignore him.
I rushed down towards the cafeteria, taking the almost always abandoned stairs at the back end of the building. Since it was lunchtime the stairs were empty, and as the door swung closed behind me, I released the breath I was holding and leaned against the wall. As I closed my eyes, the door opened, and a gentle hand touched my arm.
Sparks shot up and down my arm meaning I didn’t need to open my eyes to know who it was. His scent filled the air, masculine, with a little hint of spice, and my body shivered, reacting to him as it always did. I sucked in a breath and hissed through my teeth as he leaned against the wall beside me.
“Bailey, look at me, please.” His voice was gentle, husky, and a little hoarse. I shook my head and kept my eyes firmly shut. Without warning his mouth closed over mine and his fingers curled in my hair, pulling my head back so he could get better access. I couldn’t think as he kissed me, I just let go for a moment, and then everything that had happened previous week came back to me in amazing clarity. My stomach rolled and I pulled away from him.
“No, Coop,” I hissed breathlessly as tears stung my eyes. He lifted his confused face to mine and ran his finger over my slightly swollen lips. His eyes darkened in hunger.
“Why not, Bailey? I got your letter. I thought you wanted me.” A breath left me as I remembered the letter inside his album and my cheeks burned at everything I’d poured into the letter.
It read,
Coop,
I wanted to make your birthday special, so here is my heart in a letter. I know everything’s complicated and we need to hide how we feel from our parents, but you make me feel so much. I am completely in love with you. I have been since I saw you in my old school before I knew who you were. Can we try to be together?
You have my heart.
Now and forever.
Yours,
Bailey
My heart hammered and I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. He stared at me and his face fell. “This was before, the letter?” he asked me in a small voice. I nodded with tears in my eyes. “You love me?” he asked as he stared at me and when I didn’t answer his eyes widened in horror. “You did love me, but I fucked everything up again, right?” he asked. He must have seen the answer in my eyes because he turned around and punched the wall, hard. I heard his knuckles crack, but I couldn’t move. Footsteps sounded on the stairs and Coop opened the door and took off, leaving me standing there with a crack in my heart as wide as the Grand Canyon.
The rest of the day passed in a daze of hurt, but the hospital was so much worse. When I arrived, Shawn and my mom took off for home. As I walked into the room, I saw Zane lying prone on the bed with tape over his mouth holding the breathing tube in place, and I heard the hiss, plop of the machine that was breathing for him. He had wires everywhere and his heart rate, oxygen levels, and blood pressure were constantly being monitored
I sat down and the nurse in the room smiled over at me. “I know it looks intimidating, honey, but you can touch him. Are you his girlfriend?” I shook my head as I stared at Zane; he’d rescued me. He didn’t deserve to be here. I reached over tentatively and touched his hand when the door behind me opened.
I’d assumed it was another nurse or a doctor, but when no one moved or spoke, I turned in my chair and saw Coop’s eyes widened in terror. He glanced between me and Zane, then shook his head and turned running from the room. I needed to go after him, but I didn’t want to leave Zane. I glanced at the nurse and she watched me with a sad smile.
“You should probably go after him, honey.” I nodded and rose from my chair, walking out into the hall and towards the exit.
I found Coop just outside the doors, and he was leaning over breathing hard. I stood beside him, not speaking.
“I can’t… Bailey…” His voice was broken and cracked on every word. “Please don’t make me go back in there.” He glanced up at me like a little boy lost and I thawed a little towards him.
“You need to go in there,” I spoke and rubbed his back slowly, “but I’ll be beside you the whole time.” He shook his head and stared at me.
“I can’t, I can’t go into hospital rooms like that; not after my mom.” His tears spilled over, and he leaned back over, hugging his knees. “Please, Bailey.” He leaned down and shrank to the floor.
“Coop,” I spoke gently to him, “Zane needs you right now and I get the fear you’re experiencing, but he needs you.” He nodded and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand.
“This is the worst birthday I’ve ever had. First, I find out that I’ve lost the only girl I’ve ever loved, and now I have to visit my brother in the ICU.” He gave me a look as I held my hand out to him.
I needed to put my personal feelings aside. It was his brother in a hospital bed, and as much as I tried to tell myself that I didn’t love him after how he’d acted, I knew it was a lie. I was completely and hopelessly in love with him, but I didn’t know what that meant for us.
The way he’d hurt me passed through my mind as we walked along the sterile hall to the room Zane was in. His steps slowed and his breathing increased as we made our way closer. I dropped his hand and pulled his arm around my neck, putting mine around his waist and giving him a small squeeze.
Together we walked through the door and his steps faltered. “Come on, Coop, you can do it.” He stepped forwards with me and then kissed my head.
“I love you,” he whispered as he let me go and sat in my formally occupied seat. He reached over and squeezed his brother’s hand. I moved to step back to give him a semblance of privacy, and his other hand
closed over my wrist.
He shook his head and pulled me towards him. The nurse looked between us, smiled, and grabbed me a seat from behind her station. She placed it beside Coop’s chair, and I sat down, linking my fingers with his. We sat like that for a while and I took in the pretty young nurse as she went about her business.
Her ebony hair was tied up but braided around her head like a crown and her skin had a gorgeous mocha color. She had a nice smile and an open friendly face with gorgeous blue eyes that were as clear as the sky on a nice day. Her name according to her badge was Carrie, and she asked if we needed anything as she left, and another nurse entered.
We both shook our heads and as they both left the room; Coop lifted my hand and kissed the back of my hand.
“Thank you for being here, Bailey,” he whispered against my hand before kissing it again, “I know I don’t deserve it; I don’t deserve your time or your support, but I’m so glad you’re here with me right now.” His lips caused gooseflesh to rise on my arms and tingles to shoot down into my stomach.
We spent the rest of our visit in silence, only speaking when my mom arrived. She took in our joined hands with narrowed eyes and pursed lips, but I just glared at her. She didn’t need to make us feel worse. Coop needed me, so I had given him what he’d required and as we were getting ready to leave, she spoke for the first time.
“Cooper, we know it’s your birthday, but under the circumstances, we don’t feel it would be right to celebrate. Your presents are at home along with a cake and some cash for you and Bailey to get takeout.” Coop nodded, and we both started for the door when my mom spoke again. “Bailey, one moment, please?”
Coop stepped through the door and I turned back to face my mom.
“What’s going on with you two?” she spoke without preamble and my eyes narrowed at her.
My voice came out sharp and frustrated. “Nothing, Mom, he needed me today.”
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