I forced a smile and she went on speaking on and on about how Bailey was such an inconvenience and how Zane had to stay away because he was a thief.
My fists tightened and I stepped around them.
“Excuse me for a minute…”
I stalked off without waiting on a reply and shot into the men’s room. I stood by the sink and tried to breathe around the pain, but I was getting married and my brother wasn’t going to be there. Plus I was marrying the wrong girl.
I heard the door open at my back and saw Martin step into the bathroom, looking uncomfortable.
“Cooper, your dad asked me to give you a message.”
He stepped towards me and passed over a sealed letter.
“He also said you’d likely want to leave, but I was to remind you that your futures are at stake, so to tread carefully.”
I nodded once at him and he left the bathroom, letting the door hit him as he walked out. The stalls were empty and I went into one, closing the door at my back and leaning on it to open the letter.
Cooper
I know you are probably thinking about running, but if you run from your responsibilities today, then you’ll both suffer. Bailey is finally leaving the past behind and if you care anything about her, you’ll let her go and let her get some therapy. She still talks about her fictional dead brother and her mom is worried about her. I need you to let her go. Embrace your future with Jan and enjoy your promotion at work.
Dad
My fingers curled into fists as I re-read the note. Tears stung my eyes as I read his words about Bailey again and I never hated him more. I composed myself and went out to the bathroom, splashing water on my face and trying to hide the fact that my hands were shaking hard.
I walked out of the bathroom seeing Martin and Greg standing across from me, but they had their back to me and I was able to slip into the first-class lounge unnoticed.
“What’ll you have?” the barman asked as I approached and I ordered a scotch on the rocks. He was back within seconds and I downed it quickly, relishing the burn as it flowed into my stomach.
“Another?” he asked and I bobbed my head as he poured me another drink.
I sank that one too and he poured me a final drink before going to serve a few others.
I took my glass over to the window and sat sipping on it, watching the world go by. I desperately wanted to leave, but my dad’s letter was burning a hole in my pocket.
Another drink appeared and my dad’s brother, Jake, sat down across from me. I barely saw Jake. He’d appear at family functions, but he was an outcast. My dad only put up with him for his mom and as soon as she passed, he limited our interactions with Uncle Jake. I was never sure why. Perhaps it was ’cause he was gay, or perhaps it was because my dad couldn’t control him and he hated not being in control.
“Hey, kid, you’re supposed to look happier. This is your wedding we’re flying out to.”
Jake glanced at me with clinician’s eyes that didn’t miss the bags under my eyes or the pain that was evident on my face.
“You wanna tell me why you look like it’s your funeral we’re flying to?”
I shook my head and took a sip of my drink, glancing back out of the window. The first snow of the year was beginning to fall, and it fluttered down slowly past the window as Jake and I sat in silence, sipping our drinks.
“Cooper, I’m here for you. If you wanna talk or if you need a getaway driver, I’m here.”
I smiled over at him and gave a brief nod, but our flight was being called. As it was announced, my cell pinged, and it was a message from my dad.
Remember our deal, Cooper. Don’t mess up Bailey’s life because you are selfish.
I swore and closed my eyes, tossing back the rest of my drink and following my uncle Jake to our gate. He was seated at the back of first-class and I was at the front. There were a number of people I knew on the flight, but no one I wanted to speak to, so I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes as the four drinks warmed me.
My thoughts strayed to Bailey and how devastated she’d looked when I’d said no to staying. I knew I had to text her. I had to send a message to say that it was okay to move on. I’d keep a part of her with me always. I took out my heart and rubbed my hand along it, thinking of what I wanted to say to her.
After a few seconds, I composed a message and clicked send, just as the plane began to taxi down the runway. I turned my cell off and shoved it into my bag, before leaning back and waiting for take-off. I poured my heart into the message and I just hoped she’d understand how much I loved her. I’d do anything, even destroy my own future if it meant she was happy.
I didn’t know goodbyes could be so hard, but I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I’ve always loved you and I need you to do one thing before I delete this number. I need you to promise me one thing. Find someone who deserves you, who makes you smile and wants everything with you because you deserve it, Bailey Walker. I’ve loved you forever, but I need to let you go and let you fly free because I want you to be happy and all I do is make you miserable. Take care, my beautiful Bails.
Love always,
Coop
As we began to ascend, I decided that I didn’t want to marry Jan. I didn’t want that life. I couldn’t do that to her or to me, it wasn’t fair to either of us and the only reason she wanted to marry me was so she could win. I wasn’t a prize. I was a colossal douche and had just walked away from the only girl I’d ever loved because I was scared of my dad.
Well, no more. It didn’t matter what my dad did to us as long as we were together and as soon as this plane landed, I was going to go and end things with Jan. I couldn’t marry her when I was still in love with someone else. I needed to stop letting my dad rule my life. It wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth feeling like this. I just hoped I wasn’t too late, and that Bailey would forgive me for leaving her behind.
I leaned back and closed my eyes thinking over the past few months and how hard it had been to stay away from Bailey when all I wanted was her.
I thought back over the two months that had passed, nausea rose in me as her face as I left her standing there appeared behind my lids. She looked broken, numb, and it was all my fault. I hadn’t wanted to leave. I’d had to drag my legs forward because saying goodbye to her was never in my plan, but I had to do it. I had to leave her so she could be free of me, even though I’d never be free of her.
I tried to shake it off, desperately waiting for the seat belt sign to go off so I could get another drink, but like a glutton for punishment my mind wandered back to my bachelor party.
I only had vague memories that continuously assaulted me from the bar on the night of my bachelor party. I remembered Bailey being there and god, she looked incredible. My dick went hard as soon as she walked in. I was drunk, I had to be. Seeing Bailey had dragged up all of my old feelings and I knew without a doubt, I’d never gotten over her.
My mind wandered further back, and I remembered the conversation with my dad two weeks after I’d ended things with Bails. I was struggling hard. I watched as she began to go out more and more, with Jay and with her friends, and I forced myself to go out on dates. Nothing was right and I never dated anyone long.
My dad spoke to me one night when I’d come home from a party, wasted. He saw me as I stood watching Bailey as she danced around the family room with her earbuds in. Her ass shook to the beat and my mouth watered. My eyes darted around, and I could see my dad standing watching me.
“Come with me, Cooper!”
His voice was ice-cold, and my stomach dropped. I knew I was in for a beating, but I followed regardless. He surprised me when he pointed to the chair in his office and I sat down slowly, watching him as he paused on the edge of his desk. He was like a snake and would pause before the strike.
“Cooper,” he began, and I glanced up at him.
He watched me through narrowed eyes and leaned close to me. My arms began to itch as they always did when I was feeli
ng under pressure from my dad.
“I am speaking to you like a man tonight. I don’t know if something has been going on between you and Bailey, but I’m warning you now that if something has been going on or if I get so much as an inkling that you two are more than stepbrother and stepsister, I promise you that you’ll regret it forever.”
I opened my mouth to protest but closed it at the look my dad was giving me.
“Bailey is young, impressionable, and unstable. She has lied about having a brother and I don’t trust her. In fact, if she wasn’t Henri’s daughter, then I’d have her committed because fantasies like that are unsafe. Her mom has struggled with Bailey’s mental health since she was little…”
He paused to let me digest the words. I wanted to tell him he was wrong, that I’d been to Louis’s grave with Bailey and met her dad there, but that would do more harm than good. He’d never leave us alone if he thought there was something between us.
“We’ll keep an eye on the situation with it, but if you both don’t stay away from each other, then I’ll have no choice than to get her locked up for her own safety. She’ll be committed and will miss her final year at school which will mean no college, no future, and no money.
“Her dad cashed in her trust fund for his other kids, so Bailey is entirely dependent on me for college and I will not put her through college if I think, even for a second, that there is something between you both.”
He stopped speaking and stared at me as I digested his words. He would destroy her, not me, her. I couldn’t believe it and my hands were clenched into fists on the chair.
“I’ll also make sure that no one will hire her, Cooper. She’ll lose everything and it’ll be all your fault. Ask yourself if you can live with that? Can you live with making her lose her whole future?”
With that he stood and left the room, leaving me stewing on the chair as I pondered his words. I had to stay away from her. Far away. I needed to stay out later, date more, and try to make her hate me. If she hated me, then she’d be okay. She’d be safe from my father and his wrath. He would leave her be and I could go off to college, safe in the knowledge that she’d get to fulfill her dreams, no matter the cost to me.
She deserved better than me anyway, but every day seeing her was like a new form of torture. Her sexy-as-sin ass sometimes brushed by me in the kitchen, or she’d pass me in the hall and her scent would invade my nose. It was like a knockout punch to the gut and hiding how I felt had never been harder, but I’d made it by the tips of my fingers and off I went to college.
It tore me apart, but I had no choice. I had to stay away. I missed her every day, every damn day, but I watched her and loved her from afar always.
The first time I came back and saw her, I was floored. She had a light in her eyes and a spring in her step that I’d never seen, and I was happy for her, but I was fucking miserable. Harvard was tough and without her, I was struggling. I thought of her every night as I closed my eyes and every morning as I woke up, even now when I was supposed to be with Jan, I’d daydream about Bailey.
I’d visited Princeton three times while she’d been there, but she hadn’t noticed me. I’d noticed her though and I’d wanted to speak to her so badly, but I knew I couldn’t. The final time I’d visited was at the end of her freshman year, and she was in a club, dancing with a guy. He leaned down and kissed her gently and I smashed the glass I’d been holding. It was the last time I’d seen her because I couldn’t put myself through it. I couldn’t watch her move on while I was still stuck in the past.
When I saw her standing with Zane, I wanted to kill him and I wanted her away from him. He wasn’t supposed to be near her. Flashes of his face as he held her up by the neck flittered across my mind and I saw red.
I was there for my dad, but I had to see Bailey, to tell her I was moving on. She deserved that much from me, even if the idea of saying those words to her filled me with a dread so strong that my stomach dropped through my toes.
Bailey’s eyes went to mine and I saw them widen from where I stood frozen in her sight, but when she turned from me to speak to Zane, I lost it. I began moving towards them without thinking. She stepped in front of my brother and tried to speak to me, but I couldn’t see her. All I could see was him hurting her, but she wanted to speak to me, and she was persistent. I knew I would relent, so I did, but as we sat on the rooftop garden my heart hammered against my chest.
She calmed me down enough to speak of Zane and telling me he had kids was a masterstroke. I wanted to get to know my niece and nephew, but I didn’t know if I could forgive him. I decided to leave and stormed away from Bailey, forgetting for a moment that I had news I needed to tell her. She needed to hear it from me, no one else, but I was shaking with fear as I went back towards her.
Seeing her sitting there, face in hand almost unmanned me and when she looked up at me my insides danced a tango. I couldn’t resist pulling her into my arms and as I rested my chin on her head, I was home. My mouth opened and I spoke without thinking.
“I feel like I’ve finally come home.”
She tensed in my arms, but Bailey was my home and the rest was just semantics. Knock it off, Coop, I scolded myself as I let her go.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” I whispered as I watched her glorious face and saw the light behind her eyes. Her eyes were the windows to her soul and every emotion showed there. I sucked in a breath before speaking the words I knew would destroy her, they were already destroying me.
“Bailey,” I murmured around the lump in my throat, “I’m getting married in a few months. It’s one of the reasons I’m home. I… I should have…”
I couldn’t continue. Her eyes widened in agony and I knew it was a mistake, telling her, thinking I could do this. I loved the girl in front of me with everything, and seeing the complete horror on her face, punched me hard in the throat.
“Bailey, wait, please?” I asked as she sprinted away from me.
I couldn’t move, I’d finally done it. I finally broke her heart completely. My eyes filled with tears and I crumpled to the ground, still smelling her scent on my clothes. My body shook as the pain of the past six years pressed down on me and I grieved over the fact that I couldn’t have her, couldn’t be to her what she deserved. At that moment I hated myself, but I knew I had to see it through.
My dad had arranged my job with the law firm in Chicago and told me if I didn’t marry Jan that he’d make me unemployable. I was sick of his threats and I knew the reason was Bailey. She’d never really dated, according to her mom, and it seemed to me like she’d never gotten over me. She needed to and I needed to make her hate me enough to move on without me. The thought sent a stabbing pain into my chest and my insides turned to ash as I thought of her marrying someone else, loving someone else like she’d loved me.
Eventually, I managed to leave the rooftop, but when I made it back to the restaurant, I was a mess. I’d brushed it off, saying that I’d caught a glimpse of Zane and had taken off to find him. The next few days were hellish, and seeing Bailey at the bar we were in stung hard, especially when she saw who my fiancée was.
She looked ready to pass out, but I’d needed to explain to her. I went into the office to try and talk to her, to convince her I loved Jan, but when she told me to get out my heart almost leapt from my chest. It didn’t just burn hurting her, it scorched me.
My insides blazed hot all day at the devastated look she’d given me and when I’d gone back to try and tell her how much I loved her and how much I missed her, Zane had been there, standing with her. I watched from afar as she flew into his arms and the concern that crossed his face as he hugged her hit me like a bullet in the heart. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed Bailey or my brother over the years and seeing how easy his relationship with Bailey was, burned.
As we sat and spoke, I tried to inject some of the enthusiasm he had for his wife into my words when I spoke about Jan, but as I said she was my high school sweetheart, the words burn
ed and Bailey’s face almost destroyed me. I knew she couldn’t see why I was doing it, but I had to protect her. My dad had threatened her again the previous night, saying he would pull funding from her gallery if I didn’t toe the party line.
When I asked if I could take my fiancée to see Oliver and Serena, Bailey’s horror at my words was replaced with rejection, and tears stung my eyes as I watched her stare into her cup. I was succeeding; she was beginning to hate me. It would be better if she hated me, but sometimes when she looked at me, I could feel how much she still loved me and my chest would tighten and my palms would sweat because God help me, but I loved her too.
I loved her so damn much it hurt, but my dad would destroy her, and I would do anything to prevent him from hurting her ever again. After the last time, my dad hit her, I’d sworn I’d do whatever it took to protect her from him. He’d hit me a dozen times that she hadn’t known about. The worst time was after he’d gotten back from rehab and after Jan sent him the recording of our first time, it was particularly brutal. I couldn’t breathe when he finished with me.
TO BE CONTINUED….
First off, I want to thank you, the reader. You are why we write and while times are very uncertain just now, the fact that you have bought this book is amazing, so thank you so very much.
Next I’d like to thank my amazing, eccentric, crazy, loving family. Without each and every one of you I wouldn’t be who I am today and I adore you all.
To my brilliant betas, Heather, Paula, Emma, Kerry, Joanne, and Lesley. You girls are friends, trusted advisors, and absolutely amazing. Thank you for all you do and for being there.
To my editor, Amanda, and my amazing proof readers, Mich and Judy, thank you all so much for making this book reader ready. You girls are totally amazing.
To Eleanor, I don’t know how to thank you for the amazing cover. You are honestly one of the nicest people I have ever met and your kindness is inspiring. Thank you so much for making my book baby look so gorgeous with this incredible cover.
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