“I can’t, Dad. I already signed up for school here. I don’t want to go to Florida. I don’t trust you or Tommy and I’m not going with you guys. I’m staying here. I have a job and I’m starting school.”
“Don’t tell me. Don’t you stand there like some goddamn privileged little bitch and tell your father what you’re not going to do. Get your ass in gear. Get your things. Your mother can stay here and freeze. And where’s that coward, that loser, that old man you’re fucking, Ingrid? Where is he? Hiding in the coat closet?”
My dad lurched across the room and flung open the rickety closet door, which slammed to the wall.
“He’s lucky he wasn’t in there, I’d have killed him right now with my bare hands.”
My mother was in the living room now, crying, wiping her eyes on her apron she still had around her waist from doing the dishes. She came over and put her arm around me. I felt good that she was standing with me that way, until I realized that Brandy was slowly walking toward the two men.
Brandy was walking over to see Dad. He loved Dad. He had realized it was him and was wagging his tail and approaching him.
That’s when my dad said, “Tommy, grab the dog. Grab his collar. Get him out of here. Take him up to … ”
“Dad, no!”
Tommy was afraid of Brandy, I knew. He was hesitating. My mom started wailing. I had to think fast. They couldn’t take Brandy. He’d die. They wouldn’t know about his heart problem. I turned my body, looking for something, I don’t know what, when I had an idea. I threw myself suddenly to the floor, flat down, letting my head hit hard. I lay flat on the living room floor, unmoving.
My mom went nuts. She started screaming, “Look what you’ve done! Oh my God! Look what you’ve done to her! Let go of that dog. You get out of here! Both of you! We don’t want you here. Get out!”
My mother was crouching by my head stroking her hand over my hair, “That’s right! Get out! Get out of here and leave us alone with your terrible bullying! You’ve hurt us all enough now. Oh my God, she’s fainted.”
I heard Brandy’s collar and I felt him licking my face. I felt my mom’s hand on my back. I heard the old wooden bells that hung on the door start chiming.
And then the kitchen door slammed.
Two sets of heavy footprints on the porch floor.
Two car doors slamming.
The engine starting.
My mother went to the window to be sure they were gone and said, “Sidney honey, you fainted. Are you okay? That was so frightening, I don’t blame you. Oh, they’re driving a Lincoln Continental. I can’t believe him. That’s so like your father and his tricks. What a terrible scene. Are you okay?”
I was sitting up on the floor, hugging Brandy.
My mother came over to me and looked down into my face. “You were so frightened that you fainted and fell to the floor.”
I smiled then.
“No I didn’t. I did it on purpose,” I was smiling bigger now, a big wide mischievous grin was taking over my face as I said, “I faked it.”
My mother plunked herself down on the upholstered ottoman and untied her apron. She looked at me with awe.
“You are really something Sidney. I never would have thought to do something like that. No one would have. What made you think of that right then?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t think. I just went for it. I couldn’t let them take Brandy. I wanted to tell you I was okay when it was happening but I was afraid you’d blow it.”
“I probably would have, you’re right! Good thing you didn’t. You mean like if your hand reached out and touched my ankle or something? I probably would have just screamed or something stupid and ruined the whole thing. It was really an Oscar-winning performance all around. Absolutely incredible. You should be an actress. An unforgettable performance.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
The next day was the day before school was to start. The school bus that drove out to the Indian reservation had added me to its route. I was looking forward to the bus coming down the gravel road for me. I was supposed to walk down to the turnaround at the old lodge so the bus could easily turn and head back to town. I felt like things were really falling into place.
Around noon, Seymour came to see how things were going. He and my mother asked me if I wanted to ride with them into Virginia, the biggest nearby town, and see if there was anything I needed for school. I jumped at the chance. We all rode in Seymour’s stodgy salesman-looking sedan, but hey, I wasn’t picky about anything any more. The fact that Seymour had a reliable car and that he was a kind person, was beyond my expectations. On the way, I got to talk about my dad and Tommy showing up and how scary it was and how they tried to take me and then, Brandy, but I freaked them out by pretending to pass out on the floor. Seymour seemed very concerned at first but by the end of the story I had him laughing. I liked him and I didn’t care any more what it all meant.
We went to the mall in Virginia. My mother said I needed better shoes. I’d been wearing flipflops or running shoes all summer. I had the red down vest, which fit me well, and the light blue down coat, which was big but would go over the vest perfectly when things got really cold. I picked out some cute shearling-lined hiking boots with bright red laces. I put them on and put my running shoes in the box and wore them out of the store. I felt like a lumberjack in a very good way, like I could take on anything. We went to a teen clothes store and I fell in love with a white cotton flannel blouse that had a Victorian look with a high collar, white lace trim, and buttons all down the back. It was a perfect prairie girl kind of thing. I spotted a bright-red wool sweater that had two white reindeer facing each other and a white snowflake pattern knitted in to the sleeves. My mother suggested I get a plaid flannel shirt as well so we did. We walked out of the store with all three items and I was elated.
Lastly, we went down to the far end of the mall to the Fleet Farm store, which had workmen’s supplies. I picked out a women’s one-piece wool long underwear, a union suit, in red. I didn’t need it then, but Mom and Seymour said I’d be needing it soon enough. They sprung for chopper’s mitts, which were a set of oatmeal colored rag wool mittens fitted into tan leather outer mittens. You could wear them together or separately. Just before we left Seymour laughed about the big fur trapper hats near the check out counter. But I wasn’t laughing. The store had small, medium, and large and the small fit perfectly, so we added it to the pile. I was going to be the cutest Northwoods girl ever. I loved all of it.
Seymour took us to Mr. Steak, a restaurant by the mall, and I ordered the fried shrimp and steak combo. It came with a cheesy twice-baked potato and a salad.
I was all smiles. Life was beautiful. I was ready for anything. On the way out of town we stopped at a drug store and I bought a three-ringed notebook and a big package of loose paper with holes punched in it; a package of two Bic pens; and a set of pencils with their own erasers and a sharpener. I was ready for school.
SCHOOL STARTS
The next morning was sunny and bright, the third of September. The high would be near seventy the radio had said, but I had to be at the bus stop by six-thirty so it was cold, forty-five degrees. I wore my new red plaid flannel shirt, my jeans, my new hiking boots and a cream-colored cable-knit fisherman’s sweater that had been my grandmother’s. I found my red backpack from last year that was in good shape.
I had been told by the principal that my bus stop would be at the old turnaround for the lodge. The lodge was someone’s private summer house now, and there was no one there, but it was the only place where the road could be plowed with ample room for the bus to turn around and head back toward the main road.
I waited in the early morning quiet of the woods until I heard the chugging and wheezing of what could only be the school bus coming to get me. When it pulled up I was shocked at the poor condition it was in. It looked like it was from the ‘50s and it probably was. The door swung open and I got my first glimpse of the bus driver who would be ferrying m
e every morning over the coming winter. He wore a flannel shirt and a hunting hat. He had big long fuzzy sideburns sort of like Elvis Presley. He introduced himself right away. “So you’re Sidney the new girl, huh? I’m Corey. I’ll be driving this baby all winter so we might as well get acquainted right off the bat.”
“Hi. Nice to meet you.”
I turned to step inside and could see that the bus was more than half full. I went to the first seat I could find and tried not to look uncomfortable. A few other girls around my age got on at the various stops. Some of the girls were nice and smiled at me and even said hello. Some just seemed like they hated school or their lives. I smiled at everybody. I liked them already. Most of them seemed to know each other but I didn’t feel bad about any of it. The kids at the back of the bus were rough-housing and the bus driver yelled at them a few times. They were from the reservation. I thought it was sad that they were all together at the back of the bus but it seemed to be their choice to sit back there.
When we got to school I saw the principal, Mr. Harlan, again and he seemed in high spirits. He was joking with everyone in the halls, making the boys remove their hats, teasing the girls. I noted that he talked to the kids who came from the reservation with the same affection and respect that he had for the other kids. He seemed to love all the kids and his job.
I went to each of my classes and met the teachers. For the most part, I felt it was going to be easy. The only bad thing was that the English teacher was a young woman who was the women’s gym teacher and looked the part. She practically admitted she knew nothing about teaching an English class and she immediately set to handing out grammar worksheets, which we sat and did in silence the rest of our very first class with her. What a disappointment!
On the other hand, the history teacher was an incredibly funny and highly verbal guy who in just the first few minutes had me wondering what his story could be because he was bright and funny and sophisticated, and all the kids loved him and he loved them back. He explained that he was the hockey coach and the history teacher. Apparently he had been so good at hockey in high school that he had won a full sports scholarship to Harvard. So he went to Harvard and played hockey and graduated with a history degree. Then he came back to this godforsaken tiny town up near the Canadian border of northern Minnesota and got this teaching job. And he’d been here ever since and said he didn’t ever regret it one bit.
These people were wonderful. I got off the bus at three in the afternoon. The sun was shining. The leaves were colorful and the drive down our narrow gravel road was beautiful.
I kicked through the grass down to the cabin and Brandy was happy to see me. My mom was cooking a duck with wild rice stuffing for dinner. Seymour was in a chair reading the local paper. I thought this might all work out.
My mom laughed as I told her that I joined the band, the orchestra, and the choir. I sang for the choir director and he said I should try out for the fall play. They put on plays! In Chicago I sang in the church choir and was able to do solos often. But at the big high school everything had been quite specialized. You couldn’t take band and choir because the schedules conflicted, but if you played an instrument you could be in the band and the orchestra so I played my flute in both. But then when it came time to try out for vocal parts in the school musicals, I was seen as a flute player from the orchestra and they never gave me a chance. The girls who were in the school choral program were always being groomed for the parts in the musicals. Here in this tiny school I felt like I could be anything and everything and they were for the most part glad to have me along.
I also told Seymour and my mom about the mayor of the town being the calculus teacher. The mayor and the principal were joking around in the hall, saying that they were going to have to show this city slicker … me … what a real education was all about. The school had received my transcripts from Chicago and they were impressed with my grades. The mayor, who looked a lot like the wizard in the original Wizard of Oz movie said, “Well you haven’t come up against my calculus class yet, Miss Smarty. We’ll see how smart you really are.”
The principal just laughed and shook his head when I answered, “I never said I was good at math. I’m not good at math! I shouldn’t have to take calculus. I didn’t take math all last year. I opted out of math.”
“Opted out of math!”
This only made the two jolly men laugh harder.
The principal gave a speech, “No student is going to graduate from this fine institution on a college bound track without calculus. We have standards! We have standards!”
I didn’t have any faith that college would be a possibility next year anyway, so I just laughed along.
My mother and Seymour seemed to find the stories about the people at the school to be very amusing. “You know, that new school of yours is an education in and of itself, regardless of what you learn or don’t learn in their classes,” Seymour commented.
I happily went to my room to organize my new notebook and do my first homework assignments.
I quickly got into my school routine and within a week I felt well acclimated. The kids and the teachers were fun, with the exception of a grouchy business teacher who didn’t like me but didn’t seem to like anyone else much better. I’d get home every day and Mom and Seymour would be planning some kind of great dinner so I was happy to go in my room and work on my school-work until dinner was ready. My mom didn’t pick on me or make me do much. They seemed to want the time alone and I was fine with that. I found myself wishing that things could keep going this way.
But soon my mother was talking more about what was happening in Chicago. She called her lawyer a lot but wasn’t sure that everything was being done to get the divorce cleared and the money issues sorted out. One day she said that Seymour was leaving to go back to Chicago for his own business affairs and that she thought she should go with him. She was worried about Aunt Evelyn, who had been having trouble breathing at night and was feeling weak. My mom thought she needed to go to a doctor but Aunt Evelyn wouldn’t go alone, so my mother was to make an appointment and take her once she got back.
When my mom left she cautioned me that Brandy was an old dog who needed to be watched carefully. He needed to be walked and I had to keep the wood stove going as best I could so he’d stay warm. If I stoked it up when I left in the morning it would burn a pretty long time and the coals and the iron would stay warm hopefully until I got home in the afternoon. She showed me how to turn on the oil furnace too, but the tank wasn’t very big so it had to be used sparingly.
When Seymour came to pick up my mom, he came in and asked if I’d speak with him for a moment in my bedroom. I thought that was really weird, but I did it. My mom was up by the road, packing her things in Seymour’s car. “Sidney, I have this for you and I want you to have it while we’re gone. He reached in his inner breast pocket of his coat and pulled out a pale blue-gray felt bag. It had a silk cord drawstring closure. I watched intently as he pulled open the drawstring and pulled out a very small silver gun. It was a pistol. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
“I’m not saying you’d ever have to shoot it. If you do have to, hold it out in front of you with both hands and pull the trigger. It’s loaded. It’s only got three bullets in it. But three would do it. Mostly you can just show someone that you have a gun and they’ll turn around and run. That’s what it’s for. An emergency. Keep it here in your room. Make sure you always know where it is.”
Just then my mother came back into the cabin and Seymour quietly stepped out into the living room. I thought he didn’t want her to know. I was okay with that. I didn’t say a word about it. When I picked up the pouch I was surprised how heavy it was. I put it in the pink desk drawer.
I walked up to the driveway with Brandy at my side. We watched as Seymour got in his car and started it up. My mom came over to me and hugged me and I tried not to cry. “I love you Sidney. I’m sorry this is happening this way, but you know it was what you wanted. You could be co
ming back with us to Aunt Evie’s. I know, you don’t want that. Well, I’ll be back as soon as I can. Take care of Brandy. And be careful.”
Brandy and I watched them drive out of the driveway and head out down the road. I went back in the cabin, threw a log on the fire, sat down and cried.
I was happy at school in the coming days but sad on the weekends alone in the cabin when all the other kids lived in the town for the most part and did things together there. I would hear stories and wonder about their social lives. I still worked at the resort but it was quiet now, with just a few of the regulars at the bar and a few couples coming through on fall getaway weekends in the dining room.
One Friday the girls my age who rode the school bus told me they were going to a party later that night.
“You should come too, Sidney,” said the nicest girl, Jennifer, who had big cow eyes and a chubby figure. She was gentle and kind, always watching to see how other people were feeling. I knew she was a safe person to be around.
“I have to work, but I could come after if it’s going to go late.”
“It will! Come! There are these boys, they’re brothers. They play guitars and sing. You will love them. They’ll love you. They’re so cute. They’re the cutest boys we know. They’re much cuter than any of the boys from school.”
After working a few hours and picking up my much-diminished paycheck, I drove in the old truck over to a campsite along the lake where the kids were having the party. I had never seen anything like this before. All the cars were backed up to a roaring bonfire and all the car radios were tuned to the same station so the rock music was blasting.
Everyone was leaning up against cars or sitting on the tailgates of pickup trucks. Every kid had a can or a bottle. I walked in from parking my truck up near the road. I was alone so I wasn’t sure how I’d be received but as soon as the girls from school saw me they came running over. They were kind of drunk and silly. They asked me if I wanted something to drink but I said no thanks because I really didn’t like the taste of beer and I’d never had a drink before, so I was afraid of something bad happening.
A Girl Called Sidney Page 18