by Kinley Cole
Home is where I lost myself five years ago, and it’s where I found myself just moments ago. The instant I walked into that bar and saw Buck, that’s when I knew.
And it all came to a halt when Jack busted his way into the picture, reminding me of the one reason we’ll never be together.
Him.
I'm sure Buck wants nothing to do with me now since Jack called out my engagement in front of him. I hadn't even thought to explain at that point in time because I thought it was useless, and I didn't want to make an even bigger scene, even though there were only a couple other people in there besides us. And honestly, those other people were so damn old they probably couldn’t even hear what was being said.
Jack shifts the truck into park. Looking over at the big wooden porch, I see Auntie Rae sitting in the porch swing, her oxygen tank beside her and a glass of iced sweet tea in her hands. She looks to be only about ninety pounds now. Her face is sunken and her skin almost gray. The sight sends a pang straight to my chest.
Auntie Rae has always been a curvy woman, full of bright light and a fiery attitude to match. Even sick and at ninety pounds, she’s sitting with her head held high and her back straight, the same fiery attitude exuding from her frail body.
“Hi, Auntie.” I climb out of the truck and rush over to her, stumbling in my bare feet along the way. The whiskey gives me a not-so-gentle reminder it’s still coursing through my veins. “How are you feeling?” I ask her.
She stops the swing, and I wrap my arms around her tiny body and kiss her paper-thin cheek. “Just as I look—like shit,” she advises me curtly. “But I'm still above dirt so I can't complain too much.” I giggle and sit down next to her. “Lord, Dakota. You smell like a damn liquor store.” She scrunches her nose in distaste.
“I’m sorry, Auntie,” I chuckle. “I had a few welcome back home shots this afternoon.”
“Hmm...that sounds pretty good. Why don't you take my ice tea inside and spike it a little for me? The lemon vodka is on the top shelf—”
“Of the pantry. I know where it is,” I finish for her.
“You would know where that is, always sneaking liquor out of the house and fillin’ the vodka bottle back up with water.” Auntie Rae arches her brow at me.
I don’t even bother to deny it, too shocked. “How’d you know? You never said anything! I just thought y’all didn’t drink much.” My cheeks fill with heat, unnecessary embarrassment of being caught for somethin’ Jack and I did years ago.
“Honey, we didn’t say anything because we knew you two would do it anyway and we didn’t want you guys stealin’ from anybody else or takin’ drinks from strangers that could’ve been drugged.”
I furrow my brow at her. “You really think we would’ve been drugged at a party around here? Everybody knows everybody, and every party was always at the Dawson’s place.”
“Good point,” she nods in agreement, snapping her fingers. “Chop, chop. I need somethin’ to wet my whistle.” Auntie grins while she hands her plastic cup of iced tea to me.
“I think I can manage that. Do you mind if I have one with you, too?” Not that I need it. I’ve had enough this afternoon, especially on an empty stomach.
“Are you kiddin’ me? Of course, I don’t mind. It’s a Friday afternoon, I think? Hell, I don’t know what day it is, and it don’t matter. The weekend started for me three months ago...”
Three months ago. That’s when I found out Auntie was sick. I was told it wasn't anything to worry about, but it spread and got out of hand. That's when I was faced with the decision of staying where I was, or coming back home. I just couldn't figure out if I was coming back home for good, or just staying for a little while to help with her.
After a long battle with the decision, I got all my ducks in a row and packed everything up. Then, I called off my engagement because I no longer saw a future with Timothy. In fact, I’d never seen one with him, but I think I’d just wanted to because I couldn’t have one with Buck.
Now, I'm wondering if I really am home for good, or just until Auntie leaves us, but it’d be selfish of me to think I wouldn't have anything left here after she’s gone. I’d still have my Uncle Don to care for. And my brother is here. I don't know if I can stay here forever, though, being around Buck and not having him as my own.
“I won't be having dinner here tonight with y'all, Auntie,” Jack states, coming up onto the porch. “I’m fixin’ to go out to dinner and drinkin’ with a friend tonight.”
“Oh, a friend? A girlfriend? It’s about damn time,” Auntie teases him.
“No, nothin’ like that. I'm just goin’ out with Buck tonight.”
Anger pounds heavily in my chest at his words and I scoff, rolling my eyes at Jack.
“Is there an issue with that, Sis?” He’s daring me to say something about it.
“Nope. You two go have a bunch of fun. I have no problem with it at all.” I take a big gulp of my iced tea with lemon vodka, shivering at the strength. I can drink whiskey from the bottle, but vodka is just plain cruel to me.
“Why are you pickin’ on your sister, Jack? Leave the damn girl alone. She just got home,” Auntie reprimands him.
Jack walks away, opening the creaky screen door and heading inside to get ready. I stay seated on the swing, sulking next to my aunt.
“What's the matter, Dakota? Why are you upset he's hangin’ out with Buck tonight?”
“I'm not upset. I just think it's funny they're gonna hang out after what just happened at the bar only a little while ago.”
“You know those two fight one minute and are fine the next. They’re just like brothers, you know that. Buck has been a part of this family since y'all were little kids.”
I can't bear to hear anything more about Buck being like a brother to Jack or like family. Of course, I know he is. I just happen to see him as so much more than family, and on a completely different level.
“Auntie, I think I've had a little too much to drink. I need to go rest. Holler for me when it's time to cook up supper, and I'll come down and fix it.” I stop the swing, kiss her gently on her soft cheek, and then stand to make my way inside.
Shuffling my bare feet up the wooden stairs with my drink in one hand and my heels in the other, I can hear the shower running. I set my heels down in the hall by the bathroom door, and then I open it ever so gently. The cup in my hand is still practically full of ice, tea, and vodka, and I carry it with me inside. Quietly, I climb up onto the toilet lid, stretching on my tippy toes, and quickly dump the drink over the shower rod onto Jack.
“Jesus fucking Christ! Oh my God, that’s so cold! Dakota, I'm going to whoop your ass!” Jack shouts, his voice full of rage.
“You shouldn't be sayin’ the Lord’s name in vain, Jack.” A laugh from deep within my belly flees from my mouth. I can't control it.
“Oh, you just wait, Dakota...you just wait.”
No, you just wait, Jack...you just wait.
Chapter Three
Buck
The last thing I really want to do this evening is go out with Jack, but I know we need to have a talk. Not to mention, I’m definitely gonna need a hell of a lot more to drink in order to stomach the thought of Kota marrying someone other than me.
When I think about my future, it's always had Kota in it, even with her being gone for the past five years. I’ve still held on to a sliver of hope that she’d come back home to me. I may not have recognized her from her physical appearance, but I felt that familiar feeling when she looked at me with those bright blue eyes and showed me her smile. The moment I saw the birthmark on her neck is the exact moment I saw my future coming together.
Then, Jack had to come in and fuck it all up like he's always done. And, of course, Kota had to be a fuckin’ tease like she's always been. Hell, I have never truly had the opportunity to put that little brat in her place, and if she wasn't about to be wedded to another man, I would spank the fuck out of her little round ass and claim her as my own for good. Despi
te what anyone has to say about it...including Jack.
The thought of spanking Kota sends a throbbing rush to my cock and a heavy ache in my balls. I need to be emptied inside of her. I never had the chance to feel Kota from the inside like I always dreamed of, and the thought consumes me.
We’d had plans for me to take her virginity, and sadly that man wasn't me. I'm sure she's had her fair share of men since all we ever did was fool around a little bit here and there, but it irks me that we never got to experience the full thing together.
Thinking of other men touching her, being with her, thinking of this man who’s asked for her hand in marriage...rage fills my gut, but it doesn’t take away my desire to fuck Kota right into her place so she learns her lesson about being a tease.
I stand in my shower and let the hot water pound against my back. Rubbing the soap all over my body, I pay special attention to my hard dick. I stroke myself as I let my mind wander to the vivid memory of when I was with Kota all those years ago. The spark of electricity I felt with the simple touch of her hands on my skin, the warmth of her wet mouth as it wrapped around my cock, bobbing her head up and down, taking all of me into the back of her throat. I can still hear the soft moans that escaped her as she sucked the soul from my body.
I picture her, here and now, with her tongue swirling around the thick head of my dick again. I see her taking me all in, balls deep, but this time with me being rough with her. Thrusting to the back of her throat as she hangs her head upside down off the bed, as I watch her big breasts bounce up and down while she plays with herself. I won't let her finish, though, because I want her to finish against my mouth and then again all over my cock when I’m fucking her senseless.
My slick sudsy hand travels the length of my shaft and squeezes a little tighter, pumping up and down as I keep playing the scene over and over in my mind, wishing for it to become a reality. I can almost taste her on my lips, and it's that exact thought that makes me explode.
I grunt as I finish stroking myself, milking every last drop of cum from my cock and watching it fall to the shower floor and swirl down the drain. Then, I punch the shower wall in fury, pissed off that Kota’s still got this hold over me and I can't move on.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. Hell, I don’t even know if I want to.
I finish my shower and hurry to get dressed, putting on an old pair of ripped jeans, cowboy boots, and a plaid button-up shirt, topping the outfit off with a light brown cowboy hat.
My phone dings, alerting me of a text message. I look at it and see a notification from Jack telling me he will be ready in a few. I respond by telling him I'll be leaving in about five minutes. All I can do now is cross my fingers and hope to God Kota won't be there when I pick him up.
Or maybe I do want her to be there, so I can put her ass on the spot and get answers out of her.
Why the hell did you even strut your sexy ass through the double doors of my bar? Why the hell were you lookin’ at me like you wanted me to ravage your body right there on that fuckin’ counter? Why the hell weren’t you wearin’ your goddamn ring? And what the fuck were you thinkin’ when you said ‘yes’ to the man that isn’t me?
The questions flood my brain like a dam breaking. I fight to shake them away, desperate to replace every feeling for her with rage.
Shuffling my way out the front door, I make it to my grandad’s old truck named Betty Sue. I inherited her when he passed and she’s the only lady that’s never let me down. Betty Sue is the only damn woman for me.
How I wish that were fuckin’ true...
Racing down the gravel road, I come up to the old tattered sign that reads The Jenkins Farm. I drive down their driveway, pulling up out front, and I’ll be damned if Auntie Rae ain’t waving me to come over to her on the porch swing.
Nobody can tell Auntie Rae no, so I put my truck in park and turn off the ignition, stepping out to make my way over. I wave my hand high and tip my hat at her.
“Hello there, beautiful,” I say with a smile. Pain engulfs my heart, seeing her this frail and sick. I can't imagine a life without her as she's always been there ever since I was a small boy, even before Jack and Kota moved in with them. They were always good friends with my grandparents.
Auntie grins, big and bright, her blue eyes reminding me much of Kota’s, even though it’s Don who’s blood related to her, and that’s when I look up to her window. The one I used to throw rocks at in the middle of the night.
There she stands, her face in the nearly see-through white curtains. Once eye contact is made between us, she turns away, disappearing into the depths of her room.
“What’s botherin’ you, B?” Auntie’s raspy voice pulls me from my daze.
“I’m just tired. It’s been a really long day,” I lie. And from the narrowing of her eyes, I know she can see right through the bullshit, just as she’s always been able to.
“You don’t have to tell me, but don’t you lie to me, Buck. You know better than that. Just be honest and say, ‘Auntie Rae, it ain’t none of your damn business.’” She laughs, and it’s contagious.
“You’re right, Auntie Rae. I’m sorry.” I pause, grinning from ear to ear before I continue. “It ain’t none of your business,” I say with a tip of my hat.
“That’s better, boy. Well, whatever the hell it is...it won’t last long. There are much bigger issues in this world...” A hoarse cough steals her voice, interrupting her, and I wait patiently with concern. “I’m not referring to me, neither. I’ve lived a long, happy life with a full belly and heart. There are a lot of others out there who die long before their time is up, or end up starving and alone.”
She’s right. Auntie Rae is always right. I’ve been blessed enough to have many of her words of wisdom stowed away in my memory bank. I lean forward with my arms open wide and embrace her in a gentle hug, afraid she’ll break if I squeeze even a little.
“Thank you, Auntie Rae. I needed that, I really did.” I kiss her lightly on her soft cool cheek.
“You know you can come over here anytime you need to talk,” she whispers before a hoarse cough takes away her voice again.
Jack comes out of the front door and gives a nod to acknowledge me. “Ready?” he asks with a big dip of tobacco in his bottom lip.
“Been waitin’ on you.”
Jack hugs Auntie Rae goodbye and we head toward Betty Sue. I turn my head back, glancing up at Kota’s window to see if she’s there, and sure enough, she is. My gaze flits back down to Auntie Rae, trying to hide that I was looking up to Kota’s window again, and I give another quick wave goodbye.
Now, I ain’t a rocket scientist, but she sure wasn’t looking out the window to watch the damn corn grow. She was looking out of it because of me, and that pisses me off about the whole situation even more.
She wants me.
I need her.
But we’ll never happen again...
Chapter Four
Dakota
That damn fool knew I was making eyes at him from my window and he didn’t even acknowledge me. I plop down on my bed and throw my body backward, laying down to stare up at the popcorn ceiling. Thinking about what to do from here, what I’ll say, and how I’ll smooth this all over with Jack.
There's only one place those two can be going on a Friday night, and it won't be anywhere around this town. The only place we have here is the Golden Spur Tavern, which is Buck’s family’s bar, and he’s already been there all day. They'll be going to the bigger city next to us, about a twenty-minute drive, to the place that has dollar draft beers on Friday nights, darts, and dancing.
Where there's dancing, there's women, and I'll be damned if Buck’s gonna try to get with another woman because he thinks I'm engaged.
If I had his number I would call him up, or at the very least send him a text message to explain myself. I feel that’s a cheap way out of it, though. I need to speak to him in person. I want him to know the truth and hear it in my words and see it in my eyes
, and I want him to know I am being honest with him when I tell him I’m still in love with him.
The only way I can accomplish this is to go talk to him in person, tonight. Whether Jack is around or not, he knows the situation between Buck and me, even if he tries to deny it.
I make a quick call to the cab company, even though it’s going to cost me an arm and a leg for them to drive twenty minutes clear out here in the middle of nowhere to take me twenty minutes back to the city, and back here again at the end of the night.
Checking myself over in the floor-length mirror, I make sure my makeup looks as flawless as can be, even though one eye’s makeup always seems to look better than the other, and then I fluff up my curls a tad bit more.
I’d give anything to feel Buck’s fingers get tangled up in these curls tonight...
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth at the thought, and that makes my mind wander to the way he nibbled on my bottom lip every time he kissed me.
Come hell or high water...I’m gonna kiss that man again.
My phone makes a quick beep, the sound it gives when I receive a text message. I pull it from my purse. It’s from an unknown number.
Kota...we need to talk.
Butterflies take over my belly every damn time I see or hear my name like that. I know it has to be Buck, but there’s always a chance I could be wrong.
Who is this?
I send the text message. The seconds that pass between my response and his feel like it’s taking forever.
Who do you think? Who else calls your ass Kota?
There he goes already, giving me that cocky ass attitude he’s always had. Even when we were little kids, he was a cocky little shit.
How did you even get my number?
I’m keeping the responses short so I don’t come across as desperate or overbearing. I want to spill my guts to him, but I can’t over-text him. It wouldn’t be right.