by T. L. Quinn
I pick his legs up and move them up onto the couch, and then I lay down next to him. “Shhh...not a word. Just let it be.”
I shimmy back up against his chest, and his arm swings around over my waist. Wow, he feels nice. “Comfy?” He whispers in my ear.
“Mhmm.” I say back. “Now shut your mouth and fucking spoon me.”
I feel him smile against my neck, but he listens to me and doesn’t say another word. His legs tangle up with mine, and I feel completely surrounded by him. For some reason, that doesn’t make me feel uneasy. The opposite actually. I feel as if I am perfectly safe. It only takes minutes before I am drifting back off to sleep.
Chapter 12
A pillow to the face is what wakes me the next morning. I groan as sunlight shines into my eyes. My body hurts in a bunch of weird places from sleeping on the couch the whole night.
Erin seems cheerful even though she was way more drunk than me last night. “What’d you do to Sawyer last night?”
I rub my eyes as I sit up confused. “What do you mean?”
She motions around the empty living room, and that’s when I realize he isn’t here anymore. I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. He was here when I fell asleep. He must’ve left.”
That fucker took off again. Coward.
I reach for my phone to check the time, and I see I have a text message.
Fuckface: Don’t fucking think about being mad at me for leaving.
I laugh to myself before I read the rest of the message because that’s exactly what I was doing.
Fuckface: No more morning sex for you until I get my fair share. Don’t think I don’t know that trick. You’re fucking using me for my body.
I laugh harder because he’s such a tool, but then again, I guess so am I. Erin looks at me suspiciously. “What’s so funny?” She asks.
“Hmm.” I say, trying to act like I wasn’t just smiling at my phone. “Where’s your friend?” I ask, changing the subject.
She holds up two cups of coffee and nods her head toward her room. “Right where I left him.” She grins. “You sticking around today? I can get rid of him.”
“No, I’ll get out of your hair. You need some sexy time. Get enough for the both of us.” I respond.
She raises an eyebrow at me in question. “So no funny business went down on my couch last night?”
“Gross.” I laugh. “I’ll call an Uber now.”
She shrugs as she heads back to her room. “No rush.”
I stare back. “Please, I don’t want to be here while you are getting busy in there. At least finish your coffee first so I have time to leave.”
She laughs as she walks into her room. “I’ll text you later.”
I quickly grab my phone and order a car. It’s only five minutes away. I smile at Sawyer’s text again.
Me: Used. I used you for your body. As in past tense. There will be no more shares of anything for you. I don’t need you anymore.
My car pulls up a couple minutes later, and I hop in still in last night’s clothes. Erin lives close to downtown, so I’m sure the drivers around here get it all the time. My phone dings, and I pull it back out of my purse.
Fuckface: You don’t think I can make you need me again?
Dammit.
Me: That wasn’t a challenge. I was just stating facts.
Fuckface: The fact that you needed me before.
Jesus. Why did I use that word? Fuck!
Me: It wasn’t YOU I needed. You didn’t leave me any other options. Cockblock.
My car pulls up to my place, and I put my phone back down and head inside. I rip my bra off the moment I walk in the house. I need a shower. I feel disgusting. I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet.
I grab a towel and head straight to the bathroom. I’m brushing my teeth when my phone dings again. I know it shouldn’t make my heart race, but I have no control over the way my body reacts. He fucking excites me, and it annoys the shit out of me.
Fuckface: There are no other options. Don’t pretend you would have been satisfied with anyone else.
Ugh! This man!
I spit in the sink and then start removing my clothes for my shower with my phone in my hand.
Me: Satisfied? I’d hardly call last night satisfying. Getting kicked out of a bar and then waking up with pain in my neck and back from sleeping uncomfortably. I haven’t even had the chance to scrub your filth off of me yet.
While I pull my shirt over my head, I get a whiff of Sawyer’s scent. He’s even seeped his way into my clothes. I guess it makes sense since he was pressed up against me all night long.
Fuckface: By all means, scrub all the filth from last night off.
Me: Don’t worry. I am. So you can leave me alone now.
Fuckface: If you wanted me to leave you alone, you wouldn’t have told me you were naked.
Me: I never said I was.
Fuckface: Are you?
I pause to think before I respond. If I try to hide it, it will only encourage him more.
Me: Yes.
Fuckface: Are you going to show me?
Me: No.
Fuckface: Will you touch yourself?
Me: Well yeah, it’s a shower. How else am I going to get clean?
Fuckface: Smartass.
I find myself grinning like a stupid idiot again. I put my phone back on the counter before I spend all day standing naked texting this asshole and get in the shower. After I’m done, I grab my towel and my phone starts ringing.
I pick up without looking who it is, thinking it’s Sawyer. “What do you want?” I ask, sounding annoyed.
Except it’s not Sawyer’s voice on the other end. “Well hello to you too Sweetie.”
I cringe in embarrassment. “Sorry dad. I thought you were someone else.”
He laughs. “With that tone, it had to either be an enemy or a lover.”
I let out a long breath. Oh how right he is. He continues. “You got a new man I need to know about?”
Oh God! He can never find out I slept with Sawyer. He’d never forgive me. I clear my throat. “What’s up?” I ask, ignoring his question all together.
He doesn't press the issue. “I wanted to see what you were up to today. I was going to stop by the caterers today and pick out the side dishes for next week.”
“Next week?” I ask.
He laughs. “You forgot about our annual company party again?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Apparently.”
We do an annual company party every year around this time. It usually isn’t so close to other events, and since we just had the trip to Mexico recently, it wasn’t on my mind. The annual party isn’t as elaborate as that trip though. It is usually just a rented hall with food and drinks and a DJ. Usually some awards are given out and such.
“Did you want to come with me?” He asks.
I pause. “Why does it seem like there is an ulterior motive for this?”
He chuckles. “We haven’t spent much time together recently. I miss you is all.”
I don’t respond right away because it feels like there is more. “I was going to stop by to see your mother as well. We haven’t visited in a while.” He says.
I sigh. I knew there was more to the story. He’s right though. I haven’t gone to see her in a while, but I can’t revolve my life around her, especially when she hasn’t put in any effort to talk to me either. She’s still my mom though, and I don’t have anything else going on today.
“Okay.” I respond to my dad. “What time?”
◆◆◆
After we stop by the caterers and pick out the final food options, we head over to the facility my mom is staying at. It’s not exactly a rehab center, and she’s free to come and go as she pleases, but the center has a bunch of on site activities and different therapy options every day. The idea is to have addicts stay here after rehab to slowly readjust to the real world again.
It’s all under my dad’s expense of course. She hasn’t worked a d
ay in probably the last twenty years. Half of that time she’s been zonked out on some sort of medication or drug. I vaguely remember the time before when she seemed healthy. At least to me as a child she did. Who really knows.
That’s how I like to remember her, which is why I don’t visit often. The past five years have only gotten worse. There’s only so much you can give a person before you have to let them make their own choices, which I guess she has been for most of my life.
Although technically my parents are still married, she hasn’t lived with us since I was eight. My dad tried to help her for the first couple of years, but eventually they both decided it would be best if she didn’t live with us anymore. He didn’t want her around me unless it was under supervision.
That’s how it always was growing up. We’d never know when she’d blow back in town. Sometimes I’d go six months without seeing her. She became more like a distant relative that you only see for family reunions or something.
It wasn’t all bad though. My dad’s sister lived a few blocks down the road from us, and she would help out. It became normal for me to not have a mom. I still don’t really feel like I have one. Even though I still see her every once in a while, I don’t really see her that way.
We walk up to her room on the second floor, and my dad knocks. My mom opens it a few moments later. She doesn’t look good. She hasn’t ever since she went off the deep end back when Sawyer was stealing all our sales.
I blamed him for that night for the longest time. Maybe if my dad wasn’t so distracted with the business, he would have been paying more attention. I still remember getting the call from my dad that night. We didn’t think she was going to make it this time. Someone found her in an alleyway, and she was pretty much at the point of death. An ambulance rushed her to the ER, and she barely survived.
She was too far gone this time to want to accept my dad’s help. She refused to check herself into rehab and was trying to find ways to steal more of my dad’s money. My dad paid for her apartment and for a grocery delivery service, so she always had a place to be safe. He removed her from all joint accounts though. She willingly let that happen in the beginning otherwise he would have had no choice but to divorce her. I am not really sure why my dad stays married to her other than he must still love her. I know he’s slept with other women, but I guess he doesn’t ever want to get married again.
Looking back now, I know Sawyer had nothing to do with any of it, but it’s easier to find someone to blame. I think my dad still does. It’s why he doesn’t want to be in the same room as him. He reminds him of my mother and what happened.
Don’t get me wrong, Sawyer is still an asshole, but I can’t put this on him. I don’t know if finding out about Sawyer’s past is what changed my mind. Before I thought he was just some self-entitled, arrogant asshole who got everything he wanted. Now I know he’s still all of that, but he also had a rough past.
“Hi mom.” I smile at her, and she pulls me into a hug. Her body feels frail and weak like she is an old woman.
We chat for a while, and she tells us what she’s been up to, which isn’t much since she mostly hangs around the facility. She nods toward my dad. “Dad told me you were expecting a call from a boy today?” She asks, smiling.
I narrow my eyes at my dad. “Did he now?” I laugh because calling Sawyer a boy just doesn't seem right at all.
My mom laughs too. “Yes, and he must be right. A mother can always tell.”
I smile back, but the words rub me wrong. How could she tell anything about me? She barely knows me. She’s more of a stranger to me than some of my other relatives. I try not to show her how I’m feeling though. I don’t want to upset her and send her down another spiral.
That’s how it always is with her. You have to constantly be walking on eggshells. I am forced to take care of her when she was supposed to be the one to take care of me.
We join her in the cafeteria for dinner, and then we say our goodbyes. Who knows the next time I’ll see her. She might not even be here anymore. You never know with her.
My dad gives me a soft smile as we walk back out to our cars. “You okay?” He asks.
I smile back. “Yeah, I’m just tired. I was out late last night. I think I will just head home now. Get to bed early.”
He gives me a hug goodbye, and I let out a sigh once I close my car door. I do feel tired, but it’s not from lack of sleep. I’m drained emotionally. I need an escape.
I know this is probably the dumbest decision of my life, but I pull out my phone and press dial on Sawyer’s contact. It rings a couple times, and I close my eyes and pray he doesn’t pick up.
“Hello?” He answers, sounding confused about my call.
“Hi.” I whisper because it’s all I can manage to get out.
“Hi.” He says back, sounding fucking cocky as ever.
“Are you doing anything right now?” I finally blurt out.
I can hear his smirk on the other end of the line even though there is no sound. “What’d you have in mind?” He asks.
“Are you home?” I ask nervously.
“Yeah, I-.”
I cut him off. “Text me your address.” I say and then hang up the phone before he has the chance to respond.
What the fuck am I doing? My phone dings a moment later with his address, and I start up my car and plug the address in my phone.
Twenty minutes later I’m pulling up to a cute house that sits on a good chunk of land surrounded by trees and farmer’s fields. For some reason, I thought Sawyer would be right downtown in some high rise apartment. This isn’t what I imagined at all.
I double check the address again, and this is where he told me to go. I’m about to call him to see if this is the right place when I see him walk from around the back of the house, calling after the cutest little dog I’ve ever seen. What in the world?
I open my car door as they approach, and I lean down and pet the dog. I can’t really tell what breed it is, but it must be some sort of mix. It gives a little yap, and Sawyer tries to calm it. “Down princess.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “You’re talking to the dog?” I point down at the little yapper.
Sawyer rolls his eyes. “Yes, the dog.” He mocks.
“You call her princess?” I ask, hiding a giggle.
“It’s her name.” He says back with a completely serious face.
I open my mouth to ask more questions, but he swoops down and picks her up and starts heading toward the house. “Long story. Let’s just say Chip got in over his head with some girl, and I somehow ended up with the dog.”
I laugh as I follow him in. I feel lighter already. I don’t know how he does that to me. Maybe because nothing is serious with him, and I know nothing serious will ever be with him. It feels easy. That is, it did feel easy until I stepped inside and realized I have no idea what I’m doing here.
Sawyer seems to have the same thought. He leans back against his kitchen counter and stares at me. I give a nervous laugh. “Uhm...nice place.”
He doesn’t respond and continues to stare at me, so I continue to ramble. “This isn’t what I expected. Although, I guess it makes sense you being out here all alone since I’m sure nobody wants to be around you.”
He doesn’t laugh or smirk or flirt back like he usually does. He continues to stare. I swallow hard and ring my hands around my wrists.
“What are you doing here Blake?” He finally says.
I look down at the floor. “I couldn’t go home.”
“And?” He asks, sounding annoyed.
I glance up. “And you said I could come over.”
His jaw ticks to the side. “But why are you here?”
I swallow hard. “I went to see my mom today.”
“What does that have to do with me?” He says with no sympathy.
I stare back at him angrily. “Because I wanted to talk to someone!” I yell back.
He doesn’t move from the counter. “Why me?”
I pinch my lips together. “I don’t know! Maybe because I don’t give a fuck about what you think!”
He pushes off the counter and walks toward me. “You didn’t come here to talk Blake. Tell me why you’re here.”
I swallow again and look down at the ground. “To forget.” I whisper.
His hand pushes my chin back up so that I am forced to look at him. “How do you want to forget?”
I squirm under his gaze. “You know how.” I say through clenched teeth.
“I need you to say the words.” His voice shows no mercy.
I stare back at him. My chest heaves up and down with anger. “Fuck me, Sawyer.” I grit out. “I want you to fuck me.”
I don’t have time to think before his mouth is on mine. He walks me backward until my back hits a wall. He raises my arms over my head and pins me there as his mouth devours mine. Fuck yes, this is exactly what I needed.
He’s not gentle in any way. The hand that is not pinning my arms to the wall comes down and grips my hip hard. He presses himself up against my body so that I feel him everywhere. His tongue presses into my mouth, and I relax into him.
My arms drop when he lets go of the grip he had on my wrists. He reaches down and picks me up. I wrap my legs around him, and he presses me against the wall harder.
I reach down to get his damn shirt off. I want to feel his skin. He leans back slightly and helps me pull his tee over his head. His abs and arms flex as he walks me back toward his room.
He sets me down, and I push him back up against his door. I can’t wait any longer. I reach straight for his jeans and undo them. I yank them down, and he helps kick them to the side. He stands there almost naked while I’m still fully clothed.
I didn’t have a chance to explore his body the last time we were together, so I take the opportunity now. I pull away from his mouth and move my lips to his shoulder and then his chest. His breathing picks up when I move my lips down to his stomach. I slowly run my tongue up one side of his abs and then the other.
My mouth begins to salivate, and I have an overwhelming need to have him in my mouth. I drop down to my knees, and I yank his underwear down. His cock springs up, but I have it fisted in my hand and the head in my mouth a moment later.