by T Gephart
“I get it, Angie. You wanted to protect Rusty. He’s a special guy. Not saying I’m happy about being not liked but I understand.”
“I’m just crazy hormonal at the moment and I have no idea whether I want to laugh, cry or punch a wall.” She wiped away a stray tear. “He’s family to me, Alison and I don’t want anyone to mess with my family.”
Those words chilled me to my core. Family. Something else I didn’t have. While I had two grandparents who no doubt loved me and I loved them, they’d been absent from my life for a long time. And if I had what she had I would have fought for it just as fiercely. And well . . . shit . . . I just couldn’t hate her for that.
“You have a real problem with locating the bar in this place.” Rusty materialized by my side, his eyes glancing between Angie and me. “Everything okay here?”
“Yep, all good.” Angie gave him a smile before turning back to me. “Thanks for the chat.”
“Anytime.” And just like that, the first real smile was exchanged between us. Wonders would never cease.
Angie gave Rusty a friendly squeeze on the arm and then walked away, waddling off to her husband while leaving us in our secluded corner.
“Anything you want to share?” Rusty leaned in brushing his lips against my nose. “Or is it secret women’s business?”
Instead of answering, I kissed him. Not sweetly like he’d just kissed me but a real kiss. Deep. On the mouth.
“I really like you,” I mumbled against his lips.
“I’m glad, ’cause it would suck immensely if you didn’t,” he mumbled against mine.
“No, I mean I really like you.” My arms wrapped around him as I struggled to get close enough.
“And I really like you.” He kissed the top of my head. “You want to go back and hang with the band or do you want to make out some more? Just putting it out there that I’m good with either.”
“I want to make out with my hot boyfriend and then we can go back.”
“Best. Plan. Ever.”
“So I need to tell you something and you need to listen all the way through before you freak out.”
There were about five hundred other conversations I would rather be having but unfortunately here we were—having this one.
“It’s bad, right? Just tell me, I’m already imagining bad, bad things.” Alison sat up in bed, the sheet slipping down to show me a spectacular morning view. Her bedroom was going to be strictly for show from here on out, no way I was ever going to be sleeping alone.
“It’s not bad but it’s going to take some understanding on your part.”
Last night had gone a long way in us moving forward. The guys loved her just as I knew they would and even Angie let go of the hesitation. My girl, however, was the star of the show. Trading barbs with Max and Joey, she eased right into the group. The springs had definitely been loosened and this version of her was way more relaxed. Had to admit, seeing her confident like that made me all kinds of proud.
“O-kay. So what is it?” While her voice wavered slightly, she didn’t give me the same look of hesitation I assumed she would. And other than assuming it was bad when I said I needed to tell her something, she hadn’t jumped to worst-case scenario just yet. All in all, a massive improvement from what I thought I’d be facing.
“I need to go out tonight with the band.” I hoped like hell the calm was going to last. “A seedy bar which means there are going to be girls that are possibly not interested in my new off-the-market status. But I promised you I’d be honest so rather than bullshit and tell you I’m going somewhere else, you need to know. You also need to know nothing is going to happen with any of them, I’m with you and I mean it.”
It would have been easy to give her some line about needing to stay late in the studio, or maybe some BS about having a band meeting. Official business would have been the easy way out. Probably would have saved us both a lot of heartache. But I wasn’t in the habit of lying to the people I cared about so I wasn’t about to start now. Not to mention she already had massive trust issues, me adding to them—wasn’t happening.
“Oh.” The one word enough to prove she wasn’t cool with it.
“Max’s brother is still giving him headaches. I came up with the bright idea that if we get him out and get him laid he won’t be worrying about all the other shit. Somewhere in that discussion, I got tasked to help. But I’m telling you because I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
I wasn’t the kind of guy who asked for permission. I wanted something; I went and did it, which is probably why I had been playing musical chairs with the ladies in recent times. Easy. No questions. Freedom. But what all that shit didn’t give me were the feelings I was starting to muster up for this girl. Shit that went beyond just a good time. And I sure as shit wasn’t looking to give that up.
“I see.” She drew her knees up to her chest, my perfect view now hindered by her legs. That wall that had been lowered last night started to creep its way back up again.
“No, you don’t see.” I moved closer not allowing her to shut me out. “Whatever you have going on in your head right now, isn’t going to happen. My dick isn’t going to accidently slip into someone else. I’m not going to suddenly see a pair of tits and forget about you. Look at me, that isn’t going to happen.”
“You’re so sure?” Those eyes of hers unable to hide the vulnerability she’d been trying to keep under wraps.
“Yes, I’m sure. I know that I’m not fucking someone else just because there isn’t the opportunity, it’s because I don’t want to be with anyone else.”
Who knew when it all happened, but my script had definitely been flipped. What possibly started as attraction and fascination, quickly changed to something else. Maybe it’s because she wanted something from me other than sex, maybe it’s because she wasn’t impressed by the fact I played six-string with a band. Maybe it’s because she had been dragged through shit and was still one of the sweetest girls I’d ever met. All I knew was that the kind of crap that had landed in her lap would have justified crazy-evil-bitch-from-hell being unleashed and yet she didn’t.
“You always tell me to let go, that I’m too uptight. So here you go.” She steadied herself before taking a deep breath. “I hate it. I really do. But I also know that if I’m ever going to trust someone, it needs to be now.”
“Do you trust me, Alison?” It killed me to even ask and I hoped like hell the answer was going to be yes.
“Yes, I do. I know that if you want to cheat on me, you’re going to do it. If the only reason you’re faithful is lack of opportunity then it doesn’t mean much. I also know that I can’t be scared of that stuff anymore. I have to be enough.”
“You are enough. More than enough. Trust me, and I promise I won’t let you down.”
Never needed a rubber stamp of approval from anyone. My folks had been so cool about everything I’d just expected them to be supportive and proud. I lived my life without the safety net and just knew I’d be fine. A healthy dose of arrogance and an inflated sense of self-assurance have always been the only tools I needed. Those days were done. See ya later, bye-bye. What I wanted instead, for maybe the first time ever, was to have actually earned the fucking praise. To know the person clapping their hands was doing it for the right reasons. Not because I felt I’d earned it but because I actually had.
“Don’t break my heart, Rusty. I’m not that strong.” She shot me a look that just about killed me.
“It’s not going to happen.” I’d rather die than disappoint her, that much I knew for sure.
“Good. Don’t kiss them either. Those lips are mine.” The first sign of a smile started to play at the edge of her lips.
“All yours, along with the rest of me.” I planted my lips on hers seeing as she’d been so keen to take ownership; the kissing that followed an added bonus.
“Go to work, rock star. You have an album to finish and I have a busy day of watching porn.” She playfully pushed my chest, he
r words making me stop more than the shove.
“You watch porn when I’m not around? Why is this the first I’m hearing about it?” My chances of being late today were getting higher by the second.
“Yep, sure do. I’m getting all kinds of ideas too so you might want to not come home too late.” She was so fucking sexy, grinning like she knew what kind of trouble she was causing.
“Ah babe, you’re making it really difficult for me to get out the door. I’m not saying lie to me, but maybe work on your timing when you tell me these things.”
“Nah. I like it better this way. It makes me feel less inadequate to know you’re antsy. Consider it your gift to me.” Her amusement growing by the second.
“I’ve been antsy since the minute I laid eyes on you, Alison. Enjoy your porn, sweetheart. I’ll expect a full report the minute I walk in the door.” I laughed, only half joking. “Oh and feel free to send me pictures of anything that strikes your fancy. As well as being antsy, I’m a sucker for a pop-quiz.”
***
It was our final day in the studio. All the songs had been wrapped and we were just adding the finishing touches. I couldn’t have been more proud of the work we’d done—the music, the sound—all if it, us completely unfiltered. I fucking loved it.
“FUCK YEAH.” Joey tossed his sticks in the air as our sound engineer gave us the thumbs up, the last note locked and loaded.
“Well gentleman, it’s been an honor.” Angie gave her swollen belly a rub, junior obviously giving us a standing ovation. “As much as I would love to go out and celebrate with you, my plans include a tub of ice cream and a nap.”
“There is so much wrong with that, I don’t even know where to begin.” I slid my guitar off my shoulder, the relief washing over me. “I’m going to have serious words with your kid when he or she is born. Someone needs to instill good rock values seeing as you’ve gone soft.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Angie flipped me off proving there was still some badass left in her. “Let’s hope he or she can hold off until after our gig. I’d rather not give birth on stage.”
Suggestions of how cool it would be for Angie’s baby to make their entrance at a rock show were tossed through the air. Only to be overruled by our adamant front woman who was going traditional and having the kid in a hospital. And after packing up our equipment for the last time, we thanked our sound guys and went home.
The evening designated for operation get Phil laid had me lacking excitement. I was even less enthused when returning home to take a quick shower and change, and I found the house empty—Alison MIA. Of course I wasn’t expecting her to be thrilled about my impending night, but I had hoped she’d be around for my honey-I’m-home entrance. My words unfortunately hit empty air as I walked from room to room without finding the hot brunette I’d recently grown pretty attached to. My mood sunk further as I went and got ready.
I’d half expected her to come waltzing in while I was getting my shit together, but as I was heading out the door, there was still no sign of her. The earlier two text messages I’d sent were also left unanswered.
This night was so going to suck.
Chasers was the name of the fine establishment we’d decided was getting our coin tonight, the vibe just as sleazy as the interior. Funnily enough I’d never noticed up until now.
“What up?” Max greeted me as I walked through the door. My entrance delayed by the need to find a park for my ride.
“Not much. You guys already drinking?” My head tilted to the three empty shot glasses on the table in front of them with the half drunk beers chilling right next door. It was going to be one of those nights.
“Yep, cabbed it in. Everyone is getting hammered.” Joey raised his long neck in a mock toast before taking a swallow. His reason for the celebration a little different than the douchebag sitting next to him. Fucking Phil.
The dude who shared DNA with my bass player and good friend had thankfully cleaned himself up. While he still looked like a class-A dipshit, he at least didn’t look like the stoner, unemployed loser that he was. Ah, the power of a pair of new jeans and a button down. False advertising at its finest.
“Rusty!” Phil pulled out the chair beside him and invited me to sit down. The asshole completely ignoring the fact we’d never been friends. “Fucking ecstatic you could join us. Nobody goes on the prowl quite like you. Hope you’re ready for some superfine ass.”
The man was fucking clueless. Not only was I not ready for some superfine ass, but I never went on the prowl and wasn’t about to start tonight. His definition of getting a girl vastly different from mine.
“It’s all about you tonight. You and the boys, I’m here strictly in a wingman capacity.” Best we clear up any misunderstandings from the start. Me hooking up with anyone wasn’t happening. Nothing even remotely that looked like hooking up was happening. Lines were drawn, and here I was nowhere fucking near it.
“Oh, come on, Rusty. Don’t tell me you’re settling down. You boys are about to hit the big time. Pussy for days. Relationships are traps, man. Nothing good can come of them.” The asshole dished out his advice even though I hadn’t asked. If he and Max didn’t share the same last name, I’d think for sure this clown wasn’t his kin. No wonder his parents disowned him.
“Well you keep singing your tune and I’ll sing mine. We can sit here and have a drink or not, I’m cool either way. But my interaction with the ladies is going to be strictly hands off. Not interested in pussy for days.”
It was already pissing me off that I’d agreed to this, the fact I hadn’t seen or spoken to Alison since this morning was also another reason my mood wasn’t cheery. Add the extra element of a dude pushing forty trying to relive his glory days and it was a bonafide guarantee to make the night blow.
“Your loss. More for me then.” He took another drink, tapping his glass noisily on the bar after he’d finished.
“So, Phil.” My curiosity got the better of me. “Anything new going on in your world? Got any plans other than couch surfing at Max and Joe’s?” Max shot me a what-the-fuck look I was a hundred percent expecting.
“Yeah, I’m working on something. Just seeing how it pans out.” Phil swallowed the shot I had conveniently lined up in front of him.
“Hmmm. Sounds interesting. Anything you need help with? You know—in case you’ve missed it—we’re pretty good at getting shit to come together.” I waved the bartender over for yet another drink. Phil was a big dude; it was going to take more than a couple of tequilas to get him talking.
“Don’t think so, buddy.” He tapped me on the shoulder as he happily accepted the beer the waitress had brought over. “There’s a girl from my past, and I have some catching up I need to do.”
So that would explain why his wife was going Call of Duty on his ass. The dumbass was trying to relive his glory days and connect with some chick from his past. I fucking knew his double life BS was going to be tied up with pussy. With Phil there weren’t many other options.
“You know bro, you can talk to me. This girl? She someone special?” Max followed my lead, putting another shot in front of his brother as we continued with the interrogation.
“I don’t know. Maybe? I just know I need to see her. Wow. This conversation is getting too heavy. I thought we were looking for ass, not sitting around having deep and meaningfuls. Step back, gentleman and watch the master work his magic.” He downed the newest shot before getting up from the table. I guess to go looking for ass. Or scratch his balls. With his game, it could really go either way.
“I really appreciate this, Rus.” Max leaned in as we watched Phil work the room. “I knew if anyone could get him talking it was you. You were right. The asshole was obviously having an affair. No wonder Nicole wants done with him.”
“Yeah, we can dial down the crisis now. Looks like he’s less suicidal and more than ready to get his dick wet. At least the night wasn’t a total wash.”
Funny how this used to be our usual routine and yet rig
ht now I would have traded it for a night on the couch with Alison. Maybe Max’s dumbass brother was right and I’d gotten soft. Who gave a shit, if I had? In fact, I welcomed it.
“How did she take it?” Max asked, pulling a mind-read and knowing exactly where my thoughts were at.
“She wasn’t crazy about it but she understands.” I sipped my beer as a tall leggy blonde shot me a wave from the bar. “Of course that was this morning before I left. When I got home she’d ghosted so who knows.” The same blonde started her walk to the table. Annnnd here we go.
“Hi.” Blondie gave me a big smile as she pushed out her tits. “You’re Rusty Crawford, right? From Black Addiction. I’m a big fan.” She didn’t wait for an invitation, just slid into the seat vacated by Phil. Just another reason to hate him.
“Yep, that’s me. And here is Max and Joey.” I pointed to the boys opposite me hoping one of them would catch her interest.
“Hi.” She waved in their general direction while her eyes stayed on me, my effort to divert her attention not sticking. “I saw you guys on the Power Station tour. You were amazing on stage.”
Ordinarily this was the point where I’d do my thing. She was pretty and seemed more than game for some private adulation, which in the past would have been my green light. Usually I’d suggest we take it somewhere a little more private or even let her sit in my lap, my willingness to please the fans legendary. But seeing the shit play out on the other side made me realize what a cock I’d been. I wanted none of it.
“I’m glad you enjoyed the show, we had a lot of fun on that tour.” My diplomacy kicked in as I took a swig of my beer. “Will be good to get back on the road.” A better alternative than the not-interested-in-the-dog-and-pony-show-sweetheart-it’s-best-you-get-a-steppin.
“So . . . Rusty.” And here we go, the can I have your dick in my vagina speech I was a hundred percent sure would come next. “Do you play any other instruments?”
I didn’t miss the eyebrow raise or emphasis on the word, both of which I probably would have found cute a few months ago. Now. Not so much, her lip biting also not doing her any favors.