by T Gephart
Joey and Max had no problem with me finding Ali before we continued to bask in the glory, my need to have her with me at desperate levels.
The stage had never felt that good. I guess I’d never had anything that amazing waiting for me after I stepped off it. It juiced me up enough to know that was how I wanted it to be from here on out. That she was as much a part of the feeling good as was the crowd. It was the ultimate in having my cake and eating it too. There wasn’t a man alive who could tell me he was luckier.
So you can imagine my utter surprise when I pushed through the crowd to see Max’s oxygen thief of a brother with his hands all over my girl. I’d just caught the tail end of her screaming no, more than enough confirmation that she wasn’t digging the attention. Phil was my new public enemy number one.
But of course being an asshole wasn’t enough for the man, he had to kick it up a notch and tell my girlfriend what a poor choice I was, topping it off with an oh-hey-I-am-your-father. That Vader reveal was not something any of us saw coming. Even the dude who had been bailing his ass out for the last ten or so years was just as clueless as the rest of us. Whether his claim was real or not, the guy had serious problems—my fist being one of them.
Now I’d never been much of a fighter, pointless in most cases. But seeing my girl look like she was about to pass out was enough of a motivation for me to get physical. Like a switch had been flicked, I was ready to WWE Phil into the middle of next week. Sadly, security and my band hadn’t agreed.
Alison had passed out in my arms not long after getting home. Either from the exhaustion or the shock, it was no freaking wonder that she’d curled up on her side and gone nite-nite. Hopefully the sleep would give her some perspective, see the shitstorm raining down had nothing to do with her. Her apology of ruining my night, tearing me apart from the inside out.
It wasn’t long after she was safely in dreamland that I’d got the message from Max. The dude’s text was sent from my front fucking door where he stood, wondering if we could talk. I’d say conversation was definitely required.
“Please tell me that he is not with you?” I wrenched open my front door, my head swiveling, just hoping to catch a glimpse of the asshole. “If he’s here, he’s a dead man.”
“Do you think I’d be stupid enough to bring him here after what he did?” Max walked through the doorway, his face fucking defeated. “If he were here, you wouldn’t have to kill him, I’d be doing it myself.”
“Take a seat.” I gestured to the couch. “Got a hunch this is going to take a while.” My ass hit the leather as he followed suit. My need to know what-the-fuck at an all-time high.
“Fuck, man. From everything I found out, what he’s saying is true.” His head fell back against the couch as he started to explain, the time between the club and my crib obviously used to gather intel. “He met Alison’s mom when he was seventeen, knocked her up and bailed. Of course, he didn’t bother sharing that with anyone figuring he was on the last straw with our folks. Not that it mattered, they threw his ass out a year later when he got arrested for DUI. Even they didn’t know about Alison or her mom. All they did know was he started one fire after another and they were through enabling him.” He balled his fists, hiking them up to his temple in frustration. “They’d seen what I hadn’t. I’d always assumed he’d come good. He played me.”
“There is no way any of us could have known it. Last time I checked you weren’t fucking Nostradamus. What I don’t get is why now? Twenty-five years he hasn’t given a shit and now decides he needs a Father’s Day card sitting on his mantle?” I wasn’t even touching the fucking issue of what-were-the-chances-she-was-my-girlfriend. That small world crap, freaking me the hell out.
“Yeah, well I asked him that as well.” Max rolled his head back, the conversation just as messed up on his end. “He ran into Melody Williams, Alison’s mom, a few years back. He assumed she’d had an abortion or given the baby up when he left, neither of them in any condition to be parents. He was surprised when he found out she’d not only had the baby but kept her. His curiosity got the better of him so he pursued it. Seemed like she eventually was in a forgiving mood and started drip-feeding him info. The emails Nicole found spelt out that he’d parented and bailed on a child when he was eighteen, which is why she threw his ass out. And while we were worried he’d be getting friendly with a box cutter and a vein, he’s been trying to track his kid with only the photo Alison’s mom provided. He didn’t make the connection that his Alison and your Alison were one in the same until the confrontation at the club.”
“So him manhandling her in a club was his attempt to make up for lost birthdays? Five more minutes and we’d be sitting here talking about his funeral, not about his questionable birth control methods in his youth.” Those weren’t idle threats. I still wasn’t convinced there was going to be any time in the near future where he was going to be safe in my presence. Best he keep away and not test the theory.
“Rus, trust me. I know. It took two of us to peel you off him. You and him in the same room is not happening.” Max sat up like the penny finally dropped. “Fuuucckk. That means Alison is my niece.”
“Dude, my head is going to explode right now. No offense but I wouldn’t be expecting her to call you uncle anytime soon. Honestly, I don’t know how any of this shit is going to pan out.”
The extent of the damage was still unknown. It’s not every day you find out the deadbeat who abandoned you, really is a fucking deadbeat. Not to mention the already existing condition which had been a shitty few months. If anyone were going to Charlie Sheen it, I’d say she had better reasons than most.
“You do whatever you have to. Goes without saying that if you need anything—just ask.” His stare nailed me from across the room, the look he was wearing pretty serious.
Max and I were tight, and usually there’d be no doubt about him having my six. Problem was, the guy who was an issue shared the same last name.
“How’s that going to play out with our conflict of interest?”
“He’s my brother. I love him—that’s not going to change—but there’s no coming back from this. I’m done.”
Everyone had their ceiling. The limit of shit they were willing to put up with and Max had obviously found his. I’d say he’d put up with more than most, his loser of a brother having to grow a pair and go it alone.
“Listen, dude. It’s been a long ass night. I’m going to bail. My folks are freaking the fuck out and I have no idea where the hell Phil is.” Max scrubbed his face as he got up to leave. Not like there was anywhere else we could go with the situation. Too many variables and all of them rested on the girl who was tucked up in my bed.
“Yeah, cool. Hey, thanks for stopping by and filling in the blanks.” I held out my palm, his hand returning the shake.
Max paused before continuing to the door. “Sorry, I don’t know much else. Keep me posted on how things go down.”
I gave him a nod and he showed himself out, the evening well and truly a bust as I sat my ass back down on the couch. Sleep was going to be a while.
“Hey.” Alison poked her head around the doorway, her eyes bloodshot from fatigue or tears—I wasn’t good with either scenario.
“Come here, baby.” I opened my arms as she walked over to me. Her body nestled into my lap. “Did we wake you?”
“I’ve been in and out.” She yawned, her head resting on my shoulder. “I heard some of it.”
While the last thing I wanted was to add to the misery she was already dealing with, I told her what I knew. The low down Max had given me wasn’t detailed in any case, but better than the sketchy explanation she’d gotten from Phil. For the most part it sounded legit. The ages matched up and if her mom was throwing support behind it then I’d say it was probably true. Not what she wanted to hear, but the truth nonetheless.
“I need to call my mom, I need to know.”
“You do whatever you need. I’m right here.”
It wasn’t my d
eal to tell her what to do. Whether or not she wanted to go digging up answers was always going to be her call and I would support her either way.
The phone call could have probably waited until the morning but she went ahead and made it anyway. The cell pressed so close to her face I was sure it was going to leave an imprint.
“Mom?” Her eyes met mine as soon as the call connected. “I need you to tell me who my father is. The truth this time. I need to know.”
There wasn’t a lot I could do, so I held her hand and listened to the one-sided conversation. Her voice wavering between pained and anger.
“How could you have kept it from me? All these years you said you didn’t know?” The rage kicked up in Ali’s voice, her hand trying to free itself of my grip. My hold not relinquishing.
“Do you have any idea what you have put me through? Why would you do this? Why?”
Her mom confirmed that Phil was in fact her father and short of a paternity test, no more proof was going to be obtained. At least not tonight. Through all her rapid-fire questions, the only constant were my hands on my girl. My rock solid resolve that whatever happened, she’d do it with me by her side.
The call didn’t end well, not that I expected anything better.
“Can you believe she knew this whole time? The whole time, Rusty. Her excuse for not telling me was she didn’t want to hurt my feelings because he walked out on me.” She paced, wearing a hole in the carpet.
“Like not knowing was so much better. Not to mention that he turns up back in her life after no contact, no child support, no anything and she just tells him everything about me. Like he has any rights.” Her feet continued to move as her agitation rose.
“I don’t want to hear how much she was in love with him and how she couldn’t resist him now. What if he had wanted to hurt me, she just gave me up. Just like that.” Her hands raked through her hair in frustration as she finally stopped. “She didn’t even think about me. Not even for a second. Not to mention the lack of heads up that he’d come looking. She had deluded herself into thinking he wasn’t going to do anything with the knowledge. Like that made any sense.”
She needed to get it out and I was cool with being her sounding board, throwing the right amount of support and encouragement when she needed. It was sometime in the early hours of the morning when she finished her verbal assault on the two idiots who were her parents. We didn’t even bother heading back to bed, just collapsed on the couch. Once again, zero fucks given as long as we were together.
For the second time that night she fell asleep in my arms, me following soon after. Regardless of what happened in the future, one thing was for sure. She wasn’t getting rid of me. I was in this for the long haul.
***
I had such a pain in the neck.
No, not the colossal fuck up that had happened last night but an actual pain in the neck. I stretched this way and that, trying to work out the massive knot that had formed at the base of my skull, but no dice. I needed a bottle of Advil at the very least.
My eyes dipped down to the beautiful girl who was sleeping peacefully on my chest. Her breathing had finally evened out and apart from the rise and fall of her amazing tits, she hadn’t moved an inch.
Unfortunately we didn’t get the opportunity to enjoy the solitude for much longer; my phone blaring obnoxiously from the side table took care of that.
“Shit.” Alison jumped; her confused face took a quick look at the surroundings before she looked back at me. “Oh, hey.” She gave me the first smile I’d seen in hours. It almost made me glad for the interruption.
“Hey.” I brushed the side of her cheek as I grabbed my cell.
Whoever was calling me better have a good fucking reason. Mornings blew at the best of times but this particular morning, I wasn’t in the mood to be sociable or polite.
“Talk to me.” I didn’t bother with a hello. The sooner the interruption was dealt with, the better.
“Rus.” Angie’s panicked-filled voice hit my ear. “I’m having the baby. Oh. My. God. That fucking hurts.” She labored in between breaths. “So much fucking pain right now and these stupid drugs aren’t working.” More puffs of exaggerated breathing. “Get your ass down here.”
Getting anything productive from Angie wasn’t happening. Between a liberal amount of fucks and enough heavy breathing to put a sex line to shame, she gave up and handed the phone to a calmer Jason, who was able to say a little more than just expletives.
“She’s in labor. We’ve been here most of the night.” He stopped mid-sentence, bringing me up to speed no longer important. “You’re doing great, sweetheart. Just keep breathing.” The scream that came after not at all promising.
“Sounds like you got your hands full, buddy. I’ll get there as soon as I can.” The words left my mouth before I’d had a chance to think about what I’d just said.
Oh. Fuck.
A conundrum of epic proportions.
Angie had left early last night. Stepping straight off stage and out the door had meant she and Jase had completely missed the fireworks that happened later. Like a bad episode of a daytime soap, my girl now had family ties to our bass player—all helped along by his fucking brother who happened to be her father. Yeah, it didn’t get any less crazy the more I said it.
And being that Angie or her big shot husband didn’t have that very important nugget of information, she had no idea what we were dealing with i.e. Armageddon.
One look at the girl at the center of this mess and I knew I couldn’t leave.
Even for Angie.
She would have to understand.
“On second thought Jase, I’m going to have to sit this one out.”
“What?” I heard Angie scream as Jase relayed the message. “You need to be here when this baby is born, Rusty. You promised me.”
“I know, and I’ll be there but I need to take care of something first. You’ve got this Ange. You got the best guy for the job sitting right beside you.”
I’d always be there for her. Always. But she had someone who was going to look out for her and Alison had no one. As hard as the choice was to make, I knew it was the right one.
“You can go.” Alison glanced up at me under her lashes as I ended the call. “You don’t have to stay here with me, I don’t need a babysitter.”
It was a half-hearted effort. One where she wasn’t convinced I’d chosen her for something other than obligation. My mental reasoning not having been vocalized.
“She’s fine without me. It’s been that way for a while now and it’s time I saw that. But more importantly, I want to be here with you. I need to be here with you.”
I had no doubt that if I walked out the door, she probably wouldn’t be here when I got back. The shit would have festered so much in her head that the only thing that would have made sense was to leave. Hell, even I considered grabbing our passports and going to chill in Cabo until things settled. But shit had changed and we were going to face it together. It was about time I grew up and took a stand for something. Alison was better than any other reason I’d had.
“But—”
“But nothing.” I lifted my fingers to her lips and silenced her, the panic playing peek-a-boo evident on her face. “I can see it in your eyes, babe. See those doubts, see you getting itchy feet like you want to run from this—and I get it. I have no idea what it feels like, but I understand it would be easier to leave the mess and go. But you are always going to come first for me.”
“You have no idea what you are committing to.” She shook her head, still not convinced I wasn’t going to bail. “I don’t have a normal life. Do you get that? I’m a disaster.”
“Fuck normal, Alison. You are my world. As much as I hate to admit it, Phil was on the money about one thing. You can do better than me.”
Those were words I didn’t want to say. Not to myself and definitely not her but it was true. Having a piece of shit I had no respect for—the asshole who was also claiming to be
her father—point it out didn’t help but it didn’t make it any more of a lie.
“What?” She coughed in disbelief. “It’s me who doesn’t deserve you.”
“Let me finish. This isn’t the I’m-not-good-enough speech and you need to find someone else.” There would be a better chance of her and her parents sitting around a turkey at Thanksgiving dinner than me walking out the door. “I’m not a bad person and my life was pretty freaking sweet before you walked into it. The band was my life, the girls—well, they were just an added bonus. It’s no secret I’d had more than my share.”
“This isn’t making me feel better.” She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Me and other women probably wasn’t what she wanted to hear about, but it wasn’t something I could deny either. There weren’t many nights I wasn’t with someone. Sometimes more than just one.
“I’m getting to the good part. Stay with me.” I reached for her hand, needing her to be right there with me. “I’d assumed as long as I had my music and my friends, it was all I needed but I didn’t realize how empty all that shit was unless you had someone to share it with. Coming off that stage and knowing you were there, I felt indestructible. Like I was bulletproof, Alison. You think any of those other girls gave me that? I’d been living in a vacuum, completely oblivious and now my eyes are open. You’re not a disaster, you’re a hurricane—exciting, unpredictable and keeping on turning no matter what life has thrown at you. You’re still standing, and I’ve never been so happy to get caught up in the ride.”
I hadn’t meant to make her cry. Watching her eyes well up and making a tear trail down her cheek was like a punch in the face but I needed her to know I wasn’t playing. Whatever forces threw us together; there was a bigger picture and both of us were better for it.
“I have no idea who I am. Literally, I have no clue.” The second tear fell, my heart breaking in the process.
“You’re you and that’s all I want.” I cupped her face in my hands desperate for her to see how much she meant to me. “Do you get that? You, as you are is enough for me.”